Hi fellow wammers,

I also posted this in non-wam, but then later thought it would fit better here. I've been a lurker here for well over a decade and rarely post, but I just wanted to share this somewhere other than into the ether, so I am posting so maybe someone can relate to some part of my rambling.

I am visiting relatives with my partner, which has resulted in a substantial reduction in privacy for almost 7 days. Under normal conditions, I allocate a small part of my daily private time to "release" once per day, at minimum. This opportunity has not presented itself as of yet during the preceding 7 day period.

I'm in my 40's, so daily life over the past several years have already yielded diminishing opportunities for solo messy sessions, and now, with the current drought, I find myself inhibited with an intense lust for a solo session. I am fortunate in that my partner indulges me with messy play on special occasions, but she doesn't get the same sexual enjoyment I do, so there is something particularly satisfying about a solo session where I can lose all inhibitions and euphorically engulf myself in mess. Also, a big part of the WAM kink for me is seeing elegant women's clothing ruined, so, when going solo, I will crossdress and trash clothes my partner would find financially recklessness to do so.

So, I decided I am going to take an extra day off work when I get home and am going to go all out when my partner is at work. I have spent the last two days fantasizing about what outfit to ruin, how to do it, what substances to use. I want the session to last as long as possible, the last thing I want is to spend all the time and money and climax the second chocolate cake batter touches a white dress. I find that a combination of alcohol and weed, with an ice cold shower immediately preceding the session suppresses a premature climax without negatively effecting the experience.

The wait is absolutely killing me, it's all I can think about. But as painful as it is, I know that is going to make the eventual release all the more glorious.

I am kind of hoping someone here can relate, even if it's to just one part of my disquisition. If so, I'd love to hear from you!

Oh, I do totally relate to the frustration when a lack of privacy gets in the way of WAM. I've been lucky in recent years that my wife and I get to have quite a lot of WAM sex. But it does make it all the more frustrating when the kids come home from uni and suddenly it's impossible to find an opportunity to have the time, space and privacy for some WAM together. I find my fantasies about what I'm going to do to her grow wilder and wilder the longer we're forced to abstain. As a result when we do finally get to have a session again it's generally pretty amazing, but I'm not sure whether that's worth the preceding frustration!

Something about the anticipation, as painful as it is, makes that release so much better when it finally happens. I practically crave it as part of the experience. And agreed on the weed in particular. I'm lucky enough to live in a recreational state and I find it fully enhances the sensations while also prolonging things.

I don't do solo sessions very often but I get this itch a few times a year. It usually requires some planning ahead to find the right time to indulge it so I'll often have to go a few days to a week before I'll have the house to myself once the urge hits. I like it more as an event than a daily thing, makes it more special.

I've finally gotten my partner to try getting messy recently and she seems to like it. We're still in the early phases of exploring this kink together and exploring her comfort levels and most times we have sex, we don't get messy. But I'm hopeful that I won't have to plan it out so much anymore soon since a duet is more fun than a solo act.

Relate. I think this will resonate with a lot of people. Finding the space and time to get whatever release we need is often at odds with 'normal' life.

Especially when in the 'closet' either as a flat sharer or as a family man with little or no alone time.

It's a pretty overwhelming need to fulfil via often a complex but always very particular set of conditions

The frustration can regularly be beyond even such that a sexual partner is able to provide or even align or sympathise with.

And, no, it doesn't go away.

That's not much of a consolation but we can at least forgive ourselves for having this need. I believe it is very important to resist feeling ashamed for needing (even secretly) to make this time and space for yourself in pursuit of this outlet.

My own WAM life has gone through many incarnations from closet frustration, to living the dream, to, well, not living the dream again.

There are not necessarily any happy endings but try to help yourself make space for this essential little indulgence through all the ups and downs and forgive yourself for it.