My Wife is my regular - unwilling - victim, as demonstrated in our pictures.

My finance had never been messy before me, but she tried it slowly (whipped cream in the "Normal" places chocolate ect) Then we graduated to a few pies/ slime then expanded to savory and mud (Once didn't go great) but now we have full blown sessions where we are both unrecognizable at the end. She even has a profile on here (She hardly uses it) As life get busy we have less and less sessions but every so often now we get to go nuts. We also buy each other outfits to wear during sessions.

Never tried it with anyone else i keep it to myself but would love a female to gunge me up, but i don't think thats going to happen any time soon.I may be lucky you never know.Its very hard when you have the desire to get messy and nobody to help you out.

The first step is developing a relationship with a person with whom you can share this side of your life.

Wow, I guess I lived the life! My ex wife was really into anything wet, messy, etc. She loved pudding and whipped cream, we regularly swam fully clothed or in the winter went into the hot tub fully dressed. To break things up, sometimes we'd even go away for a weekend and stay in a hotel with a hot tub in the room. We almost always carried our favorite outfits with us, even if we just went for a Sunday ride, just in case.
Thruthfully, I never expected it of her when we were dating and even right after we got married. I had experienced foodplay and clothed showering with a rather large breasted girlfriend who absolutely loved stuff smeared on her tits, or the feel of wet clothes on her nipples, and I thought it was a one and done relationship.
Then I met the ex....it took multiple runs in the rain, and a few times getting caught out in it, numerous pair of wet jeans after we drank beer and were making out, and finally her enthusiasm for giving me whipped cream bj's and getting it all over herself - until I finally figured it out. Slow learner I guess.
And with that, we embarked on a 20 year journey of anything and everything wet and messy. I've posted some stories about her, and us, and some of the people we've met along the way. Because we always had our favorite clothes with us, we would take advantage of any opportunity where others were playing - usually a pool, beach, or that infamous river in Vermont where there are fully clothed (and naked) people playing all of the time. Aside from editing the locations and a few names and circumstances, they are quite accurate. So much so that a while back I got an angry phone call from her because another UMD member read one of my posts, showed it to his wife, and my ex got a call! In the end, she laughed about it when I let her know what I was doing and she read some of the stories!

Ex-wife was not into it at all - she agreed to try messy games once because she knew I was into it but it was a disaster. My experience is that it is easier to find a partner who is already into wam (and I'm not saying that's easy) than it is to convert one who is not. Now happily divorced, I can now play with someone who is into similar fetishes - at least, i would be able to if I could find such a person living in the same half of the world as me.
Ah well, there's always online

It seems like most of us struggle with the fact that our spouses don't want to be involved in this fetish. So how do you cope with that? Does your spouse allow you to have a messy session with other people? I've been having a HUGE desire to get messy lately, and it's driving me crazy that I can't. I do, however, have three people besides my wife who know about my messy fetish. One of these friends has even gotten me messy before. But there are huge barriers to me getting messy with either of the three people.

Hi Snowman, I wrote down my recent experiences with my wife, perhaps it helps https://umd.net/forums/topicid/764129

A good attitude but I have asked most of my partners (poly) and got a range of answers from participation, thought it would be fun, "hmmm, I'll only go x far" and outright revulsion. I would never ask a partner to do anything that turned them off (the last 2) and it is their right to have and express those feelings. The same in reverse, I would do many things for partners but I have my limits and can only go so far before it affects me.
I'm not having a go, I wish more people (including myself) were as open to trying new things as you, but I'm happy with them not running in fear/disgust when I tell them my kinks...which has happened (no loss, weeds out the judgmental).

In terms of participation of your s/o's fetishes, I agree wholeheartedly. Especially if, like wam, that fetish is pretty much harmless. One of my exes for example enjoyed having me lay on top of her, said she liked feeling another person's weight on her. Again, harmless so I was like "Sure, no problem." Never got around to telling her about my fetish though, I've always been too scared to bring it up to anyone I'm dating. But I know once I get serious with someone again, I'll probably want to tell her and hope that at the very least it's okay that I have it. I'm lucky at least in the sense that my only strongly desired participation would be someone else getting me messy. I have no real urge to give mess to my partner, unless of course she wanted it which is unlikely, but thankfully at least for me, unnecessary. In fact in 99% of my fantasies, the person messing me up is perfectly clean themselves.

This^ I mean my ex-wife tried it because they wanted to make me happy. They knew they were going to hate it going into it, but thought, what the hell, maybe it won't be that bad. We tried the little bit of whipped cream and drizzle of chocolate sauce and they really hated the way it made them feel. But they still decided that they were going to try full on sex in pudding with me. I'm pretty sure it scarred them to the point that we just eventually stopped having sex.

So, for them, it was a BIG deal.

I love mud/ clay(never had a experience with it though) and wam. My wife isn't interested in either due to the fact that she doesn't like wasting food, feeling sticky, and or stuff being on her face. She'll have a panic attack lol. She loves me and wants to try and please me but I also do not wanna pressure her into something.

We have done just a few things, her favorite would've been the chocolate syrup on the breasts. Her least favorite was being in a body stocking while I smashed small cupcakes on her feet while I eat it off and putting cake icing on her breasts. She hates wasting food.
Sorry if I just go on and on, I'm new to engaging with a community.

My wife knows I love the mud and clay even though I've never been in a situation with it but she always says and said. When we get our own house we can do whatever you like and we can do it it freely.

To actually answer your question, how do you cope?
I really just think about it to myself, watch MPV videos, Dirtymuse, etc and I just immerse myself in a deep fantasy thinking I'm in the scenario with my loved one, or some one else. Whether it be the model or someone else.
You can't force someone into a fetish is what I have learned over the last couple years. No matter how early or late you introduce it to them. It is truly up to them and how comfortable they feel. If you're lucky they will build a resistance to it and will want to one day do said things more occasionally or experiment more.

I am similar in many respects, I am very submissive so do a lot to please and try things, but I still have hard and soft limits. Also I am an asexual and have no libido, so I only have sex when asked...then I never say no (but always enjoy it)!
This has worked in my favour on a few occasions when women find out about my kink and have offered to try it with me (poly meets and kinks cross over a LOT). I can't say no on so many levels for that .

We are a married couple and we are both in WAM. We were "attracted" by a girl with whom we lived as a family in 2017-2019. and we liked it.
In general, women have different things here. For example, we knew a couple in whom the wife began to practice this only to please her husband. But then she herself and their daughter liked it.
But on the other hand, we know a couple in whom the wife of 18 years old actively practiced WAM, and after meeting another man who considers this to be "abnormal", she completely lost interest in WAM.

Renek, Do you have an "open" or "closed" family?

i hope you can get some marriage counseling...even if you get counseling by yourself. The WAM fetish is such a huge part of our lives. I believe a husband & wife should try to do things to make each other happy. You do things to make your wife happy, right?

So many wives (some husbands too) drive their spouse to cheat, but did they do anything to address that need? Or ridicule it, or belittle it in some other way! Of course, some husbands and wives are dirt-bags to begin with, but that's a significantly different subject...

Is your marriage happy otherwise? Do you have children that would be affected by a divorce?

Be careful with that statement. I am a relationship counsellor and from experience... it might be "just" getting gunged to you, but now you know what it would mean to your wife;
a. you kept it secret and
b. it's sexual in nature.
She sees it as cheating and that is her right.

Basically, I would always say be honest and open, she might be ok with you doing it if she knows everything and she can set boundaries, but doing it behind her back was almost certainly seen as a betrayal.

What if you found out she was going to go and cuddle a male college, drink wine and watch films? Nothing sexual but certainly intimate. Might be ok for you, but what if it then involved kink play? Where are your boundaries?

We all have our boundaries in relationships but we need to be open about what we are want to have the boundaries set. You didn't know the boundary, doesn't mean you didn't cross it in her eyes.

Hmm ... Of course, the difference in the perception of prayers, and national mental traditions and much more, plays a role here, but ... We ourselves and through girlfriends and friends probably already know a whole cemetery of relationships that this very one destroyed and killed notorious honesty.

i think this would be the most important aspect in learning how to love someone is if they can get into it or allow it in it of itself

The issue is that this is a very, very niche fetish so a lot of people probably don't know of it or probably only see it as mud wrestling and that's about it. You pretty much have to actively seek a life partner who is also into this otherwise you have to wam solo or even keep your solo sessions under wrap if she is really against it. It happens sometimes we meet people who we really love and they do otherwise fulfill our lives other than this one thing that we wished they would embrace.

Not much actually, she doesn't have any fetishes whatsoever and doesn't even like oral sex at all.

My other half is happy to try most things and we've got messy together but not often. Now days WAM is as satisfying alone. In previous relationships it was very different. I'm unsure how much of the change is down to ageing libido and how much is knowing I can have whatever I want so long as I do all the work. Last time we got messy together I actually found I actually resented sharing.

I don't think that's true after all there are many hetro males on here who've got messy with their other halves and very few messy women.
Depending on your fetish most partners are willing to give it a go the issue is messing in the right way when you get the chance and accepting yourself that it's ok for your partner to do this for you.
The first time I got messy with a none messy partner I tried the typical things vanilla folk think of. Whipped cream and chocolate body paint. Big mistake traces of whipped cream made everything stink of sour milk and the body paint tasted awful and was sticky. I think I'd actually have had more success if I'd tried something more full on like getting covered in custard together. Facilities were also an issue I wish I'd bought a hotel room with a power shower rather than trying things in the bedroom of my student accommodation. Later on I got messy with other WAMers even so there were times when things worked for one and not the other. My current partner has other kinks. There have been occasions he's felt that it's unfair to ask me to indulge them or that I actively dislike doing so. How I actually felt on those occasions had little to do with it. It's tough to believe someone else can accept and even enjoy something you've learnt is shameful.

I mean, how is she with vanilla sex? Maybe she's an ace (asexual)?

Asexuality is an orientation and has nothing to do with preferences. Being Ace means you are not sexually attracted to people but can still love or hate sex, be vanilla or kinky, masturbate or not have a high or no libido.

What does "vanilla" in this context?
In Russian, "vanilla" in relation to a man, woman or couple means that they are "sugary-sweet" in communication and relationships, or too great lovers of romance.

Vanilla sex is non-kink/fetish related sex. Or if very prudish, missionary only and none of that "position" sex those heathens do!

It's from the basic ice-cream flavour, ground zero, everything after that is added spice.

Not at the moment but maybe if I'm lucky.

Years & years ago we played a little game involving pies. She wouldn't let me pie her face (disappointing but fine), but she wasn't really enjoying it & the pies weren't great - lesson learned to avoid squirt cream for pies. Turns out she enjoyed pieing me (WIN!!) but has never wanted to do it again after mentioning it's something I'd like to try again & talking about how we liked the old TV shows involving gunge & pies etc

She's then randomly mentioned a couple of times she's always wanted to be gunged, but when suggesting we do it, it's been a no no no. She said it again a week or two ago and her reaction when I suggested it was 'yeah ok'. I was that stunned I didn't ask anything else!! In a tank? Buckets over the head in the bath/shower/paddling pool? Thick or runny gunge? Colour? Wearing? Does she want to gunge me? But It's a start and those discussions can be had. But it might finally happen

The ultimate connection would be to have someone sharing any of the possible experiences with one self in a fashion of self expression and composure.

Let me throw out this question. Since it seems like most of us have a spouse who is not interested in participating in this fetish, do you think it would be seen as cheating to hire someone to get messy with? Like a local fetish mistress.