Yoooo so I've had a pretty wild week, as you might've seen on Twitter I recently discovered I am ADHD! I have a lot of feelings that I'm working through, mostly I'm glad to finally have confirmation that I am actually just a bit different to everyone else as I suspected all along haha!

Everything now makes a looooot of sense - including the fact this is like, the fourth draft of this post because I kept going off-tangent and suddenly realising I had written about 1k words and not actually said anything of value and then deleted it all in annoyance and started again. In hindsight I am kind of ashamed that I didn't even pay enough attention to myself to realise what a textbook case I am I just thought that like....everyone experienced the world the same way as me, but was better at dealing with it?

ANYWAY I've been posting a bit more on some of the things that I TOTALLY THOUGHT EVERYONE DID on Twitter/Instagram highlights if you're curious to know about some of my experiences!

Aaaand I know we have a lot of ASD people here, but who else is ADHD?

What an honest and brave piece of self-appraisal.
I wish you every success in dealing with your diagnoses.
Look at what you have achieved here, organising regular get togethers and
successful national events, setting standards of conduct, earning respect,
I would say that your abilities may inspire others, as how (as you say) to
manage this condition in a positive way.
Mr W

I am so Proud of you Penny.
I May not have ADHD but i do have autism so i know how it feels *hugs*

Hm. I probably have obsessive-rumination, which is like the opposite of ADHD. Also clinical depression-anxiety.

Actually you'd be surprised, ADHD is more about being able to choose what to focus on than not focusing on anything at all. I can hyperfocus on things that I find engaging for hours, to the detriment of other important things. I had hearing tests as a kid because I would completely zone out when reading a book I loved or playing a game!
Ruminating for a whole day on a topic or something somebody said and being totally unable to just think about something else, even when that thought is making me feel anxious or sad, is a big part of my struggles. So even if you don't think that's a sign of ADHD, I can definitely empathise there.

I thought my depression and anxiety was just a thing that happened - makes so much sense to me now that they were actually just another symptom of me knowing deep down that I didn't quite fit in with other people. I felt hopeless because none of the tips I read seemed to help. Being neurodiverse and having no clue and feeling like you have to fight harder than everyone else to get things done and are only failing at it because you're lazy or not trying hard enough would make anyone depressed and anxious!

It's like learning that my brain runs on Mac OS and everyone else is on Windows. Of course I was finding it hard to follow the same tutorials as everyone else, I hadn't realised that I was using a different operating system! I thought I was crap at using this computer but I managed to write all this software and learn how to navigate it with the completely wrong instructions - I am SO MUCH BETTER at using computers than anyone because I just taught myself all these shortcuts and coping mechanisms without having a clue what I was doing.

My ego is gonna be unbearable without all this self hate and doubt holding me back

Penny, please don't hate yourself.

Your capacity for doing good is increasing minute by minute, as more people read this and think, "Thats me too!"

I am not qualified to give you the support you need, but please seek all the help that is there.

I hope that everyone here will recognise the importance that you have highlighted towards these issues.

Peter

Doctors were not sure which one was more prevalent so they said i have both ADD and ADHD crammed meds down my throat for most of my child hood. Ended up being 2 different people , as the meds suppressed various parts of my emotions and feelings. Was not till i was out of high school that I said enough is enough and have been working to repair the damage and Tone down my VERY VERY intense emotions that were suppressed for so long. As a result my sense of smell and touch are dialed up and my Metabolism is crazy high due the the appetite suppressant that was a part of the meds. Being deadened to your emotions and senses for so long I did not feel like myself until I stopped with the meds and let my mind heal and process everything the right way.

Some may find this helpful ...

https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/me-and-monotropism-unified-theory-autism?fbclid=IwAR0ZV9vLCXrcQWgvNfSd8a5ZDKz8Ikgh4JZVviWxmrq4Idbpd5XpRQ_OD30

+1, hence UMD.

MM

Possibly! Thanks for sharing. I'm not educated on the DSM, and totally oblivious about DSM5. You're right, I thought ADHD had to do with not being able to stick to a single task, and contrasted that with my (now probably out of date) understanding of autism. (To my credit, though, apparently, ADHD and autism used to be considered mutually exclusive.) Still, sure enough, the Mayo clinic's diagnostic criteria make it sound like ADHD includes more global frustrations with multi-tasking, planning, and time-management. And I can relate with that!

I like your analogy of "It's like learning that my brain runs on Mac OS and everyone else is on Windows". I feel a bit like my brain is a Macbook running along with fellow Macbooks, but it feels more like I'm running a different version of the same OS -- and I can't generally tell if I've got the most recent update, or one that is hopelessly dated. The bugs in my system are obvious, but they might actually be features. I only know that it's easy for me to get shut down into 'safe mode', and that my functionality basically bottoms out at that point.

Just wanted to thank you Penny for the in detail way you expressed in twitter threads and other posts about how adhd manifests in your life and the symptoms

I've always felt life is different/harder to deal with for me but I've gone along with my symptoms and hammered it into a shape I can just about deal with over the years.. and was (I believe) misdiagnosed bipolar

When my partner suggested I may have adhd, I dismissed it because my brother does, and I'm so entirely not like him

Then I looked up symptoms to try and be sure whether to look into it or not, and just couldn't translate those words into how those things may have manifested in my life, and again, dismissed it.

My daughter said she thinks she may have it, and I said the classic 'nah we'd have noticed it in childhood'* (*=more on this later)

Then I read all your discoveries and explanations like reading my own life, and my mothers life, and my daughter, and I realised. FUCK. this is it and it all fits, whereas bipolar did not.

We are now all starting the process of diagnosis, starting with my daughter as it's affecting her the most at the moment

*I have also come to realise my own potential adhd prevented me noticing it in my daughter - I understand her like no other and always went with her quirks, now suspected to be symptoms, because I had my own quirks, which also turn out to be symptoms, and I love her so much, I didn't think there was anything 'wrong' in any of that, she's just like me and my mum and so this is how people are and so this is what neurotypical looks like right? Nope. So much nope. It's all of us in the family, and so far my brother is the only diagnosed one

So anyway thank you so much. Having an explanation for...everything... and being able to get my daughter some help before she has to try and hammer her life into shape she can deal with too is incredible and next level.

Oh Candy that's incredible, I'm so happy for you that you're pursuing a diagnosis!


Some of my favourite resources in my journey so far have been:
Marla Cummins blog/podcast
ADHD rewired podcast
Additude Magazine and webinars
Hacking your ADHD podcast
How to ADHD Youtube channel

That whole tangent things is how I always talk in text, especially as I sit on Discord a lot given the current world situation and is similar to how I talk with my brother and father.

One topic bleeds into another and you're hours later where the conversation started about a film and now you finish talking about bread or something.

Though I've never been diagnosed with anything outside of Asthma as a child, some have felt I was someone with ADHD but I think it's more I can get overly excitable about some stuff and speak quickly quite naturally because I'm Scottish.

My attention span could be better but nothing some simple mental excercises can't overcome.

Good to hear others discovering more about themselves though and hope things become easier to understand for you all.

Was thinking of painting my body up now like the star charts of the universe so theirs a distraction i should pay attention to need to finish a script . I do know i have coping styles with trauma im working with so (Dissociation is a break in how your mind handles information. You may feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, and surroundings. It can affect your sense of identity and your perception of time.)

Safe mode makes sense to me its in part what i get close to and out of while exploring myself.

Unless it's at a debilitating level, meaning you can't ever get a single thing accomplished, mild ADHD is a hallmark trait of highly successful people.

I'm not patting myself on the back, but my mind was all over the place when I was younger, and still is. I run 2 businesses on top of being an area manager with a 3-state territory. Back when I was growing it, it was called "multitasking."

At any given time, I'm thinking about 10 different things and doing 3 different things.

Now, they want to shove pills down these poor kid's throats cause they're fidgity or can't sit in a boring class for 50 minutes without drifting off.

They wanted to put my son on meds in elementary school. We told the school counselor to fuck off (figuratively of course) and he's now 19 as a math/finance major with a 3.9 GPA and runs his own server.

Meds are a very valid way to treat ADHD, please can we not turn a thread that was created for support into a place where we invalidate forms of treatment. This sort of stigma is really harmful because it discourages people from trying medication when they're diagnosed later in life.

I broke down in tears of joy when I tried medication because I suddenly was able to do the basic tasks I had struggled to all my life. The constant buzzing in my brain shut the fuck up and I could hear myself think for long enough to focus on how to achieve things. Meds have absolutely saved my self esteem and helped me to experience life as a neurotypical person so I know how much easier it is for everyone else!
When I am fidgety I pick at my skin til I bleed and scar. When I can't pay attention to something boring I get fired from my job. The things that might seem minor can have a hugely detrimental affect on our lives and I wish to God I had medication 20 years ago, it would have saved me a lot of heartache and helped me achieve even greater things than I already have.

Medication is well documented to be incredibly helpful for ADHD because it helps you actually learn and recall the skills you need to manage your symptoms. I can do all the CBT in the world but if my working memory is impaired and I'm too easily distracted by my own emotions to manage myself in a crisis, it's worthless!

There isn't really an influx of kids being misdiagnosed because teachers are desperate to make them shut up, it is simply more widely understood and things like inattentive type ADHD and symptoms of ADHD in young girls are actually picked up now instead of being ignored, similar to autism - there aren't more actual or misdiagnosed neurodiverse people than 20 years ago, we just actually know what to look for. If anything, ADHD is underdiagnosed, at least in the UK.

I'm pro-medication only when a psychiatrist diagnoses the problem...not a psychologist, not a self-diagnosis, not anyone else.

Yeah, both. I'm not ashamed of it, but I'm not really proud of it either. It's complicated.

Just wondering how easy it is to get diagnosed, especially in later life. I've so many "oddities" but have always put it down to social anxiety for which I've had many years of therapy. (Best thing I ever did.) Kind of surprised no one's ever suggested the possibility.

In the UK you can ask to be referred to this incredibly fast place called Psychiatry UK - still NHS funded so it's free, but they do video call appointments so have a much shorter waiting list! It only took me 3 months from start to finish to get my formal diagnosis and that's one of the longer waiting times, friends of mine have had it sorted in weeks.

All you need to do is send the letter here to your GP and they will do the rest!

https://www.psychiatry-uk.com/right-to-choose/

If you aren't sure what ADHD actually feels like day to day compared to a list of symptoms on a website, I found this list helpful to pinpoint what I struggle with the most regularly. https://www.advancedassessments.co.uk/resources/ADHD-Screening-Test-Adult.pdf

And remember - if you have an adhd assessment but don't have ADHD they're not going to say "well guess you're just crazy, why would you waste our time?" - they'll say "this other diagnosis fits better, here are your treatment options" at worst. Either way you'll get an answer, it's just as valuable to know you definitely don't have ADHD





Also quick edit to once again push How To Adhd on YouTube, here's a really really short video about ADHD for anyone who doesn't like reading! https://youtu.be/xMWtGozn5jU


AND here is a load of linked tweets about my ADHD symptoms and general experiences https://twitter.com/PennyBanksWAM/status/1305817664326115329?s=19

If you don't use twitter then I have screenshotted a lot of the tweets and added them to a story highlight on my old Instagram profile which you might be able to see, the account is shadowbanned so might not show up.

Thankyou Penny, you're a star. I had no idea half of that existed. I'll have a dig around.