ive had probably the worst 18 mouths of my life...
ive lost my best friend at the age of 41...
lost both my step grandparents...
and well im not known for being the most stable person in the world...

im just stugaling....
im not all there in the first place...

firsts time ive talked about it on hear...
im just broken...

why im even making this post I have no idea....

think im asking for help

Hey, man. I'm really sorry. I wish there's something more I could contribute, but it sounds like you're hitting a hard stress wall. Hitting a similar age, I can relate a bit. It sucks. Especially when people your age pass away. But, look. Whether it's people on here, other family, or a professional, talk to someone. Don't neglect what you're feeling right now. Reach out if you need anything.

Well, it sounds like you just had a bunch of horrible things all happen at once. Even the most "stable" or "all there" person would feel broken right about now.

And you making this post because you're reaching out for relief, even if that's just for someone to hear you.

The funny thing about us is that we're all broken. I'm not saying that to minimize or take away from your painful experience, but rather to commiserate with you. Every person has some fight or trial right now. And although you may feel lonely, you are not alone in that.

I wish we lived in a world where there were transporters like in Star Trek, and we could stop off for a drink before I head to bed.

I'm sad for the loss of your loved ones, and I'm sorry you're struggling so much now. Life is full of hurt, but please try and be good to yourself!

Just too much at once. I know that words can't really cure what you're going through and there isn't anything magical anybody can say. When life really wants to rip you apart, it aims for a deep part of you that words of consolation can't touch.

But the more hurt you feel, the more loving person that means you are. The universe tends to balance darkness with light if we give it enough time, and I know your suffering will be rewarded mightily because it was borne out of love.

We are only a tiny part of your life, I'm sure, but I'm glad you're here with us. We're all here to escape what's out there, so lay your troubles on us

Hey, man.

I really can't emphasise enough that there are services out there to help you through this and that you're not alone. I suffer with my mental health and the best thing I ever did was go to see my GP. There are also crisis teams and numbers you can call in your area to talk to someone.

It's brave to reach out and seek help. It takes courage. You can navigate through this and you don't have to do it alone.

I hope you're feeling better soon. Keep talking.

That really sucks. I can't pretend to understand or know what you're going through.

BoRnSloppy is right. there are many options to talk to people, crisis lines, etc. All of those services are designed to help you...right now. most are cheap or free

I am not any type of professional in any way, but If i may share advice i was given during a extended period of loss in my own life:

You HAVE to start giving yourself credit for the things you are doing right, even if they're mundane and it seems pointless. got out of bed today? that a win. brush your teeth? that's a win. showed up to work? another W paid a utility bill? more winning!
I know its cheesy and kinda ridiculous, but it always makes overwhelming feelings and situations seem more manageable when you break them into small pieces. So much of daily life spreads us all thin and it can be extremely taxing. The social media aspect can compound the feelings of isolation and loss. But you're the only one who got you this far, and you're the only one who can keep you going. That's a great thing!

I'd venture to say we're all here to chat if you need to reach out. I am confident you'll conquer this. You've already started!

thank you all for your kind words, means a lot to me

Oh my god this! Keep things in perspective and don't measure yourself against someone else. As someone who is chronically ill, getting out of bed some days is all I can manage. I literally JUST called out work because Crohn's came knocking hard and my guts are ravaged right now.

Please hang in there.

Maybe this crazy climate will let me send you a Butterfly of hope. It is not spring yet but here is a poem I have written

Butterfly of Hope



Spring is when life is reborn

Time to let go the things we mourn

Hope is like a butterfly

Beautiful but vulnerable flutters by



Butterfly blown off course by wind

Tries again and wont rescind

Life survives and life renews

Life continues and life ensues



That butterfly will lay its eggs

Hope will grow with caterpillar legs

Hope when ready will transform and fly

Hope continues another butterfly



All seems quiet all seems dark

But hope will overcome when life is stark

Hope seems lost but can be found

Your life can turn around.



Do not let your fears blind

See the beauty keep in mind

There is always a butterfly of hope for you

Give you strength and see you through

Hey thanks for sharing your not alone

I'm struggling with a few things myself

Loss grief . Physical memories of a lot of trauma

https://youtu.be/CVshTmAYexg

Don't give up it's pretentious to say over the internet but you are stronger than you realize and help is always a part of are journey to some capacity I'm here in anyway I can help

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kDI2AiKO3V8

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OSLEnTV9WzU

hey people,
just an update today the deposition is very much more manageable,
the Skys are less dark.

much love people

Good news long may it continue

im slowly seeing the light and to all the nice messages I have had thank you
to all the people who struggle im hear I may not be able help but I will listen to you..
love you all

So uh... yall followed me here. Please don't be glum. This is far too interesting a life I promise. And thanks for being polite and showing sympathy here. This is a special place. It's a fetish but also a unique community of people innocently laughing and enjoying themselves.

That's very nice. I really want to finally play in mud and spring is coming. Err pun always intended we doing phrasing and throwing pies before I don't know you know that awesome I wish for 100 gallons of green chunky glop plop plop and there it is I shake my head and look up cause now what am I supposed to do I don't know but I'll think of something and I hope I aced this interview.

Just wanted to check in here and see how you're doing.