How is everyone doing?

This time of year brings out massive mixed emotions, so just letting everyone know we are here xx

I'm doing better than I thought I would be. Of course there's the normal holiday stress that comes with this time of year, but there are some great things happening. I'm in love with an amazing woman who is excited to explore WAM with me. And I'm learning to roast coffee, which she also loves. Things could be better, sure, but where it's good, it's really good.

Thanks. This time of year gets to me a bit cuz 1) it's vacation until March 2) I usually am alone. I'd like to leave the country but lost on where to go and I lack the interest to make friends really.
On the plus side, I bought a 5 liter container of strawberry ice cream as a reward for cleaning up my filthy house (a motivator of sorts...) so I have something to look forward to after cleaning. MORE cleaning.
Hope everyone stays hydrated and warm. Happy 2020!!!

Hi there beaytifull people,

All good over here.
Well, lots of work for us over here in the Netherlands.
I work in healthcare with disabled people, and due to staff shortage, make lots of hours. I'm off from 27th of december till New years day.
And mrs.jurning works with kids as a childminder, they will be coming over during christmas as well, so no vacation of that sorts for us. We eve must put the Christmass tree up.

We have some time of in April, when we go with frieds on a city trip to Berlin. Summer holliday will be at a big Metal festival in Germany, called Wacken open Air.
I the meanwile we hope to have lots of naughty funn. Depending on our mood that will be messy or bdsm. Maybe a combination.
We still want to meet annd maybe mess with others, but hard to find likeminded wammers i the Netherlands.
We have a 15 year old daughter running about the house, so we have to plan ahead for this.

But all is fine. Body and mind are working alright .

Have a great holliday season !!!

Jurnig and mrs.jurning

It's always a hard time for me, a lot of time with the family with little to talk about. From what I've seen of the telly guide, there's little on that front to aid things either... With only my dad driving, and he'll be working some of the time, we're even more limited. The park is lovely, but there comes a time when even walking around it gets a bit boring... I won't even get much of the scenery when I travel up as i planned it around going after work, and then took the days off anyway!

Not feeling so good.

Anxiety and depression is playing up

Thanks for sharing x

Row, did you get to the docs?

Iain, how about finding a new interest you and your Mum can share? I flipping hate small talk anyways but I'll quite happily sit in someone's company doing a shared task.... xx

It might sounds a bit dull for some people but I've found board games or a jigsaw good for this type of situation. Gives something to distract attention a little bit.

Im fine, today i bought some last christmas stuff and im happy to see my family

Oh Jay, you are amazing. Yes you will! Give yourself all the time you need. Be kind to yourself xx

If i could only get a date that's suitable which impossible right now.

So i'm changing GP's to one that has more accessible hours.

Ugh tell me about it. If I have something up and I need to see the doc, they tell me either go to the ER, or make an appointment with the nurse. Any time I need an appointment with my Primary Care Physician it's a minimum 2 month wait.

While I appreciate nurses, they're NOT doctors. They don't have medical doctorates and aren't able to prescribe meds if you're sick. But you'll still get that full amount of the bill in the mail like you had seen your actual doctor. So what the hell is the point?

I don't bother with primary care docs anymore, they're a waste of time and money to me.

BUT, seeing a specialist like a psych might be a good idea if you're really feeling down.

Also, I miss you man!

Hi All.

Had a nervous breakdown on Friday. Stress at work got too much for me and being autistic means it doesn't take much to tip me over the edge. Been to docs and got sleeping tablets but still waking up at 2/3 in the morning and unable to get back to sleep. Nervous wretching means it's difficult to keep food down. Combine this with lack of appetite and interest and I'm really in a bad place right now.

Parents are looking after me - they are total saints, I don't know where I'd be without them - but the day will come when they are unable to. At that point I will be on my own and I really fear for my future. These episodes have been a recurring part of my life since childhood. The small amount of social care I get for my autism makes them less regular, but at moments like this I need 24/7 care to make sure I do all the daily care stuff and don't hurt myself.

It's at times like this I really miss my partner. She passed away almost 10 years ago but it still feels like yesterday. She was the best thing to ever happen to me - always knowing exactly what to say or do to pull me round, never judging or complaining. Simply the most kind, tolerant, loving, understanding, patient person you could ever meet.

I know that I will recover at some point but sitting at the bottom of the pit right now it seems a long way off and requires strength that I am finding difficult to summon right now.

::HUG::

I don't know what anyone can reply to that. I loathe saying things like "my thoughts/prayers are with you" (it feels like a cop out) but I'm too far away to be of any use personally. Furthermore, my cup is so empty and broken, I don't know what I have left to pour out to others except such things right now...

But I hope being here, sharing, and hearing back from others helps you even just a little.

I can't imagine what you're going through, but I think your saving grace is how acutely aware of your situation you are. You know what's causing this, and that in of itself is SOME small consolation even when you can't make your brain and body react the way you want and need it to.

I'm so sorry you have to go through with this.

To Wamadues,

You truly are one of the realist people I've ever met. On the few times we've met, I could quite easily grab a bottle of wine, our own separate booth, and just talk too you.

Like Our favourite spud has said, very well I might add, we have no answers, but we have ears and lots of respect and plenty of love for you.

Peace.,

Lisa xx

I took the last two days off. But what really helps me is to keep busy and do a few things that makes me feel good. For instance, I climbed the mountain behind my house yesterday, giving me a good workout and that always makes me feel better. Today, I did some yard work such as cutting branches and racking leaves.

As much as i've enjoyed the holiday period by going out and seeing mates and family.

When i've been alone by myself.

I've felt very anxious, stressed and felt entrapped in my room (and usually constantly on my phone as much i've not wanted to be on it ).

It gets me down a lot and ramps up my anxiety ten fold .

Also feel like i'm not confident enough to do things as well without validation most of the time too .

Frustrates me a lot as i know that there is a lot i want to be doing. But always feel this negative way i do.

So you know what you want to be doing, and you know what's keeping you from doing it. That's a better start than most. So what you need to figure out is how to circumvent the things (anxiety and stress) keeping you from doing what you want to do.

Sometimes that's not always possible. I know for me the short term things keeping me down were health, money, and loneliness. Untimately the what I needed to circumvent a that was a LOT of time. Time to heal, and time to find the right circumstances and right job to go back to.

That's not an easy answer because you don't know what to do in the meantime. All I can say here is keep looking for doors. Find them and knock. Some may open, others won't.

When the big goals are unattainable, set smaller ones. If you can't reach those, set smaller ones yet, or reset your aim at a different goal.

And talk those things over with friends and family you can trust. Their input shouldn't make your decisions for you, but help you evaluate them.

You're a good man, hang in, people got your back.

I don't post on here as work keeps me very busy. (Writing at the moment.) But I'm saddened to hear Row and Wamadeus are not too good. Both are good friends and I have enjoyed many a London pub crawl with those men and Easy As. (Back in the day now.)
Row, you know where I am on Twitter feel free to come on and join in the banter if it helps.
Wamadeus, it goes without saying if you need to reach out you know where I am.


kind regards

Andy.

Well some people know and some don't. In the time I have been active on this scene, around 15 years... I have had 3 nervous breakdowns, the most recent being the tail end of 2017 at work most spectacularly! I've struggled to keep a job for longer than 12 months, just shit luck.
I find my creative side has kept me up in the dark times, I've created podcasts, radio, blogs and websites. I've done calendars and made stuff. Depression is something which will all be hiding behind me for years to come.

I have severe lackof syndrome (lack of time, money, free space, resources) with 2 small kids (who are the bundles of awesomeness and little shits in equal measure) to do the creative things.

2020 is looking positive... But changes need to happen

Everything is cool over here with us. Tying up loose ends from last decade and getting ready for the next. I'm actually massively excited for the years to come.

See yall on the other side!
Messmaster

Sending a big hug to the Cornish Rattler xx

Love the check-in! Messmistress and I are doing well, over here buttoning things down for the start of the new decade. No negative emotions for me. I'm super excited for what the universe throws at us next. Life is as beautiful as we want to see it as being.

Messmaster

Peace n Love Big D

Usually have zero emotional attachment to the holiday season. This year was slightly different for a couple of reasons but I powered through. I worked as many of the holidays as I could to soak up the double time and a half action. My posting has been a bit more sparse because of how busy I've been with the day job, but I've actually still been producing too.. just haven't had a whole lot of time for post-production. Keep your eyes out for some exciting upcoming MessyHot content!

Hi, I'm new here.. but this looked like a nice place to join in.

This has been a bad Christmas and year for me, after a breakup I still haven't recovered from. I don't know what to do now, with few friends or anyone for support, and my hobbies and interests feel empty. My ex-gf was the only one I started to open up about a lot of things, including my kinks, only for her to pull away and break up with me, leaving me keeping to myself again, except more uncomfortable trying to share anything with anyone else.

Christmas was just a reminder of that, just facing family obligations rather than anything enjoyable or sharing time with someone close to me. And reminders of what I (thought I) had last year and lost.

So... now i'm here trying to do something and change that loneliness.

I personally love the New Year celebration. After the death of my grandfather, I used to dislike it as much as I dislike Christmas.

Since about 5 years ago, I started setting goals. Like, real achievable goals that culumatively build up to something. I write them down for myself at the start of the year and burn the pages when all goals are achieved on the year thereafter. It's basically a five-year plan cut up in manageble pieces and the past six months have been extremely different for me in a very positive way, because I started to reap what I sowed.

Anyhow, to give folk who'd like to have an example on this and give it a try:

2019: Lose ten kilograms --> 2020: lose 7 more kilograms and start to gain a bit of muscle. --> 2021: work on body until satisfaction with self image and maintain that.

2019: startup my own WAM website --> 2020: Make it a household name in the wam world --> 2021: work a day less at my dayjob to fully spend on Wamtastic.

2019: start with self empowerment and get back into the dating life--> 2020: continue new habits and dating, find a 'definition of done' when it comes to self-love --> 2021: reach the definition of done.

There are a few more but I'm keeping those private, but I think you get the idea. I always make sure that my goals have a follow-up to keep that flow. It is hard work, but it is a powerfull tool to get up on your feet. I know the whole 'new year, new me' thing is very clich but if you need to start somewhere, why not take a evening of celebration(or at least a fun evening with friends or family, if you don't find new years worth celebrating) to keep as a returning anchor and deadline?

The only trap I'd like to warn you about: keep the goals on factors you control. For example; I don't have 'get into a relationship' as a goal because I can't influence the part of meeting the right girl.

I hope everybody has a great new 2020 filled with joy and health. If you think about giving the goals-thing a try, but want some help with it; send me a message. We'll figure it out!

Hi again.

This one is going to be a long haul. After starting to taper my sleeping tablets yesterday as per doc's instructions, my whole world came crashing down this morning. Back to only 2 hrs sleep, lack of appetite and interest, nausea and vomiting - the usual cast of characters.

Been back to the docs and have now been put on beta blockers. Took my first one 45 mins ago so we'll see what they do. This has been going on for too long and I am finding it difficult to keep my hopes up. That light at the end of the tunnel is still a long way off.

Ive only just found this page its brilliant to know you are not alone

God, I'm so sorry Wamadeus... Everything you're going through AND not being able to sleep has got to be hellish. I wish I had something useful to say, or offer to you, but I'm coming up blank. I really hope someone can figure out SOMETHING that can let you get some rest and develop some semblance of normality in your thoughts, feelings, and life in general.

I hate saying things like "my thoughts and prayers are with you" because it feels like a cop out, but I don't know what else to offer you right now. Sleeping meds are never a long term fix sadly as you get used to them, and a lot of panic and anxiety meds like Xanax have similar problems AND addictive to boot.

I'm just glad that you are able to get some care, and have family that supports you. Thanks for keeping us updated, and let us know if you think there is anything we can DO to help you.

Best wishes, and hopefully sweet dreams.