What is wrong with the WAM community why does it scare off so many women that join?

Looks like the reason this particular person left was a specific dispute with a specific member.

Without details as to what was agreed and what the breach was, we can't really tell what happened.

I guess I missed that spat. In all honesty the female in question should have done what she wanted to do WAM wise. So many women in WAM get so much crap from guys that I guess they got used to it. Unless this guy had some dirt on this female, the female just got frustrated. I guess not everyone can be blocked?

Easy.

98% of the time: She joins the community just looking to have fun, look at images, and buy or sell stuff, and instead she gets her inbox flooded with literal dozens of thirsty, socially inept guys who right off the bat in the first second ask for her location so they can wam together, ignore the part on her profile where she says she doesn't want to show her face, meet up in person or anything of the sort, and gets treated like a mindless fuckdoll rather than a person so much that its not worth sticking around.

The other 2% is they're a scammer who takes advantage of aforementioned thirsty, socially inept guys, takes their money and then runs.

EDIT: Not sure who or what the specific situation that spurred this conversation is, I'm just talking in general.

Apparently someone did a virtual wam session with Via Ferrari and then didn't pay her. I missed the initial messages but was able to piece stuff together based on what others said. She must've been pretty upset bc she deleted her profile within half an hour of posting. I can't remember what she looked like, but it's always a shame when stuff like this happens

Pretty much this

For some reason my Amazon account has been temporarily suspended, I had a virtual session with her and it was amazing. I will be sorting it out as soon as I can this morning and I have messaged her explaining this and I have apologised.

I wouldn't do that, I communicated with her on the app we had the session on, I am trying to get this sorted ASAP.

So she did the session on the promise that you would pay for it by sending her items on her wish list ?

I would say she should of sought payment before allowing a session to take place. But to suddenly delete her account than try and sort this out makes me think there are other reasons. Let's hope she returns and Nigel you do the good thing and pay her or send her whatever you agreed.

I notice there is a "goodbye" post from her, but as she has deleted her account what she wrote can't be seen. Did she say anything that might give light on the matter or that she may come back?

Why is this fodder for a thread? Kind of compounds the madness IMHO

Thanks for your post ViaFerrari

It just goes to show how quickly this sort of thing can escalate into an all out melodrama.

Please, everyone, think twice before posting publicly about any matter before you have first had proper chance to resolve it privately.

Or highlights that there is a problem that needs to be out in the open rather than hidden away. There was a much bigger thread not so long ago about the problems women had on here and threw up some interesting ideas and sad stories.

The setting to only allow friends to email/chat/contact you goes a very long way to manage this. Once set, if a member is not connected as a friend, then they cannot contact you.

As far as I know. If this is not correct, someone please chime-in. But for me, no friendey no emailey. so far, so good.

1. Go on Twitter, YouTube, or literally any form of social Media
2. Look up any posts from a woman
3. Read comments

This isn't a WAM issue, this is a worldwide issue with human nature. And just like the Lombardi Quote : "It takes months to find a customer seconds to lose one" The same applies to a lot of interactions between people.

It takes time to build rapport or respect between individuals and it can be destroyed in an instant.

All it takes in one colossal dick head.

I think we can stop assuming a woman is scared just because she decided to leave. Women can sign off for any reasons a man can.

We can also stop assuming that our community has scared her off. Almost every time it turns out to be a personal spat that has nothing to do with UMD or its culture. But when we think the community (or I) can do better, it's best to actually diagnose the problem and outline steps to prevent it happening again.


That's not what happens 98% of the time. All new female accounts default to "friend-only" inbox and chat settings, plus some other defaults. There is also the user-blocking, plus everyone should flag anything that seems uncomfortable. That said, I don't see any evidence of what ViaFerrari is talking about, but I will be contacting her to see what's up.


I'll be contacting you via inbox to see if I can find out who you believe was bullying you. That's never tolerated in our community, and if someone needs to be booted or gagged, I'd like to find out who.

Thanks and stay safe everyone
Messmaster

Since ViaFerrari deleted her account again, I thought I'd follow up here. I messaged her trying to figure out who she thought was bullying her. She replied that she has never personally experienced any bullying, but that she was only referring to "someone else" who had been bullied because of something she said. I replied and asked if she could please tell me who it was, as I just wasn't seeing anything like that in my logs, flags, deleted messages, etc. After no response from her I followed up again stating that I really wanted to get to the bottom of this ASAP, but then she deleted her account.

Messmaster

My guess is Nigel was attacked after Ferrari said he didn't pay.

I totally agree. I've left umd a few times actually and came back. My most recent time I left was because of my own personal issues. I've never had a major issue with any user and when I did it was resolved very quickly. It could be my experience however as my account doesn't usually garner much attention. However I feel many women who stay on umd a long time will have a very similar experience to me, I know a few personally and we have nothing bad to say.

Certainly there is a large difference in the amount of active make and female accounts but overall it's not much of a big deal. I think the community definitely has its issues with harassment, however it's much more than just towards women in my experience. Many of my close male friends have had more experiences with harassment than me. I've noticed after being a member of umd for two and a half years that many times a female comes and goes it's a big fuss in the community, however little to nothing is said about the coming and going if males. I got a bit off topic here but I can kinda link it together, not all women leave for reasons of harassment because not all women experience harassment. I feel we get treated like we're better than everyone and everyone else holding up the community get little to no attention.

I feel it's not productive to morn the loss of a user but rather to enjoy the diverse community created by people or any gender.

I'm still figuring out what to say and what are the bounds of Engagement but one thing i attempt to do after a few errors of discourse is to type with people a bit before asking or sharing anything with that hasn't come up in conversation and even than i still make mistakes at times.