So, first off, let me say that I'm a little drunk and met a girl tonight that I thought was beautiful and we talked a little bit. So when it gets to become that point where it's a little serious, I suddenly feel like a freak because I know that regular sex is hard to get off with. I travel with 4-5 cans of shaving cream and chocolate syrup. I don't go out expecting to meet someone. And, no, I wouldn't even suggest wamming with someone I just met. But, I do feel like a bit of a freak in a way. I guess I imagine that most people here do too, as well. (Negative connotations given/taken loosely, I hope/assume)

I guess my question to y'all is, when you're single and bar hopping, don't you ever get the urge to say "do you enjoy wamming/sploshing?"?

I feel more like the junior vice president of freaks in charge of freak events and freaksgiving.

There are very, very, very few of us, compared to the more mainstream kinks, which is why I would never bring it up right away. I definitely feel like I gotta get threw some vanilla sex first, so as to not "freak" out a girl. But this is every guy (mostly). Just about every guy wants to dial the sex up a freak level of 10, one way or another, but most girls wanna start with the dial set to around 2.

Trust me. Very few guys are asking girls to get tied up or whip them or kick them in the balls on date #1. You gotta work up to it.

I guess I should explain why I do that. There are a few people in different cities who know that I'm into this. And just like a condom, I'd rather have it and not need it then need it and not have it. I'll admit, I'm a bit on the paranoid side, but ease of mind. Again, every weekend I travel to a different town, the place I work at is horrendous. (No bars, only students who hang out, I'd rather not...)

I'm not pie-ing unsuspecting targets, or being creepy in any way. But I'm wondering if anyone has ever felt like saying "well, fuck it..do you know WAM?"
Not that I would, but that's the thing. It's frustrating I guess. Because in an ideal world, honesty would be everything. Okay. I'll pass out and sleep now. I enjoy this community and want to be more a part of it.

I'm pretty sure that it can actually be classified as a mental disorder or a paraphilia if you actually require the said thing to achieve sexual arousal. For example, if you cannot climax or have regular sex without your fetish, then it is a paraphilia. Like, some people cannot finish and have normal sex without dirty talk, that's when it becomes a problem. And some people cannot achieve sexual arousal without sex gear, that's when it becomes a problem. And you even said that you carry around the messy stuff with you 0_o! Now me myself, I enjoy normal sex so I don't have this paraphilia or problem. For me it's only a fetish........one that I've never actually had the chance to try. So I can achieve normal sex all of the time without the need for something extra.

From what I understand, requiring the non-human, inanimate object in order to achieve sexual gratification is the actual definition of a fetish. But I think different people have different degrees of that need. For some it's just an additional turn-on, but for others it's a real fetish where they like NEED it in order to get turned on at all. You're not a freak; You're just to the right side of that scale.

Since you realize what's going on, I'd say to put mental effort into trying to dial yourself back to enjoy the other side (the human side) more. And realize it's not mutually exclusive.

M

Amen, dating and meeting people these days is a royal pain, you never know of your going to say the wrong thing, or come off too forward. I am old fashioned and shy too, so that makes it even harder. So how do we go about finding that "someone special" if your lucky just to get them to acknowledge your talking to them let alone get a response.
I just within the last few years have gotten to the point where I don't think of myself as a freak for being into WAM, but I am not about to advertise it.

Now that I'm sober, I feel like I should clarify a few things.
1) I have had great non-wam sex in my life, however my last two encounters have been disappointing for me and her. I dont think I have paraphilia, but I probably have some mental blocks when it comes to having healthy vanilla sex.

2) I'm painfully shy and awkward when it comes to meeting women. And I didn't even disclose my wam fetish to my last serious gf. I think I was just frustrated last night and needed to vent. Thank god I stayed away from Facebook.....

Thanks for listening.

UMD is a good place to discuss things like this. It's not always easy having a non-mainstream kink even if it's totally innocuous and even comical. You seem to have come to two sensible conclusions, and you have a good degree of self-insight which will be helpful to you. I too have had to learn to enjoy non-wam sexuality. If wam is your main thing, non-wam sex can be a little like speaking a foreign language - just be open to it, focus on the other person, and even if the experience isn't as intrinsically arousing to you as wam would be, don't push or pressure yourself to enjoy it, just let yourself be comfortable and take it for what it is. And of course it all depends on the chemistry with who you're with - sometimes sex is bad and wam sessions are bad for the same reason, the wrong chemistry. You probably don't need to travel with the shaving foam and chocolate syrup though!

I've also encountered more straight wammers who struggle with the "am I a freak?" thing than gay wammers - us gay guys had to deal with the whole issue of being deviant from the sexual norm in our teens, so being a wammer too is mild by comparison. But I think for some straight guys, coming to terms with their kinkiness/sexual non-normativeness can be a little tougher.

Something i've tried as a possible ice-breaker is i had a custom t-shirt made reading "Mad Pie Thrower" which i've worn to bars/social gatherings hoping i might meet someone genuinely curious/interested. Never had any luck but maybe it might work better for others.

I have just learned to keep the 'gunge' and 'non gunge' sides of life in separate boxes!

Dam fellas. I really feel for you guys with a WAM fetish and shyness. That sucks! I have a shy friend and its SUPER tough to meet chicks with that shit. Add in apprehension about a kink and, well, it bums me out thinking about it.

I know its eaiser said than done, but remember that you are a motherfucking, evolved from a god dam gorrila, man! You need not be ashamed! You need not apologize for what you want in this world! Be the best dam you you can be. Women (really people) like a man who knows what he wants, works toward it, and doesn't give a fuck.

Much love and the best to you all.

I certainly understand the feeling. Not just for WAM, either, but for my other fetishes. Granted, I also feel a bit like a freak without anything fetish or sex related what-so-ever, so that might not be saying much. Anyway, approaching the subject of fetishes is something I certainly dread whenever I end up in a relationship. So far, my only ex-girlfriend was actually the one to bring up the subject of kink, so I got off easy there (though she didn't understand or care for WAM, she did indulge me a couple of times). So, yeah, no idea how I'll approach the subject in the future.

It hard to find people that are into watching people getting wet and messy let alone doing it. I sure would like to find a Woman that is into wet and messy as Iam

I'm lucky that I'm in a committed relationship of 8 years and I was honest from the start about being into WAM. Though I sometimes wish I didn't like it as much as I do, as I'm worried - she doesn't get off to it like I do, she just humours me.

Part of love is humoring your partner

But while I know people who don't like getting messy, I've honestly never met anyone who didn't enjoy messing up someone else, especially in fun (rather than humiliating or degrading way, not that there's anything wrong with that at all!). Although it might not be sexy, just fun, and sometimes fun (and fun's clean up) infringe on sexy time, so that can be a problem...

It's one hell of an 'affliction' we carry around with us, isn't it?

You're among friends here, at least - and this is the place to kick it around (not Faecesbook - phew!). We all get it.

Firstly, it's not going to go away. It's going to be there, in some form, for life. Whilst we must accept this and make the best of it - it can't define us. That's a very rocky road to becoming a 'fuck you' island.

The key (as well as confidence), in a way, is humour (good humour) and 'when dialling back to the human side' showing that you have self awareness and a sense of the ridiculousness of your predicament.

Of course, it's as serious as a heart attack to all of us - because we're obsessed - but obsession without self awareness tends to weird people out.

As Meathook suggests - and I agree with him - a woman (or another person) is really interested in the bigger picture. Self confidence, tenacity, ambition, practicality. If you can mix that with a bit of kindness and generosity - that's very attractive and you're on to a winner. Wet and Messy sex fun is just a part of the whole.

Have you thought of trying your local kink scene? My local kinky community is not exactly full of wammers but it is populated by people who understand being weird and many are open to trying new fetishes. You're not likely to have the weirdest fetishes at a munch. I've even been asked to mess people up just so they can see what it feels like.

Wam can also tie in with other fetishes, so if your partner is a sub who likes humiliation or a Dom who likes to humiliate then it does not necessarily matter if they aren't into wam, because this can fit. Furthermore for some on the scene it's all about getting off on the other person's reactions: so if foaming you and then sitting on your face would get you hard, the chances are there's someone who would enjoy it, because they get off on your enjoyment.

Try it. I did and found I wasn't just into wam and kink is about a lot that isn't sex.

If you or anyone else on Umd is ever in North East England you're welcome to come along to one of the munches I help organise and see what you think.

I have a fluorescent pink mohawk, 00 gauge nose ring, head tattoos, and loads of other body modifications... Usually anybody willing to have so much as a conversation with me, is open minded enough that fetish/kink discussions are probably going to go pretty smoothly. In fact one of the first things that comes up during the chat about your job part of a conversation, is me handing them a business card and saying "I'm a linux admin and I make cake porn." It's actually a good ice breaker!

Girl: "Jeez, Linux, huh? Er...I guess I'll see you around."

I love being a freak, it's so damn fun! I have zero interest in vanilla sex anymore. I'm lucky because it my line of work I get to meet a lot of other people with fetishes. I don't know how I would go about meeting kinky people if it weren't for my job especially since I have social anxiety and don't drink/hate bars. Recently I started seeing one of my fans since we share multiple interests (fetish & otherwise). It was really cute, he was all nervous about going out with me thinking I was "out of his league". I don't get that mentality. Just cause I'm a model doesn't mean I don't want someone to have perverted sex with.

You just have to love Leila, don't you?

It's interesting that social anxiety and fetish kinks can go together in your case, when most of the guys on this thread are in effect saying that having a WAM fetish is causing them social anxiety, ie "What would date/girlfriend think if she ever found out?"

That sounds a lot like my situation.

I admittedly enjoy being a freak. Always been a bit weird. Luckily my girlfriend is also a total weirdo and is so awesome. There have been times at the end of a session we look at the mess, how we're dressed, and laugh "You damn weirdo."

I dated a few women before being with her and realized quickly that A: if a woman likes you they'll try anything wan-related that's presented as fun, and B: I'm not capable of a vanilla-sex-only life. But I got lucky finding an awesome woman

That's only when you're hanging out with M$ girls... and tbh as much as I like submissives, not those that are submissive to Redmond

It took me years to get over that mentality after becoming way more disabled than just the disability I was born with. Partly by accepting the fact that yes my illness will kill me and I won't live as long as the average person that made me realize life is too short to care what other people think of you (to an extent, there's no reason to be a dick for the sake of being a dick). I'll never be able to work full time again but found out that a lot of people don't care about that. Over the past couple years I have become closer with my friends who have various health issues (both physical & mental) because they understand what I am going through and aren't assholes about it.


Chances are if you are worried about not coming off as a creep then likely you aren't acting like a creep. Other people's behavior may have more to do with them than you.

Sorry I don't mean to be playing psychiatrist, that's not really what my degree is in. I just have a lot of experience dealing with social awkwardness and feelings of insecurity both with myself and the people around me. Changing a negative self image is about how you see yourself, not about how other see you. If you live your life for other people then you will miss out on opportunities that can make you happy.

None of us need to fee like freaks in a bad way. Being normal would mean you're just boring.

I'm weird and don't give a shit. I am into niche stuff in the non sex world too, like left wing politics, old buses, steam trains, model railways and so on. If you meet someone and you get to the point of discussing fetishes, just throw it in, its not scary, in fact its harmless and fun.

A few years ago, I was seeing this girl I worked with, as a f*** buddy, and started off by covering her in baby oil, which she loved, then progressed to shaving foam, still loved it, then to her dressing in a French maids uniform and high heels while being covered in oil/shaving foam - loved it even more!

The reality is everyone is a bit of a freak, so it's nothing to stress over. I've had conversations with people on Vanilla Umbrella or Fetlife. If you're operating in an environment surrounded by kink, most people aren't going to look down on you.

"I guess my question to y'all is, when you're single and bar hopping, don't you ever get the urge to say "do you enjoy wamming / sploshing?"

I'm guessing 99% of the US population wouldn't know what those words mean and then you're stuck putting your best move into explaining your kink.

So, take something everyone knows; would you meet a girl at a bar and ask if she's into anal? Probably not. I think there's a saying about horses and carts that may apply here.

OTOH, you may get lucky and find a unicorn who got dolled up to hookup with someone who has a spare ten pounds of peanut butter in his car.

To sum up, I think you should bring it up, but not until you've already closed the deal. If she doesn't like you, ten pounds of peanut butter won't likely help.

-RSR

Dating myself a bit, but those of you who have known about WAM and the UMD from an early age.... You have NO idea what "feeling like a freak" really means.

Imagine a world with no Internet... No websites about WAM or "sploshing"... No producers making videos catering to your specific fetish... and certainly not a board like this, with thousands of people discussing the minute details of said fetish daily.

Imagine that, long before you had anything resembling "sexual feelings" towards girls, you still got "excited" when you saw Maria or Linda from Sesame Street get hit with a pie or splashed with water... while seeing the same thing happen to Bob or Luis or David scared you a bit.
Imagine growing up thinking that you were the only person on Earth who got turned on watching a girl on a stupid sitcom or gameshow get pied or slimed, and how you felt embarrassed taping NICK shows long after you were out of the target age, simply because that was literally the only way you were gonna see females get messy.
You certainly weren't gonna "suggest" to the girls at school that it would be "funny" to see them get hit with a pie, and you certainly weren't gonna tell any of your family or friends about this "thing" that was wrong with you. (Because, again, you had no idea this was a fetish, or even what a fetish WAS, because, again... No Internet.)

So imagine feeling like the only one on Earth with these urges... until age 22, when you stumble (and I mean literally "stumble," like 20 pages into "pie in the face" searches on AltaVista) upon the MessyFun site and your whole world opens up.

Not gonna lie. It was tough before the Internet. But that said, WAM also consumed a LOT less of my life, simply because... well.... There wasn't much there to be consumed with.
All things considered, not sure I'm entirely better off than I was at age 18, honestly...