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"Do you find it more difficult to make friends in real life?"
Love you, too
I realize not everyone will have this problem, but wondering does anyone find it harder to make (and keep) friends outside of the internet? Speaking for myself I can't think off the top of my head of any people I've known that were friends. Acquaintances, sure and there's nothing bad about that if that's what you want but i for a long time wanted people to hang out with. To get me out of the house and to do fun non sexual stuff but I've since given up a long time ago. My partner is my best friend and I've come to find that's all i need. Not everyone is that fortunate though i do understand. I've had someone strike up a conversation in an airport of all places, where solo travelers generally I find tend to keep to themselves. So the question is, how difficult if at all is it to find friends for you
Let me have it!
I've seen posts from people new to my city on reddit and they say it's very cliquey here and it's that old saying 'it's not what you know, it's who you know'. People have said that they tend to make friends either with people they work with or it's who they went to school with. And i agree that it's better to have a close knit group than have dozens of friends you hardly see. I'm far too damaged to socialize anymore lol. I met people off the internet for at least close to a decade when i was in my 20's. The damage has been done.
Let me have it!
Think it has also to do with age and the phase of life one is in. When people get to their mid 30's most have settled and their circle of friends is sufficient for them and they are less open to new friendship. Also busy with work, family and the friends they have. Being occupied with phones and wearing earbuds, as mentioned, doesn't help either. And maybe society changed a bit past years/decade a bit, and people got a bit anxious to enter a conversation with a random stranger.
Way back when, I was part of a mailing list, and - it was active; almost a hundred messages a day on average. There were some people who didn't gel, and trolled or otherwise didn't fit and faded, but I'm still in touch with members in that core group.
The mailing list is less active now - messages come in flurries and then fade - and in two decades there's been some marriages within the group, and there's been deaths.
I've only met about a dozen of the core group, plus or minus (I'm not trying to count, because I don't want to forget anyone!) and I've had them over my house for front porch concerts, ended up in a job search networking group with two of them, gone out to dinner with many, gave an emergency ride to one when her car broke down near me - and she also helped me move out of my marital household after the marriage had collapsed *and* helped me move a second time a year or two later when I moved out from another place. She probably would have helped me pack up for my last move too (it was weird not having her there to help!) but she had moved cross country before I did.
All that to say... online friendships can be just as real, just as strong as ones that happen without keyboards and screens involved.
It's all IRL if actual people are involved - even if one or both is being dishonest about it.
The mailing list is less active now - messages come in flurries and then fade - and in two decades there's been some marriages within the group, and there's been deaths.
I've only met about a dozen of the core group, plus or minus (I'm not trying to count, because I don't want to forget anyone!) and I've had them over my house for front porch concerts, ended up in a job search networking group with two of them, gone out to dinner with many, gave an emergency ride to one when her car broke down near me - and she also helped me move out of my marital household after the marriage had collapsed *and* helped me move a second time a year or two later when I moved out from another place. She probably would have helped me pack up for my last move too (it was weird not having her there to help!) but she had moved cross country before I did.
All that to say... online friendships can be just as real, just as strong as ones that happen without keyboards and screens involved.
It's all IRL if actual people are involved - even if one or both is being dishonest about it.
- sloppy wet kisses!
I always had not many friends.
And now with a argument, busy, and my autism i don"t see them much.
Also as introvert i am not good in making new friends.
Here i have a few lovley chats and a few i can feel as friends.
But also i am affraid to send pics because of my past with cyber bulying and bulying in real life.
Hope that some can understand wy i am shy and hard to make friends
And now with a argument, busy, and my autism i don"t see them much.
Also as introvert i am not good in making new friends.
Here i have a few lovley chats and a few i can feel as friends.
But also i am affraid to send pics because of my past with cyber bulying and bulying in real life.
Hope that some can understand wy i am shy and hard to make friends
PieSlimeluvr said: I realize not everyone will have this problem, but wondering does anyone find it harder to make (and keep) friends outside of the internet? Speaking for myself I can't think off the top of my head of any people I've known that were friends. Acquaintances, sure and there's nothing bad about that if that's what you want but i for a long time wanted people to hang out with. To get me out of the house and to do fun non sexual stuff but I've since given up a long time ago. My partner is my best friend and I've come to find that's all i need. Not everyone is that fortunate though i do understand. I've had someone strike up a conversation in an airport of all places, where solo travelers generally I find tend to keep to themselves. So the question is, how difficult if at all is it to find friends for you
When I travel it's a bit less stressful because I don't have a history with anyone. But in general it's gotten harder with everyone with there face on there phone me included
Paint with play and surrender
With me pass had big impact of me been dyslexic and learning difficulties. So i was bullied at boy and girls at school and no good group and having friends. Trust some people .
This keep going until cov start and then meet darla she help me build trust peole and way I meet people in kink. More for me grown but amazing journey so far
One day tell my story so help others
This keep going until cov start and then meet darla she help me build trust peole and way I meet people in kink. More for me grown but amazing journey so far
One day tell my story so help others
I would say it is difficult, but I haven't really even tried to make friends for a long time now. It is easy to loose friends though.
I made a friend here on umd who lives in a different country. She is an internet friend, yeah, but a lot of fun to chat with about wam. I never had a real life friend that I would talk about wam with.
I made a friend here on umd who lives in a different country. She is an internet friend, yeah, but a lot of fun to chat with about wam. I never had a real life friend that I would talk about wam with.
mFeelzGood said: I would say it is difficult, but I haven't really even tried to make friends for a long time now. It is easy to loose friends though.
I made a friend here on umd who lives in a different country. She is an internet friend, yeah, but a lot of fun to chat with about wam. I never had a real life friend that I would talk about wam with.
I made a friend here on umd who lives in a different country. She is an internet friend, yeah, but a lot of fun to chat with about wam. I never had a real life friend that I would talk about wam with.
Well start about start conversation with someone and setup profile as well. People see what your about
Happy to chat about wam anyone but do limit some people talk sexy stuff all time hate that
When I was a kid I found it very difficult. I had nothing to base normal relationships on and I was very open and too trusting.
Once I got into my 20s I was aware of many of the things that made me different. I lost one group when I went from school to sixth form another when I went to uni another when I left uni with each major life change I had to rebuild. Then I settled into a relationship with a partner who doesn't really do friends it's just me and their family. Things happened at work and I decided to have work mates I was friendly with but to accept that it wouldn't develop into real friendships. I know that if I split from my partner I would need to move jobs and area and start again as a more social person. Other than that fear I'm probably happier this way. I used to see the best in people and say I dislike people in general but like most individuals. It's very different now there's a couple of people at work I have to work pretty closely with who I actively dislike. I'd never let that be apparent but lives so much easier when one of them acts like the arse they are and I think yep they're an arse instead of what did I do to deserve that? It's not about me I've done nothing wrong; it's about them being nasty arse holes. It's also so much easier to smile at the arseholes and hide my contempt than to hide the previous feelings of hurt and confusion.
Once I got into my 20s I was aware of many of the things that made me different. I lost one group when I went from school to sixth form another when I went to uni another when I left uni with each major life change I had to rebuild. Then I settled into a relationship with a partner who doesn't really do friends it's just me and their family. Things happened at work and I decided to have work mates I was friendly with but to accept that it wouldn't develop into real friendships. I know that if I split from my partner I would need to move jobs and area and start again as a more social person. Other than that fear I'm probably happier this way. I used to see the best in people and say I dislike people in general but like most individuals. It's very different now there's a couple of people at work I have to work pretty closely with who I actively dislike. I'd never let that be apparent but lives so much easier when one of them acts like the arse they are and I think yep they're an arse instead of what did I do to deserve that? It's not about me I've done nothing wrong; it's about them being nasty arse holes. It's also so much easier to smile at the arseholes and hide my contempt than to hide the previous feelings of hurt and confusion.
I've kind of just given up on the idea of having friends. I rarely ever see anyone that I was friends with in school. Some of them just disappeared off the face of the earth and ceased all communications with me...A couple of them we hung out for a while, then most of them got married, had kids, and we just stopped hanging out. Maybe once a year I'll see one of my friends, we'll go to a movie or something, I have another one who moved right down the street from me, and he'll always say we should do something, and then I'm like "Sure." and he just stops communication until he randomly shares some shit with me from Instagram. Not really much different than he was back in the day to be honest. I remember back before he got in a relationship and had kids, we'd made plans to go to a concert, I bought the tickets, and the night of the concert, he'd suddenly decided he wasn't going to respond to any texts or calls...
Then I made a friend at work. We went to conventions together, that was our thing. Then he got in a relationship with a girl who had a daughter, and suddenly he was taking the daughter to the conventions instead of going with the guys. Now we rarely ever go to shows together, I don't even bother asking anymore.
I'm at a point where it's like fuck it, who needs friends. I don't need a friend to go see a movie, and I've gotten used to going to conventions by myself.
Then I made a friend at work. We went to conventions together, that was our thing. Then he got in a relationship with a girl who had a daughter, and suddenly he was taking the daughter to the conventions instead of going with the guys. Now we rarely ever go to shows together, I don't even bother asking anymore.
I'm at a point where it's like fuck it, who needs friends. I don't need a friend to go see a movie, and I've gotten used to going to conventions by myself.
#DontLookUp
GungedHairFan said: I've kind of just given up on the idea of having friends. I rarely ever see anyone that I was friends with in school. Some of them just disappeared off the face of the earth and ceased all communications with me...A couple of them we hung out for a while, then most of them got married, had kids, and we just stopped hanging out. Maybe once a year I'll see one of my friends, we'll go to a movie or something, I have another one who moved right down the street from me, and he'll always say we should do something, and then I'm like "Sure." and he just stops communication until he randomly shares some shit with me from Instagram. Not really much different than he was back in the day to be honest. I remember back before he got in a relationship and had kids, we'd made plans to go to a concert, I bought the tickets, and the night of the concert, he'd suddenly decided he wasn't going to respond to any texts or calls...
Then I made a friend at work. We went to conventions together, that was our thing. Then he got in a relationship with a girl who had a daughter, and suddenly he was taking the daughter to the conventions instead of going with the guys. Now we rarely ever go to shows together, I don't even bother asking anymore.
I'm at a point where it's like fuck it, who needs friends. I don't need a friend to go see a movie, and I've gotten used to going to conventions by myself.
Then I made a friend at work. We went to conventions together, that was our thing. Then he got in a relationship with a girl who had a daughter, and suddenly he was taking the daughter to the conventions instead of going with the guys. Now we rarely ever go to shows together, I don't even bother asking anymore.
I'm at a point where it's like fuck it, who needs friends. I don't need a friend to go see a movie, and I've gotten used to going to conventions by myself.
They sound to me more like wastes of time rather than friends
Let me have it!
There are so many factors in play that have hampered the ability to make real life friends. The rise of technology where people are finding their safe spaces online, post-COVID introversion and the cost of living crisis are creating a society of people who either aren't willing or can't venture out and meet people.
In my own experience, I've recently (and wish i did it earlier) been seeing a therapist about my anxiety. I had a really shitty childhood which hasn't helped me as an adult, so i retreat in to my safe space (which is living alone). I'm always open for new friends, but I'm giving myself time to sort my life out.
I wish you all the best OP. It's tough out there, but the universe always finds a way to surprise you
In my own experience, I've recently (and wish i did it earlier) been seeing a therapist about my anxiety. I had a really shitty childhood which hasn't helped me as an adult, so i retreat in to my safe space (which is living alone). I'm always open for new friends, but I'm giving myself time to sort my life out.
I wish you all the best OP. It's tough out there, but the universe always finds a way to surprise you
@Antar Having lived alone for well over ten years, getting closer to 15 i definitely understand that home being the safe space thing. I wouldn't advise to people living alone where you can help it because it makes it harder to meet people because you tend to stay in that safe space rather than take chances. I should have had therapy or counselling years ago but not sure i would do it now getting close to 50. It's true life does surprise you. Last year got talking to someone in an airport lounge, they asked me for some help with a form and we got chatting later adding them to social media. Never once did i think this would be a friend but a potential friend but spoke for a few weeks and we stopped talking (well he started it and i don't go where i'm not wanted) after a few weeks. Life could have kept them busy and now it's become something of a sore point.
Let me have it!
I have not ever really had many friends and ones i do have i can go years without much contact obviously i may chat with peeps in the pub at races football etc. but these are just acquaintance's
I get accused of being unsocial selfish etc. but i don't care nowt worse than being stuck with a load dickheads somewhere and i cant stand being around people i don't like
So i remove myself from the situation easy, I think this approach has always helped me in my sporting choices as selfish often wins
But in relationship terms means i have had a lot of short term flings as i have no interest in getting to know anyone else but them
So to answer the question do i find making friends hard yes and no, I just choose not too
I get accused of being unsocial selfish etc. but i don't care nowt worse than being stuck with a load dickheads somewhere and i cant stand being around people i don't like
So i remove myself from the situation easy, I think this approach has always helped me in my sporting choices as selfish often wins
But in relationship terms means i have had a lot of short term flings as i have no interest in getting to know anyone else but them
So to answer the question do i find making friends hard yes and no, I just choose not too
Work Eat Sleep Repeat
Yes, but probably not for the usual reasons you're expecting to read here.
Each year I get older, it's harder and harder to not just make new friends but "keep" the old ones. People I used to see regularly have families and move away. Some of my brothers even I'm luck to see once every couple years.
Over time, some that you even talk to regularly, you hear from less and less until you maybe you catch up by text once or twice a year. "Hey, how have you been" kind of thing.
While social media has increased the ability to keep in touch with people, it's almost reinforced in some cases a disconnect in "real" personal relationships. I grew up in the 80s where it was common to have one of my parent's friends at our house at least once a week. It was called "having company", and it's kinda been lost to the ages.
Each year I get older, it's harder and harder to not just make new friends but "keep" the old ones. People I used to see regularly have families and move away. Some of my brothers even I'm luck to see once every couple years.
Over time, some that you even talk to regularly, you hear from less and less until you maybe you catch up by text once or twice a year. "Hey, how have you been" kind of thing.
While social media has increased the ability to keep in touch with people, it's almost reinforced in some cases a disconnect in "real" personal relationships. I grew up in the 80s where it was common to have one of my parent's friends at our house at least once a week. It was called "having company", and it's kinda been lost to the ages.
Damn fool of a tuber
I'm curious to what degree this difficulty to make friends is influenced by geographical location.
Here's the thing; I'm absolutely the sort of shy person with mediocre social skills that everyone else in this thread self-describes as but I live in a city. I am surrounded by people constantly and just by putting in a minimal effort to engage with my neighbors and keep up with local events/culture I've made an absolute ton of friends; far more than I've made through the internet. The only time in my life when I've really felt lonely is when I was lived in a tiny country town in the middle of nowhere and it was then that the internet became a lifeblood for social interaction.
So how's everyone living? Is it in an island of solitude in the suburbs or are you still struggling to connect with people in the big city?
Here's the thing; I'm absolutely the sort of shy person with mediocre social skills that everyone else in this thread self-describes as but I live in a city. I am surrounded by people constantly and just by putting in a minimal effort to engage with my neighbors and keep up with local events/culture I've made an absolute ton of friends; far more than I've made through the internet. The only time in my life when I've really felt lonely is when I was lived in a tiny country town in the middle of nowhere and it was then that the internet became a lifeblood for social interaction.
So how's everyone living? Is it in an island of solitude in the suburbs or are you still struggling to connect with people in the big city?
I find it easy to talk to people and have them apparently like me and be interested in conversation, but the circle of proper close friends I have is pretty small, and those people are all friends I have met within the last 8-10 years. I suppose this is no bad thing seeing as we all have several overlapping interests. I would add that at least two of these people are also autistic.
So how's everyone living? Is it in an island of solitude in the suburbs or are you still struggling to connect with people in the big city?
It's for me personally definitely the latter. I live in a city with a total population of about 1.7 million people and here it's definitely who you know. I'm not a social person but have gone to events in the past and people are very cliquey if you are on your own. Even in general i've found people to be picky, unless they are a work colleague or you went to school with them. If you meet people off the internet and i did so for at least ten years if you aren't exactly like them with same interests etc people aren't interested. Difference isn't looked at as a good thing in terms of hobbies.
Let me have it!
10/22/25, 6:34am: No-bump reply
I have had this problem too. I have moved a few times for a new job, and each time I have to start over in terms of friends. It seemed easier to do this when I was younger, perhaps because the people I met were also younger and single. To be honest, I've met many of my friends through similar hobbies, in my case, pub trivia nights - this is something I enjoy and we already have something in common. Good luck!
Yeah!
“Marine grit, mud, and Bay Area adventures!”
I would say those guys I've met through the social " fetish " scene have remained friends much longer than those I've known through either work or my time in the military. Those normal everyday friends are nothing more than casual faces Id stand and chat with but those I've met though either fetish kink and BDSM or wet and messy slapstick have been friends i've known between 10 and 20 plus years.
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