Hi all,

Has a partner ever divulged your interest in this kink to others, without your consent?

What happened next?

Not a happy tale but important to share this in modern times.

Years ago I shared my wam life with a partner who sadly then went down the revenge porn path.

I'm sure I was part of the unlucky minority but please always be sure you can trust someone with something this personal. Thankfully my friends didn't really care that I'm kinky but mentally for me the damage was done. To this day I still get the odd "innocent" comment that isn't meant to offend but of course is a stinging reminder of how much betrayal hurts.

Don't let life stop you playing but always play safe - in more ways than one.

Sorry I think I murdered your thread. I just thought it was important that in this age of technology people are aware of the risks they take each time they share photos/videos of themselves

I haven't been outed but it is something that I worry about. MY main worry is because I do stand-up comedy some evenings (pre covid, of course. Will restart after this is over) and, in the unlikely event that I got famous for it, would anyone out my dirty secret? So, to get over it, I have mentioned wam in my sets a few times and the audience is generally supportive or doesn't really care. Maybe because they think I'm making it up, or maybe they just generally don't care. After all, it's my thing, I enjoy it and I'm not doing anyone any harm.
As a PS, I have told a few friends about it, including my husband, and I've showed some of them photos from my sessions. I get a few sniggers and raised eyebrows but they're still my friends so it obviously doesn't bother them at all.

I know the feeling I'm a bit of a comic myself.

Yup!

I've had;

-Two girlfriends out me after we broke up.

- One boyfriend out me WHILE we were dating (but in a fight).

- My two best friends in high school find out after I sort of accidentally outed myself :bahaha

- An internet friend (of many years) try to blackmail me and then send stuff to my boss at the time.

It sucked each time, but you learn to get over it and love yourself for who you are and not give a shit about anybody who doesn't love you for you.

The trust/betrayal stuff is hard to get over and the most damaging aspect, but it's not much different than getting cheated on or being lied to by a loved one. We all go thru stuff like this one way or another and just have to grow past it. Easier said than done, but it's also the only answer.

P.S. Silver lining / funny story about the blackmail; I was working at a hip/very progressive/sex-positive magazine at the time, and when my boss approached me about my "online activities" that had been exposed, his first comment was "why the hell haven't you pitched a piece about this stuff?" Just a tremendous backfire for that blackmailing asshole

This is why I'm a closeted WAMmer. Not that I'm ashamed of it - it's a harmless, fun proclivity. But if the word got around it would deeply and negatively impact my life.

I have an uncle by marriage that I see a couple times a year at family events and holidays. He has a friend from college, whom he sees probably just as infrequently. I think I've met this friend once, years ago. That friend has a fetish for Barbie dolls. Which is another completely harmless fetish - arguably even more harmless and less weird than WAMming. The cleanup has got to be easier, right?

Anyway, how is it that I know this deeply intimate fact about this guy that I have met maybe once? Well, like 25 years ago, this guy went through a rough patch with his wife and they were having some problems in the bedroom because of this Barbie doll thing. So he went to therapy to try to get rid of this fetish, and the wife got frustrated with the whole situation and told my aunt or something, and my aunt told all her sisters (my mom, other aunts) and now 25 years later whenever this guy comes up in conversation and my uncle isn't around he's (still) my uncle's weirdo friend with the Barbie fetish, which is how I heard about it. I can't imagine that everybody in this guy's life doesn't know this about him (whether or not he's aware that they know).

I don't dislike being a WAMmer, WAMming is super fun. I do dislike having to be insanely discreet about it, to the point where I feel like I have three separate lives - my personal life, my professional life, and my WAMmer life. I didn't choose to be a WAMmer, honestly my life would be more convenient if I weren't.

I kind of wish everybody had a little thing like this that was harmless, embarrassing, and impossible to control, because I think it would make people more understanding. As far as I can tell, I have six cousins and I'm pretty sure my parent's generation of the family has had sex exactly six times, all in the missionary position solely for the purpose of procreation, so from their perspective anybody outside that narrow range of behavior is some kind of tabloid-worthy pervert.

Thank goodness for the Internet and all of you fine people, so at least I know for myself I'm not (too) crazy.

My answer to your question is "No", but that's not why I your message.
I did that because of your funny photo, Limited.

It's mostly an open thing amongst my friends circle and anyone who has the misfortune of delving into it so it gets passed around fairly casually as a sort of talking point. This might may be of some comfort to some of yous (i hope anyway) but the fetish essentially getting treated like that has done wonders for my mental health with me not worrying about what people would think of me if I got exposed. Instead of treating me like some kind of freak, just about everyone I've met has been interested in finding out more about the fetish (back when we regularly were on ketamine binges during my time at university we even used to slap it on the TV and all watch it as a group)

Now this just might be my quite honestly not particularly normal circle of friends, acquaintances, flings and other such peeps but hopefully this shows that internally we dont have to treat this thing as a kind of stigma. God knows I did for ages, so much so it buried my own sexual orientation and only did I come to realise I was bi a bit later. Now obviously not everyone's situation matches my own and there are a lot of other factors at paly at all times here, but thought I'd share my experiences which have thankfully (thus far anyway) worked out fine.

I have not been outed, but I don't know that anyone in my circle would care. I became very aware of the toxic environment I lived in and that led me to move across the country to get away from it and heal from it. One of the most beneficial things for me was watching my sister go through her divorce. Let's just say it was as messy as could be expected and there are things that her ex included as part of his court filings that are now public record that should have been considered revenge porn. He used the opportunity to out anything negative in his mind that he could and try to use it against her. While the judge did not care, I could see the toll it took on her at the time. She picked herself up and said fuck him and anyone that would judge her for it. She has a great life and has raised some great kids.

If anyone in your circles would object to it, mock it, shame it or otherwise try to hurt you for your kink get rid of them. Unless there are kids involved, no relationship is worth hanging onto if the person does not respect you enough to not judge you for who you are. It is not easy to do and there is an emotional toll to it, but chances are if they would judge you for this there are other things they are already judging you about.

My girlfriend tells her friends all the time about what we do. It might not be her fetish but she enjoys it when do play. I guess she outs me all the time but it's not embarrassing. Its definitely not meant to humiliate myself, she just talks openly about sex.

My ex wife did the revenge porn thing too. But at that time I was less confident within myself. It was horrible for a while and obviously very embarrassing. But eventually and it took months and months for me to realise that this isn't that big a deal. Its just WAM. So its only embarrassing in the eyes of those who see it that way. Though I do see both sides as I've been on both sides.

Yes. I discussed my fetish (in part) to a former boyfriend, and we experimented it in a very innocent and introductory manner. While we were still dating, he told a mutual friend - someone who I had previously worked for (now, a government official). Obviously, he and I did not stay in a relationship very long; fortunately, I don't believe that she cares and most likely, will never mention it. I have been lucky - so far.

This is, likely, a leading cause of some dishing out revenge and shame, on account of them actually DO having a 'little thing' and experiencing their own demons with their own fetishes and doubts about their own sexuality.

Do you, and fuck the rest.

It's only a matter of "when", rather than "if", and so I've already begun exposing key elements of my life and lifestyle to my closer friends and closer acquaintances (which may or may not remain closer acquaintances after-the-fact, but it's also a good way to thin the Circle of trust...). That way, I control the narrative. One sibling knows much of my lifestyle already, and a few people at work. If/When my pics/vids leak, at least I can take some pride in their quality.

I'm willing to have whatever conversation needs to be had, and I'll engage in it fully, but if the other individual is only interested in a more basal reaction of disgust or shame or whatever, that's not worth my time, nor it is it my problem.

I've never been "outed" for some reason having the nickname Sumo most people seemed to have assumed I enjoy food in my sexual adventures.

Literally I've had several talks with groups of friends where at least one friend said "Well of course you enjoy covering your girlfriend in marshmallow fluff(or chocolate or whipped cream etc), you are Sumo!"

My fiance posted an innocent shot of herself at an event that featured a messy game held at a public place. One photo was posted on Facebook with the background visible. The messy photos were posted here. Someone in my town somehow put 2 and 2 together and then wrote a letter to her employer stating she was on a 'porn site'. She lost her job, as the writer threatened to go to the press if they didn't fire her. We haven't produced any videos since, and we had about a dozen for sale at one point. The photos that caused the uproar were all very innocent, at a family-friendly messy fundraising event.

It hasn't happened to me, but I've made a conscious choice to be more "out" about this. I don't exactly advertise it, but I have a real photo of me as my profile picture here, and I posted a photo of myself in a gunge tank over on Facebook. The basic idea is that I don't want to be in a position where anyone could blackmail me.

Vaguely related, I've taken part in the World Naked Bike Ride, so there are hundreds of naked photos of me on the internet. If anyone threatened to leak new nudes, I'd just laugh and say "Throw them on the pile". Again, I'm not actively sharing those photos with everyone I know, but if they did see the photos then I wouldn't be bothered.

I'm happy but sad to hear you've been through a similar situation. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to be human...

My wife told her two best friends after I told her about it for the first time. One didn't say much but it's always a little awkward when we talk but the other has talked with me quite a bit about it. She revealed to us shortly after that she was a professional domme and asked me a bunch of questions to help her with some of her clients.
While there was no horrible embarrassing moment, I do wish she would have consulted me before telling anyone.

I struggle with this while I'm here

I need to learn how to do this for myself

Two times I recognized somebody on this forum in real life. Once it was because they used a specific handle on the internet (this is 15 or so years ago). The other when I recognized them in pictures they posted. (I knew them before they posted).

I have never brought it to their attention as there wouldn't be a benefit. But considering that if you want to remain sort of anonymous or you don't want pictures coming back later in your life... Be careful what you do and post. I see a lot of wen posting nude wam which is fine but a lot of people are fine with clothes or costumes or whatever... And they may be easier to explain or laugh off when brought up by family 35 years later! Image id.and searching technology just gets better everyday.

Wanted to say that I really appreciate this thread! Thank you to everyone for sharing your (crummy) experiences

So far I've lucked out and have not been outted (yet), but I have always been very paranoid/terrified about it. I finally shared my kink with my partner about 6 years ago and it went south really bad. I had already been struggling with suicidal thinking for years, and that experience was the last straw that literally put me on a ledge trying to reconcile my needs and feelings for what i liked with how people would see me if they knew.

Anyway, i guess what I'm trying to say is reading these posts makes me feel a little better about it all (fears of who they might tell) because i see it is a fear shared by many of us in this community, and you awesome people went through the worst of it and carried on. So if I find myself in your shoes in the future, I won't feel like I'm the only person facing the adversity, and knowing that is enough to keep me going too i think

I have not but I've discovered that I am somewhat unique for all of my messy experiences have been in public. Over the past decade I've got messy probably around 10 times. My friends, family, and coworkers are used to seeing me messy on social media, but every time I've gotten messy it was for a cause such as fundraiser, school, camp, birthday, etc. I've never gotten messy sexually so I don't worry about being exposed in that way. If someone tried to expose me as a wammer; honestly people wouldn't really care or be surprised.

Side note, society seems to be more accepting now than it once was. Many male celebrities have had their nude photos leaked and it didn't affect their career. 10 years ago that would not have been the case.

One of my exes almost outed me. She made a comment alluding to it, but no one really followed up with her.

I'm kinda in a similar situation as a couple other users noted in this thread. I do a lot of other things in my life, so if I were to be outed, it could be damaging to my career or other potential future careers. For those who have watched my scenes, you'll notice I cover myself up as much as possible, and that's why. One day I hope to be more open with you all, but for now I just have to remain the way I am.

I got outed accidentally when someone liked one of my videos on their main YouTube account so other friends noticed it had been liked and so most of my close friends found out.
To be honest, it hasn't really changed anything. Some were amused, some confused, and some curious. Didn't get any negative reactions. I've kept it away from family and work, but amongst friends it's really a non issue.
The Tosh.0 TV show did a feature that showed my YouTube channel pretty publicly, even after refusing an invite on to the show, so that annoyed me, but never had it mentioned so guess I wasn't recognised or people didn't care.

Yeah I've been outed.

Never really felt shame though. I hate that you lose control of the narrative as the outer just runs away with it.

It was much worse when I was outed as a CD. I was in the position where there was no real fallout for me. being exposed for my kinks were more damaging for those who outed me. Family is still ashamed of me but well words won't hurt you unless you let them. Or someone throws a book at you.

I don't fully understand why I have such a relaxed attitude. My support worker has told me it's because of my Autism. I don't know. The betrayal of trust hurts more than the exposure.

Just wanted to say, that is totally awesome. The world needs more people like that guy in it, and far fewer judgemental idiots. Well done you and him.

Personally I've always taken the line of being out and open about being into WAM, pretty much everyone I know in business or social life knows about it, never had a negative reaction. I made a delibarete decision to be open more than 20 years ago on the basis you can't be threatened with being outed for something that's already public knowledge.