I've been into WAM ever since I can remember and got messy a lot.
My wife has indulged me a few times years ago and now finds it/talking about it uncomfortable but is happy to set a session up for me and let me get on with it which I appreciate because her having played a part in it is something that still means a lot.

I've found recently that the thought of getting messy, even with her when she let me get her messy a couple of years ago was more fun than the actual event. Especially with the clean up after.

Has anyone else had fantasies or looked forward to sessions before and either found it a huge anticlimax or thought after that you can't be bothered to do it again? Especially if a few days later you're back thinking about the next one?

I would assume most people have had similar experiences because fantasies for most everything, not just WAM, often feel better than the reality. Fantasies are framed in our imaginations with circumstances under our control, and they usually don't include elements that could detract from the experience or take us out of our pleasurable trance. Reality doesn't afford us the same level of comfort. It doesn't let us ignore things like preparation, cleanup, lackluster responses from WAM partners, internalized shame, invasive or distracting thoughts - all of which can lead to feeling disappointed that the experience wasn't as good as we had hoped.

That doesn't mean the satisfaction you're craving isn't possible. Maybe that means trying something new - new substances, new approaches, new time of day/day of the week, etc. Maybe it just takes a shift in expectation - that not every messy session will be amazing but it's worth one's time to take the good with the less-than-ideal, knowing that there will be a day where everything clicks for some reason, and you walk away thinking "Dang, that hit the spot. I needed that."

I find that the fantasy is more consistently enjoyable than reality, but that reality when it's good is orders of magnitude more fun than fantasy.

As in, 1000x or a million times more fun! Scientifically speaking of course

Also: what pie_or_2 said, 100%.

Absolutely. My real life sucks with so many health problems, no real friends, never had a girlfriend, and so on.

WAM give me an escape to dream about all the amazing things that I wish to do/have in life.

Fantasy..is what I'll get.....know matter how many times some tells me you have any messy plans. I wish but it will never happen. Only in my dreams and fantasy.

the fantasy of covering myself in buckets of chocolate cake batter and caramel sauce will never come close to how thrilling and hot it actually is in reality

theres also the fun in looking for new things to cover yourself in, things to wear. not to mention fun in preparing a large messy session.

i will admit the only annoying thing is clean up, someone needs to invent a big red button that just cleans it up automatically

Reality is not the neat and ordered existence that some cultures and many people pretend it is; reality itself is pretty messy.

Sometimes reality doesn't live up to the expectations... certainly not when those expectations are set by a fantasy.

I try to use the fantasies to dream and imagine what could be, but the plans (including cleanup, as many noted) have to be grounded in reality and, ideally, would not have fantastic expectations tied to them, and would just have the experience, as it is happening in the moment.

Well said!!!

Depends on the reality. If the reality is me sitting in the shower with a 5 gallon of pudding, fantasy is looking a lot better.

If reality is a session with an incredible woman who's into it, well, fantasy has just become reality.

I'm lucky enough that my wife and I have a lot of fun sessions together. But I have gradually come to realise that the sessions that are fun to fantasise about and the sessions that are fun to do are not necessarily the same.

To be fun to do together, the mess needs to be (at least very largely) warm, a smooth and fairly slippery texture, and the session needs to involve a lot of physical contact between us. None of which is particularly surprising when you think about it. However, my fantasies go much broader, and include using cold or uncomfortable substances, watching her more than touching her, and WAMming in situations (outdoors, for example) where it's actually quite difficult or uncomfortable to have sex. None of these fantasies have actually proved much of a turn on when we've tried them in practice.

So I've just come to accept that some things are more fun to do, and some things more fun to think about. The only time a problem seems to arise is when I get the two confused!

As someone who's mess is largely solo, the mind often exceeds the reality. These days things tend to be game-based so there's something to tick off. In the past, I have had the excitement through the prep and been on the come down before even getting messy and just chucked stuff rather than create more of a downer with the clean up...

As a thought for couples, how about writing some of your fantasies down, stick them in a pot somewhere and then one day one of you picks out one of the other's fantasies and surprises them with it?

Things like the SPLAT events might be good too, the missus can stay clean while pulling the chain on you in the tank, pieing you and, potentially, asking others to get you.

I always find the reality better because I'm actually wet and slippery rather than just thinking about it. I'm quite ok with the cleaning up etc. It's all about the sensation, and when with another person it's very much about the enhancement of sex for me. My brain slightly freaks out at the idea of doing it without a sexual element, even though I get that's probably most common.

My answer definitely depends on the circumstances. At one point I played a lot with others. Mainly others who wanted to be sub or bottom. What I found was a lot of them fantasised about stuff that in reality they hated or even stopped by saying their safe word. However those same playmates would feel very differently about the event latter fantasising about it and often begging for a repeat.
My own experience is that if I act out my fantasies then it can become part of a cycle. My experiences inform my fantasy, my fantasies become more realistic and carrying them out becomes more satisfying. The danger is that if you enter into that cycle when your sex drive is high with a partner you trust you may find you regret some things you did when your drive is lower, or worse, you find out your partner was never worthy of your trust.

What a fascinating thread!
I suggest that reality comes on several different levels.
The lowest level is being a neutral observer. This might be something like watching a messy game show or wetlook scene on TV. It might pass you by, but sometimes you see something that stays with you for years.
And fuels your fantasies for years.
A higher level of reality is wamming by yourself. You're in control, certainly. I still get a thrill, getting wet especially.
The highest level of reality is wamming with somebody else. As has been pointed out, you're subject to so many more variables now.
But when it works (and it can work) you've got the highest satisfaction of shared fun.
Take time planning, discuss everything you're going to do and agree limits and boundaries.
Run it through between you.
Enjoy.
Peter

100%. Post-nut clarity is a bitch. And that's not to say that I jerk off to a scene and am ashamed of WAM. It's just that for every time I finish, whether it's to a $5 scene or a $300 custom where the model is dressed like she's meeting her boyfriend's family on Easter and so she wants to look nice, that orgasm only lasts for so long. And also the fact that I will literally watch a custom and immediately start planning my next one and how I can write it better.

That's fascinating that you've known people fantasise about something and then find out they hate it in reality.

I've found that with other non-WAM stuff. I've found that things I like the idea of, I don't like in practice.

I think it's a pretty common thing as soon as any as BDSM is involved.
The trouble for anyone topping or Domming is that you take on the responsibility for the sub/buttons well being. You end up in a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. If you agree to go no safe word and make their fantasy reality you can be accused of being abusive, if you stop when they safe word or plan something less than they're fantasy then you didn't take things far enough to hit their buttons.

I wonder how many WAMers have found the opposite that things that turned them off as fantasies were really fulfilling in real life. As it's the feel that does it for me I've often found the things I haven't fantasised about felt amazing.

Unfortunately, I'd say that 'Fantasy' is the 'easiest'.... Hard to find guys into this kind of thing, the 'G.G's.' parties from the past were great about this, but they've come to an end.....

With 'fantasy', you create your own 'scenario', have yourself a really 'good' time..., and then there's no mess, ( well, a little........), to clean-up....

I find reality has a lot to live up to when you're doing wam in the moment and yeah it usually doesn't live up to it whilst it's happening.

However I do find the reality enchances the fantasy too.
I remember when I first started dating an ex of mine I used to fantisise about either her gunging me (fully clothed as I am a clothed wammer) or gunging her fully clothed.
Then I got to do it for real. She got gunged fully clothed and whilst it turned me on immensely at the time, I felt huge pressure for it to seriously appease a sexual urge and that pressure always stopped me from enjoying it to the maximum I could.

However afterwards I noticed the big difference. When I needed to get a little pleasure or something to me going when we were getting intimate. I found that it being a reality, that she had actually been gunged and it was no mere fantasy and it actually happened was far more arousing the original fantasy version I had of it.

Today was definitely a fantasy-is-better for me. I'd planned to take a muddy walk in my jeans and new puffer jacket, and forgot to bring a change of clothes as I usually do. There was plenty of mud all right, but it wasn't long before I couldn't get any muddier than I already was, and then had to face the long and tiring walk of shame all the way back with my jeans completely saturated. In the last picture, where I'm sitting in the mud near the end of my walk, I'm completely exhausted and looking forward to a hot shower

I'll be honest: being in my 40s, I absolutely enjoy getting messy. Sometimes, however, the cleanup after can be laborious enough to make me question whether the effort was worth it in hindsight.

Even so, it hasn't deterred me yet.