Hi. Sorry if this is inappropriate post as most of UMD is so fun and positive. Sometimes I really struggle with feelings of shame and embarrassment linked to my Gunge fetish. I don't know where the kink comes from but has been hardwired into me before I knew what these feelings of 'excitement' were. On one level I know and love that it's a fun, silly, fetish that harms noone - but it can also be expensive and inconvenient and it's a secret part of my life , do I never feel I'm being 100 percent honest with friends and family. Anyway. Maybe I just got January blues. And dying for some Gunge fun too...!
But anyone else ever feel like/ashamed of their messy side?
Firstly this is why Lisa started this group as you are not alone - see my posts earlier today!
It's not really dinner table talk, but then no kink is really. It can be expensive to play but there are bueget approaches - Candy's filthy for a fiver wamstruction is a good but silly session. Private sessions aren't cheap, but are worth saving up for, you can invest a lot in a session emotionally (possibly too much) but the feeling of excitement building in the days leading up to it is rather nice. The wam games can be a fun way to steer play and keeping it relatively cheap (pillory probably best avoided).
In the world of fetishes, ours are some of the silliest and most fun. I suspect most people would give it a go to one extent - probably as much down to how it is sold to them " jump in the cold mus, probably won't be as successful as playing in warm custard!)
On the embarassment side, i don't think there are many kinks that are openly demonstrated in public. Yes there are fantasists who love the appeal of being humilated on the street, but there's not a domme kicking someone in the balls on many street corners! I'm not exactly the best qualified to give relationship guidance, but there are a few threads with suggestions on how to introduce someone.
Hey - it helps just to get a friendly, kind reply...so thank you!
Totally agree - private sessions have been worth saving for in the past, some fantastic wammers on here have got me very messy indeed.
I think if I'm completely honest it's done tough stuff I've been going through in 'real life' impacting and making me feel a bit shit about myself, including my secret gungee identity!
I don't usually share like this - but thanks for reading and for your response!
I think a lot of folks on here have or had similar feelings, it is a hard kink to admit too. I found the most accepting folks were are a local munch (BDSM) and some new of other sploshers. Talking to them helped as it allowed me to be open and honest in a non-judgmental place. I am still secret in many other walks of life, so it's a case of pick and choose your place.
I am open with all my girlfriends though, mixed reactions over the years.
Welcome to how most people feel about this kink/fetish at least some point in their life.
And yes, this is EXACTLY where stuff like this goes. Sure we like UMD to be "fun" and "positive" but there is a real understanding that under all the headlines you may see in the Messy forums, that we are all individual human beings. We all hurt, we all struggle (a lot of times with this), and we all want to be understood and even understand ourselves. These are natural thought processes.
As for it being a "secret" part of your life, it is for a LOT of us. Fetish, kink, even vanilla sexual desires aren't something you generally share with your friends and family. You lover, that's a different story, but your mom, dad, and besties don't need to know what you're up to in the bathroom.
Think of someone's wedding. Everyone in attendance knows the bride and groom are going to bang. It's kind of a given. But generally speaking in a normal family friendly wedding you're not going to have overtly sexual things going on at the ceremony or receptions. You're going to eat, drink, dance, take too many pictures, and have a general good time.
Your kinks are part of you, and people can know that you have them, but you generally don't go into detail about them except with your "bride(s) and/or groom(s)" so to speak.
In some ways I'm lucky, I'm out about this with my husband. He knows. I don't have to sneak around the house when he's not home. I don't have to explain why there are wet clothes in my shower or why I'm buying a pie and he can't eat it. Although he does not like participating or even watching, he knows about it.
But on the other hand, he's the only one that knows (besides you all). I worry about my adult children walking in the house and seeing pie stuff on the floor while I'm in the shower. I worry about my career if someone were to find out (even though I do nothing x rated) I worry that I'm going to be talked about like some freak among my friends and coworkers if word got out. Since it's just my husband that knows, I'm doing all this alone and in private. I wish I could get pushed in the pool but my husband would look like a jerk to my friends and I don't want that to happen. I would love to be pied in public but then again, everyone (my social circles) would treat him like he did something wrong and he really didn't. It's very complicated.
It does get expensive. At least for someone like me on a limited budget to go out and buy a pie or two (whipped cream just isn't the same as a good cream pie). My water bill goes up because I'm washing clothes. It's not fun cleaning up in the house or the fear that I'll clog up the drain in the shower.
All of those become an inconvenience at times. So I'll stop for a while and then come back to it. I'm glad to find a community (and friends here) that I can openly talk about all of this with... and they totally understand, judgement free!
Gunge Lad Shef said: Hi. Sorry if this is inappropriate post as most of UMD is so fun and positive. Sometimes I really struggle with feelings of shame and embarrassment linked to my Gunge fetish. I don't know where the kink comes from but has been hardwired into me before I knew what these feelings of 'excitement' were. On one level I know and love that it's a fun, silly, fetish that harms noone - but it can also be expensive and inconvenient and it's a secret part of my life , do I never feel I'm being 100 percent honest with friends and family. Anyway. Maybe I just got January blues. And dying for some Gunge fun too...!
But anyone else ever feel like/ashamed of their messy side?
In addition to everyone else's great replies, I recommend this Dan Savage video too, where he talks about a straight male wammer who's ashamed/embarrassed by his kink: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KABLW7eAFQI I hope you'll feel better after watching it and that things perk up for you generally, you've always come over as a cool likeable guy on here. January's always a bummer!
Gunge Lad Shef said: Hi. Sorry if this is inappropriate post as most of UMD is so fun and positive. Sometimes I really struggle with feelings of shame and embarrassment linked to my Gunge fetish. I don't know where the kink comes from but has been hardwired into me before I knew what these feelings of 'excitement' were. On one level I know and love that it's a fun, silly, fetish that harms noone - but it can also be expensive and inconvenient and it's a secret part of my life , do I never feel I'm being 100 percent honest with friends and family. Anyway. Maybe I just got January blues. And dying for some Gunge fun too...!
But anyone else ever feel like/ashamed of their messy side?
In addition to everyone else's great replies, I recommend this Dan Savage video too, where he talks about a straight male wammer who's ashamed/embarrassed by his kink:
hope you'll feel better after watching it and that things perk up for you generally, you've always come over as a cool likeable guy on here. January's always a bummer!
Actually this sort of made things worse. Tl:dr: I'm glad this worked for this person. I wish it were enough for me. Warning, below is my "negative though cycle".
I have no problem talking about my kink (although, in company outside of here, never really have any place to do so). But like that college kid, I have had men here wholeheartedly, kindly, and respectfully offer to do things just like this to/for me. But women? I can't even go out on a date with one after 4 years trying let alone something like this.
This is one of the biggest holes of depression I repeated fall into, MY "negative thought cycle" (the only other being things surrounding my health).
See, I never really dated when I was younger. I guess that was alright in that no one else I ever asked out wanted to date me. The one person that did, I married at 23; a wonderful person, and my best friend. But a person who turned out to not be a woman, and after almost 20 years together since we started dating in high school told me they were trans and always hated sex.
My marriage was something I always took immense pride in. Family and friends would say how jealous they were of our relationship. How solid and united we were. How we loved and supported each other. I thought I was doing it right. I thought we'd be that 80 year old couple (assuming I live that long) that's been married for 60+ years that still look like they're in love.
For all the setbacks and feelings of worthlessness that came with my illnesses like losing jobs and falling behind in my ten year plan; it was eclipsed by my pride of being a "good husband". But in the end I wasn't. The love was real, but the marriage was a lie. The thing I was "good at" and and invested my life in was now null and void.
Now, I'm poor, old, broken, and sick. My confidence and my entire sense of reality is warped. Worse, I have this horrible feeling of wasted time and youth. Feelings of emptiness, betrayal, and a life of lies. And because we still care about each other, and this was a gradual revelation, not something they held onto for years, I feel I'm not allowed to be angry or upset. Rather, that's just how the cards played out.
This past year though, something interesting happened, something I NEVER expected. I was contacted by a very lovely woman here that basically offered me what was "my wildest dream", a session. I was beside myself with disbelief. And while it was an unforgettable and wonderful experience, it made me very aware of something.
This kink is something intrinsically linked to the act of sex to me, loving sex in particular. And while I don't need it to enjoy sex, I feel ashamed when I see it happen in a non-sexually environment, or a sexual environment that I'm not apart of. Maybe ashamed isn't the right word or feeling, maybe it's closer to frustration, and possibly resentment. I can't just enjoy a playful or comedic scenario. If I enjoy it, it becomes plainly apparent downstairs.
Just like a vanilla relationship, love, sex, marriage, etc. this kink is something other couples can have and enjoy that I never will. That session was just a session, and the two times my ex wife indulged me they were very clear about their disdain for (unlike all the years of "normal" sex we shared). There was no primal, raw, passion or desire, and certainly no love there.
So when I disappear from here like I occasionally do, this is why. This building, festering feeling of being an outsider, a spectator, someone who's allowed to watch but never partake. Think Alanis Morrisette's "Uninvited", it's kind of what the anthem of my life feels like.
Which is just like in my life outside of here, where I'm told I'm worthy of love, but am only ever loved as a friend or a brother (including by the one here that I care deeply for, knows how I feel, and will probably never even read this).
So, I just try to move on with other aspects of life instead. But it's hard when I have good friends here, and this place is a constant reminder of the things I want so much.
"This building, festering feeling of being an outsider, a spectator, someone who's allowed to watch but never partake."
Potatoman-J, that may be one of the most powerful descriptions of the experience of "otherness" that I've ever read, and it hits home for me because it encapsulates (so well) so much of my own negative thought cycle and my own self-doubt.
deeptrouble said: Why is it that I do these things to relieve frustration or achieve calm? Sometimes I'll feel immense calm & feeling at one with the world after a good session, but other times, I'll feel, hm, maybe a bit defective in that I engage in this very solitary activity:
You've just described the difference between an "afterglow": something that usually happens after sex, and the emptiness that often occurs after a masturbatory act (especially for men since our minds seems to hard reboot after cumming).
Hey,not wanting to bump a topic...but this is really hard during lockdown. Well, not like hard compared to people's actual tragedies, but pretty tough on the mind right now. Hope you're all ok.
Gunge Lad Shef said: Hey,not wanting to bump a topic...but this is really hard during lockdown. Well, not like hard compared to people's actual tragedies, but pretty tough on the mind right now. Hope you're all ok.
Gunge Lad Shef said: Hey,not wanting to bump a topic...but this is really hard during lockdown. Well, not like hard compared to people's actual tragedies, but pretty tough on the mind right now. Hope you're all ok.
There's nothing wrong with bumping this. This entire forum group is devoted to this kind of thing. Here is our place to vent about the things that hurt us in as much as we are willing to be open about them. This is NOT an easy time for anyone, but I know it's affecting the extroverts a lot more than introverts for instance.
I hope you can find some peace, and if not and you need to get it out, you can here.
Hang in there . Life is so different for some at the moment . It is hard coping with all that and if something also devasting happens at the same time like bereavement it's horrendous. . I have had a divorce , and forced house sale and a complete career change as my line of work ended in Feb . We just have to take each day and not look too far ahead . I also sometimes feel ashamed of my love of the WAM or have feelings of guilt . It is who I am and have always been into WAM from a young age . Finding this place a couple of years ago helped enormously and chatting with like minded people from around the globe is so much fun . We are not axe Muderers or drug dealers just enjoying a harmless legal fettish . Real life arranged sessions are just so much fun aswell . I had no idea that could actually happen until I researched it and booked . I didn't do much WAM for a year, but I have found all the worlds problems are there if I engage in a wam session or not And sploshing helps take my mind off everything else as it's light hearted fun . Don't get too down about the Blades or the Owls if that's your thing , they both will survive I am sure . Take care .
Do you have anything to laugh with? For me I get in tune with my body with wam but in a lot of ways comedy helps me go through tough emotional states of being. Here's an example https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pMGZEnnLi3U
Gunge Lad Shef said: Hey folks. Just find myself in a really bad place right now tbh. Family, finances, work, berevment etc.
One thing at a time. Everything seems big when viewed as a whole and the bad things can dominate all other things in your life. Don't try to take it all on at the same time, pick your battles and sometimes 'no battle today' is just fine. I hope things work out for you.
First of all on the Dan Savage video there is no comparison between coming out and telling people about your fetish. I'm bisexual, into BDSM and a WAMer. I've told my mum the first 2 no sweat even though she has stated on more than one occasion that bisexual people are promiscuous and cheat on all their partners. Explaining my WAM fetish to her however? NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! I am open about my sexuality at work, I'm protected by the law, but BDSM or WAM those are things that are private. When I've told past partners I'm bisexual they understand what that means (or at least they do after I explain that I'm not interested in group sex) but when it comes to WAM some haven't got it even after a chat with photos etc. It's natural to be careful about a fetish, it basically means you're an unprotected minority. If you're not model good looking then all these things are more difficult. I remember over hearing the lads at uni discussing my sexuality. "The one bisexual girl and it had to be her". In other words if I'd been good looking it would have made me hotter but as I wasn't the opposite was true. I'm not good looking, when I've been single a lot of people have gone out of their way to make it clear they were not interested in going out with me. However I have told every person I've ever been really attracted to how I feel (I don't mean random strangers but people I had some kind of friendship with). Over half have expressed some interest in return. I've told the few people I've had sex with about my WAM fetish. Even though one never got it they still explored it to some extent. Rejection is hard but you have to risk rejection if you want a relationship. Sometimes we all have negative thoughts especially after we've just orgasmed. I've been lying in the middle of a pile of goo after stunning messy sex with someone I loved and just thought oh shit that was Earth shaking but I'm cold and this will take hours to clean up. At that point there's no afterglow just the regret of not putting the fan heater on. As for that feeling after you've just masturbated on the kitchen floor with the raw eggs you were supposed to be making an omelette with......... Not good. When I used to do a lot of solo sessions I would plan my after care very carefully. There have also been times when I have delayed or cancelled a messy session because I wasn't in a place where I could process the come down afterwards.
Well...this has crept up on me again. Hard to divorce the 'You're dirty/useless/embarassing' negative thoughts from the absolute fun, joy and arousal that a good gunging can give me right now. Probably just stressed out with work and stuff. Anyway, as you were. Stay safe x
It's not so much escapism for me, it's more like a vital nourishing my body and mind at a time when I'm denied meeting people. It's now over a year since I enjoyed my last wet party with complete gay abandon, so wearing my favourite fetish stuff, getting wet or slimed in it and giving myself a good caressing and more isn't a bad substitute for physical/social contact. It gets the endorphins physical chemistry going, something I consider good for me. I do hope feelings of shame don't last too long for anyone