I recently meet someone I had chatted with for a little on fetlife. It wasn't a date per se, we just met up for coffee and talked for about an hour as an initial meet up to make sure we were both who we said we were.

Overall it went fine and I told him I would be interested in meeting up again at some point. Immediately after this he kept texting me, asking how my day was going, what I was doing, etc. I told him I was working and couldn't be texting all day which was true. The next day he did the same thing texting me throughout the day, again I told him I was busy and couldn't keep interrupting my work to text him back.

On day 3 of obnoxious texting I politely told him (ok maybe not that polite) that I found constant texting to be off-putting and a sign of emotional neediness and I am not into emotionally needy people so I no longer had an interest in seeing him again.

This seems like pretty abnormal behavior to me or am I totally off on that? Besides just being annoying I feel like constantly texting someone you barely know is super creepy. I have also been stalked in the past by two ex-boyfriends so maybe I'm just paranoid?

Wow, you really attract them don't you! I'd say this is odd behaviour, when he doesn't know you very well. He maybe had a different perception of the reason for your meet, but to still persist in texting you after you'd tried to put him off, twice, is just annoying! You're right, it smacks of emotional neediness and desperation. And yeah, I think I'd find it a awkward and creepy. I hope he's stopped now! x

I'm not sure Jelly'nCustard is right (you really attract 'em don't ya?), but he did seem a bit forward.

One persons needy is another person polite. From his PoV he might have thought he was being ok.

Best thing is to tell him honestly how you feel and what you would like. If he listens then great, if not label as weirdo and run.

I have learned not to judge others by my standards after I screwed up a friendship because I didn't realise she had borderline personality disorder and how it affected her.

If someone keeps texting and you aren't replying that's really annoying, and definitely comes off as super needy or obsessive. Conversation is a two way street, so it can even feel insulting and disrespectful, in my opinion, especially if you said you can't talk and he kept texting. I work on my phone so when people message I almost always check them immediately but it doesn't mean I'm responding or really stopping what I'm doing. It sucks on WhatsApp because it will show the person I've read the message and I'll get some crazy text asking why I'm not responding. I had one person tell me off saying "well you should take the time to tell me you can't talk!" Ummmm... I did. And you kept messaging and I kept seeing them. Lol. Screw it. Silly boys.

I didn't go into all the details in my original post cause I didn't want to make it too long but it was the frequency combined with the things he was saying to me that I felt was not ok. At one point he was insisting on coming over to my place to see me because he happened to be in the area saying he would be happy to see me "even if only for 2 mins". The next day he also tried to get me to invite him to my place. That made me feel really uncomfortable.

Yeah I've only had 3 serious relationships and 2 of them ended up being emotionally unstable. I have nothing against people with mental/emotional disorders but I just don't want to deal with that anymore, I've had enough for my lifetime.

I did say I was happily single because I value my independence so I thought it was pretty clear that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend but maybe next time I have to be more blunt about it.

And he did stop now but he couldn't take a hint so I had to be really blunt and tell him I found it annoying to have someone text me 10 times a day or even once a day. I know I'm kinda antisocial so for me it's more normal to talk to my friends once or twice a week, not daily.

Yeah it really comes off as rude if you keep texting someone after they told you they were busy/working.

So here's an example of one conversation we had:
him- what are you up to today?
me- filming custom videos then editing them
him - oh cool, what are you filming? can I see them? do you edit your own videos?
---over an hour goes buy with no response from me cause I'm fucking working---
him- hey maybe I could come over to your place and help you film
-----more time without a response from me cause I turn my phone off when filming---
him - so how's it going?

So yeah...that IMO is rude and needy. I also have no interest in babysitting or constantly entertaining someone all day regardless of who they are. I have spent hours on the phone with a friend who was having an emotional crisis but that's not something I want to do every day.

Thanks I appreciate the feedback. I have learned from bad experiences in the past that my intuition about people is pretty much right all the time so I am not seeing this guy again.

And I used to have really bad social anxiety until I realized about half the people I know have some degree of social anxiety. I find if I tell people up front that I have anxiety I feel less weird about it.

^^ for every person that acts like that there's loads of non assholes standing around living life. Let's not forget those people. Ha

Oops. That was in reply to PieFolfy

Studies show that over half of the population suffers from some degree of mental "disorder" or issue (not necessarily severe enough to need clinical help). No need to ever feel weird about it - most people you meet are dealing with their own crap (maybe anxiety, or maybe something else) even if it isn't obvious.

You are not wrong about this situation. If it was just a "hi, how are you?" message every once in a while, that wouldn't be bad, but if the frequency is too much, especially after you gave some clear (or at least they should have been) signs, then this is a problem. He's probably perfectly safe, but some people that engage in that behavior can be dangerous, and your line of work probably makes you more exposed to them than most people.

I'd say that you handled it right, and probably should be a little extra cautious for the near future that he has really taken the final hint and isn't going to escalate. Keep ahold of the texts in case you need to get the police involved later on.

Dude obviously has no chill.

Me, on the other hand, I'm over here playing hard to get, patiently waiting for Leila to realize I'm the man!

#RelationshipLessonsFromRegis

Leila, you are definitely not wrong; he is very creepy!

After you talked on the internet a few times, you met with him at a restaurant. Then all of a sudden he's texting you like he's your best friend? Nope! Once you told him you were busy and he didn't stop, it turned creepy. Then the self-invitations to your place? Wow!

Whether he is just not socially adept, or has no boundaries, or is a creep, you are well off to be rid of him!

Norman

New information = Creepy would be nice, potentially dangerous if you said yes OR no also springs to mind!

Get the hell out!

I am sorry that some of us men are just complete dicks to people who don't deserve it.

Well don't worry, I don't judge all men by the action of a few creeps. I have had some good luck meeting guys via the internet.

So far he has respected what I said and not made further attempts to contact me. I will hold onto the texts and fetlife messages from him just in case but I don't think he was dangerous, probably just really socially inept and maybe had some kind of emotional/mental issue.

I've had friends and partners with various issues like anxiety, PTSD, depression, bipolar, borderline, and aspergers. So at this point I have enough experience to know what I can and can't deal with. Anxiety, PTSD and depression/bipolar I am good at dealing with but anything else is just too stressful and is a deal-breaker for me.

Some of the earliest things I said to my now-year-and-a-half girlfriend resemble these remarks. I was going through a tough time and needed someone to help me learn the social skills I never acquired, and she was initially put off but gave me a chance and it's been positive for both of us.

I actually did try to invite myself over to her place. But the details are different: she was hosting a party essentially open to the public, and I was offering to come over early to help set up. My willingness to help with chores are one of the major reasons she didn't run.

Well I'm just kind of obnoxious, so I should be a walk in the park for you, Leila!

If he or anyone cant respect your boundaries than yea, Major League Creep.

Lol, I would love to have someone actually willing to help with chores.

Since I have been stalked before I sometimes question myself thinking maybe I'm just being paranoid but looking over the texts again I know I made the right choice. Trying to be helpful and asking to come to a party aren't a bad thing in my opinion but this guy was clearly looking for something else

I think because I am a model who does adult work people get the wrong impression. I don't actually have sex with random people I don't know, that's not how the adult industry works.

Oh man. Time for me to find a new career!

Just kidding...there's only one person I want to have sex with. But she can be pretty random at times

Wait a minute, you mean women *aren't* things? TV lied to me! Along with movies. And advertising. And society...

Clingers don't realise they're being clingy, unfortunately.

I love this... HARD...

Guys need to take a hint after a while. If it were me in that guy's situation, and if you texted back that you were busy, I'd just say "okay, I'm sorry, I'll let you get back to work" and then maybe ask when would be a better time to talk.

If I was told that the person was not interested then that would be the end of that.

Constantly pursuing someone who states clearly that they have to interest and want to be left alone is not cool.

There are way too many lonely single men out there. Something needs to be done about it. Its getting to be a bigger problem than the homeless.

Pity fucks for everyone!

No, I was thinking about castration or mandatory jail time.

You want to castrate or imprison men because they're lonely and single?

Yes.