The other night I heard a commotion out in the street, around 9pm, and assumed it was people talking loudly as they passed the house, but when it didn't go away I realised I was listening to stand off between a sober man and a drunk woman. I recognised much of what I was hearing, and was immediately taken back about 8 years to when I was in the same position as him, a terribly abusive relationship. Recognising the escalating situation, I watched from my window, considering what to do.

I endured a year-long relationship with someone who managed to completely control most aspects of my life and shattered my mental health. One of the things they frequently attacked me over were my fetishes. I've discussed that before: https://umd.net/forums/have-you-ever-had-to-justify-your-wam-fe

The situation outside turned aggressive and violent. I intervened and broke the pair up - the woman confronted me, her power completely useless on people she is not in a relationship with - the guy used this opportunity get in his car and flee, not before I told him what I thought of their relationship, leaving her stood in the street, without a ride home. I wish I'd had an opportunity to take the guy inside for 5 minutes and tell him what he refuses to acknowledge.

I would just like to remind everyone out there, not to tolerate anyone belittling you for the way you are, dress, your sexual preferences or fetishes, unless of course that treatment IS your fetish and you are consenting. Abuse takes many forms. If you suspect you are in a toxic relationship - google the term and read up on the classic symptoms - if you identify with those, go to your best friend and get help, or speak to your family.

It is not easy to admit that you are a victim, you will probably feel ashamed, but you must remember you have nothing to be ashamed about - You won't need to tell anyone about your kinks etc, just tell them about the way your partner treats you - it is the other person who is making you feel ashamed - You're biggest fear is probably losing the person who abuses you - this is because they have manipulated you to such an extent that you believe you cannot bear to be without them. They also rely on you, to get their 'kick' - they thrive off the abuse and the sense of control they have over you, not just your body, but your mind.
They are like a parasite, feeding off your pain - they do this because they cannot face their own insecurities and take their frustration out on others - they are drawn to open hearted people, they may not even be aware they are doing it, but they are and no matter how much you want them to, they absolutely will not change - It is vital you separate with them. Face that fear, but don't face it alone. Seek help from family and friends, and listen to their advice.

You will very soon be able to look back at the relationship you've had, astonished at how you allowed yourself to be treated that way for so long. The trauma of it may haunt you for years, but trust me it gets better every single day.

Abuse is very common, it does have to be physical, it's more often than not emotional. Recognise it. Do not accept it. Find a way out. Speak to someone today.