Hi Gang,

Now I know I have heard that lyric in a song somewhere before, but it perfectly sums up how I am feeling right now. I have been siting on my fetish for 20 years now and have just slowly began to realise it is slowly killing me. I have to express myself. You have all been great in recommending partner communications (I am a married man) and I have started off broaching the subject with my wife. I just can't seem to get the words out about my fetish. This is is really affecting me. I've lost interest in eating, I can't sleep, I am talking to young girls about things, when I know I shouldn't. I am also spending most of my time locked up in my place of work, frozen, unable to continue and randomly bursting into tears. Now I know this is not a phycology forum I just don't know what to do. I have a understandably nervous wife now who has noticed a huge change in me. I am getting obsessed with certain lady performers on here and it doesn't feel healthy at all. Although I'd always be the gentleman and keep quite about it in case anyone is worried. Just to explain I have a history of being manic going from being the king of the world to a suicidal wreck in a matter of days. I am medicated, but I though I was over it. All of a sudden this has hit me hard. Please don't judge me for this.

It is getting to the point where I thought about taking my own life at 3:00am last night as I can't bear this any longer.

Sorry, I don't know what to do. Is it OK to throw your hands up and say help??

It is always OK to ask for help.

I find that when I am having trouble saying something, it helps to write down what I want to say. If you know the basic phrasing you want to use, it might help take the pressure off.

Hey, you know this is great advice. Someone did suggest leaving little hints on scraps of paper for her to find. I guess you mean a sort of outline script. I'll try again using this method. Oh, I am sorry about all this I am just a total mess in more ways than one.

I decided to come clean about this with my wife this weekend. This could result in a horrible Xmas or the best thing I have ever done. Wish me luck

Not just luck, prayers, hopes, good juju, positive vibes, the force or whatever else may help. More than anything I think you need the release. Whatever the source of this is, it's effecting you deeply.

Know that people care. Best wishes!

Thanks for all the support and advice. Just want to draw this thread to a conclusion. I have now told my wife about all this, the fetish, the problems and all. This was back last weekend. It was at that point I remembered why we had fallen in love back then and married. She is a wonderful person and a sweetheart, but I just couldn't tell her. It was more about imposing my male ideas on her feminine nature and filling her is disgust. However, she was very understanding. She actually didn't think it was anything that bad, quite silly and fun in her mind and prepared to help me explore. So all that worrying for 20 years was for nothing. She thinks I am more of an idiot for not telling her than anything else and silently going through hell. If anyone else is having the same problems then you should just talk. You'd be surprised what your partner knows without being told and how much they notice something isn't right.

Also, I would say that I am very much a product of my generation. I was born at the end of the 1960s and growing up being told not to display your emotions. 'Be a man, son'. Well, bottling up until you explode is not being a man one bit. Perhaps generations down the line are more tuned into their mental health then we were. Also, here in the UK there was a culture of not getting help and keeping it to yourself. Hopefully this is gone. I know our American and mainland European chums are pretty relaxed about this sort of thing.

Anyway, have a love break, a happy Xmas and hopefully 'see' you all in 2025.

T x

I've just realised! This is a lyric in 'Hotel California'. It just hit me! Amazing how the mind works....

Very happy to hear everything worked out well! And you found the courage to talk about it with your wife (and start a discussion here too).

Here we have a saying that translates best to "sometimes the fear of something is worse than the that thing itself".

Be well!

I'm glad this worked out for the better - I'm bit of an emotional cripple, so would have been worried otherwise!