I'm in a pretty dark place right now. Out of work, anxious, depressed, some ocd, tired, weak, teeth chattering, indigestion, get how and sweaty from eating, and poor appetite to name a few.

To top it all off, I was doing no-fap november without even trying. Just haven't felt motivated or even turned on enough to come on here. Just "lost" imagining to be the guy in a short vid getting a pie sandwich from his wife while he stroked himself. More relationship goals I can't even come close to obtaining.

I've had low testosterone diagnosed for a while now and probably had it for wuite a while before being diagnosed. Might explain why i never knew or felt how to approach a girl properly and why i went for girls out of my league instead of the one that actually wanted me at the time.
Hence why I'm alone

Can anyone understand or relate to this? I'm honestly scarred to find out the answer; maybe i need lied to? I'm not sure anymore. I'm actively going to therapy and taking medication as well as trying to go to parties, bars and even a young church to practice making relationships, but it's becoming exhausting. I'm not sure i can even make it on my own, but no one wants a man that can't help. :,(

God, I don't have a simple answer for you, I wish I did. But I'm hardly the successful answer you're looking for. I was only ever in one relationship, but it was for over half my life. And if you've read other things from me, you know that ended poorly.

I'm in a similar boat to you now, not the same, no one's is ever the same, but I can at least relate. I've mentioned in other posts that masturbation's lost its fun, so yeah, NNN isn't THAT hard for me either. February will be a full decade with no sex.

As for testosterone numbers, I wouldn't buy to much into that. Back in 2016, I lost half my testosterone with a quick operation ala testicular cancer. However I'm still mostly unaffected sexually. I DON'T build muscle like I used to though. But hey, it didn't stop John Kruk from being a three time MLB all star! The good news is that testosterone can be supplemented.

"Approaching a girl properly" as you put it is all subjective. What's "properly" anyways? Women just like us men all have vastly varying personalities. You don't need to be a "Chad" a PUA, or something like that to have a conversation with one. But at the same time, being yourself is only part of the equation. You don't have to be an extrovert, but you need to be "present". So it's good that your going out!

Don't focus to hard on messing up etc. Everyone says stupid things, and if you flub something up and someone reacts really poorly, well that tells you that you really don't want to build anything with that person anyways.

Talk to your docs and your therapist about your symptoms. Try to make small changes in your life that make you feel just a little bit happier or more meaningful. Go from there. The better you feel about yourself, the more it shows. The more is shows that you feel like a complete person, the more that people will want to be around you. And remember, every single one of us is broken. We all have problems and we're all incomplete (God knows I am). Even those in relationships can have incredible struggles.

Seeking advice is good, but try to not compare yourself to others. There are just FAR to many variable to calculate. Be the best you that you can be, one step at a time.

Christ, I feel like such a hypocrite right now.

Potato

I can empathize to some degree. About 10 years ago my body almost completely stopped making testosterone. My energy levels dropped and my sex drive plummeted. I was put on replacement therapy which helped a ton buuuut I recently had to stop that as I was suffering from the semi common side effect of prostate enlargement. I've been off it a few months and my levels plummeted below where I started for a while cuz your body stops making its own when you're getting a decent amount externally. It took a few months to bounce back to something semi tolerable. As for low sperm count.. mine is zero but that's cause I got a vasectomy a decade ago almost cuz I wanted to stay on team no babies for life. Thankfully with a little supplement regimen and slightly changed diet I have some semi acceptable test levels. Now I'm back to normal to excessive amounts of frisky business either solo or with partners.

Wow! Did they ever figure out what's causing your levels to be that low? I forgot about prostate enlargement, as that's something we will ALL have to varying degrees as we get older. It's unfortunately, unavoidable.

I'm first to admit my diet is kinda shit. My compromise is that if god constantly shits in my breakfast, then I'm going to eat what I want for lunch and dinner! Thankfully, I'm mostly ok with rightly alone, but I definitely have issues with DHT.

Their is a lot here one thing you can look into is trt for food trying cooking your meals with fiber and vegetables for social stuff use meet up or yoga

One thing don't isolate meet people in person engage about topics that are uplifting and brighting your day. Don't self deprecate you need to build yourself up by doing things that involve small victories

For example waking up washing yourself cleaning your place up (to maybe mess up later)

The key is to schedule small victories that don't spiral you into oblivion. Small accomplishments that your struggling with bow but getting better at.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XQ2Cg6koHPQ

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bXAxBnQuHwI

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LBov4t644JU

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vcwU9fCBMM0

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1NXBNQyURk8

Ill try to keep making small improvements in my diet, socializing, attitude and life in general.
Thank you all so far for your input. <3

You will get much help and sympathy here, but 1 thing I will ask is to change 1 mindset: Please don't conflate "being a man" with "Testosterone/sperm count".

Being a man is the culmination of your actions and beliefs, sperm count and testosterone level is simple biology. For example:

I have 2 degrees, spent 20 years as a research scientist on many projects that will help with cancers (including one that won a Nobel prize). I also am a counsellor and have helped many people over a whole range of issues. I have a partner for the last 11 years. I treat people with dignity and respect, I try not to judge and look for the best in people. To me that makes me "A man".

I also have zero sperm and almost no testosterone and as such no libido. Somehow that biological fact does not detract from my achievements and beliefs.

TLDR: while wanting to change is fine, don't worry about where you are being indicative of WHO you are.