This is based on a real experience, when a woman I was dating brought her own pie for "dessert" (fully knowing what I was going to do with it). The dialogue, banter, and reaction is fictionalized.


***

I noticed the red-head at the pastry counter. She was biting one nail, concentrating, and looking at the variety of whipped-cream and meringue pies in the case. I stopped. Can't decide, huh?

She came out of her reverie and looked at me. Cute. A little shorter than me, really nice smile, and a curvy hourglass shape that's definitely out of fashion and definitely hot. Ample is a good word. Not fat, not skinny, pretty much perfect. Oh, yeah. They all look good, huh?

I nodded. Yeah, definitely. Want some advice?

Sure.

Well, first off you need to decide whether this is for eating, or for throwing. Then, you can narrow down your options.

She smiled, and then threw back her head and laughed. I never thought of it that way. Good thinking!

I shrugged.

Uh, eating, I think.

OK. No one to throw it at, huh? You should fix that!

Yeah, I should. And no one to throw it at me, I guess, either.

I laughed. I really like the way you think. Ok, anyway, eating huh? I'd suggest the chocolate cream or the vanilla and caramel.

She nodded, OK, thanks.

I was thinking about how to ask for her number when she asked, And, just out of curiosity, which one for throwing?

I laughed again, Hm, for you? That lemon cream back there. Definitely, the lemon cream.

She smiled and nodded, Ok, good to know! Thanks!

And since we were both still standing there, grinning like fools, I asked for her number. She gave it to me and then asked for mine. She said, Ok, got it. I have to say I wasn't expecting this kind of a conversation when I woke up this morning!

Yeah. Well, it was a fun one, wasn't it?

Yes it was.

I nodded See you!, and took off. Huh. Wonder if this would go anywhere?



So we met for a drink, and our hour-date went on for three hours. This led to a second date that ended in an hour of crazy-good kissing. We made out and she gave me a hell of a hard on. Man, she could kiss. And clearly she enjoyed it, because the next day she texted how good I was at making-out. Yeah, same atcha.

A week later, she invited me over for dinner. As I was helping to clear the dishes into the kitchen, I could not help but notice a pie sitting conspicuously on the counter. It looked like one of the great big lemon cream pies from our local supermarket.

She washed, and I dried. While I waited for another dish, I'd reach around her, kiss her on the neck, and undo a button on her shirt. After a few dishes, she was unbuttoned enough that her lace bra, and fabulous cleavage, was on display. She was grinning, and when I next went to kiss her neck, she turned her head to catch my lips, and we started that insanely good kissing again. And, I immediately got incredibly hard. I kept unbuttoning her shirt, and finally undid the belt to her jeans.

She handed me a dish, and we stopped smooching. I dried the dish, and she started unbuttoning me. She was fast. She'd pulled my shirt out and started on my belt by the time I set the plate in the rack.

By this time her shirt was wide open, and I could tell that her bra was one of the I'm going to show off the girls kind. It also showed off the edges of her nipples. I ran a finger along the strap and lace.

Yeah, you found them, huh? What can I say bit tits, big nipples.

I laughed, Oh, I love that kind of talk.

She pulled my shirt off. Oh? So how hard's your cock?

Hard. Making-out with you does that to me.

She plunged her hand into my jeans, inside of my boxers, and grabbed my cock. She was grinning, Oh! Well that's really nice!

Oooh!, I jumped. Oh man, ok. This is coming off. I took off her shirt (she had to remove her hand from my pants), and embraced her and we kissed as I unhooked her bra. Good bye, lace. Hello, girls.

She slid my jeans to the floor, and immediately slid my boxers off. Fuck, you stripped me!

I know. I didn't want you to have them anymore. I unzipped her jeans, and in one quick pull stripped her of her jeans and panties. Off!, I said.

She gasped, and we embraced from hips to face. Liked that, didn't you?

Oh yes she nodded, and we had our hands all over the place, insanely great kissing. She was wet (she gasped, jumped, and groaned when I checked), and I was hard (she really liked to have her hand on my cock). When I groaned Oh, fuck, you feel good, she said, Oh fuck, so do you.

I smiled and said, I like that word.

Which one? Fuck?

Yep.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

We were really on the edge of taking it to the bedroom, when she started kissing my neck. She nibbled my ear, said Fuck me, and I nearly started shaking with the pressure.

I had her back to the kitchen counter, and I stopped kissing and ran my hands from her shoulders down her (incredible, big, firm, soft, oh my god so nice, breasts), down her stomach and around her ass. I said, Oh, you know, we got so distracted we forgot about dessert.

She said, I wondered if you'd noticed.

I said, Yes, I did. But I got distracted by your incredible tits and big nipples

Uh huh. And I'm not sure what I want more for dessert. Some pie or your cock.

You could have both, you know.

Oh, I could, couldn't I. Both at the same time?

I laughed, Of course!

I picked up the pie. She said Lemon cream. I asked them for extra whipped-cream on it.

Oh my god.

I said, I take it you love whipped cream?

I do, I do love whipped cream. I remembered your advice from the day we met.

I'm very glad you did. I dipped my finger into the pie and decorated her lower lip. She licked my finger, and her tongue felt fantastic as she teased me.

Oh, ok I said, and dipped my finger again, this time coating the head of my cock. The cream felt very good.

She laughed, and then slid her hands down my chest, went to her knees, and sucked the whipped cream off of me. And it felt utterly amazing. I groaned.

She stood up again, Oh, you're noisy? That's good!

She had her back to the counter again. Pies are more fun when you can share them with someone, I said.

Oh I agree

You know, I'm very, very happy that you remembered my advice.

You are? Good! Me too.

Yeah. There was the part about pies that are good to eat, and the ones that are...

Uh oh, she said, smiling.

Before she could finish the oh in Uh oh, I threw, gently, the pie right into her face. Not hard, but enough to make a nice noise, and to send whipped cream into her hair. I slowly smushed it in circles to make sure she was thoroughly pied. The pie was soft, having been sitting out for a few hours, and she wasn't kidding about the extra whipped cream. There was a lot of it, and as I smashed the pie all over her face, dollops of it (some with crust) slide off and fell on her shoulders and of course on her tits. One big piece of cream and lemon fell out of the bottom of the pie and landed squarely over her nipple.

She was gripping the edge of the counter, and when I let the tin slide off and hit the floor, taking more pie with it and landing even more on her boobs, she gasped, her mouth pie-coated and in a wide, great smile, Oh my GOD! Oh my FUCKING GOD! OH, this is GOOD!. She licked her bottom lip, but just stood there, utterly utterly pied.

Oh, you look just great! Incredibly hot!

She stood there, wide grin, looking incredulous. Oh my fucking god! Oh this feels amazing! She looked down at her body, and said Oh! and looked up at me, blinking through a very, very pied face. The whole front of her head, including her hair, was under a layer of whipped-cream and some lemon.

Oh man, yes. You, naked, and plastered with whipped cream? Oh my god yeah.

She said, Oh. My. Fucking. God. And lemon. Mm. Oh my god, this feels AMAZING!

I said, You have been pied. You have had a great, big, and naked I might add, pie in the face.

I KNOW!

I laughed.

I can't believe how amazing this feels! And it tastes so good! Just, wow. Getting pied naked is HOT! She looked down again at her curves, and the pie splattered all over her tits. Fuck, I'm covered. I am so pied! This is like sexy and ridiculous all at once., She laughed.

I should have remembered a camera

She laughed, Oh, I'll do anything for a camera. Especially sex.

Then lets pretend there's a camera. As soon as I said that, she threw her arms around me and we started kissing again. We ended up smearing cream all over each other until we couldn't resist any longer, and had sex on the kitchen floor.

Afterwards, as we lie there creamed, sweaty, sticky, and happy as hell, I said, You take a great pie. Really, you took the best pie in the face I've ever seen.

Thank you! It was fun. I was wondering if you would do it.

Glad I did?

Oh yeah. Next time, don't wait so long to jump me. I needed you to fuck me as soon as I felt getting hit with the pie. Oh and I loved that you just smashed it all over me! That was SO good. God, that felt good.

This one the sexiest thing I've ever done. Hands down.

Me too. I've never been pied before, but I think subconsciously I've always wanted it. I'm such a sub! I guess it isn't much different than getting spanked. I was thinking, 'Is this guy going to throw a pie at me in the store?'. I'm glad you didn't, but I can definitely see how sexy getting pied in the store and then having sex in the aisle would be..

Man, that is good. Get arrested though.

Yeah, and we couldn't start naked.

I love the naked part of all of this.

I love getting naked. I don't think I can wait so long to get naked next time.

Just greet me at the door in a towel, and I'll fix that.

Ok! Gonna bring a pie?

Or two.