It's really difficult to find cakes or desserts that are a good consistency for splatting in my partner's face. Cakes always have a sponge to squidge ratio that leans too far toward the sponge, cheesecakes are alway too shallow and firm to really bury the face into, and those big fluffy American pies don't seem to exist here.

Once upon a time Heinz sold cheesecakes that were quite deep and had a lovely fim-ish but creamy texture, but no more it would seem. Does anyone have any recommendations for their favourites?

Sarah Lee used to do some great cakes, I have found Morrisons have some good substitutes and cheap. This is my favourite for pushing my face into or sitting on...

https://groceries.morrisons.com/products/morrisons-double-chocolate-gateau-215849011

I think all the main supermarkets have versions of those, all I suspect made by the same company. They are brilliant for messy play, and wonderful for sitting in, as long as allowed to defrost fully before use. We tend to slice them into 8 and separate the slices somewhat, so they thaw out evenly. Slices also give the girls the option of putting chunks down each other's outfits, there's nothing quite like starting a scene with a slice of gateaux and half a can of custard down the back of your swimsuit, under your clothes.

Also remember to take the gateau out of the plastic when it's frozen cause it ain't coming out otherwise. Put it on a foil plate to defrost ready for playing.

Weirdly, I remember a piece in a newspaper a few years ago, which was probably an advert, but it said somebody had contacted Tesco to find out what was the best thing for throwing in some bodies face, and that some staff had tested all the products, and the winner was...Unsurprisingly perhaps Tesco own make...trifle..

Is it odd that I am simply hungry now, I love gateau?

Phil

A Heinz branded cheesecake. I can't imagine anything sounding less appetizing than that.

Have you tried any of the desserts from Iceland? The couple times I've been in there and gone down the frozen desserts isle have seen a number of items I thought might be up some sploshers street. Never tried them myself as I've been able to make the old time Hollywood slapstick movie style pies with a few items from Tesco (no baking required) that worked out cheaper per pie, generally looked more visually impressive (used them on CDM) due to lack of sponge and would require taking up massive amount of freezer space to store until the day before a session.

But anyway I get the impression you're after cakes and genuine desserts rather than how I made the old Hollywood pies (which had an additional layer of flour/water paste for more stick) so I'll post a few links to a couple cakes on the Iceland website (I have no idea how closely they actually are to what they look like on the pack).

NB. Whilst the two toffee based desserts (toffee cheesecake and banoffee pie) below look to have good sploshing potential make sure you pick off the toffee curls decorating the top of both desserts as they look like they'll be nasty pressed against anyone's face especially around the eye area.

Various Cheese Cakes:

https://www.iceland.co.uk/p/iceland-strawberry-cheesecake-540g/76150.html
https://www.iceland.co.uk/p/iceland-blackcurrant-cheesecake-460g/79555.html
https://www.iceland.co.uk/p/iceland-sticky-toffee-cheesecake-455g/76149.html

Various Pies:

https://www.iceland.co.uk/p/iceland-lemon-meringue-pie-475g/79557.html
https://www.iceland.co.uk/p/iceland-banoffee-pie-500g/83281.html

There were a few other possibilities but looked to be limited edition (why bother going for something limited edition as it clearly won't be a long term solution) but I'm sure you can have fun checking all other options on there anyway.

PS. Let me know if I got the wrong end of the stick regarding making old style Hollywood pies with stuff from Tesco, I'll happily post the appropriate links and recipes if wanted - just trying to cutdown on the amount I bollock on for in this message if it isn't what you're after...

Adding my voice to the supermarket frozen gateux brigade. I've used ones from Sainsbury's before.

The best cakes are the German Coppenwrath and Weise (see post below). Formerly quite widely available they are becoming incredibly difficult to find either online or in stores in their mammoth 1.4 kilo size.

https://umd.net/forums/wsm-cake-question

I generally despair of supermarket cakes for WAM - most of them being barely 4 inches across (although that can depend on application and quantity - see GIF)


Addendum rant:

The cream pie thing. Firstly, cream pies are an American dessert of a quite alien constitution to have naturally entered the British food canon other than as props for comedy. So sadly we're just going to continue to have to make replicas of them from scratch.

About 20 years ago I thought we might be on our way to have these and various, richly abundant dessert toppings joyfully invade our supermarkets - but for an enormous Anglo-Protestant style backlash in campaigning and legislation a la 'supersize me' purportedly around concerns about rising obesity. This suited the manufacturers just fine and as a result all supermarket desserts have been exponentially reduced in size - but not price!

Hey there - I would be interested in the recipes please!

Hi Jpied2018,

I've now posted an Illustrated guide on making them as a gallery on my profile (Called: Notes on Pies and Flans). Gives a rough breakdown on how to make them, links to products that can be bought in the UK to make them along with a bunch of other tips, tricks and side notes.

Reason for doing it in an album was that some points were worth illustrating with appropriate images (at the least showcase the made pies in action) however as most of the images are from when I used them with Crossdressmess.com I felt it better posting it as an album over there given that this topic has been tagged as female. That and if anyone wants to find it again in the future they may have a better time finding a gallery on my profile than wading forum posts for something months or years before.

Main downside is though that comments on photos in galleries have a more limited word count so have had to break it up into multiple comments and you will need start from the bottom comment on each photo and work your way upwards for it all to make sense.

So as to accommodate even the most bigoted user wanting to follow the recipe most of the recipe, tips and details are in the comments on the first image showing just pies and no trans content whatsoever.

I used to temp at Sara Lee. A very nice employer, but it was a conglomerate.

Wall Street wanted it broken up. It didn't help that the CEO, Brenda Barnes, who was selected to monitor the process, got horribly sick and had to leave. After that, the wolves took over

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Cinq, I remember the good old days of Sara Lee, but they don't seem to do them in this country anymore. Their creme pies look perfect https://saraleedesserts.com/products_cat/creme-pies/ ! Can't go wrong with a gateau but I find I always wish they had a bit less sponge and a bit more squish.

StickyTrickster, those cakes you mention are a prime example of what I mean. They have so much promise, but too shallow and too dry so they go thump instead of splat! Had hoped to avoid having to make my own but may have to so thanks for the guide.

Lapwingboy, I have to admit a do love a squishy trifle!

Richard, some of those cakes definitely look like they have promise, now to try and find them!