Hi Funsters,

I am sure those aren't the lyrics, but I am sure you've heard the song. This got me thinking about my intake of fetish porn, most of which is consumed on UMD and just recently on OF. One of my favourite ladies from here has defected to the 'other side' so I follow her there as well.

What does everyone think constitutes a reasonable intake of this stuff? I have to admit I find myself 'logging in' to UMD rather a lot recently, far more than I used to. It is not affecting my home or work life as of yet, but does tend to take up a lot of my day just thinking about it. I should mention I do have quite an addictive personality and am just worried I might be getting a little over exposed to it all. Interestingly, it's not always about masturbation. I do like to chip into the odd conversation and no doubt everyone is sick of me!

So what is the general consensus. How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? Is it OK just to say 'f*ck it' this is what I like and I'll do as much of it as possible. What constitutes an addict? These are the things that keep me up at night (in more ways than one) so your thoughts will be more than welcome.

T x

I come every day just to catch up with the happenings of the community. Check out anything new from the creators I follow.

As for addiction. I will say yes, I probably am. But then it's definitely not as bad as my addiction to video games.

Combating addiction of any type is difficult. This year I am committing myself to sport and 40k. Sport is a physical activity, and I get the same amount of 'pleasure' from sport. Tabletop Warhammer 40k is still gaming. Just not sitting down. unless painting.

If porn, WAM and/or fetish related content is taking up the majority of your time, your devout time and money that could be better used elsewhere, then I day that could be the definition of being an addict.

Now me catching up on the happenings within the community might not be an addiction, my gaming. Well, I spent the last 24 hours playing BG3 with only three hours of sleep with little food and water.

This is literally my job as a sex and relationship counsellor! I actually work with folks who worry about this.

What constitutes an addict?
Firstly, there is an argument that you can't be 'addicted' to porn as there are 5 thing that are required for addiction and porn/gambling etc can only hit 3 of them. BUT, it does feel exactly like an addiction, so it basically semantics for the person suffering.
The things porn addiction can hit are serious negative effect on lifestyle (too much time, spending too much money, loss of job)
Loss of control/need to watch it, i.e. the porn use controls you, not the other way around.

How much is too much?
Depends on the person. I click on all the messy posts daily. I'm on here an hour a day. I rarely look at anything else. This might be too much for some, nothing for another person.


Where do you draw the line?
Your choice. If something is negatively affecting you or your life, that is a good point to stop.

Is it OK just to say 'f*ck it' this is what I like and I'll do as much of it as possible.
Yes, as long as it doesn't hurt you.

Basically any amount is ok as long as you are in control and it's not harming you.

Another negative effect is that porn has been linked to erectile dysfunction (psychologically only) because too much can lead to reality not living up to the fantasy. This is easily reversible as it's just about belief e.g. how sex is compared to how the person believes it should be.

If you want a really good expert on this, look for Paula Hall (who is of the opinion that it is an addiction) she is my go to for things like this.

I come on to this site almost every day but I'm fortunate for not having an addictive or over-obsessive personality. My day job is all-consuming and tiring so I come here for relaxation and inspiration (I don't do any other social media or gaming).

For me it's part of positive/regenerative activity alongside providing a more sociable and engaging way of 'consuming porn'. I have found it a way for finding positive affirmation of my kinks and sexuality. I spent a lot of my younger years having a very negative self-body image, scared I wouldn't be attractive enough to other men. Eventually 'getting out there' proved me wrong and now I get a kick out of displaying the sorts of images that are on my profile. On some occasions I have even jerked off to some, which I wouldn't have imagined possible in the past. I suppose I'd find out if I'm addicted if the site suddenly disappeared.

This is so true! Constantly fantasising about about kinky sex makes it hard not to be disappointed when you're significant other takes it off the table. It can't be just about the fantasy and not them.

Thanks to all of you for such great advice. I think the consensus is that I should just reign it in a bit and I should be alright. I don't see it as a problem right now, but I will be mindful of what you have all said. 'til next time.

T x

Not necessarily, just don't make it the only thing that excites you as you partner might get hurt by that. If you both find it super exciting and can't get enough, then life is short, fill your boots... or their pants, every night if allowed!

.... it's the pursuit of seeing the parties involved in an act and so focused on their feelings and the sensation of personal enjoyment that consumes them with facial expressions and extasy of sensuality that you know it's not staged or altered. To have you order "I'll have what she's having"

Well, like Silver sea mentioned, that's going to vary a lot person to person. I'll say that your concerned about it is a good sign. If you find it's a major time sink, you're spending too much money, or it's consuming your thoughts, you might be "addicted".

For me, I fight with it a lot. I've come to the conclusion that I'm addicted at times and other times could care less. Comes and goes with my horniness.

I'd say, just stay cognizant and introspective and you should be good. If you feel you need help, you should look into help.

Best wishes!

One thing to bear in mind for men in heterosexual relationships is that in general women don't get porn. Why would we when no image or video is going to measure up to our fantasies/imagination? In other words if you're a man in a heterosexual relationship and you're paying for porn your partner is unlikely to understand. The higher the percentage of your income/time it takes up the more it's likely to upset us and the more likely we are to equate it with betrayal and/or infidelity. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that all the guys on here who spend money and time on porn are being unreasonable I'm just pointing out that their wives/girlfriends may well feel they are.

Yes, you are quite right. My wife does not get porn either, so I tend to keep that away from her. She doesn't mind as long as she doesn't get to hear about it! It is great to her a woman's point of view on this as it sometimes does illustrate what a selfish bunch us men can be sometimes! I often think the world would be a better place if it were run by women. Perhaps it is

T x

Men are no more selfish than women. There are some fundamental differences in the way we work especially when it comes to sex. Not better just different.
Most men with female partners would be horrified if they knew half of their lovers fantasies. Even more so if their partner uses those fantasies to reach orgasm while you're stimulating her. I should imagine the husband who finds out that every time he's brought his wife to orgasm using his tongue she's been lying back imagining that tongue belongs to someone or something else would be just as upset as the wife who finds out her husband has been spending time and money on porn.

I realize this, but I have long accepted myself with all my fetishes and know that this is simply my path to happiness. I see no reason to stop myself and limit myself in any way.