Hey man, just read the whole thread. There is definitely a lot of pain and regret in your post and understandably so. The confluence of recent factors such as your father's health would make anyone's mind a mess (and not the good kind).
The advice of "just get over it" drastically oversimplifies the long process of healing. Healing eventually involves moving past and accepting the past but also has a number of steps that preceded it and are equally as important. You've been through the ringer and much like an injured athlete need time to heal. The only advice I can give is to be kind to yourself -- you need time to heal and recover from the cancer news at al. Additionally keep talking it out with someone, a therapist, friend or even a support group. It may have not felt the best initially but letting it all put like you did is a vital step in healing. In my experience support groups can be a lifesaver and a good moderator will make sure that no judgement is passed.
Sorry to hear about your troubles. I won't be able to advise you on everything but I can contribute a few thoughts on certain points that may be of help. This is going to get long which is unavoidable. A problem with depression is that we often internalise a belief that ultimately is unhelpful in the long run and likely to lead to cycling thoughts that deepen the depression. Because most people are quite stubborn when it comes to holding on to their personal beliefs I'm taking the time on each point I've seen here that I believe that is unhelpful to lay out the reasons why it is which takes quite a few words.
Cream Pie Enjoyer said: It's been so much fun explaining the trauma of someone else deciding to ruin your life for their own benefit- I'm sure people still believe I'm probably lying.
So for full disclosure I grew up with a sibling that was a sociopath and pathological liar. As such I developed an obsession for the truth, it was why a gravitated towards the sciences for its pursuit of objective truth and why I strongly believe in freedom of speech whilst not everyone uses their speech to tell the truth, history has shown us every time people justify curtailing free speech to avoid offence that truth has wound up being suppressed as well. Socrates was executed for offending the religious sensibilities of the people of Athens whilst Galileo and Copernicus had their books suppressed and censored by a church that did not agree with them.
So anyway the reason I say all this is to preface this by saying I start out a sceptic with everyone I start conversing with. I am fully aware that there are many liars in the world, and even people who aren't lying may actually be mistaken and so unintentionally spreading falsehoods anyway. Regardless I start all interactions sceptical of everyone. Whilst it may be frustrating having to prove yourself to everyone I hope you can appreciate that the problem you had with the theatre incident was not that you weren't believed but that your accuser was instantly believed without evidence or due process. It is the very definition of prejudice to pre-judge something or someone before looking at any evidence or investigating based solely on who the people making the claims are. Now personally were I your administrator I'd have been sceptical of all parties (both yourself and accuser) in this case and investigated further to see what I found to be most plausible based on the evidence I was able to piece together.
What can you take from this well firstly that if you want to surround yourself with people of honesty, integrity and that will speak out against falsehoods you are going to have to accept that you will need to prove yourself to such people. You should not resent having to prove or explain yourself to them but a way of being able to filter out those that care about the truth from those that do not. You do not need people that will instantly believe you without evidence just to support their world view as they will just as easily believe any allegation that damns you without evidence if it suits them at a later date.
See proving yourself to others as the way to earning friends of integrity. As for those that instantly believe and are willing to condemn others without evidence there is a world full of fraudsters and scammers just waiting to take advantage of that.
Now I don't know you enough about everything that went on to make a judgement on the incident itself for myself and I do not know you enough personally for you have to have proven anything so you must accept that at this stage that I remain sceptical of all involved with the incident however you can take heart that I do find what you say to be plausible. Yes there are many people like that who lie and like to try destroy other people's lives with lies and there are plenty of cowardly people willing to forgo due process to enable them to do so.
Cream Pie Enjoyer said: People ask me seriously what type of mental disorder I have or what drugs I'm on. It's not my fault it's a Dickens tale of everyone close to me abandoning me and leaving me a husk for a decade.
One of the most frustrating aspects of dealing with depression is that often the reason people get depressed is because their entire life around them absolutely does indeed suck really bad and it has got so bad you can't really see a way out of it. But rather than people acknowledging that yep you really have landed in a bad situation they instead treat us as if we're mad for believing life is bad when we're surrounded by evidence enforcing that world view.
The problem is during childhood people are fed total and utter horseshit about how wonderful the world is by people "protecting us from the realities of the world" or in the case of Disney profiting by shoving unfiltered romanticism (essentially the philosophical equivalent of toxic positivity) in its movies into children to create an unrealistic view of the world that will only lead to disappointment. The trouble is that many people become invested in believing the world is a good and benevolent place that they can't bring themselves to challenge that world view in their head even with overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
Contrast this instead with Buddhism where the story goes that Buddha came from an aristocratic family where he spend the first parts of his life sheltered from the realities of the world and it wasn't until he stepped out and travelled that he came to the conclusion that life was all about suffering and developed a philosophy/religion around this premise. Now I'm not going to advocate becoming Buddhist indeed there are some principles of it I disagree with but as a whole it is a lot more healthy than the Disneyfied view many of us receive as children.
The pursuit of status and money beyond what is needed to life/survive on are each bottomless pits of suffering that we should avoid and avoid those that make these their goals as their inevitable unhappiness will likely flow on to you as well.
Now whilst I agree that life by default is suffering and that some desires will only lead to suffering and that letting go of those desires can be beneficial simply just accepting this on its own is only partially helpful. You could just sit around for hours meditating and accept your bum going numb is an inevitable consequence of life being about suffering and let go of the desire for comfort or you could go find a sheep, clip off some wool, shove it in a bag, stitch it up and then sit on the cushion you have made instead and alleviate that suffering entirely. We can take action that limits suffering or brings us healthy pleasures which moves more into Epicureanism.
But anyway the upshot of it all is that life by default is about suffering and that as life tends towards entropy that inaction will generally lead to further suffering. If we wish to create a world for ourselves and those around us that alleviates suffering and that we can enjoy we must build it ourselves. It will take time, effort, some luck (you can do everything correctly at times and still fail due to bad timing or luck, you just need to try again) and choosing the right people to help you build that world. You will need to filter out people that will sabotage you from those that won't. Choose your friends wisely it may mean having to prove yourself to them so they can also choose you as a friend and it definitely affects how you choose your romantic partners as well. Don't make depreciating assets such as looks your priority. Their personal character should be your first priority and then look for relationship compatibility.
It is however possible to build a good life, after all in the aforementioned story of the Buddha, did his parents not build a life that was able to shelter him to be oblivious to the suffering in the world to begin with?
So anyway yes from what you have said I won't gaslight you like others and say that you are crazy to be depressed whilst so many bad things are going on around you. I would wager anyone else in your position would be feeling the same as well.
Cream Pie Enjoyer said: Additionally, joining a group environment may take me some getting used to given my utter lack of confidence and anxiety.
Confidence is fear plus knowledge and experience. Humans have a natural fear of the unknown as it may potentially be dangerous or fatal better to avoid it and live than check it out and possibly die.
The feeling of confidence is the same rush of adrenalin that fuels fear but as we know what to do we instead feel pumped and ready to do this if we don't know what to do the desire to run instead leads us to call the same sensations fear or anxiety. It is what separates the adrenalin-junkies from the fearful. They both get the same rush of sensation but because the adrenalin-junkie knows what they're doing they feel pumped by it.
Want to see this principle inaction think of a TV show or perhaps film series where an antagonist or monster of the week or whatever when first introduced was really scary in the first appearance you don't fully understand it and how to defeat or overcome it but because the media industry is filled with money grabbing bastards they recognise that this big scary antagonist or monster is popular so they bring it back for more episodes or films and as they give into demands for more backstory on them or as they become defeated in more ways the antagonist or monster becomes less and less scary with each outing until they're a bit meh in the end to the point we just shrug our shoulders and go "no big deal they should just do x." And there you have it knowledge and experience transforms fear into confidence.
And whilst knowledge can help you a little the first time you do something you need to gain the practical experience of putting it into practice to see through the process of transforming fear into confidence. The only people who are "confident" without knowledge are arrogant idiots that lack the ability to perceive the risks of what they walk into or the limits of their knowledge.
As such if you choose to wait to develop confidence before doing something then you will never develop it. You must take action to develop it.
I hope you can see a consistent theme developing here.
If you want to be surrounded by friends that believe you and that will have your back you must take the action to prove yourself to people of this quality.
If you want to build a life free of suffering and in which you can enjoy healthy pleasures you must take the action to build it.
If you want to develop confidence in a particular area you must take the action to gain the knowledge and experience to develop it.
Now obviously this won't happen overnight and whilst everything is going terribly around you it can be difficult to see where to start but if I may make a suggestion. Find some charity or cause that you care about that you could volunteer an hour or two of your time each week. It will give you an opportunity to redevelop your confidence dealing with others in organisations whilst at the same time giving you something else to put on a CV for finding a job later. It will also give you something you have control over that you can try feel good about that may then help you to tackle other areas.
Do not boast about doing this voluntary work on social media that is more of the unhelpful status seeking behaviour you are best off avoiding in yourself and especially avoid anyone performatively pursuing something virtuous as rarely do they actually care about it they just want status and likes to validate themselves that is likely to keep filling a big toxic hole in themselves they haven't dealt with do this because it is the right thing to do and that you feel good contributing to that cause. Though do set appropriate boundaries, don't allow others to guilt you into devoting more time to it than you can do, by the sounds of things you will need plenty of time later to tackle other areas in your life when you are feeling better about doing so.
Cream Pie Enjoyer said: After that, I was cast in a role that just so happens to have an implied romantic scene with 'That Girl" from Drama club, who's just better than everyone and doesn't have to audition.
I'll raise this at this point where I'm recommending finding a voluntary organisation to help. I've worked in many voluntary groups some were great but others had unfortunately had some toxic status seeker walk in to grab a position of importance to feel special and were utterly toxic. If you find yourself in a position again where you believe rules and standards are being inconsistently applied such as "doesn't have to audition," then no matter how small the inconsistency first politely and privately enquire with the person responsible for upholding those rules or standards if there is reasonable explanation for the exception (for instance to accommodate a disability or perhaps special dispensation for a recent bereavement) and if there isn't one or they believe it to be a small matter or they themselves are the beneficiary of the special treatment make an objection other people too afraid to speak up may agree and it may lead to changes for the better but if people and the organisation don't care then you can't expect them to enforce any of their rules fairly in the future and should leave and not waste time on them.
Do not equivocate that a particular inconsistency or injustice is small most people that abuse power and relationships start out with smaller infractions that they hope people will overlook or be too weak to enforce standards and then continue to make increasingly bigger infractions and like the frog on the hot plate get what people to accept and tolerate worse and worse behaviour. If you don't put your foot down when they attempt to take an inch then they will be back to take a yard next time.
Oh and as a final point do not date anyone that expects a standard of you that they themselves are not prepared to meet. The inverse is also true, if you want someone to meet a particular standard like being honest and kind then you also need to meet those same standards with people.
Cream Pie Enjoyer said: I'm also turning 30, and I've spent ten years- Since my confidence was killed overnight given my future was ruined based on a lie and I could do literally nothing about it except hear people tell me to "Get over it." I guess just move forward as a predator, despite the fact it's the farthest from my character possible.
I get it, you shouldn't be too nice or people will walk all over you. I don't know what to do anymore.
This is dangerously wrong and will just lead to falling down an even darker rabbit hole.
Sure there are people who just seem to have been born evil (and no I'm not talking about people who are born psychopaths as actually a number of them can go on to be good there's a high number of surgeons that score highly for psychopathy) I've come across a few of them in my time. But the majority of people I come across who wind up doing evil things is because they believe they are justified doing their evil shit because bad things happened to them. But if we all did that the world would just be one game of Pass The Evil with each person passing on the suffering caused to them by another person to someone else. And in that situation when you pass on such evil and abuse to another you are no better than the person who passed it on to you.
I don't know why people get it into their head that being good means being a predator, being dark or aggressive. Frankly having already established that life by default is about suffering those that succumb to passing on more suffering to others are the weak ones. When the darkness and suffering comes to their door they surrender to it and become an agent of it spreading that darkness to other people's door.
If you want to be able to build your little world for friends and family you have to be strong enough to say when looking into that darkness that you shall not pass it on to others it is how you help create that safe world around you, if you don't and you pass it on to others around you then you are the monster abusing them. Whenever darkness comes to you find safe and healthy outlets use frustration to fuel a workout, use pain to fuel an artistic endeavour, find a way of turning something painful into something you can laugh about.
Being good means being strong enough to stand up in the face of adversity and defend particular standards from those that seek to destroy them for their selfish ends. Be forgiving (as in don't seek vengeance when wronged besides knowing how life is full of suffering should make you more compassionate to those struggling and lost themselves) but be ruthless with your boundaries if someone violates your trust then cut them out of your life for good do not let them ruin the world you build for yourself and trusted friends and family.
You should be good and nice as why would other good and nice people want to be friends with you if you aren't that sure there will be some bad people that will seek to take advantage of that which is why you cut them out of your life at the first sign of them being bad for you. But if you walk a path of being bad to others to in an arms race with other bad people all the good people will avoid you, you will only find other bad people and there will always be someone worse than you that will make you suffer more.
When it comes to good and evil it may seem that evil triumphs over good but that is a short-term viewpoint. The evil path often is the path to quick and easy rewards but you wind up surrounded only by other evil people that you certainly cannot trust and eventually either someone worse comes along or you have a moment of weakness that someone around you takes advantage of and in the long term you fail and there will be no one that wishes to help you. The good path however is long and hard but if you try to be good and surround yourself with other good people then when you may occasionally you slip up and let someone bad take advantage of you then you will have good people around to help you get back on your feet. In the long run if you develop the wisdom to know who to include in your life, the courage to cut out those you shouldn't allow into it and strength to stick to your values you can build something sustainable and infinitely more rewarding in the long term. And if you develop the patience for this longer path you'll also realise the futility of seeking vengeance as if you wait long enough at the edge of the river you'll watch the bodies of your enemies float on by eventually as the consequences of taking the evil path eventually catches up with them.
Cream Pie Enjoyer said: It was after High School dating three amazing girls, the last of which simply stopped loving me and broke up over the phone on Christmas. I can't express any negative feeling about them to anyone I know as I should be over it by now.
Except clearly you aren't over it. I wasted 10 years in a relationship with someone that hadn't got over their issues with their previous relationship that lasted just a few months. If you don't deal with it you won't ever get over it. Stop finding reasons not to do something. As with all the other points I raised you have to take action for stuff to change positively. Want to get over it then you'll have to talk about it. Either talk about it with friends or find a support group.
Do this separately to the earlier suggestion about finding a volunteering opportunity as it would be a mistake if you joined that then started venting about this to others volunteering as it is likely to result in alienating people not sure how to deal with a stranger's issues. If you become good friends with someone there you may later be able to discuss it with them but don't start out trauma dumping on people.
Anyway you have my sympathies and I hope the situation with your father's health, being able to find food to eat and you're ability to rebuild your life all improve soon.