We open on DARON, backstage in a dressing room, her foot up on a table as she paints her toenails. JEFF enters and stands next to her. He's dressed only in a heart emblazoned baby diaper. The remnants of slime, pie, crust, cake batter and frosting are all over him.



DARON: Tough one today, huh Jeff? But, it's a living I guess.



JEFF: No offense Daron, but I'm not the new guy anymore. I've been here longer than you. I shouldn't have to be taking the brunt of the mess on a regular basis.



DARON: You have a point, Jeff, but, as you know, I gave up getting messy for Lent, so.



JEFF: C'mon, that's not a real thing.



DARON: (admiring her toes) Have you seen Jackie and Amanda?



JEFF: Good point.



DARON: Yeah, so, for the next 40 days, I'm off the hook. Thank God. (DARON does the double gun salute with her thumb and forefinger up to the heavens)



JEFF: Well, why can't I just give up getting messy for Lent?



DARON: Who says you can't.



JEFF: I've kinda fallen off the wagon, Catholicly speaking. I don't know if it'll actually take.



DARON begins painting the toenails on her other foot.



DARON: Remember the Prodigal Son: "you were lost, now you're found".



JEFF: Right. RIGHT! So, what do I do, just say I'm giving up being messy? Is there a ceremony or something?



DARON: We're not heathens, Jeff. I mean, I'm not registered for this, but since I don't think the Pope watches this show, I'll do my best.



JEFF: Great! What's the fir



JEFF is interrupted by a bucket of water to the face, thrown by DARON.



DARON: Do you renounce Satan and acknowledge your baptism as a servant of the Lord?



JEFF wipes the water from his face.



JEFF: I do.



DARON: Now, it is Ash Wednesday, so.



DARON picks up a bucket and flings it in JEFF'S face. The bucket contains black soot/ash, which sticks to JEFF'S face/torso because of the previous water dousing. JEFF struggles to open his eyes and blink out the ash.



DARON: There, I guess that should be it.



JEFF: Is this what you had to do?



DARON: Uh, sure. Anyway, try it out; give up being messy.



JEFF: Oh, right. Uh, I give up being messy for Lent.



JEFF smiles, satisfied. DARON picks up a large cream cake and slams it into his face, rubbing it in. The cake stays affixed to his face for 10 seconds before sliding off, revealing a pink cream mask. A tongue is seen protruding from the cream. DARON sits back down and starts painting her toenails again.



DARON: Mm, didn't take, sorry. I guess you're not as pure of spirit as me.



JEFF's shoulders sag in humiliation as we



FADE OUT