I saw a message from a member saying they avoid the forum because of the negative vibe toward women. That's not okay.

Let's remember to treat each other with respect and kindness--this is a space for everyone, and we all share responsibility for making it welcoming.

Unfortunately this is going to be an issue for as long as this forum operates. Because women are not allowed to call people out with receipts, it turns into a her word against his situation. Plus there is the whole culture of victim blaming that happens when serious issues on the site are discussed by women. It does not help that there is a let's wait and see what the community majority says with an issue and people are allowed to sit and drag women in posts for days before anything happens. By the time something does happen when it is done out in the open, most people have left the conversation.

Never going to happen. As long as there are hormonal men trying too hard and getting it wrong, as long as there are idiots that think unsolicited dick pics are fine, as long as there are misogynistic numpties that Schrodinger a woman (somehow she can be frigid and a slut at the same time) and finally, as long as there are those men who actually enjoy harassing women, there will never be peace on the internet.

Why? It's anonymous and there are no consequences to actions.

I have no answer I'm afraid, even putting settings no contact, or only if I contact first or women first only rule (like bumble), there are always ways round it (like the myriad of men that have female profiles on here, literally no way of knowing unless you meet up or video chat).

If only it was as simple as reminding people to behave themselves. The people that are the problem don't know that they are the problem. If they read your well-intentioned words they will think it's about other people, not them. There is a level of entitlement running through these people that cannot really be penetrated, as far as I can tell/ have experienced. The average male user here has very little idea how much a lot of his brethren absolutely stink the place out.

I think the forum is great and has positive vibes towards women. I see plenty of forum posts with kind replies and good vibes.

Thank goodness for that. It's all been a silly mistake and everything is, in fact, perfect. Thanks for clarifying.

Lauren19 I understand from your sarcastic reply that you are trying to make a point.

I was just pointing out that the forum itself seems to have a lot of good vibes lately with the posts and replies in the main messy forum. I understand that in general, there has been issues with users on the forum and especially in DMs that are disrespectful. I wasn't trying to downplay the negative experience you had, but instead I was just trying to focus on something positive.

I feel you might be missing the point by the fact you are doubling down on your statement.

Maybe the point was a man replying about the shit women are subjected too is pointless.
Maybe a man saying "I can't see it so it doesn't happen", is offensive.
Maybe focussing on the positive here IS downplaying the negative experiences.
Maybe the shit people post to women is private so the forum vibes are not a fair comparison.

Maybe men should just shut the fuck up and listen to women instead of shutting them down, contradicting or calling them liars.
I think that would be more helpful to the problem.

I understood the point Lauren19 was making with the sarcastic response which is why I replied to acknowledge her. I understand the points you are making. I understand the problem in general which the OP is referring to. I have read a lot of posts from women calling out this problem, and I have empathy. I have listened to a friend I met here and have been talking with for over 2 years who said she left umd because of this problem, and she would not return to umd to this day.

There is something I don't understand which is bugging me...

If I wrote a sentence like "As long as there are hormonal women..." or "The average female user...", I would feel like I am being misogynistic or sexist, and that would be wrong. But, somehow it is acceptable to make disrespectful or hateful comments when men are the subject...

I understand that your insults are directed to the problematic users and not all men.

(I also understand that your comment telling men to "shut the fuck up" was directed towards me)

It is good to talk about a problem, but this has been talked about over and over. It is counter productive because any lurking women seeing this post is going to get a bad impression that umd is full of misogyny. It would be better to focus on positivity and the improvements.