I manage to ask if things got any better in the following round with a straight face but Katya says not. She had become the pageant stooge! In the swimsuit round she was in one of her favourite swimsuits, a deep v halter style one and as usual some of the supplies are in the low cupboards so you have to bend over to get them. When Katya bent over three other contestants popped onto stage and each slapped a cream pie on Katya's bottom! And that was not all when she stood quickly upright she got a cream pie in her face and one on each boob! The audience are loving this and I cannot really stop myself laughing. Fortunately Katya loves the attention she is getting.

I manage to ask what happened in the last round. Katya says it was the same thing, she is in her chosen ball dress, a golden glittery wonder. Katya is elegantly making her pies when the same group of trouble makers sneak on to stage, come up behind her, give Katya a huge red cherry flan pie sandwich! Then they sat her in a huge chocolate cake and stuffed lime pudding down the front of her dress as a tribute to all three rounds! Outrageous!

I try hard to seem sympathetic but the crowd are just loving this story. I ask if this is why she did not win? Katya says despite this she came third! I wonder if the mess did not in fact help Katya in her placing but think better than to suggest it.

I ask if Oleg and Yulia were involved in this. Katya says no they are too professional for this but they have been a great help to her in other competitions. I ask for an example and I am not disappointed, Katya describes how the Miss Moscow swimsuit round descended into a food fight and her purple swimsuit, hair and makeup were ruined in the torrent of pies!

Katya explains that Yulia took her from a shocked, mess plastered state to being completely cleaned up and ready for the next ballgown round in what seemed not nearly enough time. I agree this must have been a great feat and that Yulia is clearly a professional. I smile at the memory of the pied Yulia.

I ask Katya if Yulia's observation about the winner of pageant's usually getting to wear some of Yulia's delicious food. Katya smiles and says that this does tend to happen and is almost a tradition now. Of course, I then ask if this happened when Katya won Miss Russian Radio? Katya laughs and says that yes just after the show finished she well and truly got it from her fellow contestants! But of course she had won so could not be too unhappy.

I enquire if Yulia's food selections are consistent? Does Katya have a favourite? Katya says that Yulia's food selection is full of regular favourites for both her and other regulars in the pageant circuit. I ask if Katya knows if it is here today in the selection Yulia left? Katya says she expects so looking over at the two trolley's of food Yulia has left behind. I suggest we go over and have a look. There is a sort of wave of expectation from the audience as Katya and I get up and step over to the two food-laden trolley's.

Katya quickly recognizes the two different selections, the low-calorie food and the 'no rules' celebratory post competition selection. Katya points out a chocolate creamy cake and says that this is famous it is just like a normal chocolate cake but Yulia somehow makes it very low calorie and it is very popular. Katya confesses this popularity is both for its taste and people's like of slipping it onto the chair of their competitors! I laugh and ask if Katya has ever done this. With a mischievous grin Katya admits she has one or twice. I ask Katya is she has ever sat in one herself! Katya says no she has been careful and that has not happened to her yet. Both I and the audience are thinking about what this quiet large cake would do to Katya's brilliant white dress if she were to end up in the cake!

I mention that Oleg had suggested that I enter a pageant. I ask if Katya thinks I would do well in them? Katya says I should give it a try but it's clear she does not rate my chances too highly! This increases my irritation and background jealously of Katya. I ask if maybe Katya could show us some beauty pageant skills? Careful listeners hear my scepticism that here might be any great skill here but Katya is keen to claim her skill.

Katya says all she can really do here now is just posing and walking. I invite Katya to show us and she does a great catwalk model stride and then standing in place in just such a way to maximise the curves of her body and she tosses her blonde hair provocatively. The audience do seem to think Katya is good at this, applauding loudly. I have a go at copying Katya and it's not quite so convincing. Katya points out a few improvements I could make in my stance, and these do make my bottom a bit more noticeable.

Katya says another key pose is while holding a pie! I suggest she show us, there is a moment of quiet anticipation in the crowd. Katya picks up a cherry topped cheesecake and poses with it in a practiced provocative way, held up high on her fingertips, hip stuck out, lots of leg showing through the slit in her dress. There are a few calls of "Let her have it!" and similar from the audience but Katya just laughs and puts the pie down.

I take my turn, choosing a soft sponge-based flan full of fluffy looking red cherry pudding and strike the pose, hand on hip. It's pretty good but not quite as polished as Katya who steps behind to just adjust my hips slightly with her hands. With this small improvement she steps back from me again.

So I ask the audience who the winner is? Is it Katya? The crowd seem pretty convinced it is Katya. I congratulate Katya on her latest win. Katya thanks me with a laugh. I say I'm sorry we don't have a sash for her. Katya assures me this is fine. But I say we can still do some of the winning traditions!

Even with me still holding my flan Katya has not worked out where this is going, unlike the audience who are just waiting for it. Katya asks me what I mean, which of course is exactly the cue I'm waiting for!

I slap the deep creamy flan right in Katya's face! Streaks of deep pink pudding radiate out down Katya's front starkly visible on her pale skin and white dress. The slightly crushed flan base sticks to Katya's face, there is some pudding in her hair. Katya's arms are outheld in surprise but now they drop to her sides.

I am now in full evil, jealous mode so have no hesitation picking up a jug of chocolate custard sauce and cheered on by the audience I pull open the front of Katya's dress and pour the thick sauce in, making sure to get it all over her boobs! The effect on Katya's brilliant white dress is very predictable a wet brown look spreads over her bust and then down over her stomach.

I spend a moment laughing with the crowd, convinced I am going to complete the second humiliating mess up of the evening! But this is a mistake as Katya manages to clear her eyes and mouth of pie and picks up the cheesecake she had been posing with earlier. In a flash the cheesecake is in my face and Katya is rubbing it around explaining that second place often gets some of the food as well! Katya turns me so I face away from the audience and then bends me over! To loud cheers she lifts up the back of my dress to reveal my bottom in brief black panties. Katya gets a large bowl of low-calorie plain yoghurt and carefully tips it over my bottom which is quickly covered and yogurt runs down the back of my thighs in plentiful amounts! Katya drops my dress back over my yoghurt coated behind and presses it against my bottom and thighs.

As I slowly stand back upright and turn to face forward, Katya grabs an apple pur flan some 40cm in diameter topped with cream. Katya explains this is another of Yulia's famous low-calorie dishes, which appears at every pageant. Katya says I should definitely try it!

With this Katya uses her left hand to lift the front of my dress right up treating the audience to another humiliating view of my panties! Katya has demonstrated some skill balancing this huge flan on her right hand but now manages even better by delivering the flan with a loud 'splat' to the front of my hips! The audience laugh and cheer as Katya rubs the huge flan around, apple and cream mess running liberally down my thighs.

Katya loves the applause and pauses to wave to the crowd, but this allows me to take the large chocolate cake we had discussed earlier and put it on the sofa. The crowd know what his means and their cheers keep Katya distracted. I come back to Katya, she looks at me and I say that we like guests to have new experiences if possible on the show. And I give Katya a well-judged push, she stumbles back in her high hells and sits down on the sofa and right in the cake! The cake is completely squashed spreading mess all over Katya's behind.

While Katya gasps I grab the huge punch bowl of pulped green vegetables! Katya sees me coming over to her with this huge container, her mouth moves as if to protest but no words come out. I start by pouring a fair bit of the lumpy green mess over Katya's head making sure all her lovely golden hair is covered in it, but then some more down her front and the rest in her lap apart for the last litre or so which I pour over her shoes!

Katya is a very messy sight, she sits in her cake, slack jawed dripping pulped vegetables. I take this time to acknowledge the laughter of the crowd and start to wind up the show. But at this moment behind me Yulia returns to the stage. Yulia is as much of a mess as she was before, although she has restored her sight and wiped her mouth. Yulia is carrying two buckets, which she puts by my chair. Katya has seen her, the audience has seen her it is only me doing my monologue who is unaware. Yulia gets a large cream cake and puts it on my chair! The audience know what is about to happen put just do enough to keep my attention.

Yulia gestures at Katya and she gets up. The two of them come up behind me, take me by the arms, pull me back to my chair and of course sit me in the cake! The audience are ecstatic! Both Yulia and Katya pick up a bucket each. These are full of thick creamy custard, which they proceed to pour over me, easly covering all my hair, face, front and causing a huge pool in my lap.

The two of them then form a rotation taking turns to go to the trolley, get a pie, hit me with it and go back for another. My head is covered in pies, several are rubbed over my boobs. The audience cheer with every pie hit. Finally, the pies are finished and Yulia and Katya wave goodbye to the wildly cheering audience and I manage a weak wave as the lights go down as Katya continues to rub a pie around on my head.