It was early October 1995 and I returned to the club after being on holiday for a few weeks. I had been in the Canary Islands and had a deep tan. The sun had bleached my short, newly cropped hair which was now white blonde. I had missed the messy Saturday night antics and was looking forward to having some fun. The club management were eager for me to return as they had a big crowd in from Birmingham and had laid on two coaches to transport the punters from their sister venue in the city. In my absence there had been several live bands performing, but tonight I was the only entertainment. I was nervous, but very excited at the prospect of the humiliation which lay in store for me.

The brief was for me to look dapper and so I wore a black tuxedo with a white dress shirt, black bow tie, patent leather black shoes and black socks. I was feeling horny so I opted for a sexy black jock strap under my smart black trousers. When the management paid for the cost of the outfit I knew it would end up trashed. The prospect of getting dressed up to get messed up was a huge turn-on. My friends assumed I would be changing before I went on stage at 9pm. They were in for a shock!

I had no idea of what lay in store for me, but I had been teased by the bar and kitchen staff that it was going to be extremely messy. What management had not disclosed was that I would be on stage throughout the whole night, with no opportunity to get properly cleaned up!

The stage was set up so that I would be stood behind a white screen and the audience would see me as a silhouette. The stage crew were hidden behind another screen which was behind me. They had a tall set of steps and a guy was positioned above me with a large bucket. My heart was pounding as the music started. I had my back to the audience as the white screen slowly drew back. I turned around and started dancing. I was joined by three male dancers dressed entirely in black, wearing motorcycle helmets. Little did I know that they were members of the bar staff and I was about to play the stooge. They went to the back of the stage and armed themselves with sloppy cream pies. I continued to dance, unaware of what they were doing until suddenly I was surrounded. Each guy had two pies and they danced around me, teasing me with the flans. Suddenly the music stopped and one of the guys pied me in my crotch. The music began playing and we danced some more, before it stopped. The audience were getting excited and there loud cheers as one guy pied my bum. I was in a game of musical pies and each time the music stopped I was getting flanned. There were shouts of " in his face!" as the music ended a third time. I braced myself, but instead got two sloppy pies down the front of my tux. Next time my back got pied. The dancers knew how to get the audience going and were slowly building to what everyone wanted to see. They had used up all the pies on my outfit; now they re-armed themselves and I was facing the prospect of six creamy pies coming my way as the music stopped.

The inevitable finally happened and I stood smiling as I was treated to a sloppy pie sandwich. The crowd cheered as I ended up with the remaining four pies rubbed into my face and hair. I was plastered in pies and staggered to the back of the stage. The white screen was put back in place and once again I was in silhouette. I wiped the cream out of my eyes and blinked. As I looked up I was drenched in a bucket of warm water. The audience could only see the contents of the bucket landing on me in silhouette and may have assumed it was something messy. Several buckets of water were thrown over me from either side until I was soaked. At least it had washed any remaining cream away and I was clean again. The screen went back and I stood dripping wet to a roar of applause. I was expecting that to be the conclusion of the first act, but I was mistaken as a chair was brought on stage and I was asked to sit down.

My hands and feet were tied to the chair so I could not escape as the DJ announced that it was Quiz time. I would be asked a series of questions and if I gave a wrong answer I faced a bucket of something messy being emptied over me. To my amazement the questions were quite easy and I got every answer right. The final question was impossible for me to understand as the DJ played loud music at the same time. The guy who read the question was wearing a motor cycle helmet and I couldn't even try and lip read what he was saying. I asked for them to repeat the question and just got another blast of loud music. It was a yes or no answer so I took a guess. I was instantly rewarded with a deluge of cold, slimy baked beans and tomato soup. I shuddered as the cold slop ran down my face and ruined my white shirt. The quiz-master announced a second round of questions. This time the questions were much harder and I ended up getting most of the answers wrong. The audience cheered as I got buckets of tinned spaghetti, rice pudding, mushy peas, soup, semolina and custard dumped over me. I was a real mess and my outfit was looking like someone had thrown up on it. I was sat in a pool of smelly slop, unable to move as they put an empty bucket on my head which read " LOSER" in bold white letters.

I was left to sit in the slop with the bucket on my head as the stage crew prepared for my next act. I was eventually untied and led, still with the bucket on my head, to the back of the stage, behind the screens. The bucket was removed and I got handed a towel to wipe my face. I emptied several buckets of cold water over myself and tried to clean myself up. I removed my trashed jacket and unbuttoned my heavily stained shirt revealing my hairy torso. I took off my shoes and dropped my trousers. My legs were tanned and very hairy. I stood in my soggy socks and jockstrap, which showed off my white, hairy butt. It was time to go on again and I took center stage with the lights focused on me. A mike stand was placed in front of me and I nervously spoke to the crowd.

" Good evening and welcome to the club where anything can happen. I hope you enjoyed watching me getting pied and gunged in my tux. " There was a roar of approval.

" Now for something new. I'm going to sing for you. It's a song by Take That called "Do what you like" and you may remember the video where the band got stripped off and threw trifles at each other. I thought it would be fun to recreate that video and there are a couple of guys from behind the bar who are well-practiced in the art of throwing trifle, so this should be fun."

When that video originally came out I could not get enough of it. I had wanted to do something similar at the club and when I suggested it to the management they loved my ideas. I thought it would be totally hot to get messed up whilst singing to the audience and had rehearsed the routine all week. In rehearsals we just pretended to get messy so I was looking forward to performing with the actual trifles. The club made sure there were plenty of trifles and had the guys had joked about turning me into a human trifle, which got me so horned up.

I was joined on stage by four fit lads who wore just their jockstraps. There were several large tables at the back of the stage which were fully stocked with trifles. The guys were laughing and keen to get stuck in. The music had barely started when the trifles began flying. Soon the guys were plastered in cream, custard and jelly. They took great pleasure in rubbing a chocolate trifle into my bare arse crack as I sang the lines "No need to tell me, just do what you like!" I was very excited and my cock was rock hard. I teased my own lyrics singing " When it comes to trifle, you know what I want. So please do what you like, 'cos I need you to cover me. Do what you like. Completely plaster me!"

Right on cue the guys ripped off my shirt and covered my hairy body in trifle. They rubbed it into my legs and crotch and slammed trifle into my hairy butt crack. I attempted to sing the chorus as trifles hit me from all sides. The guys absolutely slathered me from head to toe until I was heavily covered and unrecognizable under the layers of cream and custard. I had so much trifle pushed into my face that I could no longer sing and couldn't see a thing. The guys wrestled me to the floor and removed my socks and jockstrap. I was naked, plastered in trifle and rolling about on the floor as the audience went crazy at my sexy humiliation.

Suddenly we were showered with water as someone at the rear of the stage had connected a hosepipe and proceeded to drench us in warm water. We stood with wet hair plastered to our scalps as this guy hosed us down. I was able to see again, although I still had trifle in my nostrils and ears. The five of us were still horny and were all sporting erections. We started touching one another and this soon led to kissing and wanking. As we became intimate the audience were going wild. The screens were closed in front of us and the five soaking wet men were seen in silhouette as they made out together. It was a full on orgy and I found myself sucking and rimming two guys. They were happy to do the same to me. I had wet cocks slapped in my face and all four guys stood over me wanking themselves off. Soon I was treated to a big facial and the cum was all in my hair and dripping down my face. I loved every minute of my totally messy and sexy humiliation.

Following a short interval I was back on stage. I was butt naked, lounging in a large inflatable pool. I still had cum in my hair from earlier, but it didn't bother me as I was about to get plastered in custard pies. The same guys I had got messy with earlier were back with several reinforcements from the stage crew. They gave me a heavy flanning followed by a deluge of messy food slop. They emptied bucket after bucket over me until I was completely covered from head to toe. I lay in the slop wanking furiously as the gunge rained down on me. Unable to hold back any longer I climaxed as big spurts of hot spunk went all over me. I allowed myself to sink under the thick layers of gunge until I was fully submerged. I stayed in the pool for the rest of the night.