The dirtiest site in the world℠
Carmella, The UMD Goddess
Some folks might fancy a little whipped cream and chocolate to kink up a sexy evening. But some of us would fill a baby pool of it first. Some people like to eat their pudding, and some people like it better dribbled down the front of their suit jackets and into their laps. Most people shower without clothes, but some think clothes are an enhancement of the experience.
Such are the quirks of this gathering place by and for people who enjoy "sploshing," or getting "wet and messy." We affectionately call it "wam," and it means getting covered in any icky, sticky, mushy, slippery, or wet substance, as long as it originates from outside the body. Some of us find a rebellious pleasure in totally slopping up some nice clothes while they're being worn. Some others of us find it most exotic and sensual for an unclothed body to be slathered in the slipperiest, wettest concoctions. Food fights, mud wrestling, wet clothing, quicksand-sinking, messy sex, dunk tanks, and our countless other sub-niches are all fueled by one thing: the thrill of the transition from clean and proper, to gloriously soaked or filthy and wanton.
We do this to ourselves, we do it to each other, and many of us just enjoy watching. Itís not supposed to be mean, and hopefully it's not intimidating. But it's totally against what's accepted in our sterile society, and thatís what makes it totally naughty, totally sexy, and totally fun. Around here, the figurative and literal interpretations of "dirty" are purposely conflated, and the result is an explosion of primal sexiness of the most lascivious nature.
Even for such an esoteric fetish, our participants have significant interpretations and preferences within it. Itís the goal of UMD.NET to support them all, and to link us together by understanding the underlying enjoyment of being (or causing to be) sullied in our own way.
Started in 1998 as a plain collection of text links to various web finds submitted by the very members who frequented the site, we grew within a year to include a chat room, forum, and e-mail list. A good number of people were already aware that wam was "a thing" because of pioneers who had long before released wam magazines, VHS, and web sites. Now folks had another place to meet others who also liked their personal brand of sploshing.
Supported by the 1999 launch of our wam sister pay-site, we were able to keep running, and today we are made possible by download sales, advertising, and most of all, the love and support of thousands of people getting wet and messy together. Because of the communal effort to watch over this site, we've been able to stick around for over 15 years and weather difficulties that would have long-ago crushed a site running just on pure business logic.
I hope that you splash these pages with all the colors of paint, pudding, mud, chocolate, pies, and everything else that you can think of. Letís buck the forces that try to make this a boring, dry, sterile, homogenous world. Letís mix it up a little. And then dump it on the world.
How can I add a group?UMD Groups
are added by site admin slowly, over time. UMD members will host (moderate) them once they are added.
New groups will be considered only if there is a very clear, convincing case that one is needed. They exist to allow space for the types of threads and posting rules that our regular forums can't efficiently accommodate. Groups are not for topics that overlap too much or can be sufficiently covered in the main forums. At this time, we will not be adding groups based on specific substances, gender, or clothing preferences. Normal forum rules still apply, except for specific changes as noted on each Group.
New groups are launched on a 3-month preliminary period, and if they don't get good traction in that time, they'll be removed, and their threads will be absorbed into the main forums. If you think you have an idea for a Group that you'd like to host, please present your case
Why do I have VIP status?
If you have VIP
status and did not pay for it, don't be alarmed. It's likely because you are one of our Most Loved
community members. We automatically upgrade your account to VIP status
if you are near the top of this list on any given day. So enjoy!
Can I offer custom films on this site?
We want to be able to vouch for any model or producer offering custom-created scenes to our members. We also want to give customers a preview of your past work and work ethic, and be reasonably sure that you won't fall off the Earth and leave paid customers hanging.
Therefore we have set up a customs producer review section
. Reviews and ratings about you will be anchored to your download store, and we will automatically use sellable content from it as previews. Therefore it is necessary that you have a download store first. Also, you must have it open for some time, in order to establish a history. We also consider your interaction with other members, how often you add new content, and how much time you spend on the site.
Why did you remove the Male Wam Forum?!
Our Male Wam forum is not gone, it's expanded. Now we have Male Wetlook and Male Messy. Just set your UMD gender preference to "male" (click the "male" bubble at the top right) and the entire site turns "male" including Wetlook and Messy forums. All the old messages are still there.
As with the old setup, you'll still see coed posts because coed means males interacting with females. This is how it has always been, but we have a new feature if you want to avoid seeing females at all costs: Just select "Strict" in your content gender preferences
. For a deeper explanation for the change, read on.
Things may have seemed fine, if you happened to be a male already on the Male Wam forum. But what you may not have known is that people would mistakenly post male wam content to the other forums all the time. This confused people, especially newer users, because our forum policy was based on a weird hybrid of substance and gender, which made no sense: Messy does not imply female, so guys would post their messy stuff there all the time and it would have to be moved. This was frustrating for new users, time-consuming for the admins, and a pain for people to see and have to flag. Yet you might not have known this if you rarely browsed the other forums.
The issue with gender was augmented with the transgender community, who were forced to pigeonhole themselves somewhere, and be complained and flagged wherever they posted. Also, a portion of the community had asked for a combined male / female (coed) messy forum for years. We needed to address all these folks, hopefully without making multiples of new forums for every gender / substance combination!
This gender issue gets the most attention in the forums because that's where people comment most often, but it actually exists site-wide: Every other page was always mixed-gender, with not even a section for males at all! People who feel strongly about content gender in the forums generally feel that way everywhere on the site, but we weren't doing anything about that either.
It became clear that limiting the scope of a gender preference to just one forum would not address the real issue. We needed a higher-level solution that would take the whole site into account and work for us long-term. We needed to treat gender as a simple option that worked everywhere, rather than hardwiring it into a single forum. And the pref should offer more than just Male and Female. To do this without it turning into a never-ending coding project, as well as for it to be easy for people to use (or ignore if they want to), it had to be done once and then work the same way on each page.
So now, when you change your pref to "male," UMD will automatically present you with the Male Wetlook, Male Messy, and Male Classified forums. This IS the "male wam" forum but just divided now based on substance, plus there are classifieds now.
Some might want to know why we even had a Male Wam forum in the first place...
The most divisive topic on our forums is how gender plays a role in categorizing content. We started our forum system with just Messy and Wetlook, basically how it is now, but it became clear that those who want to see only one gender really
don't want to see the other gender! A simple filter/pref was the ideal solution, but our site code at the time was not in a position to accommodate one. So isolation was the only real option--make male and female versions of the two forums, resulting in four forums. But to start, we only created a single Male Wam forum as a trial. People wanting to see guys seemed to like it there, and people on the other forums didn't complain that the male content was gone, so it was left as is.
Now, we do have a preference system. You can physically tell UMD what you want, and it'll attempt to deliver it to you, without forcing other people to see it. So now we have those Male Messy and Male Wetlook forums, plus male and female Classifieds forums, too. And don't forget that trans visitors also have their messy, wetlook, and classifieds forums. All without having a confusing list of 10,000 different forums. This keeps it simple to browse and use, and ultimately customizable for those who want to.
Why would I offer Name Your Price
...after all, nobody is going to pay for something when they can get it for free, right?
Name Your Price (NYP) is feature that allows download store owners to offer downloads where the customer chooses the price, down to $0.
NYP is primarily an advertising / exposure tool. It's like offering free video trailers, except with NYP the customer has the option to actually pay you for it (like a tip jar). But they may not, so it would be unwise to think of NYP as your primary way to offer all your content, or even items that are brand new or that you really need to recoup funds on.
It is important for you to understand NYP's place as a tool that's available for you to boost exposure in a novel way. People are drawn to the prospect of something free and the empowerment of choosing their price, so that's the lure. Tons of people are going to flock to your NYP content, and many really will download it for free, just like a video trailer. We pay for the bandwidth so you can do this. The point is to use it to bring exposure to your brand and the rest of your catalog. But if you are going to be angry at people grabbing any particular piece of content for free, then probably should not offer it as NYP.
Many producers have actually made very good income using NYP, but it's up to you to calculate whether your advertising M.O. would benefit from either using it extensively, dabbling in it strategically, or not at all. If you can't fit something like NYP into the bigger picture of your business model, then it's recommended that you not use it.
Why do my scenes have more downloads than sales?
When you view My Scenes from your profile, you are shown all of your scenes. Each has a column that shows you how many sold, and how many downloaded. The "Downloads" hit counter is normally higher than actual "Sold" count, for the following reasons:
Customers are promised a 5-day window in which to access their purchases, in which time they may decide to download it again and again. They need this window so they can retry failed downloads on flaky network connections, and so they can generally enjoy their purchases without feeling rushed.
The download hit counter increments every time a customer accesses a file in your download. So if your download has 2 files, it can easily have twice as many downloads as the number sold.
The download hit counter may increment if a user decides to play it in realtime (instead of downloading it first), and skips around the video during playback. Each time this happens, our server may see it as a new request.
So the download counter does get inflated because it is reporting every access to your files, for the above 3 reasons. It is our job to constantly make sure it is not
inflated because of file sharing or fraud, and here is how we do it:
Every customer must be registered, e-mail verified, and logged in before buying anything. We do not email any content retrieval codes that can be passed around, and even if we did, the user has to first log in with his username and password to retrieve the purchases. File sharing can only happen if multiple users actually log into the account that purchased the content, and we have all sorts of security in place (automated and manual) to prevent multiple account log-ins at this site.
In addition to the hit counter, we keep permanent logs of every access to your files. You have access to the logs, too: Just edit the scene and click the Access Log button. We can't show you the customers' IP addresses, but that is how we internally track accesses and know that it's the same legitimate user and not multiple fraudsters accessing your stuff.
We keep even more detailed records than we can show you. If you have any suspicions at all, please hit us up via the Contact Us
page, and we will be glad to research anything and give you all the detail you require.
How do store owners handle taxes?
We do not send out the annual 1099 tax form to our store owners. Since we use 3rd-party payment services to pay you, they are obligated by law
to supply you with an annual 1099k tax income form by January 31. Therefore you will not receive any 1099 forms from us, nor do we report your income directly to the IRS, which would possibly cause double taxation. You will only receive a 1099k from your payment service if you made at least $20,000 and
had 200 transactions during the year. (The usual $600 threshold does not apply to you when getting paid via an electronic payment service instead of directly.) Because laws change, we protect ourselves by still asking that all producers participating in our store system supply us with a completed W9 or W-8BEN
. Whether or not you receive a 1099k, please be sure to report all incomes on your taxes. For a report on your total annual income from this site for any year, use the pulldown on the top-right corner of your Payouts
How do I use my .com name with my download store?
If you own or buy a domain name, you may use it to send traffic to your store. To do that, log in to whoever your domain name registrar is, and update the dns records so that your domain points to ns1.softlayer.com and ns2.softlayer.com. Then come back here to your Store Setup
page (also linked on your profile on the left), and add your domain name to the field labeled "Website Domain Name."
Please contact us to let us know, so we can complete the setup for you. Note that your domain name will redirect here, and will not "stick" in the browser address bar; To allow cross-store shopping cards, traffic will be redirected to your real store address which is based on our domain name.
What will appear on my credit card statement when I buy a download?
Your purchases will show up as having come from epoch.com and Loverbuns, LLC
How does forum gender tagging work?
Forum authors are able to tag their posts with one gender selection: female, male, coed, or trans. Having this info lets us tailor the forums for each viewer based on their own site-wide gender view settings.
The gender view setting (in the top right corner of the forums and most pages of the site) attempts to find you all
content of that type. The Coed setting finds all posts that have males and females interacting together. The Male setting gives you all posts that contain males, but in order to be thorough, it also includes coed content because coed content contains males. If this inclusion of other-gender content does not suit you, please enable the Strict setting next to your gender setting in your preferences
, and any content containing another gender should not be shown.
The effectiveness of such a system requires some consensus and tolerance on gray-area issues. If a post is about a male and female interacting in a scene, it can be labeled coed, even if only one gets wet or messy (at the discretion of the author). The reason: to some, only the model receiving the wam action is important, while to others, the "giver" is just as relevant, clean or not.
There are 15,000 other daily viewers who all have slightly different preferences than you, but we try to give everyone a custom experience. Over the months we will continue to refine your available settings to help tailor the site to your liking even more.
Why is my payment not accepted?
Adult payment processors have very sensitive fraud protection measures built into their payment system. This system helps protect the sellers and buyers from a daily barrage of people trying to use credit card numbers that aren't theirs. The problem is that this system is so sensitive that occasionally, legitimate customers actually get declined.
Our processors don't give you a heck of a lot of details about what the problem was, ostensibly because in their eyes, that would be giving sensitive information to the very person who their system has identified as being illegitimate in the first place, which would not make much sense.
We also cannot do much research into the problem because details about credit cards and transactions are kept confidential, on their system. Sellers and resellers are not let loose into their logs of your personal transactions, and for good reason.
Common reasons for declined transactions are:
- When you enter your address and other personal information while checking out, they compare that with the information that your bank has on file. If it doesn't match exactly, it's a red flag.
- Date of birth entered was wrong. Please be sure to enter the correct date and not to get the month and the day reversed.
- Insufficient funds.
- Credit card was reported lost or stolen.
- You are in a country that payment processors block.
To find out exactly why your transaction was declined or why you were locked out of your account, you can visit Epoch's support page here
. They have 24-hour customer service by phone, chat, and email.
After I remove my UMD account, how do I remove my search results from Google?
Google indexes UMD's pages, and even if you've removed your UMD account and forum posts, they may still show up on Google's searches for a while.
Google revisits our pages every day to update their listings. When they try to access your old deleted profile for an update, we automatically send them the signal that it's gone and should be removed from their results. Because of this, your info should be wiped from their results relatively quickly. If not, or if you have questions, please contact us to investigate.