"Welcome back" said Kate, rushing back onto the stage for a short epilogue. She had showered post 'custard tart', and thrown on the first clothes that had come to her. She now had on a white 'Gunge Show' t-shirt, black tracksuit bottoms and flip-flops. Her wet hair was not styled and still dripped as she got back to centre stage.

First we will check in on poor Niamh from our last quarter final. A pale redhead sat in the audience seat. She was casually dressed in jeans, trainers and t-shirts. As captain of the previous team she had implored Kate for some protection from her team mates, as a result her punishment was particularly severe, she was locked naked in a particularly prone position in the stocks. Well not quite naked, she was allowed to wear her rugby team socks. She was assailed with blackened fruit and sour milk, volleys of rotten tomatoes were flung at her exposed rear and to finish: golden old cooking oil was poured over her head and body

"So Niamh tell us exactly what happened after the end of the show?"
"You well know what happened Kate. As we lost the game to the tattooists on the pull of the ropes I was offered the choice of getting a tattoo or watch my friends and teammates being gunged naked or in foul slop" she lilted in her Irish accent.

"So let's see the ink"
Niamh rolled up her jean leg and stood up to reveal the back of her calf and the characters '' "Well tell the audience what those mean?"

Niamh rolled her eyes to the heavens but played along with Kate's probing "It means 'loser' in Japanese kanji, Grace was kind enough to ink it in an area with not many nerve endings but cruel enough to mean it's on display to all our opponents in rugby games and marks me out as a total loser" Now Grace I've heard you have something to present to Niamh.
"Yes," the diminuitive blonde was by far her team's best performer throughout the episode and was given the task of carrying out the deed "here is a voucher for a free coverup, I don't normally do coverups but I'll make an exception. There's one catch though. You have to keep your ink for a whole year before covering it up but that is time to think what you would like."
Next to her in the seats her now dressed teammates Noemi and Lois led the audience in applause for the beaten captain.

****

"It's nearly time to draw the semi-final but first: do we have a Noosh Behzadi in the audience!"

The camera panned to an olive-skinned, dark eyed young woman. Her features had the hint of exotic about them, perhaps Persian, Egyptian, Indian? She was a vision in a white toga dress, red lipstick and glittery gold eyeshadow. In her gold heeled sandals, she sashayed down the gangway with a look of nervous astonishment. "So Noosh, where are you off to dressed like that?"
"Haha, someone at my work had free tickets. But afterwards I'm celebrating my birthday with my boyfriend."
"Well we've got a Birthday surprise for you, please welcome Alexandra Miller to the studio!" Noosh looked agape, the colour draining from her rouged cheeks. "Yes it's welcome to our Justice section!!"

Alexandra walked down onto the stage. She looked in her mid-twenties with curly dark hair, she was pleasant featured rather than stunning. She was sportily dressed in patterned leggings and a vest top.
"Alexandra how do you know Noosh?"
"We used to work at the same company. I worked in accounts and she worked in marketing. She used to annoy me by always running over budget." Her speaking voice revealed the hint of a Lancashire accent.
"But that's not why you've brought her on the show though."
"No, there's no polite way to say this. She nicked my boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, on a work night out and now they're together. In fact I believe that's who she's meeting after the show"
"Noosh any response?"
"Well, I didn't steal him, he'd rather be with an artistic creative soul than a boring accountant."
"Fighting talk Noosh but you seem to be forgetting. It's not an audience vote, this is Justice, Alexandra is getting revenge on you. So into the gunge tank you go."

With trepidation Noosh removed her heeled sandals and stepped bare footed into the tank. A miserable look came over her face. How could she turn up to a fancy restaurant caked in green gunge and god knows what else??
Alexandra gave a gleeful smile and hauled the lever down. A loud siren went off, and a second later bright green gunge exploded out of the tank. The bright green gunge indeed covered Noosh from head to toe in a cone. She tried to best look sultry but the cold mixture hitting her skin caused her to squeal. When the gunge stopped her skin was translucent, her white dress clung to it like a shroud and her coiffed hair was flattened.

"Now Alexandra, do you think that you and Noosh are even?"
"Not at all, she's still with the man I used to love, I go home to a microwaved ready meal and a DVD boxset at night."
"We'd like to offer you the chance to make things worse for poor Noosh, but you will get messy yourself. Our offer is to tar and feather our exotic friend; we have a tank filled with lukewarm molasses and duck down feather. All you have to do is step into the green gunge tank and say the words 'please gunge me'"
Noosh looked imploringly at Alexandra her eyes widening like a frightened doe.
"Kate I'll do it."

Alexandra was ushered into an identical tank next to her nemesis, kicking her trainers off as she did. "Kate, I've been dreaming of tonight, as I've lain awake at night, alone, in my double bed. Make my dreams come true. Please gunge me!"
Green gunge splurged down on Alexandra but she seemed not to care one bit. It flattened and glossed her frizzy hair and flowed over her vest top and leggings.
Noosh attempted an unconvincing look of defiance as the mechanisms of the gunge tank clanked and clattered. The only thing stopping tears was the thought Chris loved her and had chosen her over the nauseatingly dull spinster in the other gunge tank. Kate addressed her directly
"Noosh, you're a harlot, a strumpet and a jezebel. We're giving you the most old fashioned punishment we can think of a good tarring and feathering. Take it away!"
Thick viscous oozing liquid sputtered over the not so innocent young woman. It clung to her scalp and dripped down over her green tinged skin and front of her dress, she shook and screamed as the mechanism of the tank disgorged three more payloads of midnight black gunk.

When it finally ground to a halt, Noosh looked an absolute state. Her bare feet and legs still a translucent green, but her head a blob of black molasses. Inside she was burning with anger and shame, the thought of meeting her boyfriend afterwards like this filled her with dread. To cheers from the audience and Alexandria, fluttering white feathers floated down on to her skin, like cherry blossom in the spring, coating her completely. Mercifully the camera eventually panned away from her humiliation.

****

"Now please welcome Becky and Charlotte for the draw" Blonde Charlotte and brunette Becky walked sultrily over to a black drawstring bag. "Becky will now draw the first team for our semi-finals. The blue team will be."

"The tattooists Grace, Hanna and captain Abi"

"Versus"

Charlotte reached into the bag to pick out the next team

"the Computer Scientists captain Sally, Jess and Laura. Our yellow team"
"And finally that leaves" Charlotte reached in and picked out the next piece of paper
"The Air hostesses captain Katya, Trudie and Yvette"

"Against"

"The Barmaids Karen, Stacey and captain Faye."
"Join us soon for the first of our semi-finals! I promise, you won't want to miss it!!"