I hope you don't mind a male perspective.

1. It seems that females on here ALWAYS get harassed or send inappropriate messages. A lot of guys have no concept of respect.

2. It's a sensory thing for me too, and in my early relationships, I hid it from my partners. I also went to a psychiatrist who assured me that as far as fetishes go, WAM is way over on the 'normal' side, as it doesn't involve any hurting of people, specific places or actions, other than getting wet and messy. He said it was the most 'mild' fetish he had ever heard of.

Speaking generally, I think most guys come to accept themselves, but females are more likely to question things, and especially if being harassed and in a minority, you need to group together, so I think this is an awesome idea.

I was holding back a bit on this, and I wrote, rewrote and deleted this post several times over the last few hours. It could get me in trouble. It could make me unpopular, but right now I just want to get it off my chest.

What is killing me is the entitlement. Many of the guys here feel they are entitled to approach the women in here and ask what I feel are personal questions or are pushing too hard. For me, that includes random friend requests without having ever met or contacted the person.

In some cases, when I point this out people acknowledge it and back off. Then there are the ones that double down and try to justify it...

"It is just X..."

Add in whatever you think X should be here. A friend request. a message, an unsolicited chat.

"It is is just me trying to chat with you."

It never dawns on them that that is the problem, or that they are part of a bigger problem because they only look at it from their perspective. Never the outside. To them it is no big thing to randomly message a girl on the forums and immediately ask them for private details about what, in this case, is their sex life.

...and because they don't see it as a big thing, others shouldn't be upset by it. Afterall, it isn't that big.

As of this morning, I have 18 unaccepted friend requests in my box. A couple I might accept. Only a few are from people I've actively spoken to.

Last night I got into a heated debate with one of them regarding this. "You seem nice," said the guy who I've never spoken to. "It's just a friend request..." "Your profile says you are somewhat social..." In response to me saying it wasn't welcome or appreciated, he tried to turn it back on me as though this was my fault.

In another case, one became HYPER aggressive when I didn't respond to messages he sent me. He felt like I was obligated to respond.

I am sorry if this is a rant or rambling, but something has to change.

EDIT: During writing this very message, I got another message from a guy who has contacted me a few times, and I've been ghosting after telling him I was not interested. His second message to me?

"You a big messy fan?"

Thats fucking trash and I'm sorry you have to go through all that.


Boys, mind your fuckin manners.

Its a shame that some guys have to ruin it for the rest of us. Personally I enjoy chatting with female wammers, whether its a sexual based conversation or not. I like to have respect for what they or any woman I'm talking to in general is comfortable with. The last thing any guy should want to come off as is a creep imo.

Reading this forum thread, and especially the comments from you women out there, makes me a bit mad and i think it's really sad that you have to experience being harrased on a site like this.

Most of us are pretty much all in the same boat here, we have a fetish that are somewhat unusual and hard to understand for most people that don't share the same feeling or interest towards it, and that makes it hard to be open about it towards any other people. So this site should be a safe space for everyone that has even the slightest interest in wam, and especially for women.

I gotta say that it is hard even for a man to admit to this fetish and i have never told anyone about it until i met my lovely Lilly, and even after i have told her about it and introduced her to it, and even after she started to like it and get into the whole wam thing i still find it wierd to talk about, so i can't imagine how hard it must be for a lot of you women out there to actually admit to this or even seek out a site like this.

So to all you lovely beautiful women here on umd, i really hope that you can get some sort of a private chat for women only. Everybody should be able to explore every aspect of their sexuality in peace without being bothered or harrased by anyone.

You just know that somewhere online is somebody who thinks, yeah, that wam video is amazing, but if only there were hairy frogs in it..

I think it's important to realise there are two types of female models who offer photoshoots, customs, sessions etc. There are those who absolutely love it, and others who simply find it an acceptable way to earn money. They don't hate it, but at the same time, on the day of a photoshoot or session, they aren't necessarily jumping for joy that morning when they're eating their Corn Flakes.

Whereas men always seem to be 100% enthusiastic about it, to the extent where their frustration at being unable to accept what they perceive to be an insufficient display of eagerness from a model manifests itself in various ways, ranging from sending unsolicited, repetitive or inappropriate messages, to being thoroughly unpleasant when their request for a shoot or a session is turned down for whatever reason, through to demanding inappropriate contact at a session because Mrs Bloggs let them touch a tit at a session in 1987.

I have posted previously on this thread in a largely positive fashion. But I feel it's timely to share a recent anecdote (as in today). Now, I'm not really into wetlook, preferring dirtier stuff (basically mud). There's a guy on here that is hell bent on making me watch a live stream of him getting wet, fully clothed. I've had quite a nice chat with him initially, then he gets really pushy and starts telling me how he's wearing damp clothes etc. For clarity, I have told him that I'm not particularly into wetlook (I find it a bit lightweight frankly, but I'd never criticise anyone that enjoys it) but he appears to simply not hear me and continues to try to force his particular fetish on to me. And then, another guy PMs me to ask me how long I've been into pies. I'm not into pies, and there's nothing on my profile that says anything about pies (because I'm not into them). People attempting to impose their fetishes is a thing it would seem. I'm a big girl and can laugh about it, but I can fully understand why tentative female enthusiasts of our hobby would be horribly turned off by the pushy, entitled minority.

So thankful for this thread - honestly thought I was being silly to feel the way I did when getting messages from men on here that are inappropriate.

Like a few have said, it's a minority ruining it for a lot of decent guys on here but I had to take down my photo on my profile because it wasn't worth it for all the messages I was getting of a sexual nature before even saying hello! That's not me being big headed because I'm not that attractive but I thought i was being too sensitive at times.

Hopefully this sends a message to anyone and makes a change for the better on here where we can feel safe. Please, guys, just don't be dicks and we can all get on.

Females are to be adored however female wammers are to be revered.

This thread has really made me think. I hope that unlike the thoughtLESS men that have been mentioned already, I am not one of those guys. I'm full of great admiration for the girls on this forum. I thought about sending a private message of appreciation to Ariel following the "messiest model ever" post, but decided against it because of this post and the way it could be interpreted, so I made it public.

I'm only friends on this forum with people who share my nuances of the fetish. I'm into WAM because of the sensory experience it provides - I like the feeling of gooey, slippery and wobbly. To that end, that's why I'm friends with Cinq on here, because I feel she's a kindred spirit who enjoys getting messy and wearing rubber because she loves the feeling of gooey, slippery and wobbly, and so she has my full respect in that. I wouldn't ever think it was appropriate to begin sending dirty private messages, and whilst I'd love to meet Cinq one day in the context of say a Splunch, I'd never be so forward as to ask for WAM or something similar - it would have to be the woman I was speaking to who suggested it.


This is the reality that makes girls who love mess so significant to the men of this forum. It's like the teenage boy who views his crush like a goddess he can only dream of touching (or maybe he's not even worthy to do that). When you've grown up with a fetish, feeling so weird and alone in it, but unable to deny that it's who you are and doing it makes you feel amazing, the notion of a girl who actually WANTS to get messy, and actually finds it SEXY is just total mind blowing material. I don't condone the behaviour of the leeches hidden within this forum, but many of us guys are desperate for our angel to come down from heaven and slather us all with gunge and pies! The difference is that I (and the more decent men here) don't feel I'm ENTITLED to a response or private chat from any of the girls on this forum. It's a simple question of having some common decency and respect.

Thank you ladies, and sorry if I hijacked this thread - you deserve a girls only forum.

My experience here hasn't been too bad honestly. I have a bit thicker skin when it comes to guys creeping and sending messages. I mean any social media I get it just as bad except I know a lot of these people in real life. I've found that ghosting people who are going to far works great and usually don't think of it past that. Don't get me wrong, there are not many days when I log in and somewhere there is a message from a random guy who is saying something I don't enjoy. I have enjoyed having conversations with many guys on here though and would be open to talk to women about anything as well. I don't know if there is a block option on here but I think it would be a good idea.

Hello! Female wammer here, have been basically my whole life. My fetish started young, inexplicably, the first time I watched Bozo's show in the 80's. It only grows stronger the older I get! I never would have discovered this as a sexual fetish if it wasn't for a traumatic incident I had with my ex-husband that caused certain emotional damage. I have PTSD, and I have been using sex as catharsis and therapy, and it's gotten me through some suicidal moments in my life. I was on several sites before I found UMD, and those other sites had much more aggressive members than I was in the mood to deal with. When I found UMD, it was like a homecoming, I felt immediately at home here. Everyone has been so kind, so friendly, so encouraging, and so welcoming. WAM is my genuine fetish, and no other site has made me feel this happy or this comfortable. I'm disheartened to hear that so many other women have had such negative experiences with this site. I have had nothing but positive experiences with the men here. They have all been perfect gentleman to me, I have never felt so relieved, so safe, and so understood by men before. With my PTSD, I have felt so much more comforted by this community, including the men, than any other community I have ever known. I never feel harassed by anyone here. I understand that the chats are relentless, I simply turned them off, after that, I set the privacy to what I want, and I feel more in control of what I see from other members. I agree that the most aggressive members are not as many, just louder and more active than those of us who aren't. I'm so sad that other women feel unsafe and unhappy with this community, I crave female companionship here. If there is any way to help everyone have a good, safe time here, let's do this! I want everyone in this community to feel equally as though they belong here and want to be here.

If I had a euro or pound, a yen or $ for every email or friend request asking "will you pie me" or "what are you into" Frankly, someone who can read my preferences would be a start! So I press delete and move on, on a few occasions MessMaster has helped me block certain accounts - thanks again.

It does amaze me just how many persist in sending the same dumb message after message with zero chance of a reply. Will they ever learn??

That said, there are some lovely guys, girls too on this site and thankfully ways to avoid the di*ks. It's still so wrong that every once in a while I have to go to lengths to avoid them, there for me is the problem!

I have just recently became a member on here. I'm a newly out trans female and I have already had a decent amount of guys getting super creepy even though they start out with the innocent "Hi, how are you?" Line. I'm only into females, even as friends, unless I click well with a couple guy friends. My biggest kinks would be foam, humiliation, being tied up, and a little bit of cigarettes. It can be really fun meeting new people on here and for the most part it's been a wonderful time here so far.

This is why women don't post on these forums....

Well I'm neither. I am a wammer just like all the men on this site ! Do men think this is an only male fetish ?

This made me pretty emotional tbh. What a lovely reply. Thank you

I just want to thank all the women in this thread who have shared their perspectives. I don't know a lot but I know that's not easy. It takes guts and work, and then some degree of worry if you put your foot in your mouth or came off wrong, etc etc. It's so hard to be publicly vulnerable, even online, we're all still a lot more sensitive than we like to let on I believe.

I read all the posts in this thread by female UMD users, because that's one of things I've learned when it comes to... honestly just being a better person, it's a matter of self-respect - making sure you're informed and aware, knowing what you're talking about. A lot of people will deny social privilege but on a Venn diagram those who deny would likely cross MASSIVELY with those who have it

And when either the knowledge does get through one's dense defenses/skulls or you actually take the time to listen and consider, it quickly becomes apparent that the experience of other people, other categories of people, can be so massively difference as to almost consist of an entirely different reality. That's how important it is to listen. Just to read people's words with an open mind. Be confident enough in yourself to be willing to listen first and decide second (I think a lot of us run into the problem of judging/rationalizing while "listening" instead of just simply listening).

So I read them, and even if only incrementally I grew in awareness, so thank you for that.

That said, while reading I had some thoughts I feel might contribute to the conversation.

I think one of the unique things about this fetish is the goofiness element. I use that word for color and emphasis, but I don't mean it as a bad thing. Could also just say silliness, or camp. But I do think there's an inheritant *awkwardness* to it, and for some of us that's simply sexy. Sort of like why coyness or even just the coded language and demeanors of flirting, it all speaks about awkwardness, which is about shame and embarrassment. Some of us simply *dig* that as an element of foreplay and I think WAM *highlights* that aspect.

I honestly think that can lend to a culture of the community that simply has an awkward tendency. Even stimulation sensitivity, that's a common trait of autism/Asperger's, for example. WAM has a lot to do with sensory overload. Sex is dirty, WAM is all about the DIRT, something about that heightened level of stimulation. I even like the overwhelming sweetness of pies, chocolate, cake batter, all that. And the bright colors. For me at least it really is a lot about voluptuousness of the stimulation. Some guys might like big breasts, I like big buckets of bright green, blue, and red "slime" (all over big breasts ), it's the heaviness of the stimulation that, in part, arouses me.

So I guess I'm taking a long way around of saying maybe WAM attracts socially awkward people more than, say, BDSM, or pissing or something. Those would likely attract certain types of people, WAM attracts its type. That's of course not to say there isn't a variety of roads that lead to any particular fetish - there is of course, but that maybe there are some common ones, or parallels that lead us to think the same thing is nice.

And that's not to excuse behaviors, but rather from experience we all know that *understanding* people helps diminish those strong antagonistic feelings we can get which destroy society and lives, and confusion and not knowing how to deal with it.

As a man, who can be socially awkward, and has been moreso in the past, I just want to suggest to women that if you don't want to engage with someone on the internet, ghost the fuck out of them. They can throw whatever tantrum they want, but you have absolutely zero obligation to interact with any strangers on the internet. You don't need to feel bad, you don't need to show respect - the world is full of who knows whats and the internet is a hungry hellish vortex of them, so if you can, just pretend they don't exist, contact mods, or hell, post their entitled shit on here - 9/10 you'll never head another word and it will deter others from trying.

You definitely still should not have to deal with it, but if it's not possible to filter/block messages then I believe this is your best strategy. And you set the terms of the interaction. There are some guys who don't mean harm, per se, but let's face it: the subject is a sexual fetish. If we're not into production or adminstration here, we're mostly here because we want to look at and talk about WAM. I personally feel it's perfectly acceptable to start conversations. People talk, people fuck. That's reality. But you set the limits and make them absolute, put it in your profile front and center. Not interested in talking about that, sorry. Or not sorry. Whatever your flavor. But if you don't like it, end it and don't look back. Guys generally are fucking aware of women trying to be nice, trying not to come off as "rude", and if they're the type to take advantage of that, they're gonna. Say nothing back, ever again. Fuck em, they'll learn or they won't but they won't waste any more of your time/peace of mind with it.

It continues to this day, this minute in fact.
People would comment that, "Well your profile says you are semi-social. So that means we can talk." They said I should change my profile to reflect my desire to be left alone. I even have it listed here that I am here to keep to myself and just enjoy the scene.

Now my profile says that if I am interested in chatting, I will approach you. People still ignore it. People ask about my location within FIVE MINUTES of meeting me. "I just want to chat..." Well, I don't. You may want to, but that doesn't outweigh the fact that I don't. Please, just take the hint....

What more do I have to do to just be left in peace?

Note: In the time it took to write this, it happened twice.

You say to ghost people, but I've had more than one interaction where that set off the person even further. They start into a woe is me diatribe about how they were "just being nice" and "just want to chat." When I further said no, they went off asking for an explanation as to why. Why I didn't want to interact with them. Why just talking to them about a fetish wasn't ok.

The responsibility needs to fall on them.

This is a very humbling, and disturbing post.

If men were intellegent, they'd be women.

Exactly. I absolutely agree. I realize admins/mod jobs is complicated and busy but what you're talking about is actual harassment imo. A lot of it. I would report it and then post about what the admin has done about it and how long it took. I've read about lack of a block option on here before and I was never clear on why that's not an option. Most social media sites these days have it and it has become kind of an essential. I block people like it's my job on Reddit, Twitter. Really balances the extra aggressiveness and pettiness some people like to bring to strangers online.

But anyway. Definitely not advocating "oh just ignore them and move on", but when the choice is to engage or not, in the absence of blocking ability or admin support, all I can think of to do is ignore. Every bit of direct interaction encourages that kind of person in my experience. They can't be talked down, usually they know what they're doing and simply don't care about what you want. Again, maybe sharing with the forum those invasive messages and the names of the users? But no I totally agree it's a problem that should be handled ASAP and would probably make for a bigger and healthier community since more people would feel open to share without fear of harassment.

And I'm sorry you have to deal with that if it were me I would be on a perpetual banning rampage which is probably why I'm not a mod

I can't stress this enough , USE THE GOD DAMN REPORT FUCTION! someones bugging you REPORT THEM ! Its what its for the admins don't know there is a problem unless you say so. REPORT them and an admin will see it and look into it. Don't wait, It is YOUR responsibility to make sure you are being safe online but when things get out of hand US mods and the admin team are here to help. And something i read is bugging me , How are you getting dick pics if there is no way to send pics through messenger on THIS site?
The profile settings also help and setting your inbox to friends only cuts down on those cringe messages. And yes it does happen to me.... and YES it is really annoying.
So I get it!!
Talking about it on the forums after you have let it go on for so long does not help and letting it boil over from another site or app also does not help the situation on here. All to often people seek each other out off this site only to have it go bad and spill over to here.
Also you can turn off the chat bar as well that will keep people from hitting you up when your online HELL BLOCK the shit out of if you need too.

I think its sad a post from a lady describing the origin of her fetish get deleted because we have to prevent a man getting sexually excited about the thoughts of a kid in foam, when that's where most of us started this fetish from.

Lets get real....whether male or female if you have this fetish it started in childhood. It didn't come about because you chose the fact you liked the look of it in your 20s or 30s and thought oh yeah I can make money from these weirdos by making some videos....just saying

I rest my case......

The world is now officially insane

You see that button RIGHT THERE on you pic that says forward to an admin Click it.

There are women here who aren't models too. Just into this stuff like the rest of you all.

Be nice, M