The dirtiest site in the world℠
Carmella, The UMD Goddess
Some folks might fancy a little whipped cream and chocolate to kink up a sexy evening. But some of us would fill a baby pool of it first. Some people like to eat their pudding, and some people like it better dribbled down the front of their suit jackets and into their laps. Most people shower without clothes, but some think clothes are an enhancement of the experience.
Such are the quirks of this gathering place by and for people who enjoy "sploshing," or getting "wet and messy." We affectionately call it "wam," and it means getting covered in any icky, sticky, mushy, slippery, or wet substance, as long as it originates from outside the body. Some of us find a rebellious pleasure in totally slopping up some nice clothes while they're being worn. Some others of us find it most exotic and sensual for an unclothed body to be slathered in the slipperiest, wettest concoctions. Food fights, mud wrestling, wet clothing, quicksand-sinking, messy sex, dunk tanks, and our countless other sub-niches are all fueled by one thing: the thrill of the transition from clean and proper, to gloriously soaked or filthy and wanton.
We do this to ourselves, we do it to each other, and many of us just enjoy watching. It's not supposed to be mean, and hopefully it's not intimidating. But it's totally against what's accepted in our sterile society, and that's what makes it totally naughty, totally sexy, and totally fun. Around here, the figurative and literal interpretations of "dirty" are purposely conflated, and the result is an explosion of primal sexiness of the most lascivious nature.
Even for such an esoteric fetish, our participants have significant interpretations and preferences within it. It's the goal of UMD.NET to support them all, and to link us together by understanding the underlying enjoyment of being (or causing to be) sullied in our own way.
Started in 1998 as a plain collection of text links to various web finds submitted by the very members who frequented the site, we grew within a year to include a chat room, forum, and e-mail list. A good number of people were already aware that wam was "a thing" because of pioneers who had long before released wam magazines, VHS, and web sites. Now folks had another place to meet others who also liked their personal brand of sploshing.
Supported by the 1999 launch of our wam sister pay-site, we were able to keep running, and today we are made possible by download sales, advertising, and most of all, the love and support of thousands of people getting wet and messy together. Because of the communal effort to watch over this site, we've been able to stick around for over 15 years and weather difficulties that would have long-ago crushed a site running just on pure business logic.
I hope that you splash these pages with all the colors of paint, pudding, mud, chocolate, pies, and everything else that you can think of. Let's buck the forces that try to make this a boring, dry, sterile, homogenous world. Let's mix it up a little. And then dump it on the world.
How does gender tagging work?link
Forum posts and images can be tagged with one gender selection: female, male, coed, or trans. Video and store content is tagged automatically, based on the gender of the models attached. The gender of other content is inferred from the user's own profile settings and gender preferences. Having this info lets us tailor the the entire site for each visitor based on their own gender viewing preferences.
Your gender view setting (in the top right corner of many pages of the site) attempts to find you all
content of that type, even if it contains other things. For example, the Male setting gives you all content that contain males, but so you don't miss anything, we also include Coed content because that also has males. If you prefer to block mixed-gender content, please enable the Strict setting next to your gender setting in your preferences
"One-sided wam" is what we call it when content contains a male and female interacting together, but only one gets wet or messy. Whether to label this coed or not is left to the discretion of the author because to many, the person delivering the wam is just as relevant, whether they stay clean or not.
When you have thousands of people freely posting without pre-moderation, it is impossible to guarantee that all content will be tagged correctly. As such, our gender filter can only be so accurate, and it will merely "bias" the site toward your gender preference. Please help us by flagging any mis-categorized content.
Can I Discuss Mainstream Shows and Movies?link
Yes. This site has always been here for the discovery and awareness of all types of wam, be it PG or X-rated, amateur or professional, niche or mainstream. But we have to be careful that we are not advocating for people to watch anything that was obviously meant for a child audience. So please: no alerts, speculation, links, or reviews when it comes to those shows and movies.
Reflection of our own history is fine, and the mere mention of a show or movie in that context is not forbidden. Conversation is encouraged about what triggered our fetishes when we were young, and the stuff we watched growing up was an integral part of that. Just be sure not to cheerlead for watching that content now if it was made for kids.
Why is my payment not accepted?link
payment processors have very sensitive fraud protection measures built into their payment system. This system helps protect the sellers and buyers from a daily barrage of people trying to use credit card numbers that aren't theirs. The problem is that this system is so sensitive that occasionally, legitimate customers actually get declined.
Our processors don't give you a heck of a lot of details about what the problem was, ostensibly because in their eyes, that would be giving sensitive information to the very person who their system has identified as being illegitimate in the first place, which would not make much sense.
We also cannot do much research into the problem because details about credit cards and transactions are kept confidential, on their system. Sellers and resellers are not let loose into their logs of your personal transactions, and for good reason.
To find out exactly why your transaction was declined or why you were locked out of your account, you can visit Epoch's support page here
. They have 24-hour customer service by phone, chat, and email.
How do store owners handle taxes?link
Unless you were paid by check, made over $600, and live in the USA, we will not send you an annual 1099 tax reporting form. We send royalty payments mostly via 3rd-party payment services, and they are obligated by law
to send USA residents a "1099k" form by January 31. You will only receive a 1099k from a service if you were paid at least $20,000 and
had 200 transactions during the year. This means that many producers may get no 1099 or 1099k at all. But everyone is still required to report and pay taxes on all their yearly royalties. If you were paid both electronically and by check, you may receive two both tax forms for the corresponding amounts. We may opt to make your 1099 available in electronic format only, and downloadable as a file.
To get a report from us on your total annual sales income, use the pulldown on the top-left corner of your Payouts
page. In the USA, you report your royalties to the IRS as self-employment income on form 1040 C. Info on that is here
. Because laws change, we protect ourselves by asking that all producers participating in our store system supply us with a completed W9 or W-8BEN
. Please upload a new copy if any information changes.
Why do I have VIP status?link
If you have VIP
status and did not pay for it, don't be alarmed. It's likely because you are one of our Most Loved
community members. We automatically upgrade your account to VIP status
if you are near the top of this list on any given day. So enjoy!
Why would I offer Name Your Price?link
...after all, nobody is going to pay for something when they can get it for free, right?
Name Your Price (NYP) is feature that allows download store owners to offer downloads where the customer chooses the price, down to $0.
NYP is primarily an advertising / exposure tool. It's like offering free video trailers, except with NYP the customer has the option to actually pay you for it (like a tip jar). But they may not, so it would be unwise to think of NYP as your primary way to offer all your content, or even items that are brand new or that you really need to recoup funds on.
It is important for you to understand NYP's place as a tool that's available for you to boost exposure in a novel way. People are drawn to the prospect of something free and the empowerment of choosing their price, so that's the lure. Tons of people are going to flock to your NYP content, and many really will download it for free, just like a video trailer. We pay for the bandwidth so you can do this. The point is to use it to bring exposure to your brand and the rest of your catalog. But if you are going to be angry at people grabbing any particular piece of content for free, then you probably should not offer it as NYP.
Many producers have actually made very good income using NYP, but it's up to you to calculate whether your advertising M.O. would benefit from either using it extensively, dabbling in it strategically, or not at all. If you can't fit something like NYP into the bigger picture of your business model, then it's recommended that you not use it.
How do I remove my results from Google?link
Google indexes our pages, and even if you've removed your account and forum posts, they may still show up on Google's searches for a while. Google revisits our pages every day to update their listings. When they try to access your old deleted profile for an update, we automatically send them the signal that it's gone and should be removed from their results. Because of this, your info should be wiped from their results relatively quickly. If not, or if you have questions, please contact us to investigate.
How do the ratings work?link
The site-wide ratings system was designed to gauge community consensus about the value of everything that can be added by a user. You can rate photos, videos, forum posts, sites, and even site reviews. The system was built to be fair. You have to be logged in to vote, and you can only vote on each item once. It is a rolling ratings system, meaning only the latest X number of votes (currently 100) of any type, for any given item are considered, and older ones are forgotten. This allows an item's rating to change over time. For example, a site that used to be great and had high ratings may stop updating and start getting lower ratings, causing the old high ratings to eventually drop off the end. Or vice versa. Every item's rating is an average of the number of stars users gave it, which gives a level playing field for all items old and new.
We also have a separate scoring system which takes each item's user-rating and weighs it against how old that item is. Every day that passes, any item's score is weighed 1/30th less. When it's new, its score has 100% of its weight but after half a month its score is only worth half as much. Items over 30 days old are not considered at all. We use these date-weighted scores to determine the "top items" in any category such as hottest photos and forum threads, and even wammer of the day. So whatever is new, highly-rated, or both, will likely make the hot list in its section. The scores are also weighted by other factors such as the number of unique views the items have gotten, and any negative reports users have submitted on them. These scores are just relative, numerical indexes that we use internally, so they are not shown to the public. Remember that these scores are independent of and do not affect the star-ratings.
You cannot directly rate other users. However the site uses an algorithm that takes into account everything each user posts around the site. The user with the most highly-rated stuff, the most stuff, and the most recent stuff, gets pushed higher in the rankings. So the more you participate, and the better-rated all your stuff is, the higher your score gets. You might even become Wammer of the Day!
Please don't take it too seriously. It's just meant to be fun and to encourage people to post great stuff. We can see who is rating what, so anyone caught abusing or spamming the system will be banned.