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"My messy Fetish (is it healthy?)"
I'm Joseph, pushing 40 and have a messy fetish for as long as I remember
I have a long term partner and fessed up to her about my fetish some years ago, we tried it out and never returned to it. I figure the inconvenience of it is the reason.
I was fascinated by messiness as a kid and as I grew older I guess it stuck to me.
I have a little shame attached to my fetish since I wonder if it comes from a dark place of humiliation and comes from my own possible flawed character.
I do not frequent messy material but can still be aroused by it.
If someone regardless of gender would talk to me about it it would be much appreciated.
Thank You
Joseph
I have a long term partner and fessed up to her about my fetish some years ago, we tried it out and never returned to it. I figure the inconvenience of it is the reason.
I was fascinated by messiness as a kid and as I grew older I guess it stuck to me.
I have a little shame attached to my fetish since I wonder if it comes from a dark place of humiliation and comes from my own possible flawed character.
I do not frequent messy material but can still be aroused by it.
If someone regardless of gender would talk to me about it it would be much appreciated.
Thank You
Joseph
Joey86 said: I have a little shame attached to my fetish since I wonder if it comes from a dark place of humiliation and comes from my own possible flawed character.
Everyone has a flawed character, and humiliation doesn't have to come from a dark place - it can be about being a good sport and feeling safe with someone.
Welcome! 
Even if your messy fetish comes from a "dark place", we are shaped by both positive and negative experiences throughout our lives. I feel like as long as your fetish isn't getting in the way of a healthy relationship, or if it itself starts to make you unhappy in any way, then it's quite normal and healthy!
Even if your messy fetish comes from a "dark place", we are shaped by both positive and negative experiences throughout our lives. I feel like as long as your fetish isn't getting in the way of a healthy relationship, or if it itself starts to make you unhappy in any way, then it's quite normal and healthy!hach165 said: Welcome! Even if your messy fetish comes from a "dark place", we are shaped by both positive and negative experiences throughout our lives. I feel like as long as your fetish isn't getting in the way of a healthy relationship, or if it itself starts to make you unhappy in any way, then it's quite normal and healthy!
Even if your messy fetish comes from a "dark place", we are shaped by both positive and negative experiences throughout our lives. I feel like as long as your fetish isn't getting in the way of a healthy relationship, or if it itself starts to make you unhappy in any way, then it's quite normal and healthy! It hasn't got in the way of my relationship fortunately
Originally I thought my partner might be alarmed by it
I have wondered if the fetish stems from a lack of a childhood for those who have the fetish.
Joey86 said: I have wondered if the fetish stems from a lack of a childhood for those who have the fetish.
I think it more commonly stems from watching too many episodes of Noel's House Party. But there have been a few threads on this before - see this comment: https://umd.net/forums/does-your-fetish-come-from-deep-inner-fe#postid_859250
My fetish is absolutely part of who I am. I grew up with it, loving getting muddy as a child. Later in life I began to get messy with shaving foam and then food.
I struggled with it for years, trying to reconcile not being "normal", having a strong sex drive with conflicting religious standpoints, and just generally finding it hard to accept. When I eventually did however, it made life easier. Even if you don't indulge your messy fetish (through choice or by circumstance), accepting that it is there for good and will not go away is both liberating and reassuring. You aren't odd - you simply have a fetish like pretty much half of the human race (and WAM is actually one of the more innocent ones).
I struggled at first because I believed I was alone, and found it releasing when I discovered messy sites on the Internet for the first time. Soon after I met a girlfriend who was up for getting messy, and that was actually the first of two long term relationships I had with girls who were up for getting messy.
More recently I married my now wife, and our sex life hasn't been great (although you don't get married just for sex). My wife is not into WAM and says it makes her feel slutty, so she won't do it. This has always been hard for me, as it means living without a partner in my fetish, but I accepted it from day one. It's not hers to deal with, but knowing WAM is my fetish and "normal for me" means I don't worry about having a little solo messy fun when my wife is away. She also knows it's my fetish so doesn't mind me doing it as long as she doesn't have to be a part of it. Occasionally I yearn for more, and miss the fun I had with my ex girlfriends, but for the most part it's OK.
I don't think you need to worry if it's unhealthy. Just find a way to keep it in check. That means admitting to yourself that it is there, and not going away, but also allowing it not to rule you, and if you occasionally need an outlet then allow it to happen, as keeping it bottled up and denied is more unhealthy than embracing it. You don't have to shout it from the roof tops - just admit it to yourself and live with it and enjoy who you are.
I struggled with it for years, trying to reconcile not being "normal", having a strong sex drive with conflicting religious standpoints, and just generally finding it hard to accept. When I eventually did however, it made life easier. Even if you don't indulge your messy fetish (through choice or by circumstance), accepting that it is there for good and will not go away is both liberating and reassuring. You aren't odd - you simply have a fetish like pretty much half of the human race (and WAM is actually one of the more innocent ones).
I struggled at first because I believed I was alone, and found it releasing when I discovered messy sites on the Internet for the first time. Soon after I met a girlfriend who was up for getting messy, and that was actually the first of two long term relationships I had with girls who were up for getting messy.
More recently I married my now wife, and our sex life hasn't been great (although you don't get married just for sex). My wife is not into WAM and says it makes her feel slutty, so she won't do it. This has always been hard for me, as it means living without a partner in my fetish, but I accepted it from day one. It's not hers to deal with, but knowing WAM is my fetish and "normal for me" means I don't worry about having a little solo messy fun when my wife is away. She also knows it's my fetish so doesn't mind me doing it as long as she doesn't have to be a part of it. Occasionally I yearn for more, and miss the fun I had with my ex girlfriends, but for the most part it's OK.
I don't think you need to worry if it's unhealthy. Just find a way to keep it in check. That means admitting to yourself that it is there, and not going away, but also allowing it not to rule you, and if you occasionally need an outlet then allow it to happen, as keeping it bottled up and denied is more unhealthy than embracing it. You don't have to shout it from the roof tops - just admit it to yourself and live with it and enjoy who you are.
Labyrinth said: My fetish is absolutely part of who I am. I grew up with it, loving getting muddy as a child. Later in life I began to get messy with shaving foam and then food.
I struggled with it for years, trying to reconcile not being "normal", having a strong sex drive with conflicting religious standpoints, and just generally finding it hard to accept. When I eventually did however, it made life easier. Even if you don't indulge your messy fetish (through choice or by circumstance), accepting that it is there for good and will not go away is both liberating and reassuring. You aren't odd - you simply have a fetish like pretty much half of the human race (and WAM is actually one of the more innocent ones).
I struggled at first because I believed I was alone, and found it releasing when I discovered messy sites on the Internet for the first time. Soon after I met a girlfriend who was up for getting messy, and that was actually the first of two long term relationships I had with girls who were up for getting messy.
More recently I married my now wife, and our sex life hasn't been great (although you don't get married just for sex). My wife is not into WAM and says it makes her feel slutty, so she won't do it. This has always been hard for me, as it means living without a partner in my fetish, but I accepted it from day one. It's not hers to deal with, but knowing WAM is my fetish and "normal for me" means I don't worry about having a little solo messy fun when my wife is away. She also knows it's my fetish so doesn't mind me doing it as long as she doesn't have to be a part of it. Occasionally I yearn for more, and miss the fun I had with my ex girlfriends, but for the most part it's OK.
I don't think you need to worry if it's unhealthy. Just find a way to keep it in check. That means admitting to yourself that it is there, and not going away, but also allowing it not to rule you, and if you occasionally need an outlet then allow it to happen, as keeping it bottled up and denied is more unhealthy than embracing it. You don't have to shout it from the roof tops - just admit it to yourself and live with it and enjoy who you are.
I struggled with it for years, trying to reconcile not being "normal", having a strong sex drive with conflicting religious standpoints, and just generally finding it hard to accept. When I eventually did however, it made life easier. Even if you don't indulge your messy fetish (through choice or by circumstance), accepting that it is there for good and will not go away is both liberating and reassuring. You aren't odd - you simply have a fetish like pretty much half of the human race (and WAM is actually one of the more innocent ones).
I struggled at first because I believed I was alone, and found it releasing when I discovered messy sites on the Internet for the first time. Soon after I met a girlfriend who was up for getting messy, and that was actually the first of two long term relationships I had with girls who were up for getting messy.
More recently I married my now wife, and our sex life hasn't been great (although you don't get married just for sex). My wife is not into WAM and says it makes her feel slutty, so she won't do it. This has always been hard for me, as it means living without a partner in my fetish, but I accepted it from day one. It's not hers to deal with, but knowing WAM is my fetish and "normal for me" means I don't worry about having a little solo messy fun when my wife is away. She also knows it's my fetish so doesn't mind me doing it as long as she doesn't have to be a part of it. Occasionally I yearn for more, and miss the fun I had with my ex girlfriends, but for the most part it's OK.
I don't think you need to worry if it's unhealthy. Just find a way to keep it in check. That means admitting to yourself that it is there, and not going away, but also allowing it not to rule you, and if you occasionally need an outlet then allow it to happen, as keeping it bottled up and denied is more unhealthy than embracing it. You don't have to shout it from the roof tops - just admit it to yourself and live with it and enjoy who you are.
That might be similar too my own attitudes towards the fetish, it's there. I won't shout it out but I can accept it as long as I'm not subconsciously a sadomasochistic chauvinist lol.
Joey86 said:
That might be similar too my own attitudes towards the fetish, it's there. I won't shout it out but I can accept it as long as I'm not subconsciously a sadomasochistic chauvinist lol.
That might be similar too my own attitudes towards the fetish, it's there. I won't shout it out but I can accept it as long as I'm not subconsciously a sadomasochistic chauvinist lol.
There's too much of this finger pointing "misogynist" calling going on at the moment. Yes, I too abhor the mistreatment of women and any non-consensual sex - I realise that there is a history of this, however the "vocal" brigade often take things too far and begin to make people who aren't this way feel guilty for being themselves (a bit like how BLM is a totally genuine thing, but some activists cross a line into making people feel racist who genuinely aren't). Simply put, if you don't hate women and believe that men are a superior gender, then the chances are you're not a sadomasochistic chauvinist. If you prefer (like me) that the girl involved in your messy play is consenting and enjoying the experience of getting messy (even if she pretends not to for a role play), then you're probably not a chauvinist. Our hormones do weird and sometimes inexplicable things to our minds, and to want to see a girl messed up doesn't make you an evil person - it's appealing to your human sexual appetite that desires this perhaps because it makes her more approachable, more vulnerable, or perhaps simply because there's the hope that she shares the fetish and is therefore sexually like minded and a good match in a mate or sexual partner.
I shouldn't worry - don't be too hard on yourself. You are who you are, and you're only as bad as you allow yourself to be. For the most part, our fetish is harmless.
Labyrinth said:
There's too much of this finger pointing "misogynist" calling going on at the moment. Yes, I too abhor the mistreatment of women and any non-consensual sex - I realise that there is a history of this, however the "vocal" brigade often take things too far and begin to make people who aren't this way feel guilty for being themselves (a bit like how BLM is a totally genuine thing, but some activists cross a line into making people feel racist who genuinely aren't). Simply put, if you don't hate women and believe that men are a superior gender, then the chances are you're not a sadomasochistic chauvinist. If you prefer (like me) that the girl involved in your messy play is consenting and enjoying the experience of getting messy (even if she pretends not to for a role play), then you're probably not a chauvinist. Our hormones do weird and sometimes inexplicable things to our minds, and to want to see a girl messed up doesn't make you an evil person - it's appealing to your human sexual appetite that desires this perhaps because it makes her more approachable, more vulnerable, or perhaps simply because there's the hope that she shares the fetish and is therefore sexually like minded and a good match in a mate or sexual partner.
I shouldn't worry - don't be too hard on yourself. You are who you are, and you're only as bad as you allow yourself to be. For the most part, our fetish is harmless.
Joey86 said:
That might be similar too my own attitudes towards the fetish, it's there. I won't shout it out but I can accept it as long as I'm not subconsciously a sadomasochistic chauvinist lol.
That might be similar too my own attitudes towards the fetish, it's there. I won't shout it out but I can accept it as long as I'm not subconsciously a sadomasochistic chauvinist lol.
There's too much of this finger pointing "misogynist" calling going on at the moment. Yes, I too abhor the mistreatment of women and any non-consensual sex - I realise that there is a history of this, however the "vocal" brigade often take things too far and begin to make people who aren't this way feel guilty for being themselves (a bit like how BLM is a totally genuine thing, but some activists cross a line into making people feel racist who genuinely aren't). Simply put, if you don't hate women and believe that men are a superior gender, then the chances are you're not a sadomasochistic chauvinist. If you prefer (like me) that the girl involved in your messy play is consenting and enjoying the experience of getting messy (even if she pretends not to for a role play), then you're probably not a chauvinist. Our hormones do weird and sometimes inexplicable things to our minds, and to want to see a girl messed up doesn't make you an evil person - it's appealing to your human sexual appetite that desires this perhaps because it makes her more approachable, more vulnerable, or perhaps simply because there's the hope that she shares the fetish and is therefore sexually like minded and a good match in a mate or sexual partner.
I shouldn't worry - don't be too hard on yourself. You are who you are, and you're only as bad as you allow yourself to be. For the most part, our fetish is harmless.
I agree it is harmless. This is the most I've spoken about this topic, I'm glad to have signed up.
"My messy Fetish (is it healthy?)"
Hi Joseph, I can only speak from my own personal experience and say that I think to suppress your fetish is mentally unhealthy.
I to was ashamed of my fetsih for along time.. didn't tell anyone.. kept it secret.. then about 5 year ago - at the age of 47 - I decided to embrace it... life is too short.
When I go to the mud nothing else matters...I take myself out of normal life and enter a euphoric state. Just for a couple of hours I forget all my problems; my business, money, depression, bills, relationship issues... everything.... I'm peaceful and relaxed.. completely.
I then get an equal buzz out of posting my adventures here and sharing them with you all.... proudly
What we do doesn't harm anyone or cause pain... we just love to get messy... what could be healthier than that?!
I hope this helps
Hi Joseph, I can only speak from my own personal experience and say that I think to suppress your fetish is mentally unhealthy.
I to was ashamed of my fetsih for along time.. didn't tell anyone.. kept it secret.. then about 5 year ago - at the age of 47 - I decided to embrace it... life is too short.
When I go to the mud nothing else matters...I take myself out of normal life and enter a euphoric state. Just for a couple of hours I forget all my problems; my business, money, depression, bills, relationship issues... everything.... I'm peaceful and relaxed.. completely.
I then get an equal buzz out of posting my adventures here and sharing them with you all.... proudly
What we do doesn't harm anyone or cause pain... we just love to get messy... what could be healthier than that?!
I hope this helps
The way I see it human sexuality is way more complicated than what originally believed, not so long ago homosexuality was stupidly considered a mental health condition (to stay polite) today it no longer is (which is as it should be), for some reason some fetishes however still fall under that category but IMO this is just because we still have to much left over baggage from earlier conservative puritan bullshit.
The way I see it if your fetish doesn't involve unconsenting third parties (that includes any animals BTW) and doesn't create harm to yourself then knock yourself out, life is to short to waste on stupid outdated morality when it comes to sex or arousal.
I'm married to a gay guy, alas he doesn't share my passion for mud, that OK since the sex is great otherwise and beside I'm not with him for the sex, I'm lucky in that he doesn't care if I indulge myself even if it includes other participants
Oh and also IMO don't over analyze stuff, the reasons why we have some fetish is ultimately irrelevant I think and pretty much any human behavior can be shown to be from a "dark side" or " bright side" it just depends on how you interpret and twist facts, psychology is a "soft" science ... ie it's often lots of bullshit
The way I see it if your fetish doesn't involve unconsenting third parties (that includes any animals BTW) and doesn't create harm to yourself then knock yourself out, life is to short to waste on stupid outdated morality when it comes to sex or arousal.
I'm married to a gay guy, alas he doesn't share my passion for mud, that OK since the sex is great otherwise and beside I'm not with him for the sex, I'm lucky in that he doesn't care if I indulge myself even if it includes other participants
Oh and also IMO don't over analyze stuff, the reasons why we have some fetish is ultimately irrelevant I think and pretty much any human behavior can be shown to be from a "dark side" or " bright side" it just depends on how you interpret and twist facts, psychology is a "soft" science ... ie it's often lots of bullshit
No one chooses to have a fetish, and I think wam, even when humiliation factors are involved, between consenting and communicating adults it is absolutely not a dark or unhealthy thing (even if you think it may have originated from a dark or bad time)
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Something that's stayed with me for many years is I once asked someone I knew who is the most brilliant, inclusive, fantastic feminist how she reconciled that with a taste she had (and had talked about openly on her tumblr - which is no longer around) for mild BDSM and being dominated in the bedroom. She told me as long as she was with someone who understood consent, desire and boundaries, it was what she wanted, and was good with it. She then added - and this is simple but also right, and has stuck with me - "who I am sexually doesn't have to be who I am in life".
So I always remember that. It's taken me many years - we're approx the same age Joseph - to be completely comfortable with who I am regarding this fetish. I like scenes that factor in humiliation, and women not wanting to be messy, and not enjoying it when they are. That's what I'm drawn too. I purchase scenes others have made that work like that, and I've paid producers to create scenes like that. When I do, I'm ultra attentive to their conditions - it's a proper business transaction, after all, and we negotiate between us to what they're happy with, because even if the key element for me is they aren't acting happy (in the model's case) I have to know that they are in real life. I actually get a lot of happiness arranging customs! - I'm paying someone to do a job I could not otherwise do, they get paid for doing it, it's a really pleasant feeling!
At the same time I know now this is just one aspect of me. I don't walk around looking at every woman I see, or know, and want them messy in my mind. As my friend said of herself, who I am sexually is not who I am otherwise. So it can take time to reconcile all this, but there's zero wrong with this fetish / kink, and zero to be ashamed of. There's so much of you that's not this, that there's definitely room for what is.
So I always remember that. It's taken me many years - we're approx the same age Joseph - to be completely comfortable with who I am regarding this fetish. I like scenes that factor in humiliation, and women not wanting to be messy, and not enjoying it when they are. That's what I'm drawn too. I purchase scenes others have made that work like that, and I've paid producers to create scenes like that. When I do, I'm ultra attentive to their conditions - it's a proper business transaction, after all, and we negotiate between us to what they're happy with, because even if the key element for me is they aren't acting happy (in the model's case) I have to know that they are in real life. I actually get a lot of happiness arranging customs! - I'm paying someone to do a job I could not otherwise do, they get paid for doing it, it's a really pleasant feeling!
At the same time I know now this is just one aspect of me. I don't walk around looking at every woman I see, or know, and want them messy in my mind. As my friend said of herself, who I am sexually is not who I am otherwise. So it can take time to reconcile all this, but there's zero wrong with this fetish / kink, and zero to be ashamed of. There's so much of you that's not this, that there's definitely room for what is.
Hello! A lot of great responses on this thread. If you are questioning your feelings about your fetish, then you're totally healthy. It's important to have these conversations with yourself and to know yourself better. Sex is still considered very taboo and depending on your religious background, sex is considered a very shameful act.
No one here can really tell you how to feel comfortable with what you're experiencing, because we're all here for a different reason and we all have a different origin story. I can tell you my story and maybe that will help you.
I'm convinced I've been a wammer since I was born. When I first saw it on TV at the age of 4, I was immediately fascinated and obsessed. It became more sexually oriented the older I got. My entire childhood has been abusive and traumatic. I've been through 20 years of therapy and I'm still really fucked up. For me, it was my sexuality that really changed my life for the better. I've been mentally and emotionally abused, sexually abused and assaulted, by my family and by kids I went to school with. I had no escape from the abuse in my life at one point.
For me, WAM has been a very healthy way to empower myself to like and enjoy sex. I like the humiliation aspect of this fetish. I enjoy being humiliated. Does it come from a dark place? No. I'm acting out scenarios where I'm confronting my fears and choosing to have a positive outcome from it. Instead of feeling humiliated, I feel turned on, and having an orgasm is a reward for that. For me this fetish is a way of having more power over a negative emotion that has oppressed me, now it liberates me. I was abused by sex, now I enjoy sex, I have sex on my own terms and this fetish was absolutely important for that. It's a safe and healthy way for me to act out humiliation and enjoy it. Before this fetish, I would go to a much darker place with my pain and suffering, I was suicidal. So I personally believe there are much worse things we could be doing to ourselves than covering ourselves with food.
I hope this has been helpful for you or anyone who's having a hard time. If you are not enjoying yourself and you're having more negative experience than positive experience then take a break and maybe seek professional guidance. There are sex therapists that specialize in helping with this exact thing that can be very helpful. Hope you find the answers you're looking for.
No one here can really tell you how to feel comfortable with what you're experiencing, because we're all here for a different reason and we all have a different origin story. I can tell you my story and maybe that will help you.
I'm convinced I've been a wammer since I was born. When I first saw it on TV at the age of 4, I was immediately fascinated and obsessed. It became more sexually oriented the older I got. My entire childhood has been abusive and traumatic. I've been through 20 years of therapy and I'm still really fucked up. For me, it was my sexuality that really changed my life for the better. I've been mentally and emotionally abused, sexually abused and assaulted, by my family and by kids I went to school with. I had no escape from the abuse in my life at one point.
For me, WAM has been a very healthy way to empower myself to like and enjoy sex. I like the humiliation aspect of this fetish. I enjoy being humiliated. Does it come from a dark place? No. I'm acting out scenarios where I'm confronting my fears and choosing to have a positive outcome from it. Instead of feeling humiliated, I feel turned on, and having an orgasm is a reward for that. For me this fetish is a way of having more power over a negative emotion that has oppressed me, now it liberates me. I was abused by sex, now I enjoy sex, I have sex on my own terms and this fetish was absolutely important for that. It's a safe and healthy way for me to act out humiliation and enjoy it. Before this fetish, I would go to a much darker place with my pain and suffering, I was suicidal. So I personally believe there are much worse things we could be doing to ourselves than covering ourselves with food.
I hope this has been helpful for you or anyone who's having a hard time. If you are not enjoying yourself and you're having more negative experience than positive experience then take a break and maybe seek professional guidance. There are sex therapists that specialize in helping with this exact thing that can be very helpful. Hope you find the answers you're looking for.
I was in a relationship with a very frigid woman for some time. When I told her about my messy fetish, she immediately said I was sick and needed therapy. So I found a psychologist who asked all about wam and then talked with me about fetishes in general. His conclusion was that wam is probably the mildest fetish out there, in a world where people want to hurt or be hurt to get turned on, or wear specific costumes, or restrain, choke, slap and do other frightening things to a partner (or have it done to them) just to get turned on.
The psychologist went on to say that we each have certain things that are connected to our sex drive, and many are very subtle. For example, a pretty girl walks down the street. A bunch of guys are watching. One thinks, 'nice legs' another 'nice hair' another, 'nice breasts' and another 'nice car she got out of'. Some will say 'nice skirt', or 'nice shoes', or even get aroused if she is carrying an umbrella. There is no rhyme or reason for these preferences, other than they were set in place at a young age as the sexual feelings were developing. There is no right or wrong. (other than harming someone)
So one person may mildly think 'nice feet' while another thinks 'I'd love to throw her into deep mud'. They are just preferences. One is not weird or wrong just because it's more specific.
So my psychologist declared me 'normal' and said most males have some sort of fetish or preference with fewer females having them. I split with my partner shortly after.
The psychologist went on to say that we each have certain things that are connected to our sex drive, and many are very subtle. For example, a pretty girl walks down the street. A bunch of guys are watching. One thinks, 'nice legs' another 'nice hair' another, 'nice breasts' and another 'nice car she got out of'. Some will say 'nice skirt', or 'nice shoes', or even get aroused if she is carrying an umbrella. There is no rhyme or reason for these preferences, other than they were set in place at a young age as the sexual feelings were developing. There is no right or wrong. (other than harming someone)
So one person may mildly think 'nice feet' while another thinks 'I'd love to throw her into deep mud'. They are just preferences. One is not weird or wrong just because it's more specific.
So my psychologist declared me 'normal' and said most males have some sort of fetish or preference with fewer females having them. I split with my partner shortly after.
well we all have a dark places and all live different lives..
and like has been said we are all hear for different reasons..
as for how it started for me from childhood watching game shows, fun house ect..
as far as your partner... all I can say is talk to her about it, talking it out gets it out in the open and makes it far easier. Keeping your feelings suppressed/fetish well just make it harder for you, sounds funny I talk to my best mate about it all the time and well he tells me about his..
we are all floored as humans thats just what we are...
im always about to chat too..
and like has been said we are all hear for different reasons..
as for how it started for me from childhood watching game shows, fun house ect..
as far as your partner... all I can say is talk to her about it, talking it out gets it out in the open and makes it far easier. Keeping your feelings suppressed/fetish well just make it harder for you, sounds funny I talk to my best mate about it all the time and well he tells me about his..
we are all floored as humans thats just what we are...
im always about to chat too..
I'm married, unhappily, and sex life with my wife has been non existent for years. My WAM life has been, er away fixtures!
my wam partners were with a girl I met at work and the other with a girl from an escort agency who I saw regularly for several years. Both were sexy busty brunettes who loved getting messy and we had lots of very messy fun, with a few other kinks thrown in too
Nowt to be worried about, just enjoy
my wam partners were with a girl I met at work and the other with a girl from an escort agency who I saw regularly for several years. Both were sexy busty brunettes who loved getting messy and we had lots of very messy fun, with a few other kinks thrown in too
Nowt to be worried about, just enjoy
Joey86 said: I'm Joseph, pushing 40 and have a messy fetish for as long as I remember
I have a long term partner and fessed up to her about my fetish some years ago, we tried it out and never returned to it. I figure the inconvenience of it is the reason.
I was fascinated by messiness as a kid and as I grew older I guess it stuck to me.
I have a little shame attached to my fetish since I wonder if it comes from a dark place of humiliation and comes from my own possible flawed character.
I do not frequent messy material but can still be aroused by it.
If someone regardless of gender would talk to me about it it would be much appreciated.
Thank You
Joseph
I have a long term partner and fessed up to her about my fetish some years ago, we tried it out and never returned to it. I figure the inconvenience of it is the reason.
I was fascinated by messiness as a kid and as I grew older I guess it stuck to me.
I have a little shame attached to my fetish since I wonder if it comes from a dark place of humiliation and comes from my own possible flawed character.
I do not frequent messy material but can still be aroused by it.
If someone regardless of gender would talk to me about it it would be much appreciated.
Thank You
Joseph
Joseph for me I never considered it a fetish but I understand where your coming from the other day I was playing with peanut butter and realized how I use to calm my body down when I was in high states of arousal
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZko8PY0A0
Also I relate to this by muddybob
" When I go to the mud nothing else matters...I take myself out of normal life and enter a euphoric state. Just for a couple of hours I forget all my problems; my business, money, depression, bills, relationship issues... everything.... I'm peaceful and relaxed.. completely. "
Paint with play and surrender
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Curiouspaints said:
Joseph for me I never considered it a fetish but I understand where your coming from the other day I was playing with peanut butter and realized how I use to calm my body down when I was in high states of arousal
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZko8PY0A0
Also I relate to this by muddybob
" When I go to the mud nothing else matters...I take myself out of normal life and enter a euphoric state. Just for a couple of hours I forget all my problems; my business, money, depression, bills, relationship issues... everything.... I'm peaceful and relaxed.. completely. "
Joey86 said: I'm Joseph, pushing 40 and have a messy fetish for as long as I remember
I have a long term partner and fessed up to her about my fetish some years ago, we tried it out and never returned to it. I figure the inconvenience of it is the reason.
I was fascinated by messiness as a kid and as I grew older I guess it stuck to me.
I have a little shame attached to my fetish since I wonder if it comes from a dark place of humiliation and comes from my own possible flawed character.
I do not frequent messy material but can still be aroused by it.
If someone regardless of gender would talk to me about it it would be much appreciated.
Thank You
Joseph
I have a long term partner and fessed up to her about my fetish some years ago, we tried it out and never returned to it. I figure the inconvenience of it is the reason.
I was fascinated by messiness as a kid and as I grew older I guess it stuck to me.
I have a little shame attached to my fetish since I wonder if it comes from a dark place of humiliation and comes from my own possible flawed character.
I do not frequent messy material but can still be aroused by it.
If someone regardless of gender would talk to me about it it would be much appreciated.
Thank You
Joseph
Joseph for me I never considered it a fetish but I understand where your coming from the other day I was playing with peanut butter and realized how I use to calm my body down when I was in high states of arousal
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3VZko8PY0A0
Also I relate to this by muddybob
" When I go to the mud nothing else matters...I take myself out of normal life and enter a euphoric state. Just for a couple of hours I forget all my problems; my business, money, depression, bills, relationship issues... everything.... I'm peaceful and relaxed.. completely. "
That looked sweet and intimate. I bet there was more fun afterwards
Firstly, welcome, and thank you for sharing. It's not an easy thing for everyone to bring up, even with the anonymity of the internet. Likewise, I lurked here for a LONG time before I felt comfortable coming out.
Secondly, only you can truly answer this question. Asking for opinions and getting feedback are excellent ways for you to gain self introspection. But healthy is a very subjective term. Personally, I feel if you are not causing harm to yourself, others, or your lifestyle, chances are your fetish is healthy, or at least neutral. But others may disagree. People in ascetic lifestyles in particular have varying views on sex in general, some even going so far as to say that each time a man cums, it diminishes his life force.
Different people have not only different desires but also different needs. A lot of people NEED sexual release, while others do not. I personally feel like I do, but I've gone 10 years without sex and I'm still breathing so I guess I don't.
There isn't a whole lot else for me to add here that hasn't already been said except that you may wish to check out this section of the site.
https://umd.net/groups/group/messy-minds
This entire group deals with and discusses topics like this. Personal struggles, and even things not specifically related to WAM.
I hope this helps you find your answer.
Secondly, only you can truly answer this question. Asking for opinions and getting feedback are excellent ways for you to gain self introspection. But healthy is a very subjective term. Personally, I feel if you are not causing harm to yourself, others, or your lifestyle, chances are your fetish is healthy, or at least neutral. But others may disagree. People in ascetic lifestyles in particular have varying views on sex in general, some even going so far as to say that each time a man cums, it diminishes his life force.
Different people have not only different desires but also different needs. A lot of people NEED sexual release, while others do not. I personally feel like I do, but I've gone 10 years without sex and I'm still breathing so I guess I don't.
There isn't a whole lot else for me to add here that hasn't already been said except that you may wish to check out this section of the site.
https://umd.net/groups/group/messy-minds
This entire group deals with and discusses topics like this. Personal struggles, and even things not specifically related to WAM.
I hope this helps you find your answer.
He's more potato now than man. Twisted and evil.
dhillsarealive said: Something that's stayed with me for many years is I once asked someone I knew who is the most brilliant, inclusive, fantastic feminist how she reconciled that with a taste she had (and had talked about openly on her tumblr - which is no longer around) for mild BDSM and being dominated in the bedroom. She told me as long as she was with someone who understood consent, desire and boundaries, it was what she wanted, and was good with it. She then added - and this is simple but also right, and has stuck with me - "who I am sexually doesn't have to be who I am in life".
So I always remember that. It's taken me many years - we're approx the same age Joseph - to be completely comfortable with who I am regarding this fetish. I like scenes that factor in humiliation, and women not wanting to be messy, and not enjoying it when they are. That's what I'm drawn too. I purchase scenes others have made that work like that, and I've paid producers to create scenes like that. When I do, I'm ultra attentive to their conditions - it's a proper business transaction, after all, and we negotiate between us to what they're happy with, because even if the key element for me is they aren't acting happy (in the model's case) I have to know that they are in real life. I actually get a lot of happiness arranging customs! - I'm paying someone to do a job I could not otherwise do, they get paid for doing it, it's a really pleasant feeling!
At the same time I know now this is just one aspect of me. I don't walk around looking at every woman I see, or know, and want them messy in my mind. As my friend said of herself, who I am sexually is not who I am otherwise. So it can take time to reconcile all this, but there's zero wrong with this fetish / kink, and zero to be ashamed of. There's so much of you that's not this, that there's definitely room for what is.
So I always remember that. It's taken me many years - we're approx the same age Joseph - to be completely comfortable with who I am regarding this fetish. I like scenes that factor in humiliation, and women not wanting to be messy, and not enjoying it when they are. That's what I'm drawn too. I purchase scenes others have made that work like that, and I've paid producers to create scenes like that. When I do, I'm ultra attentive to their conditions - it's a proper business transaction, after all, and we negotiate between us to what they're happy with, because even if the key element for me is they aren't acting happy (in the model's case) I have to know that they are in real life. I actually get a lot of happiness arranging customs! - I'm paying someone to do a job I could not otherwise do, they get paid for doing it, it's a really pleasant feeling!
At the same time I know now this is just one aspect of me. I don't walk around looking at every woman I see, or know, and want them messy in my mind. As my friend said of herself, who I am sexually is not who I am otherwise. So it can take time to reconcile all this, but there's zero wrong with this fetish / kink, and zero to be ashamed of. There's so much of you that's not this, that there's definitely room for what is.
Being someone who is also into BDSM, I've always thought of it as a form of acting or play. When I hit someone with a paddle or whatever it isn't because I am angry at them or want to actually harm them. It is about mutual enjoyment. Sometimes the enjoyment for one partner is that the other partner enjoys something.
Ron Paul 1812
Hi Joseph, thanks for starting another interesting thread.
For me, gunge and messy fun is so hardwired into me that it's kinda tricky to understand if its 'healthy' or not...it just is. God knows I have wished it away many times - it's not exactly the most convenient kink and yeah, sadly, somewhere along the line it has become bound up with a lot of shame and embarrasment. BUT...it has also led to a hell of a lot of fun.
I don't know what other 'communities' are like, but I have found the people I have met through gunge play - online and in person - to be among the nicest, chilled and essentially harmless people ever. Maybe there's something in that, like PieCub says about the 'good sport' idea...you grew up knowing that a dad willing to go in the gunge tank was probably able to laugh at himself.
Anyway, I'm similar age to you and have probably had a lot of the same conversations with myself, so whatever else you are, you're definitely not alone.
For me, gunge and messy fun is so hardwired into me that it's kinda tricky to understand if its 'healthy' or not...it just is. God knows I have wished it away many times - it's not exactly the most convenient kink and yeah, sadly, somewhere along the line it has become bound up with a lot of shame and embarrasment. BUT...it has also led to a hell of a lot of fun.
I don't know what other 'communities' are like, but I have found the people I have met through gunge play - online and in person - to be among the nicest, chilled and essentially harmless people ever. Maybe there's something in that, like PieCub says about the 'good sport' idea...you grew up knowing that a dad willing to go in the gunge tank was probably able to laugh at himself.
Anyway, I'm similar age to you and have probably had a lot of the same conversations with myself, so whatever else you are, you're definitely not alone.
I just was reading a book on psychology which stated that all fetishes are 'abnormal' and that males are using shoes or purses or other fetish objects to replace the missing penis from their mothers. WTF? It went on to say that a well-adjusted male will have 'normal' sex with a wife one day, while the 'abnormal' ones will become homosexuals or develop fetishes. WOW, I can't believe modern doctors would say that. Freud had some very strange theories about young boys and their mothers and tied it into a fear of dying. This author said that looking at a human foot reminds us that we are just animals destined to die, but when we put a sexy shoe on it, we can imagine we are immortal. I seriously doubt the foot fetish people are thinking that. So if I'm happy getting messy and being married and living my dreams, but someone feels the need to write a troubling book dealing with nothing but problems, who is the normal one? Certainly not the author of that book
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Bobographer said: I just was reading a book on psychology which stated that all fetishes are 'abnormal' and that males are using shoes or purses or other fetish objects to replace the missing penis from their mothers. WTF?
Trying to research this stuff over the years has left me with nothing but prejudice about the verity of the field of psychology. Perhaps there's some appeal to authority at play when people seek answers from a "doctor," but regarding this matter, I think a social scientist or cultural anthropologist could have just as valuable a contribution, even though you don't see them cited nearly as much.
ClassicTVcollector said:
Trying to research this stuff over the years has left me with nothing but prejudice about the verity of the field of psychology. Perhaps there's some appeal to authority at play when people seek answers from a "doctor," but regarding this matter, I think a social scientist or cultural anthropologist could have just as valuable a contribution, even though you don't see them cited nearly as much.
Trying to research this stuff over the years has left me with nothing but prejudice about the verity of the field of psychology. Perhaps there's some appeal to authority at play when people seek answers from a "doctor," but regarding this matter, I think a social scientist or cultural anthropologist could have just as valuable a contribution, even though you don't see them cited nearly as much.
I once had a really good psychologist who said as far as fetishes go, WAM is the mildest, safest one he had heard of. He went on to say that a very large percentage of mostly men have some form of fetish and that it's perfectly healthy, as long as it doesn't harm anyone. And that's exactly how I feel about it.
Curiouspaints said:
Also I relate to this by muddybob
" When I go to the mud nothing else matters...I take myself out of normal life and enter a euphoric state. Just for a couple of hours I forget all my problems; my business, money, depression, bills, relationship issues... everything.... I'm peaceful and relaxed.. completely. "
Also I relate to this by muddybob
" When I go to the mud nothing else matters...I take myself out of normal life and enter a euphoric state. Just for a couple of hours I forget all my problems; my business, money, depression, bills, relationship issues... everything.... I'm peaceful and relaxed.. completely. "
This is essentially mindfulness. It is a bit of a cult at times, but I worked with a therapist who taught me to use it really well.
Thoughts are just that. Acknowledge them in your head, they themselves can't hurt you, and move on.
Music and nature work well too. Getting out of your head is difficult, and requires practice but it's definitely worth it.
I'd definitely recommend it.
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