Hire a function room, about 20 stunning girls, buy them sexy, glamorous outfits, bring in make up artists and hair stylists to make them look unbelievably amazing, get about 5000 pies delivered and tell the girls to recreate the Great Race pie fight
Well, first I'd write a polite letter to Jeff Bezos, requesting some of his $$$. To which I would expect a reply, writing out $$$ on a piece of paper in Jeff Bezos's handwriting.
Zoidberg's Evil Twin said: Well, first I'd write a polite letter to Jeff Bezos, requesting some of his $$$. To which I would expect a reply, writing out $$$ on a piece of paper in Jeff Bezos's handwriting.
The premise of the situation is you'd actually BE Jeff (or at least have traded places with him). Unless you took the 'in his shoes' thing literally. In which case, sell the shoes! They're probably worth enough to buy any of the very humble fantasies listed so far.
I would create an adult WAM theme park and resort. Among the attractions would be the following Gunge water slides (completely enclosed with massively padded endings) Chocolate lazy river Giant Pie hot tubs Quicksand pits Mudwresting matchs all kinds of wave pools Zorbing Obstacle courses
(all allergies would be listed and fully disclosed for each "ride")
All rooms would be designed for mess with specialty drains and come equipped with" plastic sheeting full wet bar of condiments latex sheets
I mean if I had all of Jeff Bezos's money -- that is, not AS MUCH money as Jeff Bezos's money, but literally all the money that used to be Jeff Bezos's -- then the first thing I would do is offer Jeff Bezos a job in one of my un-airconditioned warehouses.
Pay for an all female adult movie remake of Bugsy Malone. Songs, Suits, Splurge guns and everything.
Open a really fancy restaurant that has a special secret "dessert tasting menu" where diners get to experience some of the world's creamiest desserts squished into their faces and all over their outfits by a team of highly trained waitresses.
Make a TV show that's based around the history of WAM, each episode looking at a particular aspect of it like the history of the pie fight, the history of the british gunge tank, nickelodeon's green slime etc. Each episode could include a Mythbusters style attempt to recreate a classic pie fight or tv gunge tank, with celebrity guests to help!
Pay for a full on Marvel / Star Wars / Lord of the Rings / DC Movieverse / Game of Thrones crossover two part movie event where all of the characters from the aforementioned franchises have to unite to fight a small purple space goblin played by Keith Chegwin. Part one ends with Cheggers snapping his fingers causing half of all of the characters in the shared univese suddenly getting gunged. People are pretty stoked about the sequel.
Pay for half of the world's population to get gunged. I'd be willing to bet Bezos could find 3 and half billion people who'd be willing to get gunged for money. I don't know if this would save capitalism, but Jeff, if you're reading I swear it's worth a shot.
I'd buy Disney and dismantle all of their copyrights and make them public domain. The irony being that Disney primarily made it's BILLIONS off of public domain.
This would also let me "fix" what's become of Star Wars
HalfPastSlime said: Just some stoopid ideas off the top of my head:
Pay for an all female adult movie remake of Bugsy Malone. Songs, Suits, Splurge guns and everything.
Open a really fancy restaurant that has a special secret "dessert tasting menu" where diners get to experience some of the world's creamiest desserts squished into their faces and all over their outfits by a team of highly trained waitresses.
Make a TV show that's based around the history of WAM, each episode looking at a particular aspect of it like the history of the pie fight, the history of the british gunge tank, nickelodeon's green slime etc. Each episode could include a Mythbusters style attempt to recreate a classic pie fight or tv gunge tank, with celebrity guests to help!
Pay for a full on Marvel / Star Wars / Lord of the Rings / DC Movieverse / Game of Thrones crossover two part movie event where all of the characters from the aforementioned franchises have to unite to fight a small purple space goblin played by Keith Chegwin. Part one ends with Cheggers snapping his fingers causing half of all of the characters in the shared univese suddenly getting gunged. People are pretty stoked about the sequel.
Pay for half of the world's population to get gunged. I'd be willing to bet Bezos could find 3 and half billion people who'd be willing to get gunged for money. I don't know if this would save capitalism, but Jeff, if you're reading I swear it's worth a shot.
Ok I'll stop now but seriously fuck Jeff Bezos.
Yes, I'd also spend that money to reanimate Cheggers. I spent an evening with him once, and he really is the most infectiously joyful entity to be around.
I also love that this has essentially descended into a FUCK BEZOS/WORKER EXPLOITATION/EXTREME INEQUALITY thread. That turns me on just as much as sea of slimy boobs!
In response to an earlier poster, I thought public embarrassment forced Amazon to a/c his warehouses. And we forget the corrosive work culture revealed by the FTFNYT that he even found repulsive. But I leave you with the headline in last Sunday's FTFNYT "Tying Behemoths to Stagnant Pay and Low Growth" "'Amazon Effect" Is Eyed" "central bankers explore outsize influence of a few employers.'"
This bullshit article said: On the other hand, as a publicly owned and profit-maximizing business, Amazon is justifiably trying to save on wages by automating its workforce.
Tell you what, how about Bezos spends a little of his $260 million on automating AND paying the same former workers a living wage.
Love you, too
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