I've said to my wife: "Sometimes I feel like I'd be happier without this drive, without this need to ask this of you. Sometimes I wish I was wired like a normal guy, with no weird pie fetish." My fetish does feel like a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing in that it provides me intense pleasure, I don't have the potency issues of many guys my age, and it's taught me to be tolerant of people who are different. (Imagine if we were all expected to "come out" as pie fetishists!) Still, my religious upbringing had taught me to be ashamed of sex, so how was I supposed to feel about the thoughts I was having? How was I supposed to feel about jerking off six or seven times a day to a clip tape of women in pie fights? Shame was my curse.
I'm now in my forties, and I think I'm doing pretty well physically. I'm more fit than most guys my age, and I would guess I have a stronger sex drive than most men my age. In fact, I think pies and wam in general have hugely contributed to my strong sex drive. Ever since I started to masturbate, it's exclusively to wam. Regular porn stimulates me just fine, too, but wam porn and pie clips are my go-to material. Even now, I can go three or four times a day. For example, if I know there are pies in my house because I've prepared a few (usually 2-4) the night before, I will wake up that morning excited. (Ok--most mornings I wake up excited anyways. I'm still young, I guess.) I'll have morning sex with my wife and then go about my day. Later in the afternoon, after a cocktail, my wife and I will have messy sex in the shower or on a dropcloth. I like to video these sessions, too, and a couple hours after messy sex I'm ready to watch the video and go again. If my wife is tuckered out by this point I'll just masturbate, but usually she's pretty energized by what messy sex does to me and my penis and she gets involved in one way or another.
And so the shame that I felt for so much of my life, the shame associated with a weird fetish, has been replaced in a wonderful way by my partner and this community, the UMD. It took a while, but I've come to appreciate being wired the way I'm wired.
Didn't quote your whole post but DANG!
Life's much too short to feel shame! On the fetish spectrum, WAM is pretty flipping harmless. Focus on meeting the right person or people and building the relationship and all the rest should click into place pretty easily.
Was ashamed for years, before I knew what a fetish was, controlled my life, but now, it's not a secret, most know, but I definitely don't lie about it, people don't understand it, and most still judge me by it, whether they have done it with me or not, it's cost me many relationships, including my marriage, but, it has also brought me much happiness, it's kind of a curse, love it or hate it
I don't feel shameful because I never shared my fetish outside of this community. That said, I would be wary of sharing with people I know as I don't want to be judged. To be honest no one has to feel shameful and that is why this website is a great source of and support and community.
Love you, too
Bee
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