Any other lonely guys jerk off and just feel depressed or ashamed they have to resort to this?

Do you fantasize and ultimately feel sad knowing its' not real and you'll have to go back to being alone again?

Worse yes, does the thought depress you so much you no longer want to bother?
Do you just lay there crying?

Or do you wrap yourself up in a fantasy and just stay there trying to jerk off?
It's all you feel like doing because the real world just sucks for you?

and as long as I'm on here depressed, does hardly anybody post on here?
Was this place just made to keep us from depressing everyone else?

Yep, the first two anyways.

Everyday, every new person I meet. I try, I make friends, but never anything more. I'm good enough to listen to their problem, I'm good enough to help them out (sometimes financially). But never good enough to cuddle up to and watch a movie with, never enough to be the person that comes home to them.

I wish I could turn off the horniness, I wish I could turn off the desire, because post-nut clarity is a ruinous bitch that just makes the depression worse. That just in turn leads to apathy.

As for this place, it's designed to be a safe place where we can share, commiserate, and hopefully lift each other up.

It's not even the post-nut thing for me usually; Sure I'd love sex/WaM, but its' more of a heart swelling up than any other body part. But yeah, even then you'd think someone would know someone who'd be "perfect" for me. But nope.

Not sure how I feel now, bit I am thankful for your reply.

Hey! I wouldn't say I feel depressed or ashamed that I have to jerk off to get pleasure sexually, but I do miss not having anyone to engage with sexually other than a couple sex toys I have. I do sometimes get a bit down that I don't have any girls to get it on with.

I have fantasied about a couple of female friends. One has no idea that I think about her that way, and the other knew that I fantasied and jerked off to her a few times and actually very kindly send me some nudes (without me asking) but she never felt comfortable enough to do anything in person. I don't feel sad about fantasising, but I do feel bad sometimes for wanking to someone who isn't aware I'm doing that.

I'm very much a glass half full kind of person, so I don't ever think of not wanting to bother. I know one day (whether I pay, or it be a one night stand or a full relationship) that I'll get to be intimate with someone.

UMD is a safe haven for everyone who's in to mess and virtually anything else. We're all open minded here and always up for a chat (my DMs are always open if you want to talk about life or have some messy chat). If you've got anymore questions, feel free to drop me a message!

A female friend did WHAT for you!? (Muffled Screams) WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!?

anyway, maybe its' from friends like that, but I just don't have faith (or friends) like that when I've already missed out on so much in life. Maybe its' just the location?

sorry, I'm just really emotional right now. I do appreciate you reaching out and commenting.
Maybe I need some lessons from you; seems like you definitely know what you are doing!
Thank you for extending your friendship. <3

Yes, a female friend did do that for me! She actually sent me a video of her tearing her favourite pair of tights and sitting on a cake for me to jerk to! You probably aren't doing anything wrong, I was very lucky and she's the only person who has ever done that for me.

Could be a lot of things, I've come from a similar position of missing out on a lot in life (but feel free to DM more about that)

Haha I wouldn't say I know what I'm doing, but I'm happy to share stories and lessons with you! More than welcome dude, anytime!

What you are doing wrong is comparing yourself to others. Different time, people, places, everything. Sometimes it's down to luck!

Lots of us feel about missing out in life, but that is in the past. Learn from the past and look forward. You know what you want and what has not worked, so time to change strategy. I found out that actually asking my friends/partners if they would indulge my kinks was actually 90% met with yes...some quite enthusiastically.

If you don't change what you are doing, how do you expect things to change in your life? Only you can be the agent for your change so look at your life, look at your goals and make the changes to reach them. Some won't work, fine, learn, adapt and change again.

E.g. I went to BDSM munches. I am not into BDSM but I have met a lot of kinky folk that like experimentation and with a little reciprocation on their kink, have had some great times.

All my friends are family people. Plus I just don't understand how I would even bring something like that up without seeming weird or perverted, especially with my anxiety! I'm open so suggestions though.

I've reached out to some kinksters in my area but haven't had any meaningful results.
No sign of any munches, but I can check again. Thanks.

"All my friends are family people."

I said with partners, not everybody you meet. Don't go looking for a splosher, go looking for a partner that you can mess with! Ask your friends for potential dates, not kinksters.


"Plus I just don't understand how I would even bring something like that up without seeming weird or perverted, especially with my anxiety! I'm open so suggestions though."

If you are talking about kinks with partners then it's fine as it is the context, blurting it out maybe TMI at the wrong time. As her what she is into, any kinks etc, make it a whole conversation about both of you.
WAM is no more weird or perverted than BDSM (which is basically mainstream now) and far less extreme than many kinks. Hell when I told some of my partners they were relieved as my nervousness made them think it was something bad!
Anxiety - go to a therapist.


"I've reached out to some kinksters in my area but haven't had any meaningful results.
No sign of any munches, but I can check again. Thanks."

Yeah, online is tricky, so many on there and women tend to be inundated with 'offers'. I have never met a kinkster off the internet, but plenty through munches and friends...some went onto be GFs, other went onto to be kink partners.

Things will only change by doing things. And not everything will work so you have to keep on trying.

Oh! I thought you said friends/partners like normal friends. My apologies!

Yeah, I guess it all comes down to connections.

It's really not even about WaM or sex anymore; i can pleasure myself without it!
It's just that's my dream, so that's why I fantasize it.
As long as I had a romantic partner or something to fill that void, jerking off will just be a normal body function again.

If you feel anxiety and depressed, please go and get professional help! It was a huge beam of support for me. I recognise some of your feelings, and you might want to try and look if there are (reliable) empowermend seminars near you. It can really help you to get in control of your situation and help you steer it to a better place.

As for comparing yourself to others; more than 95% of the world's population live 'ordinary' lives. Try to figure out what your goals are and aim at those, you'll be to busy with taking positive steps to compare yourself with others.

I already am thank you. I'm not sure if I'm not asking the right questions or being clear enough how bad it gets or what. I'm not in any current danger or anything, but it's just gotten to the point where when I stop and realize where I am in life I cry. I'm already on medication and have been on it for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure what to do there.

Honestly, that 95% life is what I crave! mostly. I can't handle and kids or pets, but a job I am contributing with, friends that reach out to me in real life and a spouse to hold? That's worth everything to me! I known-it's not all rainbows and I may hate it, but the dream combined with not knowing or not being anywhere close has really gotten to me in the last year or so.

Newpieguy09
Depression
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NP8bQN9aOaM
I've had some of the same issues

This scene comes to mind when thinking and feeling about arousal and attraction and masturbation in isolation
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pPAl5GwvdY8

Isolation
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4X7IjNyDETE
Hard to live or love in isolation

Thanks Freak uh I mean, thanks friend.
Sorry, I had to. But IN ALL SERIOUSNESS THANK YOU.

Oh wow

The song definitely sounds like my relationship with my parents.
It's not that I don't love them, but I don't want to live this way without finding the person that makes me feel whole.

That does feel like the emotional rollercoaster I feel. It's all happy and joyful until it fades and I remember its' not real and my heart rebreaks. It's ironic considering the nature of the movie! Though while it does pertain to an alternate reality, it sounds like everyone is still ultimately themselves. Even if I tried to "play a role" and be someone's eye candy, so will everybody else.

I guess I'm just waiting for my leaf painting.
Of course, the one painting will only last so long. I'll need multiple paintings to keep going through life. I just hope I can find that one painter willing to paint with me so we can make each other leaves whenever we run out.

now I feel like paint play. Or even nature play.
I wonder if sex in a leafpile counts as WaM!?
What were we talking about again? Lol
I actually mean that in a good way; its' taken something relevant to my feelings and transitioned it into something else. Thank you all

I think I need to disappear again.

Remember it's hard to love in isolation
As humans we don't really function if we try. Where social creatures build a tribe of support for yourself.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9dSVJRdu8N4

Teach yourself calibration use meetup to be around people with similar interest
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VdYX6RHQfCA

Remember to have fun along the way laughing and joy can help in a lot of ways
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j-kSEX8O9HE

I really feel you bro. I always nut on Female Friends of my even when they have a BF who i am also friends with. and espacily my crush. I have a lot of Friends but never had a girlfriend. Always when i go for a girl the girl doesn't go for me but for another guy. It got me so wrecked that i am going to the therapist. I hope that i will come stronger but right now i am a fucking mess

Masturbation for me at the very least is a monotonus task that I complete every now and then.
Also I masturbate to escape the hum drum.

I see masturbation as a part of life and is all about healthy living and making sure everything down there is in working order without the need to go to the GP.

Flipping the coin over I also use it to get a shot of those feel good chemicals at the cost of come away from that hit to the ho hum drum life that is my exsistance.

I can't excatly speak of depression as I am clincally diagnosed as having that ever present rain cloud; so can't exaclty help you there.

Being isolated is something that is hard for everyone. Generally humans enjoy the company of ther humans and it can get quite hard when isolated (COVID or not). Being a part of a community centre or group outside of the home helps, during these times inparticular online groups and communites are equally as good as the real life ones.

I can't remember which relationship improvement book i read it from, but if YOU are feeling incomplete (or not whole) and you find another person who is also incomplete, that often turns out worse. If you are good at math, think of it like when you multiply 2 fractions - which results in a SMALLER number than what you start with!

Well, at the end of reading this, HOPEFULLY you will be feeling ENCOURAGED? (it might be helpful if you mention how old you are now?)

I have a strong memory of the first time i masturbated and orgasmed at the relatively young age of 12... my parents had bought a book called "changing bodies, changing lives" for my older brother, but i was allowed to read it as well. I learned a lot from that book, although i did not learn very much about how to find a girlfriend. And so, "h-ANDgela" ended up being the only sexual experience i had until i lost my virginity at the age of 23!

I might never have learned how to find a girlfriend (and lose my virginity) if not for dating advice books, etc. That was something i never had learned before. It was quite eye opening for me. In my case, i ended up getting involved with another incomplete person, and that was quite a trial and tribulation! (there is nothing worse than getting involved with the WRONG person... you might think it is better than loneliness NOW...)

One downside to all of that masturbation was that i always expected "the real thing" to be * SO * much better than my hand... and the reality was that for ALL those years with only my hand, my hand perfected the experience, and "the real thing" was not as good as i had been imagining for all those years... Well, at least "the real thing" doesn't feel as good wearing a condom, as it does "bare-skinned" (raw-dogging, etc)

Of course, if you are not using "protection" then that risks STDs, although i would say a greater risk would be getting a girl pregnant...

And now i consider myself "old" (i am 48 at this point) and part of being old is that i don't find myself all that interested in sex like i use to be. In fact, wetlook doesn't really excite me like it use to either. I am divorced twice. I have one daughter, and three step-children.

I am highly opposed to *most* medications... maybe i am disgusted at pharmaceutical companies that provide treatment of symptoms instead of a cure (if you get ONE pill and are cured, that would be less profit than if you get a 30 day refillable supply that you might have to take for the rest of your life?) And i thank God every day i have the decent health that i have, with ZERO medications (knock on wood!) I know some of the other members here have pretty hard health struggles, which might even be good for a topic of its own?

I guess how all of this relates to you, goes back to how you said you don't feel WHOLE...

Yeah, that basically goes back to self improvement. eating healthy. Improving your physical fitness. Changing what you can change, accepting what you can't change, and gaining/possessing the understanding to know which is which! But like i said, learning better dating skills... Learning the "rules of the game" or maybe getting some dating advice from some of the many dating coaches? (lots of those on youtube...)

Hmmm... and i don't even really know any of your specifics, just what you've mentioned in this thread? And posting what i've typed so far, hopefully not starting an arguement (i've voiced the "wrong" opinion previously, on separate subjects, so hopefully i don't get into any of that again?)

I'm currently in a date coaching program and hav read book. I'm also getting into yoga and tai-chii (mostly just to meet girls, but still.) i've never really been a "bad" eater and am about average height and weight for my age 30

Several places online claim more and more pople are single than ever, but everyone else either already has a partner, kids, or "issues" related to those fractions you mentioned.

Amyway, I'm not mad and you are on the "right side." I just want to emphasize that IT IS NOT ABOUT SEX for me: it's companionship. I want someone I can confide in who is my own age and can appretiate my kinks and still love me. I want someone to snuggle up with and be able to watch stuff or go do things together. I want someone to be silly with!

the sad thing is I probably almost had it when I was younger, but was too blind and stupid to pursue it. Now she's just another one who is already taken by another one of the many gyys out there better than me.

just curious, which book did you read?




if you are rejecting ladies that already have kids, you are missing out on A LOT of potential matches right there, but "issues" (and other red flags) -yeah, run as FAST as you can! And apparently, if you look any of those ladies that you don't want to be involved with directly eye to eye, and say "my feelings are not strong enough to want to continue this" (or your own variation) that's worth a try? (i might have learned some "pick-up" skills earlier, but didn't learn "break up" skills until much later...)


if it is not about sex, i dare say there are THOUSANDS of lonely girls out there. They might be considered 7's (or below) but i'd think it shouldn't be hard to find someone as long as you don't "set the bar" too high? I hope this doesn't sound shallow, but if you develop "good game" and start of the relationship right, THEN very soon bring up the kinks (towards the end of a first date is not too soon if you've got good game) that way she won't feel resentful that you "kept this secret from her" AFTER both of you have invested substantial time & resources into the relationship?

Also, there's a right way and a wrong way to introduce a kink to a new relationship...


There is more than one lady in my past that i might describe in a similar way... "another guy" is not necessarily better than you, but just that "he put a ring on it" before you did. And PUA's call this "one-itis" which is the crippling mind set that there was only that one, and nobody else... it might ruin the possibility of the OTHER "one" that you just might meet tomorrow!

HTH!

Ill pm you about the program.

As far as kids, pets, or other dependents go I'm already so frustrated (and allergic) with them! My family's own dog is a very good boy, but the barking and smells give me such a migraine that with everything else going on in life I end up freaking out with a sinus headache and wind up locking myself in my room crying holding my pillow wishing it were "her" and I were somewhere else. I can't even be TRUSTED with a dependant! Besides, some of these chicks have like 2, 3 or even 4!? I feel sick just thinking about it!

It's not that I think she is the only one out there; I just feel like she was the best shot I've ever had at a girl I had chemistry with (without realizing it at the time) that was cute (i was too blinded by popular girls) and who even could have been open to getting messy (water fights, schaving cream, silly string all came up at least once!) it's just a "what are the odds of that" moment which also implies "what are the odds of it ever happening again?"

I don't think I'm undesirable! I am funny, kind, financially stable with connections to sucessful loving family. I don't think I'm ugly or dumb either! I just don't know what else the problem could be :,(

Masturbation has officially lost it's fun. I'm definitely not lazy though. I actually try, but even before the nut, I get nothing out of it anymore. Even if I put off for awhile.

The depression has finally hit a point where I just can't enjoy anymore.

i think age has something to do with that... at least for me. i did the deed a little while ago, but the last time was a few days before. I had PRK eye surgery on friday morning and it totally kicked my ass for the last 2 days. When i was in my 20's, that was a nightly thing for me. Heck, i pretty much had to do it just to fall asleep!

And i use to be hungry for it. Like today, i wasn't hungry for it, but just it crossed my mind that *now* would be a good time to give it a try. But the hunger wasn't there. The hunger hasn't been there for several years. But these have just been my own experiences.

Certainly you can read some of the stories out here and feel depressed with "i wish that was me" yet that is not how things worked out. We all follow these different paths in life.

Making peace with the way things are is easier said than done. In some ways i've had some luck and in other ways i've had some misfortune, but i guess i turned onto a philosophical path years ago, which has given me a different perspective on life than most others...

I'm horrified of aging :,(
There's just too many things I've already missed out on!
At this rate, I won't even feel anything with a partner 3

Why do i keep going down this path when tbefe's no sign of anything worth going towards? :,(

if its within your budget, you might plan a trip to Amsterdam's "red light district" or maybe one of the licensed brothels located in Nevada?

Don't focus on what you have missed out on, focus on what you can acheive, focus on what lays ahead of you. I consider it a particular curse in this country that there is the idea that if you miss out on certain things, your life is a failure. Consider who it is that wants to perpetuate that myth... (who benefits if you are thinking this way) or actually no, don't worry about those falsehoods at all.

As all those maps say: "you are HERE" figure out where you want to go, and what you need to do to get there. Yes, i didn't lose my virginity at my high school prom either. I didn't lose my virginity until i was... um... well, maybe PM if you haven't lost your virginity yet...

but still... look ahead. What happened in the past is in the past. It might be useful to draw lessons from, but let go of that pity party of "woe is me, i missed out on this, or that, etc etc"

Money can buy you sex, but it still can't buy you love. For a lot of people sex satiates the desire, and quenches the thirst. But for me, even the though of sex without a loving connection just feels horribly empty to me. Like I'd rather not have it at all.

To go back to your other response of mine: The desire is still there, the libido is still there (even with the damage to my parts I've sustained). But actually masturbating I shame from it now. Like I'm using the material and the women in it as tools.

And as much as I may find someone attractive and/or "want" them. They are strangers. I don't want to jerk off to someone who doesn't know me, or even worse someone who does and really wouldn't want me to.

I have found myself purchasing videos here from friends to support them, watching them once, but never touching myself to them, or feeling like dog shit if I do.

And to be honest, it mainly started after having made friends with people who model here, and having sessions.

I've paid for sex one time, and agree with what you said about the emptiness of it, but on the other hand, if someone has never experienced it (and does not harbor any religious objections) then i think it to be at least worthwhile to offer that possible option?

Which brings me to another memory (and i think i mentioned this already) but for YEARS that i masturbated from roughly 13 to 24 years old, and imagined the REAL thing was going to be * WAY * better than "hangela" but instead due to all those many years of perfecting my technique for the purpose of my enjoyment, and my first REAL experience did not match my expectations... and partly, using "protection" made that first experience less enjoyable. And so "raw-dogging" experiences being more enjoyable (for women as well, apparently?) when i was able to experience that...

But i think many different people experience their first time (and later experiences) differently, just because it happened one way for me. and i'm sure MANY others were significantly different than me! Take oral services for example - they don't do anything for me. Some people enjoy that the most? But you won't know if you don't try, but of course, don't try if you don't want to try!

Great thread... very tough to read but I think its important stuff to discuss.

I've struggled with many of the same emotions; loneliness, shame, lust, frustration, depression, anxiety... I grew up close to the church. During my puberty, I lusted after girls HARD, but struggled with guilt, so also turned to h-Angela ( ). Around age 13 I discovered the SPLOSH website. Ever since then my brain has single track fantasized about WAM. I dated many girls for very short periods of time, fooled around, even got married and started a family, but to this day, my only true 'can't control myself' 'horny as hell' 'have to get off' revolves around WAM.

I shared a small fraction of my WAM preferences with my wife when we were dating, and she indulged me a little bit during dating, while engaged, and even a few times while married, but it isn't her thing.

I've got a lot of great things in my life. I have no excuse or reason to be frustrated, sad, lonely, etc.... but it still happens. Personally I've found I need to be very careful with WAM, because it gets in my head. I scroll threads here, I watch videos, I read stories, and WAM morphs from a fantasy that I have, into a whole lifestyle that I'm missing out on. I get so angry that I'm not with a wammer. I get so jealous of couples that enjoy this stuff, but I'm on the outside looking in. I get so lustful of the messy things they are doing, and sharing with the partners in their lives.... and I'm 'alone'. It creeps up, but suddenly this website and fetish material becomes extremely TOXIC.

Then I start focusing on the challenges in my life, my relationships, and in my marriage. I get angry that I didn't choose someone else. I dated (very briefly) women that in my twisted mind might have embraced WAM and I f***ed it all up because at the time I didn't think they were good enough. I shut down, and I go to a very dark place.

When I enter that mindset, people pick up on that. My relationships suffer. My coworkers, my wife, my friends, my kids- they sense that toxicity and I find myself even more isolated.

I'm glad you are able to articulate and share your problems on this platform. I hope you find some support. I'm glad you're talking to a dating coach. This is a journey that you're on. I would strongly encourage you to try to change your mindset. Try not to look at it as what you haven't done/gotten/achieved-focus on the opportunities that are out there. 30 years of not getting the results you want with women, throw caution to the wind. Stop caring about the results. Just be friendly, strike up conversations with every female in your desired age bracket that you happen to cross paths with. Don't focus on your desired result, focus on the EXPERIENCE.

Its amazing how what you project affects those around you. When I was trying to date, I was in a lot better shape and a lot better looking than I am now, but I could not score dates! I was so uptight, anxious, trying to be 'perfect', that those interactions were usually very uncomfortable. After being married for a few years, I literally didn't care anymore because I wasn't going to be unfaithful to my wife, so I would just smile and be friendly. Now, I feel connections and strong chemistry with random women all the time! And I attribute that to my relaxed and friendly attitude.

These are all my experiences. I hope there's something in there that you can find helpful. Try to remember you're not alone in dealing with emotions. Everyone you meet is hiding emotions under the fade they present to the world. Super clichbut just try to be yourself, and try to enjoy the journey. Good luck! I'm from the northeast too. Feel free to PM on here if you'd like.