When Johnny Comes Throwing Pies!
(with apologies to Patrick S. Gilmore)

When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
The pies will fly; the men will duck
And all the women, they will get struck
And we'll all get covered when Johnny comes throwing pies!

When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
The filling brown; the cream is white
And messy we will be a sight
And we'll all get covered when Johnny comes throwing pies!

When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
The pies go high; the pies go low
And it really will be quite a show
And we'll all get covered when Johnny comes throwing pies!

When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
No inch of clothes escape the goo
Our once white suits red, white, and blue
And we'll all get covered when Johnny comes throwing pies!

When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
When Johnny comes throwing pies again, kersplat, kersplat
The pies will fly; the men will duck
And all the women, they will get struck
And we'll all get covered when Johnny comes throwing pies,
When Johhny comes throwing pies, when Johnny comes throwing pies!