Girlfriend and I were driving to get groceries on Sunday and got into a debate about this.

I'm sure I'm not the only one on this site with a partner who isn't really into WAM beyond a very very small amount of it (ie showering before bed after date night and wearing the outfit from said date in the shower long enough to take pictures or something) but fully supports us being into it otherwise.

My girlfriend brought up the point that subscribing to a model's OF page really isn't that different from buying a scene or paying for a custom or subscribing to a site because you're paying for content no matter what.

So here's my question -

As long as:

A) there's total trust and transparency between partners (ie one partner should almost feel comfortable hopping on the app to see what their SO is looking at)

B) parameters are set.

Would you be upset if you found out your partner had an OF account?

I'm also going to clarify while I'm at it that I do not have the app currently nor do I plan on downloading it at any point in the future but I am interested to see what people think.

It's a classic boundary: Is porn cheating?

Some relationships are ok with porn (my partners often look at what I have out of curiosity/they are pan), other relationships it's a no go. This goes with any boundary from strict monogamy to 100% ethical non-monogamy.

The important part his is what you said; transparency and trust i.e. communication, plus set parameters. Set that up and you know where the lines are.

For me my GF have no problem with porn, OF or customs. Then again, I am in a non-monogamous relationship so my GF would have no problem with my bringing home a new partner (unless it's Dita Von Teese, then I have to share apparently...thems the rules).

Communication is the key with all good relationships. I would be upset if I found out they had an OF account. Not because they had the account or anything like that. But it would feel to me like a lie of omission. Honesty and trust is huge with me, I am completely honest with my partner and I expect them to be honest with me.

However, if I knew about the OF account, sure go for it why not. I am not one to say what someone can or cannot do with their body. As long as it does not negatively impact their body go for it.

But know where your limits are. One of my friends had an OF account that was X rated. One of her old bosses found it and lurked and then went to her current retail job and mentioned it in a wink wink nudge nudge kind of way. She immediately shut it down. Don't be and old man creeper on a former employee's OF page. That is just fucked up.

If they were going to set it up after we'd got together, I'd expect them to talk to me about it in advance - not to ask permission but more from "I'm going to start this new business venture so I'll need to devote X hours a week to it, you cool with that?" kind of way. Pretty much the same as I'd expect either of us to let the other know if planning to start a college course or take a second job or business venture, because it will affect how much time we can spend together.

If they already had it before we met then while I'd expect them to mention it as part of "this is who I am", same way I'd mention that I run fetish websites, it'd be none of my concern other than knowing it existed.

I've never understood the idea some people seem to have that partners somehow "own" each other and should control what each other do, say, wear, etc, or who can see them. And the whole virginity cult that thinks a person's worth is somehow affected by how many sexual partners they've had, can get in the nearest wickerman. Literally fuck that entire concept, with fire.

Honesty, truth, respect for the individual as a full equal, and communication, are everything.

I took the question as being are you ok with your partner subscribing to someone's OF account, not as the partner themselves is posting on an account; did I take it wrong? Either way, I would be cool with it as long as the person was open about it

-JD

^
This, except I assumed it was a question of having an onlyfans account. I'd very much rather be told about it than find out on my own, but there really isn't much of a means of me finding out without being sent there anyway. I don't think I've even been on that site in a couple of years now.

It's none of anyone's business if I look at porn or only fans or whatever. I don't even know why that would be discussed with a partner. You're entitled to your personal space

This boils down to two things wit your choice of words "found out".

1. Did said partner have it before you met and was open about it and actively told you? If so, that's good. They're being open and honest, they want to discuss and value your opinion.

2. Did they start if afterwards without you knowing about it etc.? That's bad, relationships affect all parties involved, even in ways you may not think. Open discussion, honesty, and making decisions together are very important.