I see a lot of people expressing frustration over not being able to find a partner who share's their kink. While I understand how frustrating that is I'd like to give some of the guys on here a little unsolicited advice.

1. Making super negative post about how you can't find anyone and will always be alone is very off-putting. Even if you are a great person IRL it makes it seem like you aren't a fun person to be around. I know sometimes people just want to vent but it might not be helping.

2. It's ok to contact women on kink/fetish sites...just don't do it in a creepy way. I have meet a couple of guys off the internet over the years and the people I have meet are the ones who have talked to me like a normal person, not a sex object. They were willing to tell me some things about themselves and talk about things other than their fetish.

3. Don't let someone else make you feel bad about your fetish. If you have had a bad experience with someone reacting negatively to your fetish try to keep in mind not all people are assholes. Finding someone you can really connect with and shares your interests isn't easy but if you want it then it's worth trying.

Great advice! Find someone you are truly interested in romantically, not just sexually. If you are lucky enough to find true love, you will learn to work around each others' shortcomings. My wife was completely repulsed by the thought of getting messy at first; still is to a certain extent. However, she loves me and is willing to go the extra mile once in a while. She now seems to enjoy messing me up, but it took 5 years! On the contrast my love for her, along with acceptance, has greatly reduced the nagging sexual urges. Perhaps the acceptance lowers the humiliation level; maybe I'm just growing older. Either way we have grown to suffice each others' needs. I'm sure with hard work and a little luck each and every one of you can do the same!

I can honestly say that I have never hooked up with any woman on this site and I've been here for quite awhile. Neverthless, I have met a few over the years that have indulged me in my fantasies. Unfortunately, that was a long time ago and I no longer get to meet these kinky females. If you want to fulfill your fantasies, my best advice would be to first sort out your potential partners wisely before admiting to anything. A partner for kink might not make the best spouse or husband in the real world, but that's the price you have to pay sometimes. Self righteous and/or judgmental people are pretty much out of the question, at least in my opinion. Easy going and open minded is your best bet. Get them to unlock their hidden secrets when it comes to their personal fantasies and not just yours. Don't come off as a creep or a pervert about it and last but not least; if it's not consensual, then it's simply isin't fun for anyone!

There are no women out there besides models, lesbians and those who are already married.

Seriously, someone sounds like a r/incel.

I don't doubt that you feel oppressed in some way. Literally everyone is oppressed in some way, shape, or form. Bitching about it publicly isn't going to help you though, no matter how well received it is. This is what therapists are for. No, doubt you need to get that shit out, keeping it pent up isn't going to help you.

My question for you is, what do you have going in your life right now that is positive? For some people that's a much harder question to answer than others. I just found out I might have cancer for a 3rd time for instance. I also have 3 auto immune diseases, have not been able to work for 5 years, my wife turned into a dude and divorced me, etc. That's a LOT of shit for one person. But I still get up (most days) and try and make something of my life.

The best thing I can recommend is that you get out. Go somewhere and do something that interests you. If it's reading, go to a book club or something. You may NEVER meet your dream partner there, but it's part of networking. It's how you meet people, who may introduce you to other people.

It can be hard, but everything worth doing in life is. I'm an overthinker, and that is catastrophic when I ask people out. Especially given that the new way to reject someone is to simply ignore them or pretend they don't exist. It's even happened to me here. You need to remember though that NO ONE owes you a response. You are not entitled to ANYTHING. When someone does respond, that is a gift, they have taken the time and the effort to address you. They see some worth in you. Take a moment and think about that.

You have worth, you may not know it, you may not believe it. I don't know what it is either, only you can find that out.

Baby steps, it worked for 'Bob Wiley'

I can honestly say... I have nothing positive going on in my life. I am the most useless person on the planet.

Sir, I'll assume you're not concern trolling.

If you truly feel that way, see a doctor. Mine (okay, and my wife) did wonders for me.

Way to completely dismiss the problem I have. Everyone else gets help where I get labeled a troll. Maybe I should give up. After all Im just a troll I dont deserve to live.

Hey dude, I'm all ears, lay it out. For the past three days it's hurt so much for me to be conscious (physically and emotionally) that I drugged myself to sleep so that I've only been up about 5 hours a day. A nice hearty combo of xanax, nyquil, and benedryl. Problem is, I keep waking up. Here's mine in a check list.

WARNING , I'm going to get graphic Also, boo hoo, woe is me, sob story alert. Use the no tears shampoo or skip until you see the ______ again
___________________________________________________________________________


-Crohn's Disease for 18 years as of January 19, 2019 Hospitalized me countless times, almost killed me at least 3. Inoperable, I have it in both small and large intestines, my stomach, and esophagus. There is no surgery that can help me, and I've developed immunity to EVERY drug on the market except Stelara.

-Ankylosing Spondylitis - Fancy type of Rheumatoid Arthritis (another auto-immune) that tends to leave your back fused. I've had that since 2003. I have days where I literally cannot walk. Some days I cannot even make a fist. Anyone at Vegas could tell you they always saw me with my cane, and I was feeling pretty good then. Most crohn's meds are also used to treat this, but nothing short of steroids (prednisone) help with pain or movement when it flares.

-Plaque Psoriasis - Usually affects me more in the winter, my epidermis is sort of replaced by silvery white scales, that if picked/scraped off, go directly to soft, wet dermal tissue that bleeds easily. If this flares badly enough, I don't go out into public because my face makes me look like a lizard person.

Testicular cancer - January 2016 suddenly appeared. One day in the shower, I noticed lefty was way bigger than righty. Bye bye lefty. Only a quick surgery for that one.

Perianal abscessed fistula - February 2016 tl;dr I have in infection, and now I have two assholes tied together by a "seton" fancy word for a twisty tie. That will be there forever, and is prone to infection. Sitting is now painful.

Kidney cancer - April 2017 This was fun 3.5 months of getting chemotherapy (B.E.P. Bleomycin, Etoposide, and Cisplatin)...EVERY SINGLE DAY. (Side note, almost always completely one my own. My wife just divorced me, moved 3000 miles away and is in the process of becoming a dude. It's ok, we're still good friends actually.) Doctors argued and fought for months before I told them, I was just going to do it anyways. My GI was sure it was going to kill me. It almost did 2 times. Once I had to be kept in ICU for 3 weeks because my immunities were so low a common cold could have killed me. Then the side effects came.

Hyperacusis - 1st side effect. Certain sounds, pitches more precisely cause excruciating pain and dizzyness. Ball rooms, concerts, etc. can't do them anymore.

Auditory recruitment - Fancy word for partial deafness, yeah, at least 1 chemo drug (cisplatin) can make you lose all of your hearing. I got lucky here and just say 'WHAT!?' a lot.

Neuropathy - Yeah, chemo specifically works well on cancer because the drugs are designed to kill cells that reproduce rapidly. This is why you lose your hair and all your blood counts drop. It's also why you sometimes lose feeling in your extremities. For one year, I couldn't feel anyone's touch with my hands, I could not feel the ground with my feet. I still have partial numbness that will never go away.

That's just the physical sicknesses. I was also physically abused as a child by my maternal grandfather. In my teens we lost everything in a house fire which seriously triggered the mental illnesses my mom has. From 14 - last year I guess was the last time I saw her, she has been a violent drunk. I've had her arrested 4 separate times. She's had 2 DUIs. She's hit me with a chair and thrown a kitchen knife at me. Did I mention I have a brother 11 years my junior. Dad was always coming home from work early when I could call him to come home. Many times he didn't because he'd lose his job. Sometimes the secretaries wouldn't page him. Sometimes my mother just cut the phone lines. I spent most of my adult life getting phone calls from my dad or my brother asking for me to go pick him up and get him out of the house because she was violent. It took my dad having a stroke in 2013 to finally want to be rid of her. Their divorce still isn't finalized because she does everything possible to delay it including sexually assaulting a realtor during a viewing. (You're not supposed to be in the house when it's being shown).

Now my dad (65) with a stroke and unable to work or drive lives with my grandmother (81) (his mother in law), her 3rd husband (77), and my little brother (25). The two grandparents just retired last January because they had to both have back surgeries. Until then, they worked installing front doors on people's homes as subcontractors for Lowe's. So my brother is their primary care taker, and I do my best to help them as well.

Love/sex life? Want to go there too? Only been divorced for 1 year. I haven't been touched aside from hugs since 2013. That's how long the trans thing had been developing. First they were bi, then they said they wanted to open the marriage, then their girlfriend was a crazy bitch, then they didn't want to have sex anymore, then they were non-binary gendered, then they wanted to move to Portland. I was the one who suggested divorce. I was the one who was the monster according to their hyper Christian, Ned Flanders like parents.

Careers? I've been everything, mainly because I couldn't finish college because of illness. Also because illness quite frequently got me fired or laid off. I've been a cashier, retail employee, CPU repair guy, film projectionist, travelling salesman, mechanic, bank teller, investment paralegal trainee, bank accountant, furniture salesman, and my last job was apprenticing under the table for a blacksmith. Now I'm on Social Security Disability for a second time (was on at 22 but went off because I was getting better) at 36 years old. It's how I get my $24,000,00 per 8 week medicine that keeps me alive covered. If I got back to work, I lose my coverage. If I lose my job, I have to reapply from scratch which takes about 2 years with all of the hearings.

___________________________________________________________________________


You can take everything from a man and he'll be ok. But if you take his meaning, his reason to live, there is nothing left. I'm desperately trying to find a reason to live. Right now the only reason I don't kill myself is because I made a promise to someone not to.

- End of rant about me -

My telling you this isn't to try and compare, or compete with you. It's to relate with you.

There are people here that can tell you some stories. Some people have in the past given us glimpses into them. For instance, did you see Jayce's recent post about shit going down? That's only some of it. I was friends with her, I knew a bit more. She's the person I aspire most to be like, because of her strength in the face of it all.

Have you ever heard Maria (MyPierogative's) story? Not for me to tell, and I don't know how much she's said here.

Lenny has been fighting illness for years and just died. He stayed quiet about it the whole time.

Did you know about Leila's (the OP's) spinal damage? She doesn't talk about it much but she's shown us some x-ray pics over the past few years.

Then there's the divorces, cheating, lying. Hell, would you believe me if I told you that there have been models here that have died in not so natural ways? There is more pain here than you can imagine. And my pain doesn't compare to any of theirs. It's just different.

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." -- William Goldman - The Princess Bride

You will never begin to release your pain, or accept it, if you don't share it. I'm just some random dude on the internet, but I'm saying I'll do that for you. Even if the only thing I can do is listen.

I don't know what your pain is. WE don't know what your pain is. We also can't do a damn thing about it, if you don't say what it is. I'm no psychiatrist, or therapist, but I listen to people in pain a lot.

Whether you believe in God or evolution or whatever, if you were totally useless you would not be here. I had someone here remind me of this today! (Thanks R***) God could have called you home, and evolution would have deemed you unfit to live and found a way to have killed you.

Look for reason, look for meaning, in every little thing you do. You may not find it, I certainly haven't. But it will provide you with the answer, it will provide you with grace, and it will provide you with a measure of peace.

Jason

Silly quotes, but they help me:

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars"

Kahilil Gilbran

Potatoman and Bnik are better men than I.

I don't think that's true at all. We just have different experiences. But now people like Nico can see that they aren't alone. It's up to them if they want to reach out and talk now.

I can be this open and this free BECAUSE I have nothing. I have no public life to hide, no money to extort. It would take at least a week for someone to notice I were gone. Not everyone can be so open and free.

Life is lonely if you're not successful. And success breeds new opportunities. If you're successful enough, you have more opportunities than you know what to do with or have time for. If you're not, you're just begging for a chance, or some company.

That's just how life works.

ll my life I worked hard and for what. Nothing. I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I guess it makes me an entitled twad because I just need to know what the hell am I doing wrong here.

Growing up, Women hated me because I was not only ugly but I was quiet. I was quiet because I wasn't interested in what everyone else was into. I had my own interests. And even now where geeky pursuits are now mainstream, its still the same old thing. Im too much of a Nerd to be around other Nerds. My parents wont speak to me since I chose a career that wasn't in medicine, law or business. I dont know anyone in my family, and I have no friends despite efforts to try to make any.

Im almost 40 and I never had a real conversation with a person that wasn't a teacher.

Well hey, I'm not a teacher! So that's one step forward! Baby steps. So I used to be a LOT more confident, out going (but still more introverted), physically active, never really attractive, but okish. I was fairly nerdish, but got along with others. THAT has gone down hill in recent years to the point where last year I was contemplating suicide.

When something big happens to you (or anyone) whether it's physical, or emotional, it's overwhelming. If a bunch happen to you at once, or sequentially like did me, it's a catastrophe. You begin to question why you even exist. Why God created you, or if there is a God, etc. All of existentialism comes pouring into your mind at once. That's a dangerous place to be, I still have one foot in that door myself.

But consider this, you and I are still alive. We never went through with our decisions to end it. That's powerful, that means there's still something rooted in the core of our being that wants to live, even if it's as simple as fear of death.

Use that, and each day find even just one thing to do that gives you SOME level of meaning. Today, I bought rat traps for the 18th century inn I live in, and showed a lady around that wanted to rent it out for a rehearsal dinner. That might be all I get done today (aside from writing this). But that was something. I did something today that affected someone else, hopefully in a positive way. I could have pretended I didn't hear the lady, or told her I couldn't let her in to see the place. I could have told her just to contact the trust in charge of the building rather than deliver the information myself.

Everyday you interact with SOMEONE, even if it's here. You have a voice, and you ARE heard. Do your best to leave them feeling better than they did before your interaction. It's a start. This can lead to friendship. Be willing to listen (not just hear the words of and calculate a response) to another person. Maybe they have something useful to offer you that you didn't know.

Also remember, you can't do everything on your own. You need a friend, someone that has your interest at heart. If you need a more immediate response I recommend therapy. It's helped me tremendously. As an aside, if they simply dismiss you or leave you feeling worse; then they are a shitty therapist.

Medications have also helped me. I wouldn't be able to function at this point with everything that's happened without prozac. It allows me to make decisions rather than recalculate all my possibilities with anxiety and eventually have a panic attack.

Family...man, family can be shit. My mom is a violent drunk, and my dad enabled her for YEARS. Lots of people don't get along with their "family". That's why "friends are the family you choose" - not sure who, but I've heard it a lot.

Women...dude, I thought I was married to one for 13 years...with for 20 total. They turned out to be a non-binary dude. I've met some here, talked with them for a year or more and suddenly been ghosted. I've set up dates and everything seemed great and they didn't show up. I've told someone I was interested in that I thought was interested in me, and they replied I was "like a brother". It happens. No one owes you love, let alone a response.

There are women that love nerds, neckbeards, fat guys, and quiet guys. In my experience, the biggest disqualifying factors are your personality, and your lifestyle. If your first impression is a greasy, miserable slob with a shitty attitude, yeah...you're not going to attract anyone.

But, if you take an effort to present yourself, make some eye contact, express sincerity, you'll probably at least get a response. Probably even an amiable one! It's a long way from them wanting to sire your heirs, but it's a start.

Feel free to keep this going. Or if you don't want to here, message me. May have to friend me first. But someone is at least listening and trying to offer you some sort of direction or advice.

Best wishes,
Jason

Technically I am still married but that didn't stop me from meeting my now boyfriend off this site. Also not sure why being a model means anything. Is it that you would never want to date a model? Some are actually worth dating.

Obviously there are women who are here who aren't models, lesbians, or whatever. It might take some effort talking to them without an air of desperation. There's also sharing your kink with other people. Go on Fetlife. Attend some local munches. You'll meet people who are kink friendly and will likely be open to exploring your fetish. You never know who you'll meet.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with models. They're human, too.

Yea I know models are humans and are treated as such.

Problem is with me, Im not Human and therefore dont deserve the same treatment.

::head desk::

Then BECOME Human! Data did it! Or better yet, don't! Humans are overrated anyways. The cold hard logic of a Vulcan with the increased IQ and strength seem pretty nice.

"What is a man, a miserable pile of secrets!" - Dracula - Castlevania: Symphony of The Night

Even if you're a slodge monster of Tipranian 3, you have thought, self reflection, an ability to reason. You have abilities far greater than most of life.

You are in the position you are in because you are comparing yourself to someone else, instead of comparing yourself today, with who you were yesterday.

And you automatically think you're worse. I wrote in painstaking detail most of the very personal shit going on in my life so you could see an example of what someone else is going through. Things that you would NEVER think when you see them and measure them up with your preconceived notions.

Leila, furthermore reinforced this with a recent post about her explaining a lack of content.

You are not the only one suffering. LIFE IS SUFFERING. Pick up your cross and bear it like the rest of us. And when it's too much to bear, ask for help.

Those of us here are trying to help you stand, but it's like...I dunno, you don't want to. It's like you just feed off of pity. It IS easier to be irresponsible for yourself. But if you pick yourself up, aim for a goal, and move towards it, you will find meaning. Even if you miss the mark. Then you just realign your aim and shoot again.

You are literally in Hell friend. You're the only one who can get yourself out. We can reach down to pull you out of your pit, but if you won't grab hold, there's nothing we can do.

Furthermore, people will eventually stop reaching. They'll get tired of trying. They'll consider you a lost cause because you'd rather "wallow in your muck" than get out. Instead of TRY, you just keep complaining. Then when you're in the same position, you will complain that no one loves you or will help you. But you don't care about yourself enough to GRAB THE ARM.

Again, I've offered an invitation. What is SOOOO bad in your existance that you are this way. USE YOUR WORDS! Articulate your thoughts! Cry, scream, do SOMETHING other than this self pity.

Simple question: What do you want?

A chance. A Motherfucking Chance. That's all. I can follow everyone's advice to the letter and and spirit of it and no one will ever give me a chance. Everyone will just write me off as a troll, useless, worthless subhuman POS.

Im just tired of people not only ignoring me but telling me I need conform to their standards. You all say to be yourself, but when I am myself you want me to change.

This is a hard truth but...now one owes you a chance. No one owes me a chance either. I get dismissed a LOT, without even being turned down. Being dismissed actually hurts (at least to me) way, way worse than flat out rejection. I've had women sneer at me when I smiled at their child doing something silly. I've had people look at me with disgust.

Being yourself is important because otherwise you lose who you are wearing masks all the time. This leads to lying, and lying is...well exhausting. Being yourself means being honest. It means acknowledging who you are.

Now the other half of that. There is this thing called society. Over all it's a good thing. It has laws that keep us from murdering each other. But it also has all these intricate always changing social rules. If you're not a social person, you end up not know what many of these are. Some of them are obvious, such as don't rape someone (Yet we have stories every day of sexual assault). So even the obvious ones are sometimes, if not even often times ignored. You will not please everyone. Societies also have hierarchy. This can be rich people vs poor people. It can be attractive people vs. unattractive people. This is another hard truth. If you're low in the hierarchy of society you have less opportunities, and therefore less chance for success mathematically. This is WHY people put on masks and sometimes try to be something else. It usually doesn't end well. I found it's better if you be "more".

You are a vessel, quite literally (a body and more). What you put into it also becomes you, and will change you (also quite literally). If you don't like what you are, pour it out, and refill it with things you WANT to be and embody. This will begin to also reshape your vessel.

No one wants a hot cup of piss, pour that out, wash it out THOROUGHLY, and start over.

Start with something small, work your way up. Be who you are, but increase who you are, grow. Opportunities will start presenting themselves. If you have more opportunities, than you mathematically HAVE to succeed more.

That's the best thing I can offer you, and it's not an easy or quick solution. It's a process, LIFE, is a process.

Then its not worth the effort. Its stupid and I got the short end of the stick. Ill go kill myself now its my ONLY option. Im damaged beyond repair and theres nothing I can do to change anyone's mind.

It's your own mind you need to change friend...

Firstly, I'm a TERRIBLE role model. Yeah, I don't have problems talking about my experiences, but I generally wouldn't lay out EVERYTHING like that all a once. But I was hoping he'd feel the enormity of it all.

I'm flattered honestly that you think I'm inspiring at all. Most people in my life can't stand me and disappear. And my perseverance isn't really the stuff of legends. I almost took my own life a few times last year. The only reasons I decided against it was because I thought I would cause a few other people additional pain by doing so.

Suffering is a relative thing, and I wanted Nico to feel that. My pain is not greater or less than anyone else's; it's simply mine. Every single one of us has our own cross to bear in life. His situation is unique, YOUR situation is unique. Everyone here who has ever posted about the painful things going through their life, they are ALL unique.

One of the things that's helped me the most is listening to and reading other's situations. I've been reading Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning". This man was an Austrian/Jewish neurologist and psychiatrist who survived the Auschwitz. The first half of the book was about the experiences there, and the second about his revelations in logotherapy from it.

Needless to say, after reading it, I feel like I'm a whiny little bitch too. Nothing I've ever experienced has come close the the privation and death these people experienced.

So I'll leave with three quotes here from this book that I hope help anyone who reads this and dealing with similar situations.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

"But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer."

"Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation."

Viktor E. Frankl

Your suffering is legit, mourn it, experience the fullness of it. But then you have to move on. If you don't, you will end up a "Hell" of your own making.

If things seem perilous, just play the right card.

I just saw there was a reply here in my notifications and came to check it out. I went back and read this stuff, and was like "what was I smoking, and where can I get more". I haven't felt that sharp in a while.

I'm hardly "well grounded" as evidenced in my above posts. I try to be decent, but I know I have my shortcomings as well. You are also probably the first person to call my optimistic in a long long time.

We all have our issues man, and most of the knowledge I have (which isn't much at all) is stuff learned and recorded through OTHER people's pain and suffering. Pain sucks, and we all have it, but it also has a purpose. Pain is a reminder that you are still alive, and it is a tool for suffering. Suffering is a catalyst for growth, and prompts a response. Sometimes we just wallow in it instead of responding. And that's why we need each other.

"Under the sky, under the heavens, there is but one family. It just so happens that people are different." - Bruce Lee - Lost Interview with Pierre Berton 1971

Also, message me if you're ever feeling down. That goes for anyone here reading this. I can't promise an answer, but I'll listen/read, and I'll do the best my heart and mind can do to understand and empathize.