Ok, I got the solution for real this time. Just close down all the forums and just leave the stores open. Then no one can insult anyone, or stalk them, or any other shit. We will have succeeded in "fixing" so many of these problems. This has kind of gotten off topic and just turned into a shit slinging flame war. And while we're all about mess here at UMD, there is a strict policy about scat.

Clearly, the Golden Rule is just beyond some people's ability to grasp.

Holy shit, I have like 13 unnoticed friend requests. Guess I fucked that up. Sorry about that, would-be friends!

Do I have to worry about metadata if I'm not using a camera or smartphone? The only media I ever post here is stuff found on the net, via my PC. Lord knows the Regemeister doesn't need six hulking Slapstickonian goons showing up on his doorstep to deliver a beatdown.

Can Reege be a mod?

Honestly, these days, I have no idea. We live in really strange times and there's metadata everywhere. I think other people here might have better answers.

I use the new Firefox, which is supposedly helpful. I should probably also use a VPN, but the speeds are pretty slow.

About exif data. AFAIK, you should only have to worry about exif data for photos you take yourself, specifically with your iPhone and suchlike (though you can turn exif data off if you adjust your settings). That said, if you share photos you've found online, some of those photos might still have the original data, and then you'd be exposing the people who initially posted the photo to increased risk.

It's really troubling. You can literally find the exact address of where some photos are taken using Google Earth and Street View.

God. Damn. Wow. Well, there it is. Thank you, ItsJay, for positively confirming and affirming my experience that she's nothing more than a bully. And for confirming my inferences. You have just solidly and unequivocally confirmed what the two direct chatters said to me. And, so, "the wrong side" is anything she thinks it is? I politely disagree, or refuse to post a pic of myself, and, "I'm fucking finished"?

Bring it on, futhermuckers.

Fuck this bullying nonsense with a barbed-wire corn-cob and fourteen prickly pipe-cleaners.

Fifteen, just for you.

Hey mods, what the flying five-fingered fuck is all of this about?

Ok this just got a bit surreal. Disagreeing with me is absolutely fine, it's all part of life and rich a community, and I have absolutely no consequence I could inflict (or even want to anyway! whaa??) also please bear in mind it was not me who told you not to disagree with me and do away with the grudge you hold against me for something said without my knowledge or any truth

And I've been misunderstood here - anonymity is absolutely fine. However I believe anonymity can very easily be maintained in full while still posting messy pics and making it clear you are a genuine female.

I believe this is important for regular everyday wammers to know because I have over the years seen many fakers taking some close friends for a complete ride, playing with their emotions and even in some cases booking in fake sessions and meets to the extent that at one point an australian wammer went to the USA to meet the 'female wammer' he'd been talking to and sending money to only to be told by 'her brother' that she'd been in a car crash. Anyone who has seen even half an episode of catfish will recognise that as an absolute lie and a classic kind of thing to happen when a meet doesn't come to pass.

So please feel free to disagree away but I'm fed up of seeing my friends taken for a ride when there's some easy telltale signs I can point out that will stop that happening

I have no idea where this 'get on the wrong side of me' shit has come from

I mean I've told off some trolls in the past but well.. they were trolls. On the wrong side of... everyone.

Ahhh I see. But I have also since spoken up when it was clear you'd been careful to change your ways and you had taken my advice. You were not 'finished' and I helped you

Excuse me - I have not bullied anyone. Jay just went on to explain what he meant which was that I reported him for being a TROLL - the only thing that was finished was his trolling people which he fully admits.

I reported him, spoke to him and he was pissed off for a while but he came back and took my advice. I could see he had changed and was happy to tell people so. Where is the bullying here?

Can't help think you have a totally unjustified vendetta against me - you have pounced on selective soundbites out of context because you are only seeing what you want to see here and not what's actually happening at all.

Will you enforce this belief (ill-informed belief, I will add, and I do this kind of thing for a living) if you become a mod? Kick people who don't conform to your standard?

Of course not long as they are doing no harm, which is the general umd ethos.

I also said further upthread I wouldn't be moderator unless another female did it with me (Lisa or Mrs Bee have been mentioned... I'd also back Ariel) this is partly so that I'm not such an easy target but also to ensure fairness. No banning etc unless at least one other mod agrees.

Bullshit, sister. Your comments and statements were in context, and the thread is still there (the context). I took your statements in direct context, Donald Trump. Try again.

Pure anonymity means No Data Whatsoever. That includes pics of any sort. Your ignorance of internet security practice doesn't excuse your opinion - it just makes it an uninformed opinion.

And do not, and I mean DO NOT, gaslight me. Do not tell me what I see, or what I want to see. You know nothing, Jane Snow. And as far as bullying? Well YOU didn't.. but people representing you did. Tackle that, then get back to me, Don Corleone.

How dare you. I'm serious. You have stated, now twice, your believe as to how to remain anonymous. One of your own - IN THIS THREAD - stated not to fuck with you ("fucking finishedf"). Ok, I get it, you didn't say it. You don't have to. Your people do it for you. Clear as day. How. Goddamed. Dare. You.

Funny thing. I don't have people chatting and being the heavy on other folks when they disagree, or "cross". What's that about?

I was born at night. But I was not born last night. I can see this clearly. Say what you will, but your "people" from the prior thread, and now ItsJay, have made it clear.

Something is up here. Whatever it is, it's baloney.

But "doing harm" is not posting a "real" pic, by your standard. Am I wrong?

ok, well, it appears to me you have picked up and run with certain soudbites from jay because they fit your view of me, which you formed based on people I have no knowledge of telling you not to cross me.

I have absolutely nothing to do with anyone 'chatting the heavy' I was not aware of this happening at all until now and anyone out there doing this, I'm telling you now please stop

anyone is free to disagree with me and there are no consquences for disagreeing with me and there never will be

I will of course reply if I feel the disagreement is unjustified or has some vendetta but that imho is fine and all part of a rich community isn't it?

Yes you are wrong. I have explained my position and why, but I'll do it again

The harm I refer to is those fakers that 'catfish' or troll and arrange meets (like the australian guy I referred to in the earlier post) and/or toy with the emotions of regular wammers here

Good to know.

And behavior makes sense. Because I could come up with a "pic" that everyone would believe is real, and would be untraceable, and none of you would know the difference (assuming none of you have the skills and resources to do this kind of forensics).

But if I catfished someone, and deliberately and meaningfully caused harm, well yeah, that's a community offense. If it isn't, it should be.

In fact, you know what? I go OUT OF MY WAY to indicate that the pics aren't real, and this is an avatar that frees me to express my kink here in a safe-to-me manner. I'm the anti-catfish. So, ya know, I take umbrage to being lumped-in with the Mississippi Mud just because I have a cartoon as a facepic.

I'm still concerned that followers of yours see fit to be your "shock troops" (my word). What the heck is up with that?

I will say that, should THAT happen to me again -- BOOM reported.

That's exactly it, yes.

And also yes please do report anyone doing that. that goes for anyone else reading this too if you experience the same thing please tell me or a mod.

I do not and never have authorised or wanted anyone to be speaking for me this way especially when it is untrue, unfounded and threatening other members. That is not what I am about at all.

I have to go for now but welcome any further concerns or comments direct to my inbox especially if straying off topic

Peace out x

Would I get the nuclear codes?!

(Wait, UMD does have nukes, right?)

I like the idea of a "don't call me, I'll call you" option. However, I think we should keep the "friends can contact me" option too. Otherwise you've got a situation where two people become friends on UMD, but neither of them can send a message to the other unless one of them changes their settings to "accept messages from everyone".

As another idea, how about mimicking Facebook? If someone sends me a message but they're not a friend, it goes into an "Other" folder. I can scan through that every so often in case I've missed anything important, but my phone doesn't keep beeping at me
with new notifications.

In my case, I've met all of my UMD friends in person (e.g. at a splunch or the London Splosh Games), so that was an offline alternative to swapping messages first.

More generally, what's the point of being friends with someone on UMD? As far as I can tell, it's not like Facebook where you can share extra photos with your friends or get notifications when they post new stuff. The only practical benefit is that you can restrict your messages/chat requests to "friends only". In other words, if you removed those filter options then you might as well remove the whole friend concept.

I'd be happy to volunteer to be a female mod on the US side, depending on the time commitment. As in I work full time M-F so can't be logged in all day those days but would be fine otherwise. Can a current mod comment on how much time they spend here on average? Thanks!

Mrs. Bee

Why are we talking like Candy is some kind of Mafia don? Have I missed something?

I wouldn't say that's it entirely; people (unknowing to Candy) "intervened" on her behalf and the recipient took it as a warning and/or a threat. I would too, to be frank. Even in this thread, a correction had to be made by Jay, so, pretty demonstrable to be that things were also said and presented in the 'wrong way'. But, crisis over! Moving on, nothing to see here.

10000 times yes to Mrs Bee being a mod

As much as I'm here all the time and would happily do the role of mod, the Moomins are fairly well known in the wonderful world of wam. I wouldn't want anyone to think it was overkill me being a mod.

This is a great community. There are plenty of people I think would make great mods.
Essentially it's MessMasters choice.

This is a most interesting post and something that I can certainly relate to having originally been an anonymous male in my original guise 15 years ago and then revealing my trans side to the site a few years back. In this latter form I must confess to having had an awakening as to what women endure at the hands of men, (yes really!) It does not happen often here but now and again I have picked up an odd friend who has revealed themselves to be devoid of social etiquette which truly beggars belief. Usually it will be a very direct comment about what they want to do to you, or a braggart announcing that they have a gigantic penis (Urgh, the last thing I need to be seeing!!) None of which upsets me, but rather angers me that they have not taken the time to read my profile or treat me as a woman I aspire to be. On the flip side you can encounter the socially shy online who post one word icebreakers and expect me to work on that... Part of the issue is I suppose is how do you break the ice without coming across aggressively or slow and dull. Not that poor behaviour to women is any excuse but I just think these men simply don't know how to engage...

This is a problem that needs to be addressed and better now than later, yes there have been mistakes made here on this site but isn't that not the case in all walks of life, as we have been seeing in the media... Not much consolation I know, but I have seen worse male buffoonery on trans sites, its not just a WAM problem.

My only council on this would be as already mentioned, female MODs, is absolutely paramount and will send out a strong message that this is not simply a male den. As for concerns over who is a MOD, perhaps the MOD should be able to act in the short term but then a court of MODS should then ratify the decision making.

I would also like to see a MOD report posted each month updating us all on the offences committed and the actions taken against the offender. Again this will send out a message that you will be named and shamed and your offences made public, this to ensure new comers that this is a desired safe space.

This is our house, lets keep it tidy....

xx

Apropos of nothing, could I suggest that we immediately pass a bylaw requiring moderators to be covered in pie or mud any time they delete a post or ban somebody?

I don't know if a girl can be a good mod.

Elsewhere in the online fetish community they can and indeed are. I've moderated various fetlife groups with women as co-mods and they've generally done better than the men. Why do you doubt it?

I think in situations like this, it's worth asking ourselves what the core problem we're trying to solve is. In this case, I think the main problem can be boiled down to:

There are two types of messages being sent, ones acceptable by both parties and ones that are undesirable by the receiver.

A small team of moderators will never be able to monitor all messages on this site to detect undesirable ones, but a spam filter could do this automatically and could drastically cut down on the messages that people find objectionable. While this may not be able to stop the deeper problem of people who do not respect women, it could significantly cut back on the amount of harm that they can cause to members of the community.

Let's be friends!