I opened the sauna door, stepped in, set the thermostat, and took off my towel and set it on the bench and closed the door.

I sat on the towel I placed on the bench, and rested my head against the wall.

Completely naked, I breathed deeply as the heat started to rise.

Finally, I started to relax!

Breath in. Breathe out. Ahhh...

Oh my lord, I so needed this. I closed my eyes, and just relaxed.

The hiss of the heater was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the sauna door opening and closing. A very male voice said "Oh thank god."

I took a moment, and then opened my eyes and lowered my head.

There, at the door, was a man wearing a towel around his waist. He was peering out of the little glass window intensely. In his right hand was an absolutely enormous... cream pie.

(I know you wanted me to say 'dick'. You're horrible, you are.)

My eyes turned into big round blue saucers.

Because he was wearing only a towel, I had front-row access to his shoulders. His pecs. His chest. His biceps. His waist. His abs.

Oh my god.

The towel outlined a hell of a gorgeous ass, and up front: a promising bulge.

My mouth hung open.

Despite myself, I said "Whoa!".

Out loud.

Oops!

He turned around, looked at me, and the turned back around to look back out of the small glass window.

I watched him.

He then did a double take, and looked back at me, nude, sitting on the sauna bench.

"Holy fuck!" he said.

"Hi!!", I said cheerily, and I waved at him. "You clueless dork!", I thought to myself.

He stared at me, and I could tell that the bulge under the towel started to change.

"Oh", he said, "Uh.. hi. Sorry to interrupt...um"

He looked me up and down. Naked, I smiled back and waggled my fingers.

"What are you doing in here?", he asked.

"Drooling...", I said immediately

He blinked and paused for a moment.

"Uh", he said, "Do you want to cover up?"

Almost immediately I replied, "Fuck no!"

He nodded, and seemed he didn't know what to say. "Well, uh, ok then?". The bulge was getting bigger.

I stayed naked, but at least I crossed my legs.

I looked at him. He looked out of the window as if the mafia, the FBI, three nuns and an ex-girlfriend was after him.

I started to sing, under my breath, "...sexy motherfucker...."

He turned and looked at me. Well, by that I mean he looked at my tits, and then up at my face. "Sorry, what?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing", I replied, "I was singing. Prince!", I said cheerfully!

"Oh!", he said.

I waited. The bulge presented by the towel was now prominent. Between that and his glorious ass and his chest and shoulders and arms, I started to get awfully warm.

Thank god I crossed my legs. I was also getting more than a little slick.

"Mm, mm, mmM!", I said.

He turned again, "More Prince?"

I was temporarily stunned. I caught myself. "OH, no", I finally said, "I was, uh, wondering, what's up with the pie?"

He seemed to come to his senses. "Oh. Yeah. Crazy thing. I was getting a massage.."

"That explains your oiled body huh?", I interrupted, staring at his pecs.

He continued, "Yeah. I was getting a massage when a pie fight broke out outside. I threw on a towel and had a look, and panicked. I picked up a pie, but ran for it when I realized I was gonna get creamed!"

I nodded, biting my lower lip, "Annnnd.. you ran into the sauna because...?"

He said, "Because it's safe! Seriously? And I can hide in here!"

I laughed, "Hide from a pie fight? Come on! Dude! Throwing a pie in someone's face is awesome!"

He looked at me like I was nuts. "Yeah?" he said.

I nodded, "Yeah! Really? The whole pie in the face thing is totally awesome! I mean, I love it!"

He said, "Well, I didn't want to get pied!"

I laughed again. "Oh, you gorgeous snowflake! No no no, half of the fun is getting pied! Taking a big pie in the face! The other half is hitting someone else with a pie!"

He looked at me again, and obviously looked me up and down. I could tell that his penis was fully erect at this point, so I just smiled at him and made no attempt to cover up. He said, "I'll take your word for it!"

I smiled. "So,what are you gonna do?"

He said immediately, "Stay here, are you kidding?"

I nodded, "Wise move. But I'm telling you, a pie in the face is the best gag in the world."

He looked at me. "You think so, huh?"

I nodded, "Totally!"

He looked back out of the window, and then back at me.

He paused. I smiled a prize winning smile.

He said, "Can I tell you something?"

I said, "Sure!"

He said, "You have the best tits I've ever seen. And the best legs. And wow, you're not shy, are you?"

I grinned, a huge wide grin. "Not really shy, no. And thank you! I really appreciate that!"

He muttered, "Not as much as I do."

I said, "What?"

He shook his head, "Nothing."

I waited, and imagined what he'd look like without the towel.

"Hey", I said.

"What?", he said.

I said, "Take off your towel!"

He looked at me once again like I was the madwoman of Bordeaux.

(I don't know if there really is a madwoman of Bordeaux, but if there was, that's what he looked at me like I was).

I waggled my fingers at him.

He said, "Why?"

I gaped at him and exclaimed, "Are you kidding? That ass though!!"

He smirked at me, "Yeah yeah, calm down!"

Damn. Well, it was worth a shot. I need to work on my subtlety.

HAH. You think?

Anyway, he stared out of the window.

I cleared my throat. "You know, I think you're clear. What kind of pie is that anyway?"

"Coconut cream", he said.

I laughed, "A coconut cream pie THAT large? Holy fuck, dude, what were you going to do? Bathe someone in coconut cream pie?"

He looked at me again, "If I had to, sure!"

I said, "Well, look, it seems that you avoided the whole mess, so to speak. I actually love coconut cream pie."

He relaxed a bit, FINALLY, and turned to look at me.

Full frontal sexy motherfucker. My eyes hit saucer-size again and I think I said "Umg.."

He said, "You do?"

I looked him from his hot legs to his toweled bulge to his chest to his rugged face. "Yeah! Coconut cream pie.. damn, love it."

He said, "Well, uh, good to know?"

I nodded, "Yeah. So, since you seem to be in the clear, why not let me take the pie from you?"

He looked at the pie, and then at me. "Take the pie from me?"

I nodded, "Sure! You can give me the pie, I'll take it, and everyone is happy."

He said, "You know this pie is meant for a pie fight, right?"

I nodded, "Right! But that's passed you by, lucky man!"

He said, "No, you don't understand. This coconut cream pie was created specifically to be used as a pie in the face."

I nodded again, "I get it, handsome, I really do! That's fine! I'm suggesting that I take it off of your hands!"

I grinned a wide, hopeful grin.

He looked me up and down and said, "Would you please put on a towel?"

I said, "Absolutely fucking not."

He sighed. "Oh my god", he said.

I said, "Why don't you take off your towel?"

He smirked, "No. Come on, get real."

I nodded, wide eyes, "Oh, trust me, I'm real"

He shook his head. "Come on. Get serious."

I stood up.

This time, his eyes went plate-sized, as I took a few full-frontally nude steps toward him.

Ok ok ok, FINE! I may have shimmied my body a bit to make my boobs wiggle and jiggle.

So SUE me, OK? This motherfucker was pure sex on a stick! Shut up.

I grabbed his towel and said "Yoink!" and swiped it from him.

He said, "Oh for fuck's sake!"

At the same time I said "Holy fuck, oh my god you sexy.. mother... !", I stopped, unable to form words.

I was staring at his hard, smooth perfect penis. He was gaping at me in shock.

An expression of joy and surprise on my face, I looked up at him (took a while, but hey). I smiled. "Oh look! Now we're both completely nude!"

He looked down at me. "Ok, why'd you do that?"

I said, "We're in a sauna, duh? Naked in a sauna. House rules!"

I smirked. He looked exasperated.

I sat down again, legs together but not crossed. I was grinning like a fool, looking at this hot babe from pecs to abs to insanely gorgeous and hard (hard, hard, hardhardhard!) cock.

I sighed, "Oh, just stand there and look pretty, would you please?"

He smirked and said "OK, Tits McGee. Fine. You want this pie?"

I nodded, "Oh yeah!"

He said, "Are you sure you want this pie?"

I nodded, "Yes! You're not going to need it, so I'm happy to take it!"

He looked at me and cocked an eyebrow, "Yeah? You gonna take this coconut cream pie from me?"

I said, "Sure will. Just let me have it, and we can both be on our way."

He said, "Let you have it, huh?"

I nodded, "Yes. AbsoLUTEly! Let me have it. It's a beautiful pie, why not? It'll be a load off of your hands!"

This hot, jacked naked man with a monumental, statuesque erection looked at me. "You're ridiculous. You know you're asking for the pie, right?"

I nodded,"Right! I am! I am asking for it! I mean, please..what do you need it for? If you're not going to use it for a pie in the face, I will!"

He snorted a laugh, and looked down at the enormous pie and then at me. "You'll use this for a pie in the face?"

I nodded, "Oh fuck yeah! Best thing in the world is a whipped cream pie in the face!" I nodded again, earnestly.

He said, "I'm very glad you agree."

And then he tossed the huge coconut cream pie into my face, where it hit with a loud noise and completely covered my face.

Around my head on the wall (I was told later) was a ring of whipped cream. My face was totally engulfed in cream! My neck and shoulders had a wave of pie! And as the crust slowly slid down my face, it landed on my boobs with pieces of crust, before sliding down to land on my thighs.

A big piece of pie and crust landed in my crotch and across my thighs.

My hair took a big wave of whipped cream and coconut cream!

I sat there, my mouth an O of shock, as pie dripped off of my face and down my skin.

He took a moment, and said "Oh my god!" and then broke up into laughter!

I sat there, pie sliding down my face. I opened my eyes and smiled at him.

He looked at me. I looked at him, pied.

I stood up, pie falling from my cream-splattered body! Completely pied, I leaned my naked body against his naked body, and grabbed the back of his neck.

I pulled him down to me a kissed him (creaming his face in the process). He swept me up into his arms, and we kissed, lustily.

I reached down and grabbed his gorgeous, hard, warm, smooth penis. He moaned..

And this is where the film fades to black!!!!

((TY to friends for the dialogue advice, dialogue fixes, editing, and for sexy naked inspiration)