This will probably be the most serious thread I've ever written and I hope it stays that way. Lol. So at the risk of destroying my "wam career." (Lmao! That's got a great ring to it! Talk about the life!)

I love getting messy. I love being sexy. I love sharing my messy sexy kinky adventures. It makes me happy, and I do it for myself, and to spread the kinky joy. A few men have treated me in such a way it's as if they want to run me off of here (very few, but I have high standards) , or they are just so ignorant to the fact that the women on this site are not dirty whores to be talked to like useless trash with no purpose in life other than to tell you how sexy your messy cock is.

So just to clear the air for all. You want women to cyber mess you with dirty kinky yummy sweet icky sticky goodness?.... Speak to me like a human being. The rewards will be plentiful and delicious. Ha!

Seriously guys. Come on. I'm calling out the creepsters. I canceled a call tonight because some gross message put the breaks on my twitching and throbbing "insert word", love love. Especially messy love. You catch more wam girls with honey

PS. As much as this message is for me and all the girls, it's also for all the awesome super cool men on here that are missing out at times because of "creepy guy" actions. Much messy love. You know who you are guys (wink wink)

I... don't think I know how.

Is there some online course I can take in "talking like a human being 101"?

This is the problem with all the guys expressing issues with dealing with women on this forum, some names spring immediately to mind. They think immediately of "how can I get her to do what I want her to do?" rather than treating her like a person with feelings, taste, her own history, and her own agency.

Then they ask the guys on here what the "magic formula" is to get what they want. If you listen as well as speak, if you actually are a good person instead of putting on a façade of being a good person to get what you want, you will exude trustworthiness. When you exude trustworthiness, what you want will come to you. But if you try to fake it, if you don't listen to her and instead keep thinking about manipulation and what you want, people will sense it, and run as far away as possible. Especially smart people.

I'm sorry someone put you in this position, but glad you're confident enough to do the right thing and just cancel.

Sorry to hear someone's being a creep. Always surprises me to hear someone's acted like this but probably shouldn't as not the first time. Fools.

Well said again in this forum

Well put, Maria! And thanks for having the guts to say it!

It always amazes me when people act like that, yet we hear about enough examples that it shouldn't surprise me anymore.

Those of you who do this stuff: Please straighten up before we lose all the great ladies on here!

Like Maria said, you catch more wam girls with honey (poured over their heads) and (my words) warm dunktanks!

Norman

Please don't hesitate to report it when this happens. That behavior is not accepted or allowed on this site at all.

Saw this post this morning, but typing on my phone is an out-and-out bitch, so here is my keyboarded reply. I'll make it quick because truth be told the original post from MyPierogative really doesn't need to be improved on, but here it goes:

Sadly, a place like this is always gonna attract--shall we say--a perv factor. Now, are we all kinky here? Geezus! Of course we are. We obviously wouldn't be here if we weren't. The truth is, though, that 'kinky' and 'pervy'--while based on sexual stuff--are *NOT* the same thing.

An example: Last night I watched a bit of the fun going on at Livedunktank.com Janet (of Janet & JD fame) was up in the hot seat....soaked and looking "fine fine *super* fine" (to quote an old doo wop song). They are regulars here, so they know what goes on at the UMD for the better and the worse of it. There was also a non-UMD'er in the fun named Marci. Admittedly it was not her first time in a dunk tank, but obviously a first time thing in *this* sort of situation. Of course Marci got bombarded with positive comments. Yeah, she was cute, and while *most* of the online spectators were cordial and pleasant, a few asked questions repeatedly of which only someone completely socially inept would ask on a first 'meeting'.

LiveDunkTank.com, while obviously based on kink, is NOT a porn site, but a few certain individuals insisted on repeating such questions as "Would you spray whipped cream down the front of your shorts?" When she gave a sheepishly awkward sounding "Yeah, I don't think so.", you would THINK that would have been enough...but no...the question came again. You get my point.

I've been lurking at this place for (God help me) over 15 years now, and I've seen more than my share of good-hearted people come and go. As of this date, I actually have friends whom I have met through here. Two I have spoken with and know my name, and we are friends to a point where we meet up every few weeks/months when the scheds allow. Do we go and immediately head to Costco and raid the pudding isle? No. We chat, hang out, have dinner, etc. You know...like sociable people. The other two friends I have here also know me by legit name, and if things go well this year faces will be seen in person. Distance makes it hard sometimes.

Here's the bottom line. People like Jessie, Leon & Lisa, The "Indiana Trio" (Ariel, Jilly, and Jayce), JD & Janet, Bryce and Adidas Chik.....etc etc yadda yadda yadda......WE ARE ALL REAL PEOPLE! Brought together by a like minded interest. Is it a *mainstream* interest? Um....no. But it brings us together. If we make friends out of it, then fantastic. Just because things may get 'sexual' in a visual sense here on this interwebnet thing doesn't mean that we are all porn stars who do nothing but fuck each other in tubs of gunge 8 days a week. We've got lives. REAL lives. It gets frustrating to see good people chased away from partaking in something they like because a bunch of socially inept folks feel the need to act like every girl on here is there for every messy beckoned call.

They're not. Most are here for legit fun (and if a little $$$ is made on the side, then salute! Nice work if you can get it!)

If you present yourself as a straightforward person, then you'll go far. If you act like a moron and start flinging around the disrespect, then go enjoy your life on some other fet forum...there are many. Leave us 'normals' to our fun.

OK....I'm off of my soapbox now.

AW2 - Great re-stating of some basic facts that some people don't seem to understand!

I was there last night at Livedunktank, and like you, was appalled at some of the comments. And like you said, when they were ignored or awkwardly (embarrassingly) answered, they were still asked again!

BTW, you may not recognize her by "Marci", but she's been here for about 4 months as TriGirl2002. I've now figured out from the conversations last night, that her name must be a reference to the fact that she does triathlons.

But, yeah! To put herself out there as a noobie and have to field some of those questions was embarrassing for a lot of *us*, too! And Tim made a couple of comments about keeping things PG-13.

And for someone as liberated, sexy, playful, and outgoing as Maria to feel that uncomfortable, that must have been some weird stuff! :-S

Norman

It's true, my girlfriend has a profile on here and I've hear some of the stuff that's been said. I feel very lucky that she is on here to begin with, and also that she finds most of the inappropriate comments funny.

I agree with the sentiments and the beliefs of the original post, and would like to see fewer creeps rather than more.




I think the first sentence is true. You can't go around acting like the avatar of your libido, because it's impossible to have a conversation with genitals. (Not a good one, anyway.) It's generally good to be decent upstanding people.

But I do not think the second sentence is true in any general sense. Familiarity breeds contempt, and familiarity (for present purposes) is predicated on trust. So being trustworthy sometimes breeds contempt. So it goes.

Y'all know I'm a nutty, kinky pervert. I can dirty talk with the best of em! There is a huge difference between fun dirty talk and abusive "you little fucking bitch whore" disrespectful dirty talk. Lol. I also laugh it off the majority of the time, but I know not everyone can (nor should they). This was more of a public service announcement to the aggressive guys that become angry and crazy if you don't respond immediately. *heads up crazy dudes! Ya messing up my sweet messy fun, and I won't stand for it!* lol.

I mean, there ARE girls who like to be talked to like that. But it's all a matter of preference, and assuming someone is cool with it is just the wrong way to go about life. Would you randomly jam a pie in a girl's face without even a word about the fetish you have? I mean sure, it might seem exciting and thrilling on paper to do, but we all know you can't just assume the person on the other end is gonna get a kick out of it too...right? We do know this, yes? God, I hope we all know this.

Yeap...it seems to come with the territory...and some times the perverseness escalates into demands...

Example from one of my post in the past:

Obviously, you opted to take the "How to Be a Smartass 101' course!

Yes. It's the prerequisite to taking the "How To Talk Respectfully To Ladies 201" course!

Norman

Creeps on the internet...

Block, block and block again.



It's amazing how weird guys can be towards women.


I'm so hard right now.

I dunno, maybe I'm just super good-looking? But I have good intentions, women trust me, and I can't say that I've ever failed to get someone I wanted to like me, at least since senior year in High School. Never had anyone say no to the WAM thing, either, when I just asked outright (I never engaged in the "WAM subterfuge" people are always strategizing about on here). I don't think I'm amazingly handsome, but if it isn't the trustworthiness, I must be, lol....

No, seriously. I know English grammar but nobody ever taught me how to be a person. How do I do that?

There's a reason I've made only a few dozen posts in the last year-and-a-bit of being a UMD forum member, which is that I'm paralytically terrified of appearing creepy.

For the sake of argument, I'll take your word for it. That said, I don't believe successful flirtation can be reduced to good looks and trustworthiness. There are all kinds of variables. e.g., maybe you have a very good instinct for choosing partners that are likely to reciprocate. Or maybe something else. Explanations are hard.

But even if it were true, my post above was making a point against the idea that trustworthiness is universally appealing. If you believe the trope that 'familiarity breeds contempt', and agree that in at least some cases familiarity involves trustworthiness, then you're stuck with three options: either the trope is wrong, or familiarity never involves trustworthiness, or exuding trustworthiness isn't the catnip for sexytimes that you think it is.

I propose that argument precisely because my own experiences are utterly unlike yours. Hence, I generally try to be trustworthy, very much at the cost of a super-duper-active sex life. And I'm fine with that (since I'm kind of a chill person anyway). But it is what it is.

Odd. Familiarity with me has usually led to serious romantic relationships. I can't speak to what you're doing different. I don't buy the whole "familiarity breeds contempt" adage; I haven't experienced that at all, except in the company of those with particularly contemptible qualities, who I usually attempt to avoid in the first place.

Then your experiences are either being miscommunicated, or they are unrepresentative. Familiarity involves increased expectations, which are necessarily frustrated more easily than lower ones. That frustration naturally generates contempt in relationships if it cannot be appropriately managed through effective communication and emotional self awareness. That is the truth of the adage.

Incidentally, I'm not doing anything wrong. That's your bizarre (and unwelcome) judgment.

I never said wrong, I said different; different results, as you've reported. I think it's clear something is different, so let's agree this isn't a matter whose intricacies can be properly parsed or evaluated over the net.

I simply thought I was offering good advice to those who complain about their problems and want a solution; most men I see not succeeding at generating relationships or flirtation are giving off a creepy "vibe," most likely due to a sense they aren't being honest, or doing enough listening and empathizing. The solution is: don't be creepy; objectify; seem underhanded. These are all pretty basic notions, and I assumed whatever "charm" women seem to find in me was largely that I avoided these practices. Who knows, maybe I'm a vampire with a hypnotic gaze and I haven't noticed yet. I'll go check the mirror to see if I have a reflection.

Gah, you're right. Sorry for not reading more closely!




I do appreciate that the intentions were good. I should have emphasized that. And as I said at the start I do think you're right that some guys on here need hard lessons on how not to be creepsters.

But I also think the reality is weird. Routine kindness begets boredom. You have to be bold, and boldness means taking benign risks, and benign risk taking is a totally different kettle of fish than cultivating trustworthiness. That's a balance, and lots of people struggle with the balance. See what I mean?

Yup, for sure! Have a safe trip to Britishland!