Good day all

So I have been with my wife for 7 years and I have recently got around to telling her more and more about my kinks. In the past we have used oil which she loves, shaving foam and lots of it which she recently admitted that it didn't do much for her.
One night a couple of months ago I was away with some friends (I'd had a few) and starting messaging her telling her that my dream is to have a cake/pie fight with her. She didn't believe me at first but when she knew I was serious she was a little shocked but agreed that it sounds fun and she will try it for me because it's my dream although not just yet which is understandable considering our current circumstances.
I brought it up again lately and she obviously had a little time to think about it and said that it was really random. I assured her that yes it is really random but it is harmless and just a bit of fun, she didn't seem to understand why I find it arousing (but is still willing to try it)so my question is...
Should I sit down with her and have a full conversation or what WAM is and how it came about for me from the start or is that too much?
She even said to me that she would be happy having normal boring sex forever but is willing to try things thankfully. I'm just not sure she will understand even if I explain.
Also, because I have never spoke with anybody about this face to face I get really anxious for example she asked me the other night what it was that I wanted to do with her as she couldn't remember. My heart was beating so fast and I couldn't bring myself to say the words.
My other concern is that she will be grossed out by a cake/pie fight although I do have a suspicion that she will find it fun not to mention taking a little bit of anger out on me for being a pain in the neck at times.
Any advice appreciated.

Maybe ask if certain foods would help? Wife hates cool whip / whipped cream so every now n again she will say I can mess her but but no cool whip. And she doesn't like certain items in the gunge so rarely use those
Def make sure she doesn't have food allergies

Yeah, I'd tell her more. It's a good opportunity to make it clear you can stop if she doesn't find it fun and things like that, plus becoming closer and understanding more. Even if it's not specifically what does it for you, I've explained to folk in the past that the lack of inhibition, the silliness and the confidence involved in not being afraid to ruin your hair and make up etc are all a sort of turn on and all have understood it that way. Laughing together is sexy.

I'm not sure I'd do it quite like that myself - it makes it seem too much like a big confession of something you're rather ashamed of. I'd keep what you actually do relatively benign for now, but when doing it emphasise how sexy you find her all messed up, how much you love it that she does this with you, and I think the talk will evolve naturally into what about it turns you on and what else you could do together that you'd find fun. But I'd try and avoid making too big a thing of it.

Shouldn't hesitate to talk to her about anything. You should be honest and tell her how you feel, including your fear of looking silly and be judged, and that she's the first person you feel ready to open yourself about it. I don't think you can be fully happy in a relationship if you are hiding to your partner. I'm very confident she will feel good about the person you trust. After all those years it would be very surprising she doesnt want to become that special person. Be honest but go easy on the messy sessions you propose you guys do.. scale up slowly.. make sure you use warm substances. If she enjoyed the oil thing.. maybe buy some Tylose from the chemistry store, and fill up a warm bath.. next sessions you could add colors to that bath.. clothes.. etc.. once she's getting more confortable you can introduce What rocks your boat.. I think you mentionned Pies.. respect her limits.. I've been wamming with my wife for years, but she doesn't want her face dirty.. and thats super fine.. all about communication et respect

Wishing you a great conversation and many years of great wamming with your wife!

Sounds like you're a bit beyond this idea now but my thinking is once you introduce shaving cream or anything like that, I would then try to take it a step further by saying I want to incorporate chocolate and she if she's willing to have a chocolate cream pie smashed into her face.

Some good advice here. I'd add that it would also be valuable to frame it is "I'm starting a conversation with a loved one," and worry less about "I need to explain myself." The former is dynamic and dialogic, whereas the latter is one-sided. This is a collaborative partnership and for as much as we hammer "Consent consent consent" (and rightfully so) it's important to have the honest dialogue about interests.

It sounds like you're already getting there, but maybe that reframe is helpful. I have a few close confidants who I've shared my fetish with, and it's never just about me dumping out all of my thoughts and opinions at once. So, a smart frame of reference might be "I am interested in X. What are your thoughts?" rather than feeling the need to totally justify and explain everything.

This is one of the reasons I'm such a big fan of Slapstickstuff and in the last few years PieZone. I could describe what I'm into, or I could just cue up excerpts from some classic volumes and BOOM there you go.

From experience if you make sure wife enjoys the experience make sure nothing is to cold room and products you use of its fun and enjoyable it will possibly end in intimate fun if your wife sees how turned on you are the following sex will probably be amazing and great for you both when your finished shower your wife and maybe even take her out for drinks and or a meal

Co-sign

Have fun and don't let anxiety win have a moment to bond closer with her
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZko8PY0A0

Telling my wife and getting her involved in gunge fun is one of the best decisions I ever made.

Tell her. She is your wife.

Stay in the closet! Just joking (or am I?).

Unless you enjoy the buzz of leading a double life 'fessing up and being honest about your desires really is for the best. Whatever your wife's personal view about getting involved, most women I know do appreciate (and are kindly disposed to 'rewarding') honesty - even if it's not their thing.

What do you have to lose? What don't you have to gain?

You've gotten some great replies already! I'm sure if you take it slow and talk about it, that could in itself be a great experience for your relationship, EVEN IF you don't actually end up doing WAM stuff. (But since she's expressed openness to try, things look pretty good for you --- you're a very lucky person, I hope she knows you know that!)

I really like wam_guevara's point that you can also share *the fact that* talking about this is difficult. That's like, an important emotional thing about yourself that she would care about, and maybe have a perspective on that nobody else has. I feel like one of the big reasons kinks can bring people closer together, or take their relationship to a new level, is because it gets you to talk about these kinds of things (anxiety, shyness, fears), that are maybe doing all kinds of things to your emotional system but never getting talked about......

I just really want to emphasize taking it slow and talking first. She says she doesn't really understand it. I feel like that the more she DOES understand it, the more enjoyable any actual WAMming will be for both of you. Maybe even do some journalling on your own first, try to work out what is it about this you really like, or what kinds of situations and vibes you most fantasize about. That's just for you to maybe get more confident in describing what it's about for you, not to say you should read her this big long thing (unless she wants that!).

It doesn't have to be one "big" conversation, and definitely you shouldn't think of it like a confession. Make sure she knows it's something you'd really love to do with her, but also that you don't want her to feel obligation/pressure. If she is as vanilla as she says, she may not have as much to share about her own kinks, but it can still be a conversation --- give her openings to talk, to ask questions, to laugh about it in a loving way. You want this to be a positive, good conversation, something *she* also looks back on as a really cool moment in the deepening of your relationship, regardless of whether and how you get messy.

So, hey, read the room ---- you know better than anybody else does, what the signs are when your wife is feeling comfortable or not comfortable. Make sure she knows that her comfort is important to you. Maybe even a disclaimer like "Listen, I'm gonna need to keep checking in that you're comfortable during this conversation, not because you look uncomfortable or anything, but because I've talked to so few people about this, that I'm really afraid that I'll just go on and on like a weirdo." (She may also say: "Look, trust me - I'm comfortable and I'll tell you if I'm not, so just relax already!")

Good luck!!!!! I'm happy for you, I think this is a good thing that's happening in your relationship!

I think the others have given you a lot of advice, and I am with the consensus: Yes, definitely talk with your wife about this thing that gives you a lot of joy. There is absolutely no upside to keeping it secret.

I would just add, find a way to describe - or show her - why you like it so much. It will help her to understand and feel more comfortable about doing it with you. Back when I was a young pup, I had some partners who would indulge me and let me pie them or slime them in the shower, but some of them confided to me that it stressed them out because they did not understand what was so sexy about that. They were unsure about what it was they were "supposed" to be doing.

So if you are able to explain that you like it because it's ridiculous and funny, or because the shocked reactions push your buttons, or you like seeing a princess get her just desserts, or whatever your thing is... tell her.

And by all means, after she takes that pie (or whatever) for your amusement, do whatever it is you do when you want to show her how appreciated, treasured, and cherished she is.

Some great advice here thank you all so much. I have an idea of how I am now going to approach this. I've already told her that I want to casually speak to her over a drink oke night when we have time to give her a little more insight to my feelings and thoughts. She is happy to do this. Very very nervous though.

I told my wife somethings about my fetish before we got married and she was not too thrilled that I loved seeing girls in swimsuits. I told her about my mud play when I was younger before we ever met. I've told her somethings I had done in this fetish. Over time, she has joined me in getting messy with chocolate pudding, shaving cream pies, wearing panties or swimsuits in the shower, etc.

Recently and for the first time in her life she joined me in playing in the mud pit in our backyard. She enjoys it because I love it.

I would say that you need to tell you wife. I remember having this conversation with my good friend Norman Mabeld (who passed away last December) on here when we called each other. He was having the same struggle with his wife and he showed her some videos of a couple pieing each other and nothing was sexual about it. Long story short, his wife never came around to accepting his fetish but at least she was exposed to it

Just the fact that she loves oil and shaving foam is a plus. My wife has not gone full blown into this fetish and probably will not, but at least she is having some fun when we play in the mud. I was amazed when she brought up having a tug of war over our mud pit once. She has even asked me when we we're playing in it again. To me that is huge step from where we were years ago.

I would just flip it.

If your wife had some secret fetish for 7years and didn't tell you about it, wouldn't you want her to?
(Credit for this goes to Mrs Bee.)

Start by asking her if there is anything she'd like to do that is different. Mention some of the more common kinks. Ease into it and tell her to think about it. If she's a good communicator she'll ask you in return. Get some sort of numbered list of fetishes together and go over it with her - each of you then rate the listed ones on a scale of 1 to 5 or something. They should be easy to find. Women's magazines periodically have articles with lists. Don't put all extreme things on. Think from her point of view. A few vanilla things, like wearing sexy underwear. I did this a few times when I was dating and it was fun. You might get some high ratings for both of you.

If she agrees with WAM, make sure it's something that is smooth and warm, as a starter.

That's all I got. Good luck.

Hubby told me before we were even engaged.

It's so much fun. Just tell her.

How much does she already know? You say you've used oil before - but was that just a little baby oil rubbed on for slippery sex, or a full on oil bath in formal clothes?

My take is that secrets, and secret desires, destroy relationahips, because nothing stays secret forever and when the other person finds there's something they didn't know about, all other trust is corroded, eventually to nothing. And you can't have a relationship with someone you don't trust. But that might be coloured by my own way of doing things, and I know different people look for different things.

But to answer the question properly, we'd need to know how much does she already know about your WAM tastes?

1. She's already tried some stuff. This is a HUGE win in your favor. Your wife is GGG (good, giving, and game) That's already more than so many people who have become trapped in loveless marriages with spouses that really don't care about sex or have desire for it any longer. Meanwhile, she's freaking done oil and foam with you!

What did she say about the oil and foam? What did you tell her when you brought those up?

You should DEFINITELY have the conversation. But don't leave it one sided, ask her about if she has ever had any desires that are out of the usual standard "vanilla" sex.

Think about why YOU like WAM before you have the discussion. Is it tactile, it's it visual. Think about when you discovered it. Introduce her to the idea that most people have SOMETHING they find erotic that's not "normal" (which is really a mathematical term for average)

Show her why it's intimate to YOU.

This is a topic that comes up periodically. I never told my first wife but she destroyed me when she found out. The term she used was degenerate pervert, repeatedly. However I was not as confident sexually as I became. Wife number 2 was cool to a point. But best be open about it from the start. However if she loves you she will be okay about it and if she does agree to it break her in gently. Always go slow and carefully.

The fact that she is open to discussion and trying things is awesome. Just go slowly. Make it enjoyable for her, not just you. I had an ex I had been with for 12 years and when I told her, she ended things, claiming I was 'sick' and needed help. I agreed to go to a psychotherapist who talked about fetishes in general, then commented that the wam fetish is one of the mildest and safest ones he had ever heard of. He went on to say having a fetish at all is mostly a male thing, but when a woman is the target of any kind of attention, things usually are accepted.

Now I'm married to a wonderful woman who enjoys wam along with me, and life couldn't be better. Of course the day came when I had to have 'the talk' with her, but it excited her to learn that I wasn't looking for average sex or wanting to watch typical porn. The fact that I was into something unique was exciting for her. But then, she found she loved it as much as I do, and in the same ways. Bottom line, communicate, then make every wam moment good for her. Warm up substances so they feel nice, or if the kink involves ice cubes or ice cream, talk about it first. Just keep communicating and always tell her how much she turns you on once you are playing.

I'm of the opinion if you're close enough with a person you're have sex with them and in a long term relationship, you're close enough to share kinks. Don't hide your fetish from her, be honest. And don't be ashamed.

I say just get it over with. If you don't, she'll just keep being curious about stuff and it's best to not leave any chance of misconception. I mean if she catches you getting aroused to watching The Great Race you probably have some explaining to do.