"And this next one might decide the game!" exclaimed Vivian, the host of the millennial nostalgia-oriented reboot game show as she gestured to the nearly-full board. The game was Tic-Tac-Pie; and it was close. Kate was Xs; I was 'Pies'. We had been trying to produce items out of our respective bags to win the chance to put a letter on the board. I had pies in the middle, middle right, top right and middle bottom squares and the bottom right square was free. Kate had Xs in the bottom left, middle top, and middle left with the top left free. We were both one away and there were only two open spots left on the board.

X O
X O O
X O


"Alright ladies- if either of you can produce this next item first from your purse- you'll get to put your next letter on the board and seal the fate of your opponent!"

Kate and I quickly exchanged nervous glances before Vivian continued on. "We're looking for a hot sauce packet!"

Kate had a lot of stuff in her purse. She carried an almost disproportionate number of pens- you know the kind of person who has to take notes at a moment's notice? That was Kate. She also had an odd assortment of hair accessories, makeup, tissues, sunglasses, gum, mints and something for just about every kind of ailment. Through the course of the game we had seen it all, to everyone's amusement. Now though, she was just nervously rummaging. I wasn't having much more success and signaled to Vivian I didn't have one.

Vivian was about to move on to the next item when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw a red packet emerge out of Kate's purse. "Ha! I have it!" She cried, as she held up the packet victoriously. My jaw dropped and we all turned our attention to the board. It was her move.

The studio audience cheered- it was all but over. She placed her X in the top left square, cementing her win. Everyone knew what this meant- I was certainly headed to one of the show's infamous pie devices.

"Well look at that- what a great game! Congratulations to Kate!" said Vivian, her ever-present smile shining even more brightly than usual. "She's won a fabulous prize but we'll get to that in a minute!" The studio audience clapped. They all knew what was coming- and it was always good fun. Vivian turned to me and said, "Well, I hate to say it but it looks like Kate's got you in a very perilous position Emma." She turned away from me and squared up to my girlfriend. "Kate what is the fate of our dear friend, Emma? Do you want to send her to the Pie Pod, Pie Wash, or Pie Slide?"

Kate surveyed the set. Among the bright colors and bouncing eyes that were reminiscent of the 90s aesthetic there were several destinations losers, and on the rare occasion- winners, could find themselves. There was of course The Pie Pod, with its salon style chair surrounded by several whipped cream pies sitting on mechanical arms just waiting to be launched. A crown shaped container was suspended directly over the seat- presumably holding the Crowning Glory. There was the Pie Wash, a machine that dispensed whipped cream through several nozzles onto an unlucky participant, looking equally intimidating. Finally the Pie Slide, a tall school-playground size slide leading into a large pool of whipped cream loomed in the corner.

Kate turned to the audience, and then to me. I tried to smile, but I'm sure my eyes betrayed the tension i was feeling. The studio audience looked excited and I heard people shouting out their destination of choice. They were having fun- it was all fun for them. People loved these moments- especially when their friends ended up on the losing end.

Just then I snapped back to attention as Kate made her choice. "I think the Pie Pod." She replied with a devious smile, turning back to the camera and the host.

Okay- yes- confession time. It had been my long-held and very secret fantasy to be the one who ended up in the Pie Pod, but that was a secret only Kate knew about and honestly neither one of us thought we were going to get this far. Being in town when the reboot was serendipitous enough. Getting tickets, getting selected for a game? Nobody could have predicted this. And for the record my competitive streak was currently winning over my nostalgic streak- I wanted to win. But this was an acceptable outcome.

The crowd cheered in delight. She turned to me, grinning, and gave me a small wink. "Oh, come on" I groaned as I rolled my eyes, playing up the role of the defeated party. The studio audience laughed. I stood there, my face hot with a mix of excitement and embarrassment, and tried to keep a steady smile. I felt nervous energy building from within me as I felt a stagehand brush my elbow.

Vivian nodded. "Okay! We're sending Emma to the Pie Pod!" The studio audience cheered and clapped again. My pulse quickened. This was really happening. I'd had about million daydreams about this day- being sent to the Pie Pod but never imagined I'd ever see it in person, let alone actually end up sitting in there. I was excited but actually way more nervous than anything. I tried not to show it.

Vivian continued. "And Kate, I don't think we've decided on your prize yet, but we'll get to that soon enough. Emma head on over to Hannah and she'll get you all settled!"
It was hard not to notice the slight tremor in my voice when I said, "okay, thanks" but I did my best.
As I walked over to the device the audience broke out in applause- they loved the "victim" taking the punishment with a smile. It made them feel good about it while having a laugh at someone's expense. I had always loved it too- a little bit less now at the moment though. I felt my legs getting heavier with every step closer. All of a sudden I wasn't sure I wanted to do this.

As I reached the foot of the device I surveyed the pies sitting on the pie-launching arms. There were four of them- that was typical. The studio lights were hot but somehow they still looked cool and fluffy. I guess I'd be testing that out shortly. I knew the audience was about to be asked to decide how many should be launched at me- that was a routine I had seen several times. I knew they'd be choosing all four pies. I actually couldn't think of a time when they chose anything less than all four.

I looked off to the side of the Pie Pod and saw Hannah standing next to it. She about the same height as my 5'4" and was very cute- short black hair, thick black-rimmed glasses, black-winged eyeliner, a bright red lip, a blue show-branded jumpsuit and Converse high-tops. The jumpsuit wasn't the most flattering- but she was still pulling it off. She smiled softly at me and that helped put me at ease just a tiny little bit.

She smiled at me reassuringly. "Hey! Ready?"

"Yeah" I replied, as I stared at the seat. "I'm just nervous."

"It's okay to be nervous. Just have fun- and try not to flinch." she said with a chuckle.

"Wait why?" I asked, suddenly worried.

She just smiled and turned away to tend to something.

I looked back over my shoulder at Kate. She took the opportunity to stick her tongue out at me. She looked so pleased with herself, sitting on her side of the board game table, legs crossed and her hands in her lap. One of her silver birkenstocks hung loosely off her foot as she flexed it upward. Her smug look of victory was both incredibly sexy and maddening. She looked good today, even though she was just wearing a simple white tank and jean shorts. She had just gotten her hair cut yesterday and the bottom hung below her jawline and above her shoulders.

"Okay, let's get this on you" said Hannah as she took the plastic off its hook and started to unfurl it. I took a step closer to Hannah and she redirected me "oh you can have a seat!" She patted the top of the chair. I swallowed and sat down. The seat was surprisingly comfortable. It was kind of a hybrid salon/dentist chair with a large headrest that was encased in clear plastic. I looked over as Hannah was having some trouble finding the cutout in the middle of the plastic.

"Oh gosh, where did this thing go..." she muttered, as she shook out the plastic. She eventually found the opening and I leaned forward slightly and ducked into it as she draped it over me. The plastic was clear, and would keep my dress from being covered in whipped cream, but it wouldn't do anything to protect my face. I wasn't mad about it.

As I spread it out over my knees I heard her say "Alright, let's get these on you!" She grabbed a pair of goggles that were dangling around her arm. They were goggles you might find in a high school lab.

"Oh, do I have to?" I asked.

"Yep!" she replied, with a smile.

I sighed. I understood why but I was a little disappointed.

"Okay. So just look straight ahead- yeah that's good" she said, and she gently put the goggles over my head and adjusted the two straps on the sides.

I ran my arm up under the plastic and poked it out to adjust the goggles to rest on the bridge of my nose, and was suddenly aware of how ridiculous I must look. I could hear Vivian in the background helpfully narrating what was happening to me and the studio audience was laughing. I couldn't blame them.

"Hannah she looks a little low there, can we get her pumped up and in line with the bullseye?"

Amelia started to pump a lever on the bottom of the chair with her foot. Slowly the seat began to rise. "Ah yes, that's better. Can't have those pies missing that beautiful face, now can we folks?" I could feel the color rushing to my cheeks and tried to laugh. I was actually grateful but I felt like I had to play the part of the hesitant victim.

When the seat reached the right level, Hannah stopped pumping. Presumably the bullseye target was just behind the back of my head- but I wouldn't know. I heard the studio audience laughing again. "Looks like she's all set there!" said Vivian. "But now it's time for us to decide- how many pies for the lovely Emma?"

The crowd shouted out just a single word, pretty much in unison. "FOUR" they shouted, followed by cheers and some laughs.

"Alright guys, loud and clear! What about you Kate?"

"Oh definitely four!" said Kate, and I could see her reveling in this moment. I stuck out my tongue in response.

Vivian was now making her way towards me. "Alright Emma, looks we've decided- four pies it is!"

There were scattered laughs coming from the audience, and I was definitely blushing now.

"So how are you feeling Emma?" She asked, reaching my position.

I tried to swallow, but my throat was dry. I couldn't produce a response.

"Uh, yeah." I replied, and smiled weakly.

"Wow that's a good answer!" laughed Vivian.

She walked over to the left side of my seat. Hannah was on the right. Kate was still seated in the distance.

"Oh and Emma? Try not to flinch." she said.

Hannah stifled a laugh, and Vivian raised her eyebrows and smiled at me.

There it was again. I couldn't figure out why they kept telling me that. I just nodded, forcing a toothless smile.

Vivian turned to face the studio audience. "You guys ready?" she called, and was greeted by the audience cheering in response.

"Okay, on three we're going to release those pies!" She said, and turned her head slightly to Hannah, who gave her a nod and a thumbs up.

"One!"

My heart was beating so loudly it was the only thing I could hear.

"Two!"

I took a deep breath and did my best to keep still. I also made a split-second decision to move my hands from my lap to a tight grip on each of the chair's armrests.

"Three!"

I closed my eyes

"THWACK!"

"YAAAARGH!" Despite all my years of daydreaming I wasn't prepared. I let out a muffled yell, as the first pie hit my face, covering me from chin to forehead. My world went dark as the goggles were immediately covered with whipped cream. A single glob went directly into my mouth- it was warm, but not runny, and not overly sweet.

"THWACK!"

"Nnngghhhh!" I whimpered. The second pie hit hit my right shoulder and sent cream up the right side of my neck. The plastic had shifted a bit after the first pie hit and a glob found its way through and landed on the very top of my chest

"THWACK!"

"Eeeekkk!" I squeaked, and then giggled. The third pie came from my left and made direct contact with my cheek. I felt the pie tin stick to my face.

"THWACK!" The fourth pie skimmed the top of my head from the right, pushing back my bangs and leaving a heavy smear of whipped cream across the top of my head.

I had tried not to flinch, I really did- but I'm pretty sure I had jumped in my seat on every one. The studio audience went wild and cheered. It became clear very quickly it hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Aww, it looks like Emma flinched on every single pie! Have we ever seen that before folks?? Too bad! What do we give our flinchers, folks?!?"

The studio audience shouted out again. "CROWNING GLORY!!!" they yelled.

Somehow I had forgotten all about that. The Crowning Glory was the cherry on top of the Pie Pod, usually reserved only for special occasions

"Yep. Crowning Glory it is! Can't get anything past you guys, huh?" Vivian said with a laugh.

Seconds later I felt a presence off to my left side and heard Vivian's voice.

"Emma do you think you flinched there?"

"I- uh... I don't know." I stammered.

"Well the audience seems to think so. They're pretty smart." she said, and patted the side of the seat.

I couldn't help but giggle. I was still riding high on adrenaline.

"Do you know what the Crowning Glory is Emma?"

"No." I said quietly, my head pointed down.

Can you tell I was enjoying dragging this out?

"It's that lovely contraption hanging right above your head, ready to unload an extra serving of pie filling!"

"Mmm hmm." I replied.

"Would you like your lovely girlfriend Kate to have the honor?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Kate, you wanna come over here and help us out?" Vivian said.

I still couldn't see a thing but I assume Kate was making her way over

"Ok, well- go ahead and grab that chord from Hannah! We're gonna need you to pull it on the count of three and see what happens here!"

"One!"

"Two!"

"Three!"

A cold, slimy liquid hit the top of my head and started to cascade down over my googles. My heart was beating out of my chest as I felt it slide down my face, googles and ears and down onto my shoulders and lap. My shoulders tensed as my body shivered at the feeling- my breath grew heavy as I tried to suppress another laugh. "That's our Crowning Glory! How's it feeling, Emma?" Vivian asked into her microphone, she seemed so calm.

I laughed as the slime slid down my face, and the studio audience went wild.

"How does it feel?" Vivian asked.

"Uh. Wet. Really wet." I said, and laughed again.

"Good!" said Vivian. "Do we have that instant replay ready?"

"We sure do!" came a reply from a producer.

Vivian walked back over to her original position near the audience. "Okay folks, if you look up on the monitor- let's watch what happened! Ooh let's get those goggles off Emma so she can watch too!"

Hannah took a hold of the goggles and pulled them off my head, and I looked down my front and saw the aftermath of the pies and slime. The plastic had mostly done its job and my dress was pretty much unscathed, although I was still a mess. I looked out at the audience- every single eye was fixed on me.

"There we go, Emma- you can see it too. Now look at the monitor up there!"

I looked up. The monitor was following the live program and showed me in my current state.

"Oh, well that's what you look like now!" Vivian exclaimed, motioning towards me.

I felt so dirty, covered in the cream and the slime, with it continuing to drip down on top of the plastic drape that was still over my body. My whole body was tense with excitement and the feeling was a mix of shame and excitement. I shifted my thighs in an attempt to distract myself. The video then flipped to same shot- but from about 2 minutes prior. I was totally clean with the plastic drape draped across my front and the goggles covering my eyes. Then it all happened, the pies came flying, and the slime- oh the slime, I had been totally unprepared. My mouth was agape as I watched the pies collide with my face- and yep- I had flinched on every one. Then the slime dropped onto me, my shoulders tensing up as it cascaded down me. I was transfixed by the replay as it dissolved back to a live shot of me.

"And that's what happens here here! Emma flinched- and so she got the Crowning Glory!"

The studio audience laughed and cheered.

"And now, our lovely winner- Kate! How does it feel?"

Kate was standing next to me and was looking me up and down. "It feels good!" she said, and flashed a smile to the camera.

"I bet it does! Alright Kate it's time for your prize!"

From off-set Hannah appeared with a custom WWYD tote bag in one hand and a silver tray with a card on it in the other hand. I watched helplessly, still in the seat, my front still underneath the plastic, and with slime occasionally dripping down onto my head from above. I actually couldn't quite understand why I wasn't being moved along but there wasn't anything I could do about it so I just sat and watched. While I waited I slipped my feet out of my sandals and rested them on top, exposing my bright red nails. I quietly shifted in the seat again to encourage a small amount of the Crowning Glory to fall down beyond the protection of the plastic towards the top of my feet. I felt a few drops hit my toes and flexed my right foot upward.

"Alright Kate! In this tote is some WWYD swag and a $150 gift certificate for dinner. You could take the tote and walk or you could grab that card off the tray. You might be wondering what we know about the card, Kate! Well, we know it's a voucher for a trip- but to where? Well that's the mystery Kate!"

Kate stared at the card, and then looked at the tote. "Uh..."

"What's it going to be Kate? Are you taking the tote or the card?

Kate's eyes found mine. She gave me a sort of "what should I do??" with her eyes and I gave her a weak smile and a shrug. Frankly, I was too distracted over my own situation to be of any help.

"I'm taking the card!" she announced, and reached out to grab the card off the tray.

"Alright! Well let's see where Kate's off to!"

Kate's expression changed immediately as she silently read the card. Vivian helpfully grabbed the card out of Kate's hand and read it out loud for the rest of us.

"Congratulations on the win! We could have sent you to Paris or Berlin but our budget's looking a little thin. Head on over to the Pie Wash to take a victory spin!"

The audience was loving the twist. Kate looked stunned.

"Ooh tough break Kate!" said Vivian.

Kate looked over at me and I tried to look sympathetic but I couldn't stop myself from cracking a smile.

"Okay Kate- it's time for you to make your way over to the Pie Wash. Hannah- do you mind helping our dear friend, Kate over there?"

"Not at all" Hannah replied, and she led Kate, who was still in active disbelief, over to the machine.

"Alright guys, let's have a look at the Pie Wash!"

The machine truly was like a mini-car wash with hoses and nozzles and brushes. In the center was a single seat where unfortunate contestants would meet their messy fate.

Kate and Hannah approached the seat, and Kate kicked off her Birkenstocks before stepping up into the seat. The seat was a little higher up than the one in the Pie Pod and a little bit more reclined.

"Oh she's going shoe-less, okay! Alright Hannah, let's get our girl Kate set up!"

I couldn't hear what Hannah was saying to Kate, but I was enjoying the look on her face. Kate wasn't embarrassed easily but she was never great at losing and I knew she was steaming inside.

Hannah had belted Kate to the seat and proceeded to hand her a pair of goggles, which she put on reluctantly.

"How's that Kate? Comfortable?" Vivian asked, teasingly. Kate had a forced smile on her face and Vivian wasn't waiting for an answer.

"Alright folks Kate could have walked away with some swag, a free dinner, and the sweet taste of victory over Emma but she got a little too greedy! How many spins should we give her? One, two, three or four?"

The studio audience called out. "Four!"

Vivian shook her head. "Wow, no sympathy for the lovely Kate. Four times around it is!"

I started to feel bad for Kate. They were really playing up the greed thing and the audience had totally flipped against her. It felt like they were really going to enjoy this.

"On the count of three we'll start it up!"

"1"

"2"

"3!"

The chair jerked into motion and Kate jerked with it to the side as it started to spin around. This coincided with the first burst from the whipped cream jets and her shoulder and upper back took the brunt of the mess. The crowd was laughing and cheering.

"Oh my goodness sit up straight Kate!" yelled Vivian, and the crowd was eating it up.

Kate straightened up and settled in the seat just in time for the second rotation and was hit from the front and sides. She was trying to keep a brave face, but I could see her grimacing.

The third round was much of the same, and Kate was coated in white. By the fourth rotation the jets were pretty much out of steam and emitted little more than a whipped cream mist. When the chair stopped, Kate was a mess. Her hair was completely matted and the rest of her truly looked like she forgotten to roll the windows up on car wash day.

"Well, that's happens when you get greedy on this show folks! Let's take a look at the instant replay!"

Vivian turned towards the screen and the crowd was laughing and cheering as they saw Kate getting hit with whipped cream on her first three spins and the rest being a sort of whipped cream haze.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but it looks like Kate got everything that was coming to her!"

Kate's eyes met mine and we both started laughing. She was still trying to maintain her composure and wiped a glob of cream from her nose.

I looked at the monitor and there was a split screen of Kate and I in our messy states. Kate was in the midst of shaking cream off her arms and I was in a slimy daze but when we realized we were both on camera again our eyes locked on our respective monitors. I don't know what Kate was thinking about how I looked, but I was loving how she looked.

"Look at that folks! Two beautiful ladies! One winner! One loser! Who's who?!? I can't tell!"

The audience was roaring, and Vivian turned back towards her camera and then towards the audience again.

"Okay guys, we're going to take a commercial break. And when we come back, we'll put some new folks in crazy situations! Don't go anywhere!"

A few moments later Kate and I were reunited backstage in our varied states of mess. As I wiped a towel across the side of my head I just laughed and said "Well, I guess you're paying for dinner after all."

Kate just laughed and rolled her eyes and said, "Anything for you, babe". Then she took a step towards me, put her left hand on my right hip and pulled me close. Her tongue found a glob of whipped cream on my neck and she picked it up before bringing it up to my lips.

But that's where the story ends, for now.