I've always fantasied about getting muddy in naturally occurring muddy places outdoors, but have struggled to fully realise them because of the cold temperature here in the UK (hypothermia is not a turn on, and lots of places near me are only muddy in autumn/winter), danger of being discovered (lots of people, small place), and because the mud has had something in it that makes it more difficult to enjoy (it's hard to rub it into your face if there's something hard or sharp in it).

I've turned garden soil into mud a number of times but have found sharp stones, grit, bits of stick and even glass in it, despite taking a long time before hand trying to remove them all. I've also tried some black forest type mud, but also found sharpish bits of sticks in that too - leaves weren't a problem. So I'm starting wonder how other folks have managed their outdoor mud sessions.

The poll below is an attempt to understand how other folks achieve their muddy outdoor sessions.

Personally I would buy bentonite clay and make it, but you could buy in topsoil and run it through a garden sieve first to remove many of the sticks etc.

Old pedants club has the following comments for you. It is Nirvana and not Nevana!

BTW. I used to live near the confluence of the River Medway and the Thames Estuary. The tidal mud there was heaven and surprisingly odourless for an outdoor location. That would be ideal, rather than living in the middle of a Suffolk ploughed field like I do now!

L x

Geared-up, and the muddier the better !!!

I've never been inspired to get all messy by wet dirt. Creamy buttery muck of any kind like lake, river, tidal or clay is irresistible.

It's got to be fluvial / estuarine mud or quarries for me... on a day when it's 26C or more, so being in the UK I haven't managed a full coverage yet. I have my eye on several locations should the timing be right.

Let's go

In my experience, location is extremely important, mud in trails or high traffic paths often have lots of gravel. mud near natural body's of water give the best naked, full coverage experience but often requires prepping the mud. the photo in my profile pic is at a pond in a nature trail that had a shallow enough shore. It took me awhile to clear all the sticks and debris but afterwards i had no problems and the mud got deeper due to me walking and sifting through it, allowing me to submerge, bury my face in and attempt some handstands. In excavation sites there can be a lot of rocks and gravel but you can find clay pits. I haven't experienced any tidal mud or quarry mud but from what i see online it looks like the best.

For your issue of clearing the rocks and sticks in your garden mud id use the homemade clay technique. if there is a good amount of clay in the dirt, fill buckets with the dirt and a good amount of water and stir up the mixture until its just muddy water and let it settle. carefully pour out the water leaving the heavier rocks behind, muddy water evaporate till its back to a clay/dirt. The process can be repeated till it is just clay leftover
Go on YouTube and find some homesteading videos of making your own pottery clay and just scale up the process, from what I've seen the mud looks satisfactory enough after two filtering cycles. If you don't have good dirt you can go to your local river and dig some up there while you scout out mud spots.

Hope this helps

Tidal estuarine mud can be good and smooth. Needs to be away from overhanging trees, or submerged branches can be a nuisance, but provided it's reasonably deep there are rarely stones or rocks in it, because it's made of suspended silt from the water, and stones don't float in water! It takes quite a bit of finding, though, since you need suitable, accessible mud, a nearby stream to wash off in, and really good privacy. And then you need a nice warm day! And perhaps a small tent if your partner is understandably nervous about having sex completely in the open - I'm serious! Even living in a pretty remote part of the UK I only manage to make it happen once a year or less.

Garden mud - I feel your pain. My wife looks good covered in it, but even using sieved dirt it's just gritty and uncomfortable when we start sliding up against each other. I have wondered about trying to let the grit settle out as suggested above, and maybe I'll give it a go, but the main attraction of using outdoor mud over bought clay is easy access to large quantities, and that sounds like a lot of preparation for not a lot of clay. Good luck!

You can find perfectly smooth areas if you can locate mud that's been deposited by water, and isn't under trees. Tidal mud is the obvious place to look, but you might get lucky in bodies of freshwater when the levels are low.
I also enjoy more peaty mud that's in the "don't rub too hard" category, though again you can often find small patches within it that are smoother.
I do end up with some scratches, but most of those are from the walk in and out, since I purposely pick awkward to access areas away from paths that generally won't have passers-by.

So, I think the conclusion is that there is nice smooth mud out there, but finding the perfect mud with privacy, place to wash off, and warm enough weather to get naked is challenging. Maybe also that the odd scratch is just part of the rough and tumble of life, so should be embraced rather than feared.

Thank you for voting and your feedback.

I missed the poll, but my answer would have been 'clothed' - a big part of my enjoyment of mud comes from seeing just how filthy I can get my clothes

Clothed and an accepted part of the whole thing.

Learning how to recognize stinging nettles was... an experience. They were growing right next to a gorgeous deep natural mud pool along my (former) river. But I first found them after climbing up from a culvert that fed into the river further downstream - I was just unable to pick out the plant even though I knew the exact location.

Roots and twigs and general plant debris are part of it, but I've had some close scrapes with sharp torn up aluminum cans - and of course worry about broken glass. And copperheads.

And having an infamous nuclear power plant upriver always made me wonder...