Like many on this forum, I'm married to someone who doesn't share my fetish. Thankfully, she knows what I'm into, and doesn't hold it against me. However she clearly doesn't "get it" and has no desire to partake in messy play (let alone sex) with me.

As a WAM fetishist from as long as I can remember (since early childhood I've been obsessed with getting messy), it's a huge part of who I am. Although a combination of work, kids, other hobbies and commitment to my wife means I don't get the chance very often, I still take every opportunity I can to get messy solo when circumstances permit.

Although I'm generally ok and happy in life and love, the lack of opportunity to indulge in my fetish means I sometimes find myself getting frustrated. WAM on my own is better than no WAM at all, and sometimes I feel there's a lack of sexual 'compatibility' between me and my wife - I've always been into "sexperimentation" while she is as vanilla as they come... missionary position or nothing.

Just wondering how those of you who are in a similar situation cope with not having a partner who's into getting messy or finding the time to yourself to enjoy it? Most of the time our love for each other sees us through, but I rarely feel sexually fulfilled by sex with my wife and my fetish probably has a lot to do with that. Anyone else got any words of encouragement or advice?

Thanks for your thoughts!

Are you married to *my* wife, too?

I could have written your post (though I think you worded it better than I could have, especially the part about self-wamming).

Along with you, I will be watching to see what others post.

Norman

Two words:

SIDE PIECE.

My girlfriend has been willing to indulge my WAM fetish, on occasion.
And to be honest, I'd rather do it with her than "cheat" on her and do it with another girl.

Bravo!

You're a good man!

Norman

"Honey, I love you, and you have until I finish creating this Tinder profile to cover yourself in mud."

My current lady tried getting messy, and decided it wasn't her thing. So, I beat her to a bloody pulp, and she was way more open to my fetishes after that.






Actually, I just said "at least you tried!" and we resumed our happy life.

I share the same problems... It sucks... I find that a combination of drugs and porn get me through to another day. All you kids out there, don't get married. DON'T GET MARRIED!!!

I actually had a real nightmare when my ex wife found out about it. It never ended the marriage but it was one of many elements that she used against me. The story is long and horrible. But the upshot is really honesty at the start of any relationship. be honest about everything remotely sexual or it WILL come back to haunt you. Honesty and acceptance everything. I wish you well.

By no desire to partake in messy play do you mean none whatsoever or she doesn't want to get messy herself? I ask because maybe if you asked her just to get you messy and not the other way around she would be more receptive. It's also possible that she simply doesn't realize exactly how important WAM is to you.

My wife actually did try it with me once at a hotel years ago with pies. It took a long time for me to convince her to try but ultimately by then she knew it meant a lot to me and was an excellent sport about it. In the end it didn't do anything for her so I've been doing the occasional solo session when I get a chance ever since. It's nice to get to experience by myself now and then but of course I would love to have my wife involved more, but I've accepted that it just isn't how she is and like you said she just doesn't understand.

I've come to the realization years ago that despite not being completely satisfied when it comes to my WAM fetish (although this wonderful site and the people here certainly help!) I am satisfied with my life overall and love my wife very much. I believe it's almost impossible to find someone who wants and does everything that you like and want to do, but that's okay as long as you accept each other's differences which it sounds like both you and your wife do.

If I could do it all again I would marry my wife again even though I would have to again give up a life of first hand WAM experiences with another person. Is my fetish a big part of my life, absolutely, but I'm lucky to have all of you here and I know that without my wife life I just wouldn't be happy and nothing, not even all the WAM in the world would be able to fill that void. I guess what I'm saying is love has its sacrifices but it's worth it in the end as long as you're happy with you you're with and you make them happy too. Kudos to sharing your story, Labyrinth and I hope my story helps you.

Ha! My thoughts exactly. I've pretty much given up on a full-fledged WAM session with my wife. Although occasionally she'll let me give her a whipped-cream bikini, which is nice.

My advice: There's always the UMD. Keep your chin up.

As long as you can at least talk about it and have it out there without judgment from your wife, you've got a good thing going. It sucks that she doesn't want to partake, but at least she's not repulsed by the fact that you're into it (from what you've said here).

My ex-wife was so adamantly against it, she flat-out said, "Well, you're just gonna have to stop being into that."

As if an integral part of who I am sexually was just something I could turn off like a light switch.

Hang in there, and keep the discussion alive with her from time-to-time. Don't badger her, just bring it up once in a great while (special occasions and whatnot).

Worst she can do is say no, and you're in no worse a position than you were before.

My Wife hates it, which makes it more enjoyable for me mwuhahah
She lets me mess her up about 4 times a year she says because she loves me, so when I do I make sure I totally destroy her haha.

Unfortunately, not every relationship is going to feature a great sexual relationship (though they should). The fact that your wife is "missionary or nothing" is troubling; it implies that she really doesn't enjoy sex and is just waiting for you to get done so she can get back to her book.

Maybe you should start by trying to engage in more mutually stimulating behavior: oral, anal, porn, massage, whatever will turn her on. You need to find ways to get your wife more interested in sex with you. Right now, you're trying to run before you know how to walk. Once you have built up a decent sexual foundation then you could think about adding some pudding to the mix.

At some point, after you have invested as much energy in things as you can, you and your wife must honestly evaluate the importance of, and level of satisfaction with, your sex life. You deserve to be happy and so does she.

We tried her messing me up once but very quickly it stopped. It was a bit like she couldn't handle me getting turned on by it. She's basically told me after a couple of failed "attempts" that she knows it's my fetish but she wants no part of it.

Thanks for sharing your story. It's all good to hear and know I'm not alone!




Generally she does seem to have a low sex drive; she doesn't ask for it to be over quickly and enjoys it when it happens, but then it'll be a long time before we have sex again. Kids probably have a lot to do with that, but I'm surprised by just how rarely she's in the mood.

What makes it worse was that two of my ex-girlfriends were very accommodating of my fetish and allowed me to get messy with them about once a month. Because I DO know what I'm missing, it makes it a bit tougher to deal with, although I count myself more fortunate than the guys who have never got messy with a girl at all.

"It's better to have sploshed and lost, than never to have sploshed at all!".

I've only had four gfs but two were actually into it, and the next didn't like it, but was very into getting me off. the last hated it, but would do it cause she wouldn't get me gifts for bday or xmas, and usually coincided with I'm sorry for being mean to u gifts. I tried it with a friend when hooking up and she hated it. I also wonder about this, because I assume ill probably never get to enjoy this again, but have been open to people when talking about fetishes of course that usually stopped the interest in dating soooo. i guess porn is always good?

Wonderful pictures! You wife is beautiful! :lovestruck:

Norman

Been married for more than 20 (yrs) and she's not into it. I just don't believe that this fetish is what defines me. She will bring a little mess rarely but it's honestly not that big of deal.

Taken as a whole, I've been extraordinarily lucky, I'm not about to give that up just for a little sumpin sumpin. Cost benefit is simply not worth it.

I would love it if she was more GGG (good, giving and game) but she's not. Overall I'm pretty satisfied. I scratch the itch by sites like this. I've said before, WAM is something I enjoy, but it isn't a way of life.

For years I kept my pie fetish a secret from my wife, but about 4 years into our marriage I was just dying to pie her, but afraid what her reaction would be on hearing it. I kept dreaming I would tell her about it and she would say, 'Cool lets do it!", then I'd wake up. Finally, after being married 7 years, I told her my desire at 1 AM on April 7 2000, and she said 'Let's go get a pie! It sounds like fun!' So that's what we did; what a great night.
I'm not into mess though, just the visual aspect of it, so the hundred or so pie things we've done over the years is always, pieing her, cleaning up, and having sex. The pied blow job thing sounded really exciting, so we tried that, but the absurdity of the whole thing once we started always cracked me up to the point of it not being sexy just funny. Sorry, I realized I just rambled a bit, but it was a long night at work.

Clinton:

First of all, congrats on your wife being "into" it! That's great!

I found it interesting that the pie BJ's were more funny than sexy. Thanks for saying it out loud, as it were (or, putting it into print)!

I didn't consider it rambling.

Norman

I do feel for you. Only you can know if this is something that might change with time. But I do think its worth taking it slow and steady. You mentioned she's perhaps been less interested in sex since the kids, and I think that's quite common - it certainly was in our house. If that's so, you need to get her enjoying sex with you generally before you introduce even the barest hint of WAM.

So is there anything about sex she's like before that you could do more of? It is tricky when you've either got the kids around or you're exhausted - is there any time you could both be together in the day for some occasional fun? Try having sex somewhere other than the bedroom. Talk about it and try anything you both think might be fun.

Then, and only then, try introducing WAM - but gently. Maybe instead of just rubbing her back rub it with oil, and her front too. It doesn't look messy but it does share a lot of the same lovely slippery feelings. Or, instead of just sipping champage, sip some from each other's hands, or belly buttons. Or, feed each other fruit dipped in chocolate and lick each others fingers too...

I'm sure you'll have your own ideas, but it needs to be gradual. I didn't dare tell my wife anything about WAM for the first couple of year, and we've spent the last ten years or so gradually expanding our range. If I'd told her 10 years ago that I wanted to roll around in a pool of mud with her before having filthy sex, it would have been a definite no. But that's just what we were doing a week ago, and both having lots of fun. So there could yet be light at the end of the tunnel!

My girlfriend found out about it last week. I'd told her I had a fetish before but not what it was because I thought she would not approve. On the balance it was risk the relationship (She's met my grandparents its that serious) Vs discussing it.

Anyway, we were talking about things before going to sleep one on Saturday night. At somepoint i made a quip about all the poop fetishes that exist. She asked me if that was my fetish to which i replied that mine didn't involve bodily substances. Once I'd said she she wouldn't drop it and I realised I couldn't back out so just came out with it.

I was really surprised at her reaction. I was expecting "That's weird" and "I can't date the sort of pervert who likes that stuff" but actually ended up with "Oh that's quite normal for fetishes". I haven't brought it up again so maybe she doesn't understand. Having said that there were vibes of "You do your thing and i won't look" but hopefully i can get her to try it sometime.

Reiver thanks for your comments... Good to know there's hope even if gradual.

Jammy well done for telling her; who knows, she might surprise you one day!

What do you use to get her totally covered like that ?

Like you, my fiancee isn't particularly "into" wam, but will indulge me in the odd occasion when she'll get in the bath and let me pour stuff on her. Would love to get her covered like that I usually use custard or gunge

Honestly I could never have a serious long term relationship with a woman who wouldn't indulge me even slightly a couple times a year. With all the compromises we make as men (if you are faithful/compromising)...if they can't take a pie in the face or a sliming a couple times a year in privacy...that's selfishness.

It really upsets me to read about so many peoples partners are so unwilling to give it a go. What do they think is going to happen to them?? I understand people not being comfortable with certain things, but a pie in the face is far more comfortable than anal.

I don't know, I am a giver and have always done everything I can to please the person I am with in the bedroom. and I find it fun to indulge in their fantasies becuase if I can do something to really turn them on, then it turns me on.

I just don't see what the problem is with getting a little bit messy now and then. Maybe because I have been gunged a thousand times... But even when I was first asked to try it, I was totally up for it!

But I am really lucky. Every guy I have told about it has WANTED to try it. Like REALLY wanted to give it a go. And they loved it!

I need to bottle whatever it is I have... I was even able to get a member here who never got messy and had no desire to get messy (they only like to see the girls get messy) I got him messy and guess what?? He loved it!!

Most of my girl friends have wanted to try it out too. I realise for them there is the money aspect involved, but some of them really enjoyed it.

I just find it really sad to hear that so many partners are repulsed by it. It's such a safe, tame fetish. It's so much fun. I think maybe some people just take themselves too seriously.

If I had a magic wam wand, I would be waving all over the place so everyone could experience the pleasure of letting go and getting marvelously messy.

Maybe I need to write a step by step guide to introducing wam to your partner. Or if your partner is unsure about trying it, tell them to talk to Jess

Jessie xx
www.messy-jessie.com

Well said, Jessie. But I think a lot of people get a bit up tight about sexual things. Its only in the last few years I'd that my wife and I have been "relaxed" about sex. To start with I had all sorts of worries about what was right, and what was wrong, that the whole thing was a bit embarrassing and so on. I think that's probably a stage everyone goes through, but perhaps a lot of people get stuck in it.

I'd say WAM has actually helped my wife and I loosen up and rediscover enjoying each others bodies post the exhaustion of having small children! I think we'd each now be happy to let the other try anything that they thought would be fun, and that wasn't going to be actively painful or unpleasant. Which is a good place to be, but its taken a while to get here.

Jessie, I wish my wife had the same attitude as you! If you ever find that magic wand, let me know!!!

Reiver, I hope that once the kids have got a little bigger and we can leave them with someone else for a night, our sex life improves again and I can hopefully introduce some WAM elements to it!! It'd be nice to get to the same level of trust you've established.... (Ironically I got to that level in about 2 months with my previous girlfriend...)

I hope you find that magic wand Jessie, or create a wam potion, or something. It would make life so much more fun.

I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and he does not partake in any WAM or Gear fetishes. Our compromise has been an open relationship with ground rule that only fetish play outside the relationship. It works so far. I don't want any non fetish related sex with out him. He's allowed normal sex with friends because I'm not worried about losing him. I'm quite the catch ^.^

Sadly this won't work for everyone. I'll admit it takes a certain level of confidence, call it cockiness, to live like this, but also neither of us expected this to be a fairytale of a relationship either. We are both working poor who couldn't even consider marriage till just a few years ago. We fight, we make up, we love, and we buy pizza. I can't complain at all ^.^