Hi I'm supposed to get help from a doctor, occupational therapists and psychologist and they completely ignore me or fob me off with excesses and seem to forget me they make me appointments then at the last possible moment cancel it and move it sometimes a hour before. I was supposed to get CBT but they again kept moving and canceling dates ubtil i got one session and they dropped me without warning I went mental at my psychologist and found out they took me and a bunch of other people on knowing they couldnt provide care for us. Its had a massive impact on my already bad mental health problems and me havings to chase after them for every little thing is draining it's not fair I have autism asperger syndrome disylixia and borderline personality disolder and ptsd and self harm. They are supposed to call me every Tuesday but they never brother and last week I phoned them and they said how sorry they were and it would not happen again but again this week they haven't brothered. I'm sick of chasing them and telling them I need help it adds to my borderline personality disorder as I feel totally abandoned I even started writing in my thought journal with my own blood and was nearly section last November and have been on the edge of suicide since i was 16 and im now 24 i have had 5 to 6 time where i have had to pull myself back from the edge of going through with it and i dont want to die i want to live and live life i i a breakdown in 2017 at the age if 21 and havent worked i love nature and spend nealy all my time in the woods near where I liveAnyou advice welcome thanks and im so so so so so sorry i really am i dont want to make people uncomfortable or angry im so very sorry turly I am please forgive me whoever reads this post.
fuzzy

Firstly, you don't need to apologise. You have been let down by the people who were supposed to be helping you so you're entitled to feel anger, sadness, fear and many other feelings, none of which help you various psychological conditions.

I am a counsellor and I would say that you are massively at risk, I would forget all those that have tried to help and start again. I know this is a massive stress but do it step by step.

1.Go to your GP and make a nuisance of yourself, get a psychiatrist (not a psychologist). Be nice, but ask every day until you get one. It's what I do for my suicidal clients.
If you need to, go to a counsellor and get them to write a letter to your GP asking for this, it adds more weight to your claim.

Find everything in your area that is free and helpful for mental health (NHS, Mind etc) and get on the waiting lists as they take time.

Get a good support network around you of professionals and friends. They will help you when you need them, but be aware that you need to grow and help yourself, the support network is for times when it's too difficult and not a way off life.

Hopefully you have a number of contacts you can call when you are at your lowest, people near you that can come to you.

This is as much advice as I can give, but get the help you need and if they don't help then find others. It's a lot of hard work and can feel impossible, but break it down into manageable chunks and do what you can, leaving enough energy for yourself.

Good luck.

I'm really really really really sorry please forgive me I'm so so sorry I feel like I'm hurting everyone even walking down the street i feel like I'm a burden and pain to everyone I see. I walked into a mental health hub and it took a receptionist and 2 therapists nearly an hour to calm me down manly by holding my hand and hugging me which I find really calming. Then a mouth after that I walked into a chemist and started crying and just couldn't get the words out and the pharmist women took me into the private room and held my hand and then asked if I wanted a cuddle all the time I'm crying and nodded yes and she holds me and stokes my back as I cry my eyes out into her shoulder. I was on a chemist (different one.) And tried to buy about 5 packets of paracetamol and the lady wouldn't sell them to me I said ok and walked away on the shoping center and was picked up by security and held till the police came all the while my aniexity through the roof I've never been in trouble and the police took me to there van and drove me to hospital where a really rude nurse interviewed me and accused me of lieing and was annoyed as I cried and hugging my stuffed fox teddy. She threatened to detain me and keep me there. I was scared the police are scary I didn't know what to do and the police brought me back to my car. I'm so ashamed of myself it's all my fault.

Hello.

I have just stumbled across your post & am going n now way clinically qualified to give advice or counselling. Also, phone on its way out so won't be back on here for a few hours until I can charge it up again...but...just know, from someone who's has been there, that you are a worthwhile person in your own right.

You are not hitting anyone by your existence- that's a malfunction in your mailbox and telling you that. It can be very convincing voice.

Help will come. It can be so frustrating because the system can be overwhelmed & people can fall through the cracks...but it will come. In order to be there when it does you have to stay. Please stay.

Things can be terrifying, painful, overwhelming - but these things can be chunked down & bit by bit they can be dealt with. Sorry if I'm talking way beyond my qualification here - but saw your post was just a few minutes old. Even though f my phone dies and I don't see your messages for a while - I'll be thinking of you. Please stay.

Typos

*I'm in no way qualified
"* You're not hurting,not hitting

No need to apologise, you are not a burden or a pain, that is your anxiety talking (and BPD). It is no ones fault as there is nothing to be blamed for. You tried to buy too many paracetamol and got detained, this process is there for people's protection.

Your various conditions make many things in life hard and/or scary. Just remember to breath and remember that things are there for you and while the nurse was bad, that is her problem and not yours to take on. You knew you were telling the truth.

What you do need to do is get psychiatric help, and you need to go to the GP to do it, or get a counsellor who will write a letter for you. Sorry to say it's work you need to do.

*malfunction in your brain, not mailbox...though I suppose either works.

The message is the same though - you're hurting nobody by existing. Please stay.

I'm so so sorry I'm an out patient pshyicatric patient I badgered and did everything possible to get help and get them to help me I'm autism makes it hard to make friends with people but for some reason god blessed me with the gift of the cab I'm Irish and I'm a metal head lover death metal and I've got the long hair sometimes a bread and biker jacket patchvest and I've always got on with people on the fringe of society like goths punk other metal heads homeless alternative people outlaw bikers but regular people don't really take to me I constantly keep phoning different departments I'm supposed to get a phone call check up every week they didn't bother I had to phone them they apologised then just forget me again it has to be my fault somehow or else why do they keep doing it

Fuzzy, without infringing on your privacy it may help to know what country you are in. Mainly so we can help direct you to the most appropriate services. So Silver Sea is in the UK for instance, so he's more familiar with NHS. Meanwhile, I'm here in the US and I am INTIMATELY familiar with the Medicaid and Medicare services.

It's particularly hard right now, because 90% of all mental health right now is by telecommunication and that's not particularly helpful for a large majority of patients that NEED treatment. I'm not doctor either, but I deal all day with insurance companies and fighting to get patient's coverage. If the mental specialists are not helping you, you need to call your Primary Care Physician and let them know IMMEDIATELY. They should be able to direct you to different facilities and doctors and get you numbers for them.

If you are in immediate need, PLEASE call your emergency number (911 in the US, 999 in UK I believe or 112 for the EU, someone please correct me if I'm wrong).

The good news is that you are very acutely aware of your issues, and how they affect you. If you're able to make that clear to us, then any decent doctor with training should be able to take your symptoms with your diagnoses and figure out a treatment.

And like others have said, you do not need to apologize when you have done nothing wrong. You don't seem to be harming anyone, but yourself. If you feel the need to apologize, do so to yourself. But forgive yourself too. I cannot imagine what you're going through, so please continue to reach out and find someone who does, and can not just sympathize, but empathize with you.

And the hugs are probably helping so much because of the "oxytocin"; it's good stuff, and something I don't get much of either.

I live in Scotland

Everyone please forgive I'm so sorry it's all my fault they are right in am a waste of space and time I'm feel so guilty about everything your all spend your time on me instead of having fun I'm sorry so sorry please forgive me if Didn't want to hurt you guys I'm so sorry so sorry for everything and grateful for you all I'm so so sorry please forgive me.

I'm really really sorry i promise I'm not an attention seeker honest so sorry.

I told my doctors everything suicide writing I'm my own blood and everything else no one seems that bothered they keep telling me theres other people and I have to wait and there's nothing they can dom

I've been thinking about going to live in my nearby woods then I won't have to see anyone and hurt them or weird them out I'm always apologising I'm scared of offend and hurting people I nearly have panic attacks. I'm friends with some missionary girls they move on but we still keep in touch.

None of us think you are. It's your BPD talking.

Relax, you are ok here to talk about anything with no fear of judgment and no apology needed, those that reply are here to help.

I only know the England's NHS, not sure how Scotland differs, but keep asking for help, it sounds like you need it.

Yours, an Ex-goth, long-haired biker who lives on the fringes of society.

Live long brother the fringe is better

O my god I'm so so sorry I can't help it, its me it's my fault I'm so sorry I'm ruining everyone's weekend I didn't mean to I swear I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry please forgive me if don't deserve to be here I'm so sorry I feel so guilty please forgive me.

So, WHY exactly do you think you're ruining our weekend? HOW do you think you're offending us? WHY do you think about suicide? WHY do you think you're a waste? And yes, you are attention seeking, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You're seeking attention in the form help. There's nothing at all wrong with that. Try and explore the reasons that you feel the way you do.

Now that I know you're in Scotland though, I know there isn't much I can do to point you in the right direction with social services. But thankfully yours seem to be infinitely better than in the US were you basically need to be a lawyer to navigate them.

I felt that I was ruining your weekend because everyone has problems of there own and the last thing that they needed was me adding to them. With regardsto offend you guys I don't know if get scared that I might hurt or offend somehow because I was a member of a different website and when I tried to open up about my problems and autism they said nasty things which I reported and then the started messaging me that I'm attention seeking scum and I should kill myself because no one loves me or will help me. When I was 16 i told my parents my doctor said I had depression and my mum hit the roof and started shouting which I hate I'm noise sensitive at me and told me there's nothing wrong with me because she knows me better than any doctor could and prevent me from help until I broke down its why I feel like a attention seeker because it was one of the words she used on me that day. I'm so glad I posted this stuff i feel slightly less heavy know. With regards to suicide it's when it gets too much and the voices take over (told my doctor) and keep repeating im worthless and shouldn't be allowed to live and everyone elses life will be better when I'm gone. I don't want to die i love this sight and everyone on it because it is really supportive and there are loads of great fun things I never knew excisted before and I've learned so much already about different fetishs, kinks and sex it's a really positive place to be and I feel happy here. Thanks for taking the time to read this it means a lot to me. The picture included is ginger my anxiety fox I bring him with me everywhere so I'll always be able to hug something

I love all of you guys so much your all amazing and special

Yes we all have our problems, but that doesn't invalidate yours. We can choose to scroll past or choose to respond. We are responding so it's our decision.

If you offend anyone, they will let you know or stop reading. If they tell you then that is when to apologise and it will all be good again. people make mistakes or tred on others toes, it's part of life and we all understand that. If anyone acts like that other person (saying horrible things) then report them, Messmaster is very good with the ban-hammer. And that says more about that person than you.

All I will say is keep posting, it seem cathartic for you

Suicidal thoughts; yeah, things get to much and you feel overwhelmed, bad day but as you pointed out, there are good things in the world like UMD and support you get.
Here is a trick: Get some blank cards, write 1 good thing (UMD, an event that made you happy etc) on each card and keep them with you. When you feel bad, read as many cards as you need to ground yourself.

Awesome fox, might get a red panda one for myself

Thank you silver sea he's called ginger and I carry him everywhere with me even on my motorbike he's in my backpack cashier women love him and it's really nice because they ask about him and stuff I was crying down a deserted alleyway in Inverness when all the crowds and noise overloaded me and a nice young alternative type women heard me and saw me she was actually moved to tears herself and we cuddled for ages and held hands as she told me lots of cool storys of her travels and invited me to go with her but I couldn't do she have me a small pink stone to remember her by and absorb bad energy I keep it with me always in my patch vest sewed into a pocket sewed I can't lose it. I'm definitely going to do the flash cards thank you kind sir.
Fuzzy.

Hang in there, Fuzzy. I believe you've come to the right place.

I'm familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder and how it presents via my own experiences with a close family member. I'm also fairly familiar with the autism spectrum as I went through a late diagnosis myself at 40.

So that's a hell of a cocktail of mental health issues (which is probably not really doing it justice) It's also not surprising the amount of misinformation and misdiagnosis surrounding it. Without going into the diagnosis and stigma debate.

There's light at the end of the tunnel. With care and (a lot of patience and love) - crucially - from those close by BPD can be managed. You can learn to recognise the warning signs leading to self-harm, self-sabotage and suicidal ideation and your loved ones can learn to recognise that your behaviour - even when it can become manifestly criminogenic or antisocial is presenting as a vicious cycle of your condition. It's a long road but I've seen first hand how successfully it can be managed (and self-managed)

Unfortunately, seeking medical help does require a lot of persistence (as with clinical and pastoral support for any condition). This is where the good support around you comes in. Hopefully from your parents in your case (you said you live with them).

Your affectation is undoubtedly profound and there is a limit to what we can responsibly do to directly help without making promises we cannot possibly keep. But I think I can speak for everyone, knowing this, in that you'll find nothing but a sympathetic ear here.

Rich

Cheers rich mate I appreciate everything everyone says it means a lot a different website I used to be a member of when I shared my experience and tried to reach out got abuse and told to kill myself but here is great everyone is so kind and caring I feel so honoured to be among you all.

Some of your story echoes mine. As a child Autisum wasn't known about, only seeing younger family members sufferring similary and being diagnosed, i now see myself......my Dr agrees.
Every day is a constant fight, thankfully i found this place to share my live of all things messy, nice to know its not just me and i have a love of dressing up and being Morph which allows me for a short while, to not be me!

And we are honoured to have you with us. Keep chatting, there is always someone around. Here is by biker pal, 'tache to be attached soon. His name is "Argh, stop falling off ya bugger!" but I might rename him.

I like your mascot I love teddy's I got loads of em mainly black and white. My parents took me to st andrews to feed penguins I loved it but had to sign official paperwork stating I wound not touch them. Screw that you let a grown man who loves penguin and tell him not to touch I touched them petted and played with they. They smell a lot like fish and have no personal space awaerness I loved it feeding them was fun they feel like a silmy wet suit which wasn't what Iimagined it to be like. I thought they might be fluffy but I enjoyed it a lot they bite too I was bitten a lot and was gutted I didn't get penguin superpowers but I'll stick to my autistic supper powers instead. My profile has some pictures on it not messy ones just my hobbies.

Yeah, I got problems...load of em. And like Silver Sea said, if yours were an inconvenience to me, I could simply choose to not respond.

Being cognizant of being offensive is a good thing. And a preemptive apology if you think you're about to say something you think another person may find offensive is very considerate of you.

But when someone tells you that you "are worthless and shouldn't be allowed to live and everyone else's life will be better when I'm gone." They are the ones who are being offensive, not you. In fact, they're being something far worse than offense, they're being assholes.

The great thing about assholes is that they are REALLY EASY to identify. And once you do, there's a sure fire way to dealing with them...DON'T. Just walk away, remove yourself from their presence.

Maybe their life WILL be better with you gone, and if it is...well good for them, who cares. But I guarantee YOUR life will be better with them gone.

So yes, it's great that you are thinking about others. But I think in your case you need to focus a little more inward. Discover the things that YOU need, and want. Find what good things bring you meaning and make you want to keep moving forward, and then pursue them.

Potatoman....what great advice.

And while you may now be 'more potato than man...'...I put it to you that you are neither twisted not evil.

Plus, potatoes are the food of the gods,no?