Look at how stupid I am in this photo. Everything needs plastering unrecognisable.

What should be used. You decide and I'll choose one of you at random to do it in person. Just tell me what you want to use from the list below and how you'd ensure that I'd be unrecognisable and stink after

Heinz Salad Cream topped with egg salad

HP original brown sauce topped with Branston pickle

Blue cheese condiment topped with blue cheese flakes

Heinz ketchup topped with tuna.

Ooooof what if you mixed them up -- cover your face/head in bleu cheese and then mixed in the egg salad. That feels really smelly and might even make you gag a little!