Since my dad got Cancer, it was only a few months before he was fired from his job. We live with a roommate and my grandmother, so we still have an income, however when it comes to myself, my mother and my father- We're living on the kindness of others.

It's getting bad, as things don't seem to show any signs of improving and it's only made worse by adding the anxiety of knowing that my family spent years helping out other people, and gaining a reputation as some of the nicest people our friends knew.

Not sure what happened to that...

I've constantly been talking about making messier videos than just shaving cream pies, yet at this point- Making a mess that would help get me noticed, apart from only having limited supplies- It would exhaust my supplies. Unless it's a video that helps revive my store after sales seemingly just froze up, leaving me just below the amount needed to actually GET any of the profit I've managed to make...

I know they're very similar right now, but I'm just getting started and want to do more- I'd like to to answer people's advice for what I should do, otherwise I seem just lazy.

In reality- We're waiting for my dad's disability to come through in however many months, if it does. I'm still looking for a job, I've worked a few but apparently not enough to be trusted with the most basic of jobs- 30 or not.

And, thinking about money, I can't help but get depressed thinking about the most recent Christmas, and the few presents I did ask for VERSUS the Apple Watch I had never shown any interest in, that required additional payments. Apparently- I'm just plain stuck with it now, despite expressing no interest in owning one. there are gifts less than ten dollars that are still on my list from maybe a decade ago...

I don't feel like I get quite the due I deserve, when it comes to any aspect of my life- Apologies if that may sound arrogant, but, it makes me wonder why I still try my hardest to be as nice as I can to just about anyone. Maybe it's the eleven years of no support system, intimacy and near solitude that just makes me awkward.

Either way- while my videos may be "stale" while it's just opened, I worked rather hard on the videos, and most of them are less than five dollars. I also have a tip jar. Any support would be greatly appreciated- I doubt any of you would fully grasp just how much the tiniest kindness would mean to me, as well as helping my videos, and flat out improving my life.

Hope everyone is doing well.

(I hate posting stuff like this, but I've been having worrying enough thoughts, I can't help it.)

I'm not your target audience (i.e. I'm not interested in male WAM), so my opinion might not be worth much. However, my advice would be to put your videos on hold for now. If you're barely breaking even at the moment, I don't think it's worth the risk of spending more time/money on it.

Good luck with the job hunt. I don't know your exact situation, so all I can say is keep trying. I'm sure there must be something out there that you'd be suitable for.

Meanwhile, if you have spare time, see whether there's anything free/cheap you can do to improve your skills (e.g. watching YouTube videos).

Ive been having a tough time lately I'll reach over dm to pop over some suggestions.


Working remote for funds and seening about taking care of your loved ones

I don't think your nothing anyone I have stuff like this go on with me and I need to do self care

Over the last two weeks many folks an here had their ass handed to them in a deep way.

Just don't give up and look into using your pain at the moment to craft your business and art from it

"Improve skills?" I've spent decades filming and editing short sketches, taking film courses, written and directed two student films, stage managed plays including puppet musicals like Avenue Q, Acted on Stage, Self written work to Shakespeare, and I have two rough screenplays I've written.

I wish popular internet media was actual work, instead of endorphin jolts filmed with a camera or something else just as laughable when compared to what I'm capable of.

Not sure what that advice is meant for. No disrespect.

Should I get messy while performing a talent like a magic trick or playing the guitar?
(??? Maybe ???)

Right on

Everything in my life is a pain. I'm not sure what others have gone through, I'm sure worse- In which case you know the situation and feeling it causes to have nothing, and in extension a complete lack of control concerning anything.

I don't know if I would even be able to go on a date, given my current life situation.
I hate just asking about help, or charity, but I'm always open to suggestions as to how to improve things. I can't help but feel frustrated about it, especially on the internet, where hundreds and hundreds of people years younger than me are making money hand over fist like it's nothing, video games, if interesting in crypto or just straight up gambling.

I couldn't afford to make awful videos designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator, why should I think that would suddenly be my success?

I'd love to work, to do more, whether it's a real job, creative work or something like this. But when I have to plan out my meals in order not to go hungry- I don't have much freedom to do anything at all.

Even when I do, it seems, I'm still failing the same as i always have. Spend nothing but time worrying about this stuff to work on it, get it done, settle for the best I could with what I have available to me- Just for a little bit of feedback, if any engagement at all.

Just to state the obvious, you're currently making videos where you sit in your bedroom and pie yourself. This is not high art. I.e. no film reviewer is going to be awestruck by the dramatic tension or the innovative cinematography. I'm not saying that as a criticism, but my point is that "appealing to the lowest common denominator" isn't beneath you. If someone will hire you to edit their fart jokes, take the job!

I think you should also be looking at a wider range of jobs, rather than just focussing on stage and screen. E.g. could you mop floors at McDonalds or stack shelves at Walmart? If you have a driving licence and (access to) a car, could you deliver pizzas or Amazon packages? These are menial jobs, but that's the point: start with something that you're already qualified to do.

When I suggested that you could improve your skills, you seemed quite affronted by that. Just to put this in context, I've been working in IT for about 25 years, and I have more than 40 vocational qualifications (e.g. I've done Microsoft and Cisco exams). I also have a long "to do" list of additional certifications. I.e. there's still plenty more for me to learn, and there always will be. So, when I suggest that you could learn more, that's not an insult, but if you have the attitude that you already know everything then that will cause you problems. For instance, maybe you could go on a first aid course, or learn bookkeeping (accountancy), or do a food hygiene course?

Finally, I recommend reading this article:
https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person

I seem to remember your last post along these lines. I understand how much you enjoy the field you have skills in. The problem is that the theater community is a small one. Word travels fast. I am not saying this has happened, but to give you an idea. There was someone that I knew that worked in IT here. He got hired on by a big company to do some SQL work. He screwed up majorly and cost them a lot of work. Someone on the other side of the country a few months later asked about it. There are forums and places where people talk. If I am remembering the wrong situation or matching a situation with another user, I apologize. But I think your only options are to start taking some online classes or start watching some youtube videos about something else and find another field. While what happened to you was not the same as what happened here recently with Leon, it is kind of similar. This is just a little corner of a kink community, but if you don't think people talk outside of here about what happened. Or that models don't talk about who to stay away from. I understand that moving is not an option because of your parents. But you have got to do something else. Find something else you like doing. With the way you found out how to make things work for the Ave. Q puppets, maybe look into car mechanics. Some of that ingenuity and thinking could help you out there. Look into remote work. There are a lot of call centers that are hiring people to work from home. As much as I detest call centers, I think that might be a good place for you.

You are thinking of the same person:
https://umd.net/forums/i/family-in-crisis
(I didn't make the connection at the start of this thread, only when he mentioned the puppet show.)

Oh my god, I really could have used this when it was a new article! Bookmarking it now, so I can routinely go back and kick myself in the ass when I need it.

Man that drops some sick truths.

The first noble truth of Buddhism is "Life is Suffering". A real downer, but if you think about an religion, any ideology, anything you can related to in this life is that to life is to constantly be fighting to stay that way (quite literally on a daily basis for most of nature).

EVERYONE suffers. You, me, fucking Taylor Swift has got problems. There is a lot of suffering to go around. Now take that in. Now, the first thing you'll probably thing of is how your suffering doesn't relate or compare to someone else's. I.E. Taylor Swift's problems got nothing on mine, etc.

Ok, now throw that out. Comparing your pain, or your problems to someone else's is useless on two fronts. 1. It's not your problem, it's their problem 2. It does nothing to address your pain or your problems. Worry about or tying to fix someone else's problems is noble and loving, but how the hell are you going to fix someone else when you're plenty broken on your own. Be a little selfish and focus on YOU.

Break down your problems. Start with the foundation, if you don't fix that first, the whole thing can fall apart at any minute.

So look at your skills. You say you have these skills with film, theater etc. But you're either not using them, or you're not capitalizing on them. This is one of the most competitive fields you could possibly pick to be involved in. There are a LOT of really talented people out there that will never be discovered.

Doing what you love, and getting paid for it is everyone's dream, but it doesn't always pan out. I want to blacksmith (have since I discovered it in 8th grade shop), but I'm 40 years old, have no workshop, have no serious tools or metal/machining background. Using blacksmithing for anything beyond a hobby would be foolish for me. A massive investment for little to no pay off.

I also dabbled in being a stunt man / fight choreographer when I was young, as well as learning Japanese, and maybe moving to Japan to teach English. I had a couple plans when I was young. But life decided I was going to get deathly ill, never finish college, lose all my savings, and not be able to work for the better part of the last 20 years.

So, now to pay the bills, I work for a medical equipment company. It's not what I LOVE doing, but the compromise is that I get meaning out of what I do for work, it's needed and useful for society, and it keeps me fed.

Sometimes, you need to pivot. Life doesn't always let you do the things you want the most. But if you keep looking for other interests and trying different doors, you may find something equally or perhaps more rewarding that you never would have considered before.

Hey

Been reading over and over trying to fully understand but I think what you seem to be saying is you just want more people to buy your content so you can hit the minimum payout threshold?

Even if not, that's what I'm most qualified to help with here so here's my advice on more sales.

Sales. It's usually just a case of getting more eyes on it. Advertise as much as you can, get involved in the instagram, reddit and twitter wam scenes, interact and promote as much as you can.

Add something new, even if you just make an interesting compilation of stuff already filmed rather than filming something new from scratch. Or some bloopers - even if it doesn't sell well, A new addition gets you a spot on the front page for a few days and it brings eyes to your store as a whole.

Good luck

Thank you all for the feedback, guys! The response has made me feel better, and I'm still going through everything and it's helping immensely.

I've been stressing myself out way too much about pretty much everything. My dad was going through days of immense pain and my mom has been nothing but stressed and busy taking care of stuff.

I just need to give myself a break, stop being so disappointed in things I didn't do- I know I'll get around to, I want to. I'm too hard on myself, and I should honestly just calm down sometimes.

I'm so thankful to have such support. You're all amazing people and I'm so happy to have somewhere I can vent- You'll never know how thankful I am.

Your last post made me think of something. If you haven't you should check out the group Messy Minds on here.