Let's say that your wife is unwilling to do WAM stuff with you. Would you consider "cheating," and getting involved with another girl who is more willing to do those things? My girlfriend has been very good about doing WAM stuff with me, so fortunately I've never had to consider that situation.
I have done sessions with married guys who don't consider it cheating to just get messy with another woman. But of coarse they are not telling their wives what they are doing so to me that's still a type of cheating but it's their choice and I'm not going to judge someone for that.
This is why I prefer open relationships, then the whole cheating thing is irrelevant! But on a more serious note I am more likely to leave a partner than cheat on them if I am unhappy in the relationship and it's something that can't be worked out. Not being into wam isn't a deal-breaker for me but my partner has to be open to at least trying some things with me.
I would never cheat over this. Back before my wife really knew about this world I would get messy alone and watch videos alone but now even though it was not telling her I would not call it cheating and trust me I wanted to tell her but it was not easy until one day I made a comment when she was running through the sprinkler with white jean shorts on. And they she starting asking more about it opening the conversation up.
I would never get messy with another women even if she was the one messing me up unless my wife knew about it or was there to watch or help.
Fortunately, it wouldn't be cheating. My wife and I have a semi-open relationship. While hooking up for something vanilla & heterosexual would be out of bounds, we are allowed to take opportunities that would present themselves to live out our fetishes, kinks and fantasies. Unfortunately, the opportunities don't come up for a middle age bisexual wammer like they do for a cute submissive!
If I was married, that would be due to the fact everything is out on the table, my kinks included on my behalf and still acceptance and encouragement was the consensus. I wouldn't be with someone if she couldn't/wouldn't be able to sate my needs, kinks, and curiosities, so no.
I posted this in the Relationship Advice group, but I thought I'd also post it here. Let's say that your wife/girlfriend is unwilling to participate in Wet/Messy activities with you. Would you consider "cheating," and taking up with a girl who is willing to do those things? My girlfriend has been quite willing to accomodate me, I'm happy to say.
No way! But if I made it clear how big a deal it was to me and the SO wouldn't even play along in the slightest (barring some traumatic messy experience that haunts her), I'd wonder if I was in the right relationship.
Someone who really loves someone is willing to make reasonable sacrifices.
24andMessy said: Why is this a post? If you're with someone in a serious relationship, they should understand and respect your interests. If they don't, you shouldn't be with them in the first place.
Some people in the Relationship Advice group said that they WOULD cheat, so I feel justified in bringing it up.
So why here, and not there. You already have a post there. This clearly falls under "relationship advice" and not "messy"...although, I'll give you that you've created quite the fucking "mess" if you're cheating.
That post has over 700 views and only 7 answers. People have seen it and most chose not to answer. Posting this just makes it look like you're looking for justification from others to do so.
If you wanna be an alpha player and spin plates and shit, you're free to do that, but I'd still tell the people I were involved with. It's courtesy, and it could also affect someone's health and permanent living circumstances.
i don't get people jumping down your throat. people like to project on line as much more moral than they actually may be. not that that is the case here. persective of a dedicated pie in the face fan who has never pied a significant other. married 25 years this year. same lover for 30. take it for what it is worth. if you need to wam personally (i don't, by the way more of a collector and voyeur) and your partner won't, move on. that is best for her and you. why cheat? if this woman is not satisfying your needs, break up with her and THEN go to the other woman.
OP, I've got no problem with your question. This seems to come up on a regular basis. A big fan of Savage Love and his GGG "good, giving, and game" theory. I've heard from so many unfulfilled people on this forum (almost all men), that I would definitely recommend "cheat" in this case. This advice I'd give to anyone with a mild sexual kink (which WAM is). You have one very short life to live. If your partner is not willing, there are most likely other issues and incompatibilities at play here and it's a sign the relationship might not be the right fit for either party. This message goes 100% for the women, as well. There are so many people out there. Go find someone who will make you happy on this lonely planet.
Bigshipper said: OP, I've got no problem with your question. This seems to come up on a regular basis. A big fan of Savage Love and his GGG "good, giving, and game" theory. I've heard from so many unfulfilled people on this forum (almost all men), that I would definitely recommend "cheat" in this case.
Hmmm...how very interesting, Bigshipper!
I wouldn't be so quick to say *definitely recommend* cheat. Agreed that if there are sexual incompatibilities, there are likely other issues. Those issues may have solutions, though.
Also possible: maybe the other person feels threatened by the fetish. They feel secondary to the fetish; as in, "He's more into the fetish than he is into me."? I've heard that a time or two, as well. In which case, communication and reassurance can go a long way.
Be open and honest. I hear from fellas here who "assume" that their wives/girlfriends aren't down for messy shenanigans and then they resent them for it. Seems unfair to the partner and the relationship to deprive the other person of the opportunity to hear about something clearly so important.
If people get to a point where they're considering cheating to meet the needs of their fetish, that's kinda serious and maybe they should consider counseling to see if the relationship can be salvaged.
If not yet married, and the fetish already seems to be an issue, consider if you want the relationship to proceed. Sexual compatibility, whether fetishes are involved or not, is a very important component in a relationship. I'm a firm believer in not waiting until AFTER you're married to reveal a fetish. Both sides need to understand everything they're signing up for...
Basically, the decision to cheat also means you'll need to decide whether you're willing to blow up other areas of your life.
Either way, life's too short to sit around letting resentment fester while not doing anything to change it.
Bigshipper said: OP, I've got no problem with your question. This seems to come up on a regular basis. A big fan of Savage Love and his GGG "good, giving, and game" theory. I've heard from so many unfulfilled people on this forum (almost all men), that I would definitely recommend "cheat" in this case.
Hmmm...how very interesting, Bigshipper!
That does sound like two out of three votes for a Regis / Mrs. Bee fling!
Is this my life?? If someone doesn't understand, accept, and embrace your sexuality, they're not the right person for you and you shouldn't be with them. Living an honest life and allowing yourself to be completely open and even seemingly unreasonable with another person, and then to have them meet you on that level is the definition of intimacy. I didn't know or feel like I could demand that before and I wish I had, because all people deserve that.
Ask for everything you want and don't settle for less, you are worth that.
dougiezerts said: I posted this in the Relationship Advice group, but I thought I'd also post it here. Let's say that your wife/girlfriend is unwilling to participate in Wet/Messy activities with you. Would you consider "cheating," and taking up with a girl who is willing to do those things? My girlfriend has been quite willing to accomodate me, I'm happy to say.
I'm single so this isn't really an issue for me but several of the people I know socially are polyamarous, they have more than one boyfriend or girlfriend, and get different things from different partners, who are also free to have multiple others. There is no cheating as it's all out in the open and everyone knows and agrees to it. To me this seems like a good way to do things, especially as nowadays everyone expects to have a fulfilling life of their own, and a lot more freedom, socially and sexually, than used to be the case. Expecting just one person to fulfil all of another's needs and desires can put a lot of strain on both people. Polyamory is probably not for everyone but monogamy isn't the only relationship model out there.
Most of the replies in this thread are way over-simplifying things. Yes, cheating is bad, but being cheated out of joys in life and being unhappy is also bad. And breaking up with a partner is not always easy if you are married with kids, etc. I am trapped in a very unfulfilling marriage, but I have come to believe you can't always get what you want in life. Maybe we should just count our blessings. Or maybe that's why there's porn, so sad sacks like me can live vicariously through other's lives. I don't know... it's a complicated issue. But I'd say, as a last resort, cheating is an option.
Tar_n_Feathers & Cinnamon Bun, I don't know your situation beyond what you've chosen to relay here. However, if your wives are not open to trying to indulge you at all, then there is a deeper problem. It doesn't seem like this is something you guys NEED every time to get off, but something that occasionally would make you feel at least a little better about life.
I was married 12 years, in the same relationship 7 before that. I made it pretty plain to my spouse at the time what I liked and wanted. They did wetlook maybe 5 times and indulged in with pudding WAM once in that time. Those couple times in my life I felt thrilled to be alive! They weren't comfortable with it, and didn't like it, later finding out they didn't like any sex at all, but they knew it was important to me. They would do their best to make me happy, and I in turn did the same.
It took a long time to come to the conclusion we weren't happy despite our communication, so we divorced. They now live 3000 miles away happily as a trans person.
My point is, it's not fair to either of you to stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy and fufilled. Yes, I know there are other responsibilities like kids.
You only get one life, live it, but don't lie. Tell them what you want, and if they flat out refuse you; you need to weigh the value in their worth.