Hello UMD. It's playtime.
In case your new to my work, I used to write for the wam story archive and telly gunge, but with both those sights now offline I'm uploading a few of my most memorable stories on here.
I'm starting with the pancake day trilogy, which is a little unusual, as I write in script format, with the dialog arranged with the character names and references to camera cuts. You might also notice I skip quite a few scenes, just focusing on the messy scenes of the story, like watching a slasher film, but always skipping to the death scenes. Eventually I'll get all of the original trilogy I wrote uploaded, for now we start with the original trailer, and scene 1 of the first story.

Pancake Day: Trailer:

The camera shows a beautiful brunette girl in a navy blue dress, as she comes out of a front door with a suggestive smile on her face. The camera continues to track her, staying a few feet in front of her as she walks down the road as we hear a voice over play.

Voice Over Guy: Clarity Lemon thought she had it all. Head cheerleader. Dating the captain of the football team. Hot favorite in the Southbrook Carnival baking competition this year. Then .....

Clarity is suddenly struck square in the face with a large pie with a thick white foam filling. The camera cuts to a close up of her foam covered face, before quickly cutting again to Clarity, now securely restrained in a solid looking steel chair. As she looks around in panic we hear a mysterious voice from off screen.

Mysterious Voice: Hello Clarity. It's playtime.

The camera then cuts to an office in a police station, where a Detective Briggs and a Detective Louis are talking:

Briggs: So who's our suspect?
Louis: Helen Mathews.
Briggs: I recognize that name from somewhere.

We see a quick cut of a woman's feet. She's wearing a daring pair of 7 inch stiletto boots.

Louis: She won the Southbrook Carnival baking contest three years in a row, until last year.
Briggs: Was she the one who had the accident?
Louis: Well the records say it was an accident. There was suspicion of sabotage.
Briggs: Remind me. Exactly what happened.

We see a quick cut of a woman searching through a large cupcake with her face.

Louis: She was finishing her entry in the baking tent, when the oven exploded. She wasn't seriously hurt, but she was covered in all sorts of baking ingredients. Eggs, flour, treacle, batter, she was completely covered in front of the whole carnival.
Briggs: Then what happened?

We see a quick cut of a woman plunging into a pool of thick white pancake batter.

Louis. Helen then disappeared. Word was she felt to humiliated to show her face here again.
Briggs: And now someone's kidnapping girls, and subjecting them to humiliating public gungings.

We see a quick cut of a woman covered in melted ice cream.

Louis: It appears that way.
Briggs: Well put out an alert to all officers. I want this Helen Mathews found.

The camera cuts away one last time, finally seeing Helen's face, which has been painted pure white, with red lipstick and pink blusher.

Helen: My names not Helen! It's Princess Porcelain!

The screen the fades to black, then the title appears on the screen in giant letter. It says: Pancake Day, in smaller letters underneath it says: this October We then hear Princess Porcelain's voice one last time:

Porcelain: It's Playtime.

Pancake Day: Scene 1: You'll be Battered to Death:

The screen starts black, then with a sudden whoosh the lights come on. The camera is focused on an attractive 20 something brunette, with saloon styled hair. She's wearing an elegant navy blue dress, that still reveals enough flesh to be suggestive.
She is currently sitting in a solid looking steel, throne like chair. Heavy steel straps hold her arms to the arms of the chair and her ankles to the legs. The camera zooms out to reveal this is resting on some sort of fairground roundabout, but the wooden animals have been painted more vivid and demented colors than normal. As the girl in the chair looks around in panic an unknown voice speaks from off camera;

Porcelain: Hello Clarity. It's playtime.

The camera cuts to our villainess, Porcelain. The camera starts at her feet, on a pair of black, knee high go-go boots, with a seven inch stiletto platform heel. As the camera pans up it shows her opaque red tights, leading to a pair of tight black leather hot pants. Above that she is wearing a red and black hooded leather jacket. As the camera pans up she removes her hood to reveal her face. She has mid length black hair, tied into pigtails at the side. Her face is painted pure white, with delicate red lips pink rosy cheeks and perfectly shaped eye painted on, giving her a doll like appearance.
The camera cuts back to Clarity. Still struggling in the chair.

Clarity: You let me out right now. If you don't my Daddy's going to sue you.
Porcelain: If your mum's as promiscuous as you Clarity you'll need to do a DNA test before that happens.
Clarity: Stop it! Let me out right now!
Porcelain: Oh Clarity your never any fun. Every year you take the baking completion so seriously. You're always so determined to win everything you enter, even to the point that you'll sabotage your competition.
Clarity: Last year I won fare and square.
Porcelain: And you never think of anything else. This is supposed to be a carnival Look I brought balloons. What fun.

Porcelain holds up 3 brightly colored balloons in her left hand. Rather than being full of air though they appear to be full of a thick dark liquid. In her right hand she is holding a long knitting needle. She holds the balloons above a prone Clarity, and then bursts them, one after another. As she does this a thick light brown pancake batter bursts from the balloons and falls down onto Clarity, covering her hair and face in batter.

Clarity: What are you doing? Just you wait until I get out of here.
Porcelain: What you don't like my balloons? That's such a shame, and I arranged for an extra special balloon, just for you.

As Clarity looks up the camera shots to a shot of a huge weather balloon, five foot across, trembling slightly due to all the liquid inside it, hanging from the ceiling.

Porcelain: Don't worry Clarity. It's not just balloons you'll get to play with. You also get a go on my carousel.

Suddenly a loud fairground organ starts playing. Lights light up, and Clarity starts to slowly move around on a large turntable. At the same time the weather balloon also moves, always swaying above Clarity's head.

Clarity: What are you doing?
Porcelain: We're having fun playing together. Don't worry Clarity. Soon everyone will see what fun your having.

The camera cuts to a wide red velvet curtain on one side of the turntable.
Porcelain: When you reach that curtain it will drop, and everyone at the fair will see the fun you have when the balloon bursts.
Clarity: Look the jokes over. Just let me go.
Porcelain: What? You still want out? I'm afraid I can't let you out. Those straps are held in place by an electric circuit. You can only release it by completing the circuit. Now how would you do that?

The camera cuts to a large plastic funnel, located next to Clarity.

Porcelain: Oh, I know. You need to drop 5 metal ball bearings into that funnel to complete the circuit. Now where could you find those.

The camera shows a shot of Clarity as a huge metal tub, 18 inches across, 6 inches deep swings from around the back of the chair, and in front of Clarity. The camera zooms into the tub to show it is filled with flour.

Clarity: How am I supposed to search in there?
Porcelain: Well if you can't use your hands you'll have to use your teeth.
Clarity: You expect me to put my face in that.
Porcelain: What you don't want to play with me? Well if you really, really don't want to you don't have to. You could just stay there, and let everyone at the fair see you get completely covered in batter.
Clarity: What kind of choice is that?
Porcelain: One you'd better hurry up and make. As for me, I can't waste time talking to you all day. I've got lots of other fun games planned for the rest of your friends.

With that Porcelain walks out leaving Clarity on her own as the music plays, and she slowly gets closer to the curtains. She pulls on the restraints one last time, before with a grunt of annoyance she sticks her face in the flour.
The camera remains in close up on Clarity for the next 30 seconds, as she digs deeper and deeper, until her head is almost completely sunk into the flour. She raises her head taking a deep breath, revealing the combination of the batter and the flour has left her face and hair covered in a thick sticky mess.
The camera cuts to the deep hole Clarity has dug in the flour. You can just about see one of the ball bearings sticking out from the flour. Clarity digs her face deep into the flour, and just about reaches with her lips to grab the ball. The camera cuts to a long shot of Clarity as she drops the first ball into the funnel. You see Clarity getting close to the curtain. The camera zooms in to Clarity's face, now completely covered in the sticky combination of flour and batter. She plunges her face into the flour again, this time frantically searching, displacing large amounts of flour over the side of the tub in her haste. She raises her head with another ball bearing in her mouth, that she drops into the funnel. As she does this you see she's almost at the curtain.

The camera cuts to outside. A lively carnival is taking place. Large numbers of people are gathered around, watching and playing the games. Suddenly a loud siren blares above the sound of the crowd, and a bright spotlight shines on a red curtain. The whole crowd is focused on it as it drops and reveals a still bound, bedraggled looking Clarity. We hear her scream above the crowd as the camera pans in;

Clarity: No! No! No!

It's in vain though. A loud pop is heard as the giant weather balloon bursts, raining thick, sticky white batter down on her, instantly leaving her completely covered in batter. The camera focuses on her as the batter drips off her. She raises her head and opens her eyes, looking out in shock. The camera cuts to see what she sees, a huge crowd of people staring at her. A few look around in panic, some take out their camera phones, some just gasp. A couple come forward, trying in vain to free her from the chair.

Cut to opening titles.