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"Gone for a while"
Love you, too
Hello my fellow messy fetishists!
I know I have been gone for a while and left a bit unannounced. Truth is, I was facing a bit of burnout. Making videos turned from being a fun hobby to something more like a second hobby. I was no longer getting messy just to have fun and also record it, but began focusing on things like:
What kind of mess do people like watching?
What is the best way to film this?
Is this sexy enough?
Am I sexy enough?
These are thoughts I never wanted to have when doing when getting messy. It should always be about me having fun and getting to escape into my fetish for a little while. So I decided to take a bit of a break from UMD and from being in front of a camura and just get messy to get messy for a while until I no longer cared about anything besides what I wanted for the mess. The break was great and I got to meet, photograph, and film people getting messy in ways that wouldn't have happened if I were the active participant rather than the cameras person.
As of now I am feeling much better and have doubled down on my resolve to get messy just for me. If I feel like filming now, I will and if it looks good I might edit and release. However, be warned I might start adding in some of the weird stuff I was experimenting with over the past year. Look forward to interacting with you all again. Thanks for understanding my need to take time off.
examples of my next scene in mind below. (it's glow in the dark)
I know I have been gone for a while and left a bit unannounced. Truth is, I was facing a bit of burnout. Making videos turned from being a fun hobby to something more like a second hobby. I was no longer getting messy just to have fun and also record it, but began focusing on things like:
What kind of mess do people like watching?
What is the best way to film this?
Is this sexy enough?
Am I sexy enough?
These are thoughts I never wanted to have when doing when getting messy. It should always be about me having fun and getting to escape into my fetish for a little while. So I decided to take a bit of a break from UMD and from being in front of a camura and just get messy to get messy for a while until I no longer cared about anything besides what I wanted for the mess. The break was great and I got to meet, photograph, and film people getting messy in ways that wouldn't have happened if I were the active participant rather than the cameras person.
As of now I am feeling much better and have doubled down on my resolve to get messy just for me. If I feel like filming now, I will and if it looks good I might edit and release. However, be warned I might start adding in some of the weird stuff I was experimenting with over the past year. Look forward to interacting with you all again. Thanks for understanding my need to take time off.
examples of my next scene in mind below. (it's glow in the dark)
This is exactly why when I had a store I just made content of my wife that I wanted to see and put it up for others to buy if they were interested too. Fuck what others want. Not my style. Honestly, If you think it's fun and sexy someone else will too. I guarantee it.
Cool images Stella, love the lighting, very cool, was it fun, looks like it was.
I think your doing just fine being you, do your fetish your way, fuck what anyone else thinks. Not everyone in the world is going to like what you like and thank the gods for that, our differences are what make us interesting, welcome back, I for one love your videos.....
Phil
I think your doing just fine being you, do your fetish your way, fuck what anyone else thinks. Not everyone in the world is going to like what you like and thank the gods for that, our differences are what make us interesting, welcome back, I for one love your videos.....
Phil
In all honesty, and I guess I can only speak for myself and speculate for everyone else, but one of the main reasons why your videos are so good regardless of what they are about WAM-wise is that they all come across as genuine. What I mean is, rather than feeling like they're a product of someone trying to capitalize on this fetish, they come from someone who genuinely loves it and is excited about doing it. An honestly, one of the hottest things for me is seeing a girl who loves what she's doing in a WAM scene, and you come off that way in just about every video of your's that I've purchased over the years.
I won't lie, I've passed on some videos based on the they type of mess or the premise not being my cup of tea, but every time there is something new I always like to at least check out the previews to see what kind of interesting new things you come up with; I certainly admire the creativity! But believe me, there's always some strong neuron activation when there's a scene involving your fluffy white slime or forest mud spot (still really jealous of that) because I know whatever you do is going to be extremely sexy since you clearly love it so much.
Bottom line is this: I can't tell you not to worry about those four questions you stated above, but what I can tell you with utmost sincerity is that you always come across as genuine on camera no matter what it is your doing, and that is the sexiest thing of all when it comes to WAM in my book. So keep doing what YOU want to do when it comes to WAM, and I'm sure just about everyone here will always appreciate getting to see you enjoying yourself!
I won't lie, I've passed on some videos based on the they type of mess or the premise not being my cup of tea, but every time there is something new I always like to at least check out the previews to see what kind of interesting new things you come up with; I certainly admire the creativity! But believe me, there's always some strong neuron activation when there's a scene involving your fluffy white slime or forest mud spot (still really jealous of that) because I know whatever you do is going to be extremely sexy since you clearly love it so much.
Bottom line is this: I can't tell you not to worry about those four questions you stated above, but what I can tell you with utmost sincerity is that you always come across as genuine on camera no matter what it is your doing, and that is the sexiest thing of all when it comes to WAM in my book. So keep doing what YOU want to do when it comes to WAM, and I'm sure just about everyone here will always appreciate getting to see you enjoying yourself!
All this cake, there must be a princess somewhere.
Saturation Hall, Langstonedale
Lord of the Pies
You've always been one of the more interesting people here so glad to see you return. And yes, it's good to be able to take breaks and only get messy on your own terms. One of several reasons I run with a huge stockpile is so I can take breaks from shooting new scenes if the creative ideas start to dry up, and still have plenty of material to keep the updates rolling without any pressure on me or the girls to crank out new shoots every week, and then when we do all come back together to do more, a bunch of us can have a weekend blast doing loads of stuff that we actually enjoy, and then pause again to recharge.
Love the photos! Very interesting light setup for the UV tubes, not seen mounts like that before. And I love how the substance is flowing over your headgear in the other two. Are you wearing a full catsuit in the first one. And yay for doing weird stuff! Following your passion will always produce cool results.
Welcome back!
Love the photos! Very interesting light setup for the UV tubes, not seen mounts like that before. And I love how the substance is flowing over your headgear in the other two. Are you wearing a full catsuit in the first one. And yay for doing weird stuff! Following your passion will always produce cool results.
Welcome back!
Saturation Hall - Forth! The Gungemaidens!
Welcome back and well done for recognising burn out and doing something about it. Hope you are fully recharged and enjoying yourself. Now, to answer your questions:
What kind of mess do people like watching?
Lots of different kinds, and that's on them and not you.
What is the best way to film this?
With a camera.
Is this sexy enough?
For some folks yes, for others no. And that's on them and not you.
Am I sexy enough?
For some folks yes, for others no. And that's on them and not you.
Basically this is a classic external locus issue, you look for others to feel good. If you turn it to an INternal locus then you will enjoy it regardless of others and the same result will happen, some will like it other won't, the only difference is you will always enjoy it.
Take care.
What kind of mess do people like watching?
Lots of different kinds, and that's on them and not you.
What is the best way to film this?
With a camera.
Is this sexy enough?
For some folks yes, for others no. And that's on them and not you.
Am I sexy enough?
For some folks yes, for others no. And that's on them and not you.
Basically this is a classic external locus issue, you look for others to feel good. If you turn it to an INternal locus then you will enjoy it regardless of others and the same result will happen, some will like it other won't, the only difference is you will always enjoy it.
Take care.
Glad to see you return. It's normal to get burned out, but we are glad you're back. Life is short. Do what makes you happy.
MarioFan64 said: In all honesty, and I guess I can only speak for myself and speculate for everyone else, but one of the main reasons why your videos are so good regardless of what they are about WAM-wise is that they all come across as genuine. What I mean is, rather than feeling like they're a product of someone trying to capitalize on this fetish, they come from someone who genuinely loves it and is excited about doing it. An honestly, one of the hottest things for me is seeing a girl who loves what she's doing in a WAM scene, and you come off that way in just about every video of your's that I've purchased over the years.
I won't lie, I've passed on some videos based on the they type of mess or the premise not being my cup of tea, but every time there is something new I always like to at least check out the previews to see what kind of interesting new things you come up with; I certainly admire the creativity! But believe me, there's always some strong neuron activation when there's a scene involving your fluffy white slime or forest mud spot (still really jealous of that) because I know whatever you do is going to be extremely sexy since you clearly love it so much.
Bottom line is this: I can't tell you not to worry about those four questions you stated above, but what I can tell you with utmost sincerity is that you always come across as genuine on camera no matter what it is your doing, and that is the sexiest thing of all when it comes to WAM in my book. So keep doing what YOU want to do when it comes to WAM, and I'm sure just about everyone here will always appreciate getting to see you enjoying yourself!
I won't lie, I've passed on some videos based on the they type of mess or the premise not being my cup of tea, but every time there is something new I always like to at least check out the previews to see what kind of interesting new things you come up with; I certainly admire the creativity! But believe me, there's always some strong neuron activation when there's a scene involving your fluffy white slime or forest mud spot (still really jealous of that) because I know whatever you do is going to be extremely sexy since you clearly love it so much.
Bottom line is this: I can't tell you not to worry about those four questions you stated above, but what I can tell you with utmost sincerity is that you always come across as genuine on camera no matter what it is your doing, and that is the sexiest thing of all when it comes to WAM in my book. So keep doing what YOU want to do when it comes to WAM, and I'm sure just about everyone here will always appreciate getting to see you enjoying yourself!
Co-sign I'd also add you even been willing to explore what suits your interest just makes what you do a way of exploring with the viewer.
Paint with play and surrender
Thirded, your videos are amazingly hot for the above reasons, they feel genuine and that's what mattered to me. you do what you need to do to bring yourself back to full form. enjoy the mess
Glad to see you back! It's good to hear you took some time for yourself and got some rest. Excited to see what you've got in store for us!
By all means, show us those weird and wild things! Seeing you just do your thing, getting weird, and giving us the opportunity to peek in on that is what makes everything you do so unique. I'm honestly a fan of the more kinky, "weird" scenes (it feels strange to call any fetish weird when I'm posting on a forum for people getting food and mess thrown at them lmao).
It's awesome to see someone who's really into WAM just letting loose and having fun. It doesn't have to cater to anyone but you, because that's precisely what makes your stuff so special: That "I'm just getting messy and doing the things I like and you guys can watch" vibe. Get weird, get wild, and don't worry if it's "sexy enough" because you being you and genuinely enjoying yourself is what makes your stuff sexy and fun!
By all means, show us those weird and wild things! Seeing you just do your thing, getting weird, and giving us the opportunity to peek in on that is what makes everything you do so unique. I'm honestly a fan of the more kinky, "weird" scenes (it feels strange to call any fetish weird when I'm posting on a forum for people getting food and mess thrown at them lmao).
It's awesome to see someone who's really into WAM just letting loose and having fun. It doesn't have to cater to anyone but you, because that's precisely what makes your stuff so special: That "I'm just getting messy and doing the things I like and you guys can watch" vibe. Get weird, get wild, and don't worry if it's "sexy enough" because you being you and genuinely enjoying yourself is what makes your stuff sexy and fun!
I for one can confidently say that you are DEFINITELY sexy enough. 
I can understand the burn out, as we all get it doing different things. And if something starts to not feel fun or worthwhile, why keep doing it?
Judging from what you put in those pics, you have some really neat things lined up. And one of the best things I find with producers here is that you can see everyone's other interests in what they make. And while any one of those things may not be someone's favorite thing, you will have others that LOVE it. Be true to what you want to do, and what you want to make.
Honestly, I'm just glad you guys are back and alright.
I can understand the burn out, as we all get it doing different things. And if something starts to not feel fun or worthwhile, why keep doing it?
Judging from what you put in those pics, you have some really neat things lined up. And one of the best things I find with producers here is that you can see everyone's other interests in what they make. And while any one of those things may not be someone's favorite thing, you will have others that LOVE it. Be true to what you want to do, and what you want to make.
Honestly, I'm just glad you guys are back and alright.
He's more potato now than man. Twisted and evil.
totally makes sense what you're saying! glad you're getting back to a place where it's feeling fun and open-ended.
agreed completely with MarioFan64 --- the genuine love of WAMming is the thing i love most in your videos. that, and the fact that you take us on unexpected journeys! it's a GOOD thing that you're not doing what other producers do or what you think the audience wants - you end up with really unique fabulous content that also, i hope, was as much fun to make as it looks. you do you!
agreed completely with MarioFan64 --- the genuine love of WAMming is the thing i love most in your videos. that, and the fact that you take us on unexpected journeys! it's a GOOD thing that you're not doing what other producers do or what you think the audience wants - you end up with really unique fabulous content that also, i hope, was as much fun to make as it looks. you do you!
I suppose I should clarify about the questions I put in the original post. None of them were something I would ask of anyone on this site. It was all self reflective questions. So, because I do make and edit my own videos with the help of PupBarley I watch my own content constantly. So with every video I make I watch myself doing something I like... but I am viewing it as something I am editing for a consumer. So in the end I am editing myself that way. It kind of grinds on you to be like "WOOPS" started talking or doing something not sexy for a bit, better cut that out to save time. At first it's just I needed to wipe goo from an eye, get a sip of water, was talking, started laughing uncontrollably because I farted and it made the slime bubble and it didn't pop yet... but after so many years it becomes something even more toxic.
I started paying attention to my body. How I moved, how fast I moved, and over all.... how I looked while I filmed. Each time I just kept seeing someone who moved to fast, to twitchy, to awkward, and most disturbingly to chubby. Now, I know I am by no means overweight or fat, but after a person uploaded one of my videos without my permission to pornhub without my permission and gave it the tag... chubby... over and over again. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't change my habits. I still go for my daily 5K and eat more than I probably should. But the fact that it was there. That someone thought of me that way despite how much effort I put in to not be like most of my family... it got to me.
So. I thought maybe I should take a bit of time away. Not worry about what I thought other people might like, how other people might see me, how sexy other people might see me, and not worry about how awkward I was perceived by others... might help me not see myself that way. I had a few videos ready before I stopped, but after a while they ran out and it was noticed that I was gone. I wasn't ready to come back for my own mental state about my body, so I kept my distance.
And let me say; it has helped. Originally I didn't want to make this about me having issues with my body and actions because I know that on this site a lot of people view me very highly and might think that I would judge them harshly because they might think they look worse than I do, but I did just want to make this comment on here because I was afraid anyone facing something similar might be feel the same way. When you are made to look at yourself on a professional level all the time you are bound to find flaws no matter how sexy others say you are.
I started paying attention to my body. How I moved, how fast I moved, and over all.... how I looked while I filmed. Each time I just kept seeing someone who moved to fast, to twitchy, to awkward, and most disturbingly to chubby. Now, I know I am by no means overweight or fat, but after a person uploaded one of my videos without my permission to pornhub without my permission and gave it the tag... chubby... over and over again. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't change my habits. I still go for my daily 5K and eat more than I probably should. But the fact that it was there. That someone thought of me that way despite how much effort I put in to not be like most of my family... it got to me.
So. I thought maybe I should take a bit of time away. Not worry about what I thought other people might like, how other people might see me, how sexy other people might see me, and not worry about how awkward I was perceived by others... might help me not see myself that way. I had a few videos ready before I stopped, but after a while they ran out and it was noticed that I was gone. I wasn't ready to come back for my own mental state about my body, so I kept my distance.
And let me say; it has helped. Originally I didn't want to make this about me having issues with my body and actions because I know that on this site a lot of people view me very highly and might think that I would judge them harshly because they might think they look worse than I do, but I did just want to make this comment on here because I was afraid anyone facing something similar might be feel the same way. When you are made to look at yourself on a professional level all the time you are bound to find flaws no matter how sexy others say you are.
10/8/21, 11:56pm: User has claimed post does not purposely direct users to forbidden site "pornhub"
Stella said: So with every video I make I watch myself doing something I like... but I am viewing it as something I am editing for a consumer. So in the end I am editing myself that way. It kind of grinds on you to be like "WOOPS" started talking or doing something not sexy for a bit, better cut that out to save time. At first it's just I needed to wipe goo from an eye, get a sip of water, was talking, started laughing uncontrollably because I farted and it made the slime bubble and it didn't pop yet... but after so many years it becomes something even more toxic.
While my video making is on a smaller scale, this is something I definitely recognise - when you go through the footage and prune out those moments that don't fit the vibe, it's easy to start fixating on those little details where you would never usually look at yourself that way. And sometimes it's not entirely rational - like feeling bad about how my tummy folds when I sit, when there are a lot of folk much larger than me who I love to see.
It's kind of double-edged, as putting videos out and seeing the response to them was a good bit of affirmation and confidence boosting for me at first. One thing I've found that helps is to go out without the camera from time to time, remind myself that I'm doing this for myself primarily!
Oh no....I'm glad you were able to pull yourself out of it. I still haven't and dating sites certainly haven't helped. I can't even look at myself in the mirror honestly, everything from the neck down makes me feel sick, and the balding isn't very doing me any favors either. Compound that with my family trying to be supportive by saying things like "you looks aren't what make you attractive". And it's like, yeah, I get what you're trying to say, but that doesn't help me not feel ugly and unwanted.
I see myself as something between a potato and a balding sasquatch, and it turns out most other people do too.
I love your new profile pic BTW. That multi-tiered rainbowness and you in a perfect superhero pose makes such a great shot!
I see myself as something between a potato and a balding sasquatch, and it turns out most other people do too.
I love your new profile pic BTW. That multi-tiered rainbowness and you in a perfect superhero pose makes such a great shot!
He's more potato now than man. Twisted and evil.
Stella said: I suppose I should clarify about the questions I put in the original post. None of them were something I would ask of anyone on this site. It was all self reflective questions. So, because I do make and edit my own videos with the help of PupBarley I watch my own content constantly. So with every video I make I watch myself doing something I like... but I am viewing it as something I am editing for a consumer. So in the end I am editing myself that way. It kind of grinds on you to be like "WOOPS" started talking or doing something not sexy for a bit, better cut that out to save time. At first it's just I needed to wipe goo from an eye, get a sip of water, was talking, started laughing uncontrollably because I farted and it made the slime bubble and it didn't pop yet... but after so many years it becomes something even more toxic.
I started paying attention to my body. How I moved, how fast I moved, and over all.... how I looked while I filmed. Each time I just kept seeing someone who moved to fast, to twitchy, to awkward, and most disturbingly to chubby. Now, I know I am by no means overweight or fat, but after a person uploaded one of my videos without my permission to pornhub without my permission and gave it the tag... chubby... over and over again. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't change my habits. I still go for my daily 5K and eat more than I probably should. But the fact that it was there. That someone thought of me that way despite how much effort I put in to not be like most of my family... it got to me.
So. I thought maybe I should take a bit of time away. Not worry about what I thought other people might like, how other people might see me, how sexy other people might see me, and not worry about how awkward I was perceived by others... might help me not see myself that way. I had a few videos ready before I stopped, but after a while they ran out and it was noticed that I was gone. I wasn't ready to come back for my own mental state about my body, so I kept my distance.
And let me say; it has helped. Originally I didn't want to make this about me having issues with my body and actions because I know that on this site a lot of people view me very highly and might think that I would judge them harshly because they might think they look worse than I do, but I did just want to make this comment on here because I was afraid anyone facing something similar might be feel the same way. When you are made to look at yourself on a professional level all the time you are bound to find flaws no matter how sexy others say you are.
I started paying attention to my body. How I moved, how fast I moved, and over all.... how I looked while I filmed. Each time I just kept seeing someone who moved to fast, to twitchy, to awkward, and most disturbingly to chubby. Now, I know I am by no means overweight or fat, but after a person uploaded one of my videos without my permission to pornhub without my permission and gave it the tag... chubby... over and over again. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't change my habits. I still go for my daily 5K and eat more than I probably should. But the fact that it was there. That someone thought of me that way despite how much effort I put in to not be like most of my family... it got to me.
So. I thought maybe I should take a bit of time away. Not worry about what I thought other people might like, how other people might see me, how sexy other people might see me, and not worry about how awkward I was perceived by others... might help me not see myself that way. I had a few videos ready before I stopped, but after a while they ran out and it was noticed that I was gone. I wasn't ready to come back for my own mental state about my body, so I kept my distance.
And let me say; it has helped. Originally I didn't want to make this about me having issues with my body and actions because I know that on this site a lot of people view me very highly and might think that I would judge them harshly because they might think they look worse than I do, but I did just want to make this comment on here because I was afraid anyone facing something similar might be feel the same way. When you are made to look at yourself on a professional level all the time you are bound to find flaws no matter how sexy others say you are.
I wonder if the pornhub issue is solved with MindGeek and mastercard and visa banning and removing unverified uploads. Least your taking care of yourself nor sure it's possible to be self conscious when your exploring yourself online. That fart segment got me laughing
I did this short film for a friend once and we did like over 400 takes and it was for a 5 min scripted sort film he wrote and the actor didn't show up. I got so into the role and exhausted at the same time because I know how many times it took to get those 5 mins of footage. One of the things I learned was to be surprised by the outcome know that 1 min out of the 5 took over 300 takes to get and another 100 for getting some of the dialogue done.
As long as you do it first for yourself seems like the self care your exploring is helping and essential
Paint with play and surrender
10/9/21, 9:53pm: User has claimed post does not purposely direct users to forbidden site "pornhub"
One of the biggest pluses of your work is how genuine it is. Your enjoyment always makes it through the lens which, IMO, is by far the most incredible thing about your stuff.
I guarantee the crossover fetish stuff is going to be great, particularly because it seems to be something that you truly enjoy.
Keep on keeping on
I guarantee the crossover fetish stuff is going to be great, particularly because it seems to be something that you truly enjoy.
Keep on keeping on
Stella said: I suppose I should clarify about the questions I put in the original post. None of them were something I would ask of anyone on this site. It was all self reflective questions. So, because I do make and edit my own videos with the help of PupBarley I watch my own content constantly. So with every video I make I watch myself doing something I like... but I am viewing it as something I am editing for a consumer. So in the end I am editing myself that way. It kind of grinds on you to be like "WOOPS" started talking or doing something not sexy for a bit, better cut that out to save time. At first it's just I needed to wipe goo from an eye, get a sip of water, was talking, started laughing uncontrollably because I farted and it made the slime bubble and it didn't pop yet... but after so many years it becomes something even more toxic.
I started paying attention to my body. How I moved, how fast I moved, and over all.... how I looked while I filmed. Each time I just kept seeing someone who moved to fast, to twitchy, to awkward, and most disturbingly to chubby. Now, I know I am by no means overweight or fat, but after a person uploaded one of my videos without my permission to pornhub without my permission and gave it the tag... chubby... over and over again. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't change my habits. I still go for my daily 5K and eat more than I probably should. But the fact that it was there. That someone thought of me that way despite how much effort I put in to not be like most of my family... it got to me.
So. I thought maybe I should take a bit of time away. Not worry about what I thought other people might like, how other people might see me, how sexy other people might see me, and not worry about how awkward I was perceived by others... might help me not see myself that way. I had a few videos ready before I stopped, but after a while they ran out and it was noticed that I was gone. I wasn't ready to come back for my own mental state about my body, so I kept my distance.
And let me say; it has helped. Originally I didn't want to make this about me having issues with my body and actions because I know that on this site a lot of people view me very highly and might think that I would judge them harshly because they might think they look worse than I do, but I did just want to make this comment on here because I was afraid anyone facing something similar might be feel the same way. When you are made to look at yourself on a professional level all the time you are bound to find flaws no matter how sexy others say you are.
I started paying attention to my body. How I moved, how fast I moved, and over all.... how I looked while I filmed. Each time I just kept seeing someone who moved to fast, to twitchy, to awkward, and most disturbingly to chubby. Now, I know I am by no means overweight or fat, but after a person uploaded one of my videos without my permission to pornhub without my permission and gave it the tag... chubby... over and over again. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't change my habits. I still go for my daily 5K and eat more than I probably should. But the fact that it was there. That someone thought of me that way despite how much effort I put in to not be like most of my family... it got to me.
So. I thought maybe I should take a bit of time away. Not worry about what I thought other people might like, how other people might see me, how sexy other people might see me, and not worry about how awkward I was perceived by others... might help me not see myself that way. I had a few videos ready before I stopped, but after a while they ran out and it was noticed that I was gone. I wasn't ready to come back for my own mental state about my body, so I kept my distance.
And let me say; it has helped. Originally I didn't want to make this about me having issues with my body and actions because I know that on this site a lot of people view me very highly and might think that I would judge them harshly because they might think they look worse than I do, but I did just want to make this comment on here because I was afraid anyone facing something similar might be feel the same way. When you are made to look at yourself on a professional level all the time you are bound to find flaws no matter how sexy others say you are.
when you are on here long enough? editing all your own stuff? and people like ME? Where this is my ONE job...besides teaching which is mostly just for fun. i get paid literally enough to get to my job and back....but it brings me joy.....i understand. It can become where you pick yourself and what you do? apart.
Especiallly when you get comments like "why didnt you wear this? you would have looked better in this>....." and those comments....even if they are small and not meant to be harmful.? can really start to echo in your head when filming again. constantly wanting perfect shots when....lets be real? you cant perfectly capture a real deal, super fun amazing wam session exactly how you want! mud wrestling, impromptu shoots for example....how do you even get every single little thing that you found to be most fun and cool parts? shot exactly as you wanted people to see it? you would take away from the spontaneous fun!
I feel you.
and as far as body image goes. sister. you got it going on....but i understand. As someone diagnosed with body dysmoRphia? some days editing my videos is HELL ON EARTH. i LOVED doing them...but editing myself?? wowza. it can take a toll. Some days? im like "damn girl...look at you!" its usually when i didnt try so fucking hard to look "amazing" when i used less make up and just went all wild with messy hair and shit.
matter of fact: since you announced coming back. just fyi...i have to step back. I have two shoot days ready to go and then i have to stop taking customs until mid january. my spawns autism has gone into overdrive and now i have to homeschool. He is in so many therapies I have lost count. Awaiting intense outpatient treatment we have been a list for so? this will be my time to really showcase stuff i have done....but I cant take anymore customs which I usually love to do...and are what helps keep me in business. So, financially? I am scared to death...but its what needs to be done. like you did. you thought about your mental well being and your fetish and did what you needed to do. I have a friend who loved to rebuild cars. went to school to be a mechanic. Works as one. now? his cars sit there....bc he fell out of love of fixing them up bc it was his job everyday. I know you did your own thing but either way? I understand what you mean when you release vids and we are appealing to the masses. you did the smart thing. now its time to get all crazy again! im amped to see it!
I hope this can be a healing time for myself as well. wish me luck and im so glad to see some of your new stuff. i love your grand scale shit....it is amazing. i am loving the pics!!! loooove the mask. second pic i believe. its not too big, its perfect. it just suits the whole theme. so dope. keep up the amazing work/play
There isn’t a mess I don’t love!
10/11/21, 8:58am: User has claimed post does not purposely direct users to forbidden site "pornhub"
Yes to EVERYTHING you're saying. I sympathize, empathize with everything you're going thru. I used to only do this privately for myself, for sex. On UMD being treated like a model and being sexy is the first time in my life I've ever been seen or desired. I've always been called ugly, made fun of, overlooked. It feels so good to have a community of support like this one, it's brought me out of some very dark and depressive moments. But once I started making videos to sell, it's changed the way I feel about getting messy. Especially working with professional porn stars who are younger and much, much sexier than me. It really takes the wind out of your sails when you see yourself next to someone like that and start to see all the ways you're not like them. They know their bodies better, what angles are better, what faces to make, how to move. Everyone comments more on the model and are interested in seeing more of them. And the comments people make can be really hard not to take personally, because I'm not a performer, and I'm not a model. I'm genuinely sharing my sexuality, my desires, laying myself bare. It's a lot of stress and a lot of anxiety and that can take the fun out of everything. It can be deflating. It's easy to get lost in the process and caught up with the comments people make when you're being so vulnerable. I think we all have to step away from the camera and the attention and check in with ourselves and assess what we're doing it for. I've had to do it before, I'll have to do it again, but I always get that joy back when I do it for me and nobody else. I'm so glad you did that and found what you love about it again. I hope you keep doing it for yourself, and nobody else
Jayce said:
when you are on here long enough? editing all your own stuff? and people like ME? Where this is my ONE job...besides teaching which is mostly just for fun. i get paid literally enough to get to my job and back....but it brings me joy.....i understand. It can become where you pick yourself and what you do? apart.
Especiallly when you get comments like "why didnt you wear this? you would have looked better in this>....." and those comments....even if they are small and not meant to be harmful.? can really start to echo in your head when filming again. constantly wanting perfect shots when....lets be real? you cant perfectly capture a real deal, super fun amazing wam session exactly how you want! mud wrestling, impromptu shoots for example....how do you even get every single little thing that you found to be most fun and cool parts? shot exactly as you wanted people to see it? you would take away from the spontaneous fun!
I feel you.
and as far as body image goes. sister. you got it going on....but i understand. As someone diagnosed with body dysmoRphia? some days editing my videos is HELL ON EARTH. i LOVED doing them...but editing myself?? wowza. it can take a toll. Some days? im like "damn girl...look at you!" its usually when i didnt try so fucking hard to look "amazing" when i used less make up and just went all wild with messy hair and shit.
matter of fact: since you announced coming back. just fyi...i have to step back. I have two shoot days ready to go and then i have to stop taking customs until mid january. my spawns autism has gone into overdrive and now i have to homeschool. He is in so many therapies I have lost count. Awaiting intense outpatient treatment we have been a list for so? this will be my time to really showcase stuff i have done....but I cant take anymore customs which I usually love to do...and are what helps keep me in business. So, financially? I am scared to death...but its what needs to be done. like you did. you thought about your mental well being and your fetish and did what you needed to do. I have a friend who loved to rebuild cars. went to school to be a mechanic. Works as one. now? his cars sit there....bc he fell out of love of fixing them up bc it was his job everyday. I know you did your own thing but either way? I understand what you mean when you release vids and we are appealing to the masses. you did the smart thing. now its time to get all crazy again! im amped to see it!
I hope this can be a healing time for myself as well. wish me luck and im so glad to see some of your new stuff. i love your grand scale shit....it is amazing. i am loving the pics!!! loooove the mask. second pic i believe. its not too big, its perfect. it just suits the whole theme. so dope. keep up the amazing work/play
Stella said: I suppose I should clarify about the questions I put in the original post. None of them were something I would ask of anyone on this site. It was all self reflective questions. So, because I do make and edit my own videos with the help of PupBarley I watch my own content constantly. So with every video I make I watch myself doing something I like... but I am viewing it as something I am editing for a consumer. So in the end I am editing myself that way. It kind of grinds on you to be like "WOOPS" started talking or doing something not sexy for a bit, better cut that out to save time. At first it's just I needed to wipe goo from an eye, get a sip of water, was talking, started laughing uncontrollably because I farted and it made the slime bubble and it didn't pop yet... but after so many years it becomes something even more toxic.
I started paying attention to my body. How I moved, how fast I moved, and over all.... how I looked while I filmed. Each time I just kept seeing someone who moved to fast, to twitchy, to awkward, and most disturbingly to chubby. Now, I know I am by no means overweight or fat, but after a person uploaded one of my videos without my permission to pornhub without my permission and gave it the tag... chubby... over and over again. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't change my habits. I still go for my daily 5K and eat more than I probably should. But the fact that it was there. That someone thought of me that way despite how much effort I put in to not be like most of my family... it got to me.
So. I thought maybe I should take a bit of time away. Not worry about what I thought other people might like, how other people might see me, how sexy other people might see me, and not worry about how awkward I was perceived by others... might help me not see myself that way. I had a few videos ready before I stopped, but after a while they ran out and it was noticed that I was gone. I wasn't ready to come back for my own mental state about my body, so I kept my distance.
And let me say; it has helped. Originally I didn't want to make this about me having issues with my body and actions because I know that on this site a lot of people view me very highly and might think that I would judge them harshly because they might think they look worse than I do, but I did just want to make this comment on here because I was afraid anyone facing something similar might be feel the same way. When you are made to look at yourself on a professional level all the time you are bound to find flaws no matter how sexy others say you are.
I started paying attention to my body. How I moved, how fast I moved, and over all.... how I looked while I filmed. Each time I just kept seeing someone who moved to fast, to twitchy, to awkward, and most disturbingly to chubby. Now, I know I am by no means overweight or fat, but after a person uploaded one of my videos without my permission to pornhub without my permission and gave it the tag... chubby... over and over again. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't change my habits. I still go for my daily 5K and eat more than I probably should. But the fact that it was there. That someone thought of me that way despite how much effort I put in to not be like most of my family... it got to me.
So. I thought maybe I should take a bit of time away. Not worry about what I thought other people might like, how other people might see me, how sexy other people might see me, and not worry about how awkward I was perceived by others... might help me not see myself that way. I had a few videos ready before I stopped, but after a while they ran out and it was noticed that I was gone. I wasn't ready to come back for my own mental state about my body, so I kept my distance.
And let me say; it has helped. Originally I didn't want to make this about me having issues with my body and actions because I know that on this site a lot of people view me very highly and might think that I would judge them harshly because they might think they look worse than I do, but I did just want to make this comment on here because I was afraid anyone facing something similar might be feel the same way. When you are made to look at yourself on a professional level all the time you are bound to find flaws no matter how sexy others say you are.
when you are on here long enough? editing all your own stuff? and people like ME? Where this is my ONE job...besides teaching which is mostly just for fun. i get paid literally enough to get to my job and back....but it brings me joy.....i understand. It can become where you pick yourself and what you do? apart.
Especiallly when you get comments like "why didnt you wear this? you would have looked better in this>....." and those comments....even if they are small and not meant to be harmful.? can really start to echo in your head when filming again. constantly wanting perfect shots when....lets be real? you cant perfectly capture a real deal, super fun amazing wam session exactly how you want! mud wrestling, impromptu shoots for example....how do you even get every single little thing that you found to be most fun and cool parts? shot exactly as you wanted people to see it? you would take away from the spontaneous fun!
I feel you.
and as far as body image goes. sister. you got it going on....but i understand. As someone diagnosed with body dysmoRphia? some days editing my videos is HELL ON EARTH. i LOVED doing them...but editing myself?? wowza. it can take a toll. Some days? im like "damn girl...look at you!" its usually when i didnt try so fucking hard to look "amazing" when i used less make up and just went all wild with messy hair and shit.
matter of fact: since you announced coming back. just fyi...i have to step back. I have two shoot days ready to go and then i have to stop taking customs until mid january. my spawns autism has gone into overdrive and now i have to homeschool. He is in so many therapies I have lost count. Awaiting intense outpatient treatment we have been a list for so? this will be my time to really showcase stuff i have done....but I cant take anymore customs which I usually love to do...and are what helps keep me in business. So, financially? I am scared to death...but its what needs to be done. like you did. you thought about your mental well being and your fetish and did what you needed to do. I have a friend who loved to rebuild cars. went to school to be a mechanic. Works as one. now? his cars sit there....bc he fell out of love of fixing them up bc it was his job everyday. I know you did your own thing but either way? I understand what you mean when you release vids and we are appealing to the masses. you did the smart thing. now its time to get all crazy again! im amped to see it!
I hope this can be a healing time for myself as well. wish me luck and im so glad to see some of your new stuff. i love your grand scale shit....it is amazing. i am loving the pics!!! loooove the mask. second pic i believe. its not too big, its perfect. it just suits the whole theme. so dope. keep up the amazing work/play
That is the exact way I feel about myself when I am working on my own content. I am usually alright with stills and doing photos, but watching myself move... it's painful for me. Just looking at myself in motion reminds me of how tiny and stubby I am... how uncoordinated and jerky I move, and the subtle things I notice from past accidents that no one else would notice if I didn't point them out. It doesn't help that everyone I've met online in person first comments on just how much shorter I am than they thought.
I know you do a lot of customs on here, so I can only imagine how that will affect you when you go away. Because all of my work is more or less passion plays released very infrequently this place isn't really a source of income for me as much as it is a way for me to buy stuff to help me produce better (pools/mats/plastic/lighting/cameras), kink only outfits (so I dont have to worry about stains), and messy products as well as experimental slimes. My day job is practically all of my income, so going away at any time doesn't hurt.
That being said, I do hope that taking a bit of time off will do you some good. I know it helped me feel more refreshed and ready to go. It's nice to just... step away from filming and editing.
10/13/21, 6:01pm: User has claimed post does not purposely direct users to forbidden site "pornhub"
CreamMeAgain said: Yes to EVERYTHING you're saying. I sympathize, empathize with everything you're going thru. I used to only do this privately for myself, for sex. On UMD being treated like a model and being sexy is the first time in my life I've ever been seen or desired. I've always been called ugly, made fun of, overlooked. It feels so good to have a community of support like this one, it's brought me out of some very dark and depressive moments. But once I started making videos to sell, it's changed the way I feel about getting messy. Especially working with professional porn stars who are younger and much, much sexier than me. It really takes the wind out of your sails when you see yourself next to someone like that and start to see all the ways you're not like them. They know their bodies better, what angles are better, what faces to make, how to move. Everyone comments more on the model and are interested in seeing more of them. And the comments people make can be really hard not to take personally, because I'm not a performer, and I'm not a model. I'm genuinely sharing my sexuality, my desires, laying myself bare. It's a lot of stress and a lot of anxiety and that can take the fun out of everything. It can be deflating. It's easy to get lost in the process and caught up with the comments people make when you're being so vulnerable. I think we all have to step away from the camera and the attention and check in with ourselves and assess what we're doing it for. I've had to do it before, I'll have to do it again, but I always get that joy back when I do it for me and nobody else. I'm so glad you did that and found what you love about it again. I hope you keep doing it for yourself, and nobody else
This. Just all of this. I started out on here the same way, moved to making videos after being on for a short while later, and while it was super thrilling and made me feel so great at first... after a while it just got to me. I feel the same way about myself; I've never considered myself a model, I don't know how to move, and a lot of the messages/comments you can get can really take the wind out of your sales. Been really trying to focus on myself since the pandemic though. Started reaching out to different kinks and different people, introduced a lot of people to WAM who had never heard of it before. Brought a lot of the passion back.
It's awesome to hear you've found solid footing. As a creator, but from the other side of the lens I know the burnout that can result. I've only occasionally given myself breaks but they're very necessary. The need to continually exert yourself creatively to maintain some degree of relevance can be exhausting spiritually. Super happy to hear you didn't let it crush you and it will be awesome to see your continued artistic output!
Mightywam said: This topic simultaneously has reminded me of how shit humans can be to each other, and also how amazing the UMD is compared to most of the rest of the internet. Never would I have expected a site like this to be one of the most welcoming communities on the web. But I suppose in retrospect, it makes a lot of sense. WAM in some fashion is a rebellion against order, and a lot of us who are into it share a mutual understanding that so much of the world's "standards" are bullshit.
I look at all the beautiful people here (of all genders), and when I hear how some of you have been treated (both in real life and online), it's hard for me to even compute how people can be like this, let alone RELATE to it. I mean, I KNOW how people learn and conform to this garbage, and get to a point where the only folks they find attractive exist solely in their imaginations - but at this point, it feels to me like trying to say 2+2=5, or that the world is flat.
Hopefully one day I'll also have the confidence to show my real face here, even if I never go further than that. And even if I don't, at least I know that if I did, I'd be treated with love and respect.
I look at all the beautiful people here (of all genders), and when I hear how some of you have been treated (both in real life and online), it's hard for me to even compute how people can be like this, let alone RELATE to it. I mean, I KNOW how people learn and conform to this garbage, and get to a point where the only folks they find attractive exist solely in their imaginations - but at this point, it feels to me like trying to say 2+2=5, or that the world is flat.
Hopefully one day I'll also have the confidence to show my real face here, even if I never go further than that. And even if I don't, at least I know that if I did, I'd be treated with love and respect.
I'm with you on the journey co-sign
Paint with play and surrender
6/7/25, 11:51am: No-bump reply
4/20/24, 12:05pm: This post won't bump the thread to the top.
4/20/24, 12:05pm: This post won't bump the thread to the top.
Ohh yess stella you have always been one of my muckiest faves, I love to see you in mud and muck but I understand what you've been saying. I had a 5k Instagram account based around my porn and I'd get in excess of 100 dms a day. Yes I made a ton of money, but it took over my life. Meeting peoples demands, wondering what to do next. It was never why I got into wet and messy, I mostly love mud and I do it on the spur of my own personal Horniness. Which I truly belive is the most healthy and pure way to do it, when it becomes anything but a pleasure, what's the point doing it. I loveeeeee your mud vids BTW! Omg I feel embarrassed talking to my dream xx
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