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"Really starting to worry about this place"
11 posts 304 views
Love you, too
Well, it seems to have happened again. Yesterday I was chatting to a nice lady who joined over the weekend. She had mentioned that she had already started getting some unwelcome and harrassing messages and photos from other members. In fairness, some people offered some good advice on her Personals post about reporting etc. But sure enough, today she seems to have deleted her profile and gone.
Before this, it was Messy Lady v2, and God only knows how many others.
I'm honestly sorry to preach, but when did we stop being a community, helping and supporting people who wanted to share experiences and get advice in addition to being a content hub?
If people no longer feel safe on here, then I don't think I want to be associated with it anymore
Before this, it was Messy Lady v2, and God only knows how many others.
I'm honestly sorry to preach, but when did we stop being a community, helping and supporting people who wanted to share experiences and get advice in addition to being a content hub?
If people no longer feel safe on here, then I don't think I want to be associated with it anymore
Sure... order dessert.
First day on the internet?
Seriously, the VAST majority of folks on here are fine, but you can't stop the idiots. This is a site based on sex, and a niche kink as well. There will always be those that treat folks (especially women) badly for many reasons, and it's worse when there is a sexual bias to the conversation.
Statistically 1 in 4 women have been abused/r@ped, EVERY woman has or will suffer harassment. The internet allows the idiots to target more women, with little to no consequence, and complete anonymity.
I would love to be able to stop this, the only thing I can think of to even help a little bit is like Bumble; only women can instigate conversations. But even then, fake profiles will be made.
Until we teach our boys and friends to treat people with complete respect, this will continue. This is also true of any bigotry.
Seriously, the VAST majority of folks on here are fine, but you can't stop the idiots. This is a site based on sex, and a niche kink as well. There will always be those that treat folks (especially women) badly for many reasons, and it's worse when there is a sexual bias to the conversation.
Statistically 1 in 4 women have been abused/r@ped, EVERY woman has or will suffer harassment. The internet allows the idiots to target more women, with little to no consequence, and complete anonymity.
I would love to be able to stop this, the only thing I can think of to even help a little bit is like Bumble; only women can instigate conversations. But even then, fake profiles will be made.
Until we teach our boys and friends to treat people with complete respect, this will continue. This is also true of any bigotry.
Saturation Hall, Langstonedale
Lord of the Pies
I'm slightly puzzled by this thread.
By default, new female accounts are heavily protected, as I understand it they have the "only friend can message" and various other protections on by default. So was this an account created before the protections were enacted, or did the woman in question deliberately turn them off? Which is absolutely her prerogative and does not justify any form of abuse (no victim-blaming), but sadly experience has shown anyone who appears female and doesn't have the blocks engaged is likely to receive unwanted messages. It's wrong, but also the way far too many folk are.
There is a global pandemic of hate and abuse of women and girls, but that's a society problem, I don't think UMD is any worse than any other sex-based site in that regard?
By default, new female accounts are heavily protected, as I understand it they have the "only friend can message" and various other protections on by default. So was this an account created before the protections were enacted, or did the woman in question deliberately turn them off? Which is absolutely her prerogative and does not justify any form of abuse (no victim-blaming), but sadly experience has shown anyone who appears female and doesn't have the blocks engaged is likely to receive unwanted messages. It's wrong, but also the way far too many folk are.
There is a global pandemic of hate and abuse of women and girls, but that's a society problem, I don't think UMD is any worse than any other sex-based site in that regard?
Saturation Hall - Forth! The Gungemaidens!
DungeonMasterOne said:
There is a global pandemic of hate and abuse of women and girls, but that's a society problem, I don't think UMD is any worse than any other sex-based site in that regard?
There is a global pandemic of hate and abuse of women and girls, but that's a society problem, I don't think UMD is any worse than any other sex-based site in that regard?
I don't think that the fact it happens is the problem.
It's the fact that whenever the instance occurs, the immediate response is "ItS tHe iNtERnEt. wHaT Do yOu ExpEct?"
It's insensitive. It's callous. It's counterproductive and makes any language after the fact appear completely disingenuous (even if the intentions are good).
We can tell women here to report these clowns all the live long but when the overall response is to deflect it as "it's just the internets" is largely why women, as a majority, just don't feel safe being on here and will largely remain lurker status for the foreseeable future.
Is it a behavioral problem? Yes. Full on agree. What I don't agree with is shrugging my shoulders and going "Well, it is what it is".
Honestly, I don't know the solution (or if one exists) and feel the women of this forum would offer better insight in what they are facing than anyone of us here. The larger issue is how anything could be enforced without overstepping boundaries of privacy. So far, though, the current answer for women is to drastically limit a person's accessibility by either staying in hiding or via paywall such as OF. Afterall, if they are going to be harassed, they might as well get paid and if things don't change, that will be the new standard of interaction.
Making smut is easy. Making art takes more!
Silver_sea said: First day on the internet?
Pretty dismissive of users concerns, why did you feel the need to take a dig at their concerns first ? Could just given info instead of being all high and mighty.
He's talking about community and doing better and you start the forum replies by kinda flaming him and his concerns? Not very respectful or good way to have opened lines of communication
7/17/26, 9:18am: [admin] added missing [/quote] on end of quoted section, for clarity.
First, we don't know if harassing messages is the reason why MessyLadyV2 left. And, the same point for whoever this person was, we don't know if the reason why she left was due to nasty messaging.
Second, there are plenty of accounts being created, posting on personals, and getting banned. I'm not sure who you were talking about, but I've seen a bunch of "mistress" accounts coming to umd and spamming posts on multiple forums lately. There are plenty of scammers and catfishers out there who would ask for money and be happy to take it, and then delete their account when caught. Or maybe they get banned. I have seen the same pattern of women coming to umd, posting a Personal, adding 100 friends, and then they are gone in a week. I have also seen dozens accounts created where they steal photos of women on IG or X. Now I am also seeing people creating profiles with AI photo albums. I am not saying that everyone is fake and is a scammer, but I have seen plenty of accounts come and go within a few days and it likely isn't always because they left due to the nasty messaging. Third, I wanted to make the same point DungeonMasterOne made and suggest this for new members: 1. Keep the "Who can inbox me?" setting set to "Friends only".
2. Do not accept all friend requests. The people who spam you with a request in the few hours of creating your account are likely not the people you want to interact with.
3. Find people that have a profile description and pictures interest you and add them as a friend.
4. Remove friends who send nasty messages, and report them if they are harassing you. This prevents them from sending messages to you. Do not reply to them because that is what they want.
This isn't victim blaming members for opening up their inbox, but good advice and the entire reason why these controls exist. We cannot blame people for not reporting either, because a lot of people either don't know about the report system or might think it is ineffective.
Finally, I could think of plenty of ways to improve the site. 1. Add red flags which are visible in the user's profile. Such as: a) spams inbox, b) disrespectful, c) aggressive (or whatever). When a member is reported, a flag is present on their account for 3 months.
2. Add badges which are visible in the user's profile. Badges represent good things, such as a) Good role-player, b) respectful messenger, c) Fun in person (or whatever). Users can give each other badges for fun, present for 6 months, and seeing someone with no red flags, and with badges means they are more likely to be someone worth messaging.
3. Exit interview. When someone wants to delete their profile, add a checkbox: "I am leaving this site due to other users messaging, please review my messages to perform corrective actions". When they leave, this gives permission to read their messages to find any evidence of foul play such as a harassment, and perform corrective actions such as disabling inboxing for users that seemed like they caused issues.
luvs2pie said:
Pretty dismissive of users concerns, why did you feel the need to take a dig at their concerns first ? Could just given info instead of being all high and mighty.
He's talking about community and doing better and you start the forum replies by kinda flaming him and his concerns? Not very respectful or good way to have opened lines of communication
Silver_sea said: First day on the internet?
Pretty dismissive of users concerns, why did you feel the need to take a dig at their concerns first ? Could just given info instead of being all high and mighty.
He's talking about community and doing better and you start the forum replies by kinda flaming him and his concerns? Not very respectful or good way to have opened lines of communication
It wasn't dismissive, just sarcastic.
But don't worry, nothing in your judgmental reply means anything to me and as you are not a superior to me (like you seem to be acting) I will continue to reply to folks how I want to.
Maybe instead of forcing your opinions on people, you could ask how the original poster feels. As my comment was directed at them and not you, they are really the only person whose opinion matter here.
Thank you for your concern, your call is important to us.
7/17/26, 9:21am: [Admin] added missing [/quote] at end of inner quote, to correct the quote display.
mFeelzGood said: First, we don't know if harassing messages is the reason why MessyLadyV2 left.
And, the same point for whoever this person was, we don't know if the reason why she left was due to nasty messaging.
Second, there are plenty of accounts being created, posting on personals, and getting banned. I'm not sure who you were talking about, but I've seen a bunch of "mistress" accounts coming to umd and spamming posts on multiple forums lately. There are plenty of scammers and catfishers out there who would ask for money and be happy to take it, and then delete their account when caught. Or maybe they get banned. I have seen the same pattern of women coming to umd, posting a Personal, adding 100 friends, and then they are gone in a week. I have also seen dozens accounts created where they steal photos of women on IG or X. Now I am also seeing people creating profiles with AI photo albums. I am not saying that everyone is fake and is a scammer, but I have seen plenty of accounts come and go within a few days and it likely isn't always because they left due to the nasty messaging.
Third, I wanted to make the same point DungeonMasterOne made and suggest this for new members:
1. Keep the "Who can inbox me?" setting set to "Friends only".
2. Do not accept all friend requests. The people who spam you with a request in the few hours of creating your account are likely not the people you want to interact with.
3. Find people that have a profile description and pictures interest you and add them as a friend.
4. Remove friends who send nasty messages, and report them if they are harassing you. This prevents them from sending messages to you. Do not reply to them because that is what they want.
This isn't victim blaming members for opening up their inbox, but good advice and the entire reason why these controls exist. We cannot blame people for not reporting either, because a lot of people either don't know about the report system or might think it is ineffective.
Finally, I could think of plenty of ways to improve the site.
1. Add red flags which are visible in the user's profile. Such as: a) spams inbox, b) disrespectful, c) aggressive (or whatever). When a member is reported, a flag is present on their account for 3 months.
2. Add badges which are visible in the user's profile. Badges represent good things, such as a) Good role-player, b) respectful messenger, c) Fun in person (or whatever). Users can give each other badges for fun, present for 6 months, and seeing someone with no red flags, and with badges means they are more likely to be someone worth messaging.
3. Exit interview. When someone wants to delete their profile, add a checkbox: "I am leaving this site due to other users messaging, please review my messages to perform corrective actions". When they leave, this gives permission to read their messages to find any evidence of foul play such as a harassment, and perform corrective actions such as disabling inboxing for users that seemed like they caused issues.
First, we don't know if harassing messages is the reason why MessyLadyV2 left. And, the same point for whoever this person was, we don't know if the reason why she left was due to nasty messaging.
Second, there are plenty of accounts being created, posting on personals, and getting banned. I'm not sure who you were talking about, but I've seen a bunch of "mistress" accounts coming to umd and spamming posts on multiple forums lately. There are plenty of scammers and catfishers out there who would ask for money and be happy to take it, and then delete their account when caught. Or maybe they get banned. I have seen the same pattern of women coming to umd, posting a Personal, adding 100 friends, and then they are gone in a week. I have also seen dozens accounts created where they steal photos of women on IG or X. Now I am also seeing people creating profiles with AI photo albums. I am not saying that everyone is fake and is a scammer, but I have seen plenty of accounts come and go within a few days and it likely isn't always because they left due to the nasty messaging. Third, I wanted to make the same point DungeonMasterOne made and suggest this for new members: 1. Keep the "Who can inbox me?" setting set to "Friends only".
2. Do not accept all friend requests. The people who spam you with a request in the few hours of creating your account are likely not the people you want to interact with.
3. Find people that have a profile description and pictures interest you and add them as a friend.
4. Remove friends who send nasty messages, and report them if they are harassing you. This prevents them from sending messages to you. Do not reply to them because that is what they want.
This isn't victim blaming members for opening up their inbox, but good advice and the entire reason why these controls exist. We cannot blame people for not reporting either, because a lot of people either don't know about the report system or might think it is ineffective.
Finally, I could think of plenty of ways to improve the site. 1. Add red flags which are visible in the user's profile. Such as: a) spams inbox, b) disrespectful, c) aggressive (or whatever). When a member is reported, a flag is present on their account for 3 months.
2. Add badges which are visible in the user's profile. Badges represent good things, such as a) Good role-player, b) respectful messenger, c) Fun in person (or whatever). Users can give each other badges for fun, present for 6 months, and seeing someone with no red flags, and with badges means they are more likely to be someone worth messaging.
3. Exit interview. When someone wants to delete their profile, add a checkbox: "I am leaving this site due to other users messaging, please review my messages to perform corrective actions". When they leave, this gives permission to read their messages to find any evidence of foul play such as a harassment, and perform corrective actions such as disabling inboxing for users that seemed like they caused issues.
Great suggestions
Saturation Hall, Langstonedale
Lord of the Pies
Agree with @mFeelzGood's suggestions, and just to add, yes, there have been a plague of "mistress spammer" accounts recently, MM has taken steps to deal with them. Not going to give any details on a public forum but there should be rather fewer of them in future - they are what the "spam bot" category in the reporting system are for, so if you see one that has slipped through report it, the system will act on them if multiple reports are seen.
Re flags and badges etc - Personally I'd like to see the little red flags for reporting things, esp to highlight the report link on a user's account, brought back, as even as an experienced user I sometimes have to hunt for the Report link on a profile. I don't think visible negative badges would be a good idea though, while I understand the desire I suspect it would just lead to endless animosity, which wouldn't really help. Positive badges is an interesting idea, though suspect there might be a bit of a debate about what they should cover.
Re flags and badges etc - Personally I'd like to see the little red flags for reporting things, esp to highlight the report link on a user's account, brought back, as even as an experienced user I sometimes have to hunt for the Report link on a profile. I don't think visible negative badges would be a good idea though, while I understand the desire I suspect it would just lead to endless animosity, which wouldn't really help. Positive badges is an interesting idea, though suspect there might be a bit of a debate about what they should cover.
Saturation Hall - Forth! The Gungemaidens!
Silver_sea said:
It wasn't dismissive, just sarcastic.
But don't worry, nothing in your judgmental reply means anything to me and as you are not a superior to me (like you seem to be acting) I will continue to reply to folks how I want to.
Maybe instead of forcing your opinions on people, you could ask how the original poster feels. As my comment was directed at them and not you, they are really the only person whose opinion matter here.
Thank you for your concern, your call is important to us.
luvs2pie said:
Pretty dismissive of users concerns, why did you feel the need to take a dig at their concerns first ? Could just given info instead of being all high and mighty.
He's talking about community and doing better and you start the forum replies by kinda flaming him and his concerns? Not very respectful or good way to have opened lines of communication
Silver_sea said: First day on the internet?
Pretty dismissive of users concerns, why did you feel the need to take a dig at their concerns first ? Could just given info instead of being all high and mighty.
He's talking about community and doing better and you start the forum replies by kinda flaming him and his concerns? Not very respectful or good way to have opened lines of communication
It wasn't dismissive, just sarcastic.
But don't worry, nothing in your judgmental reply means anything to me and as you are not a superior to me (like you seem to be acting) I will continue to reply to folks how I want to.
Maybe instead of forcing your opinions on people, you could ask how the original poster feels. As my comment was directed at them and not you, they are really the only person whose opinion matter here.
Thank you for your concern, your call is important to us.
So making fun of him/ the situation off the bat is again a dick move, if you wanna talk about ego
I see a lot of projecting going on, just sayin, taking a dig at someone who has a valid concern about how people are being treated on here, and then showing off how much you know? (All valid points)
Even he the OP didn't feel threatened I hope instead of replying to me you reached out to them first.
And you're also wrong about only his thoughts mattering, cause you may have pushed other people from wanting to speak out about a real issue, because they may fear you or someone else is gonna belittle them.
And ya it was maybe a women who was just a bot or spammer but if it wasn't, again he had a real concern.
I didn't do very well in school so maybe everyone else knows and can educate me but how is sarcasm not being dismissive?
Unless your both friends which then it's totally understandable. but all the new people or lurkers whom we know are to shy to say anything most times, may not feel safe to say something that maybe should be called out if they think someone might take a jab at them first
DungeonMasterOne said: Agree with @mFeelzGood's suggestions, and just to add, yes, there have been a plague of "mistress spammer" accounts recently, MM has taken steps to deal with them. Not going to give any details on a public forum but there should be rather fewer of them in future - they are what the "spam bot" category in the reporting system are for, so if you see one that has slipped through report it, the system will act on them if multiple reports are seen.
Re flags and badges etc - Personally I'd like to see the little red flags for reporting things, esp to highlight the report link on a user's account, brought back, as even as an experienced user I sometimes have to hunt for the Report link on a profile. I don't think visible negative badges would be a good idea though, while I understand the desire I suspect it would just lead to endless animosity, which wouldn't really help. Positive badges is an interesting idea, though suspect there might be a bit of a debate about what they should cover.
Re flags and badges etc - Personally I'd like to see the little red flags for reporting things, esp to highlight the report link on a user's account, brought back, as even as an experienced user I sometimes have to hunt for the Report link on a profile. I don't think visible negative badges would be a good idea though, while I understand the desire I suspect it would just lead to endless animosity, which wouldn't really help. Positive badges is an interesting idea, though suspect there might be a bit of a debate about what they should cover.
I saw the spam bot option and have been using it. Sometimes I see a post automatically deleted (or buried?) which I assume happens when a certain number of people report it. So it is nice that other people are catching on to the spam bots and reporting them. It is usually obvious who these people are when they copy and paste the same messages and chat identifiers. I am guessing the OP was not taking about one of the "mistress" accounts, but I wanted to mention these accounts anyways.
That is a good point about the red-flag idea. That could lead to retaliation and animosity as you said. Badges could lead to controversy where people that want it pester others to give it, and people that don't want the attention from a badge get a badge. These are probably not the best ideas, but worth mentioning. Flags and badges could be something implemented but never used. So it is really hard to say how we can improve things here, that is if it really needs to be improved. The existing system of controls and reporting is probably good enough to solve the majority of problems.
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