In the heart of a picturesque town, where elegance and refinement were the norm, there lived a man named James, the epitome of good looks and charm, with a smile that could melt hearts and a demeanor that exuded confidence. But he was also ALL ABOUT JAMES. Beneath his attractive trappings, James was nothing short of a pompous, superficial, and conceited, well, ASS!

One sunny afternoon, the town was abuzz with excitement as it prepared for the grandest garden party of the year, hosted by the esteemed Wexler family. Our Hero, having caught wind of the event, saw it as the perfect opportunity to showcase his suave nature and impeccable taste. He meticulously selected a crisp white three-piece suit, tailored to perfection, along with a silk tie and freshly polished shoes. His confidence soared as he examined himself in the mirror, convinced he was the very definition of sophistication.

As he made his entrance at the Wexler estate, heads turned and whispers of admiration followed. He walked with an air of entitlement, nodding casually at acquaintances and strangers alike, flashing his trademark dazzling smile. The garden was adorned with colorful blooms and elegant decorations, making the atmosphere feel like a scene from a high-society movie.

James' entrance, however, did not go unnoticed by a mischievous group of partygoers who had grown weary of his haughty attitude in recent weeks. As the sun began to set and the festivities were in full swing, they set their plan into motion.

James found himself engaged in conversation with a group of adoring admirers, or so he thought, his ego growing with every exaggerated compliment, absolutely oblivious to their true intent. He hadn't spent all of this time buying these things, at no small cost mind you, and having them perfectly tailored to his swimmer's form, not to bask in his moment!

Suddenly, with a well-coordinated push, though, Our Hero found himself hurtling through the air and landing with an unceremonious splash into the pristine pool. The gasps of shock from the crowd quickly turned into uproarious laughter as James emerged from the water, cursing and sputtering.

His once immaculate white suit was now embarrassingly transparent! Not only was the blue of his contrasting collar and French-cuffed pinstriped shirt visible through his suit's now sodden and clinging jacket. No, now as he climbed up the pool's ladder, his BRIGHT PINK boxer briefs were on full display, too! His confidence crumbled as the once-admiring crowd erupted in uncontrollable guffaws, pointing at the offending briefs.

The image he had so carefully crafted had been shattered in an instant, and he quickly ashamedly tried to cover his crotch with his hands, a motion that sent him back into the water a second time, inspiring yet another round of "Oh my God!" howls, and cackles.

As the laughter continued to echo, James' face turned a deep shade of crimson. His attempts to regain composure only made the crowd laugh harder, their mirth ringing throughout the garden. Even the usually reserved Wexler family couldn't help but chuckle at the spectacle, allowing the catering staff the opportunity to enjoy the moment too.

Finally, as James' humiliation reached its peak, the host of the party, Mr. Wexler himself, intervened, temporarily taking the microphone to address everyone present and summoning James to the stage.

He began, "Alright alright, everyone" gesturing for calm, seemingly sympathetic to James' plight, "we've all had a good laugh at James' expense just now but..." and then he stopped suddenly. Making a point of looking James up and down anew, taking in the full spectacle of James' humiliation as if for the first time, with an amused smile, Wexler switched gears.

"That IS (or WAS rather) a NICE SUIT, James!" he smirked, I'm especially fond of...THE PINK!"

And at that moment Mr. Wexler gave James a hearty smack on his sodding ass, like he was a prized pig or something sending out a small spray of mist in its wake and fostering more bout of uncontrollable laughter from the crowd.

Mr. Wexler continued, "I understand that James' Limousine Driver, his transport to and from our lovely event this evening is still enjoying himself, completely dry I might add (more laughter) unwilling to leave quite yet. James, therefore, will be retiring to our garage at present, taking some time to dry off and perhaps regain whatever may be left of his dignity and composure."

The crowd greeted this edict with deafening applause and cheers.

Even now their laughter lingers in the air.

Standing - he dare not sit! - amidst the dusty tools and shelves of the garage, James hears the distant sounds of laughter and merry-making, realizing they are not, this evening, for him. The cheese, indeed, stands alone.

Back at the party, continuing on without him, guests share their shock and disbelief at "that unforgettable moment" when James was thrown into the pool, ruining his previously impeccably crisped and creased suit, and his reputation forever.

James' "just desserts" have been served, and he has learned a lesson in humility that he will not soon forget, that true charm and sophistication are far more than skin- or suit-deep.

Or has he?