Its 1:00 in the afternoon on a warm, sunny day in late May. A large crowd is gathering in Wyman Quad on the campus of Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland. Rock music throbs from a sound system. Passersby look on with confused curiosity. Is this some kind of rowdy, end-of-semester party? The music cuts out and the crowd begins to cheer with giddy anticipation as a hunky guy dressed in board shorts and a tight fitting T-shirt pulls a microphone to his mouth. He oozes the cocky irreverence of an MTV host:

Johns Hopkins...Are you ready to get wild and crazy?!

Y-E-A-H!!! screams the the crowd with ear-splitting enthusiasm.

Awesome. Im Josh and I want to welcome you to College Challenge, the reality show that puts students from Americas finest colleges and universities in totally outrageous situations. To start off, were looking for two brave volunteers who happen to be room-mates and best friends...

Hands shoot up throughout the crowd. Josh teasingly takes his time surveying all the potential choices...

Were going to ask these two lovely young women to come forward.

The crowd cheers and cameras pan in on two stunningly beautiful girls. Giggling nervously, they look at each other in surprise. Slowly, with slight hesitation, they begin to unzip their jeans and pull off tops. Cheers and male hoots and cat calls intensify as their sumptuous bikini-clad bodies come into view. Barefoot, they step onto a blue tarp which has been set up in front of the crowd.

One of the girls has short blond hair, pulled into a neat ponytail. She exudes an alluring sweetness and a hint of shyness. She has an unforgettable smile. Her face is so beautiful that its hard to look away.

Whats your name? asks Josh.

Emily.

Tell us a little about yourself, Emily. Whats your hometown and what are you studying here at Johns Hopkins?

Im from Lake Forest, Illinois and Im a junior biomedical engineering major.

Cool.

Josh turns to the second girl. Dark, vivacious eyes illuminate her perfect face, hinting at a powerful sexual magnetism. Glorious, deep chestnut brown hair cascades down her back. Her olive complexion suggests Mediterranean heritage.

...Tell us your name.

Isabella.

Tell us a little about yourself, Isabella.

Im a junior psychology major with a minor in theater arts and Im from Hartford, Connecticut.

Awesome. So Emily and Isabella, have either of you ever seen College Challenge before?

Laughing and exchanging apprehensive glances, both admit that they have no idea what to expect.

CHALLENGE #1

Emily, you get the first challenge. says Josh, stepping towards a table. This challenge will take you back to your first day of middle school when you were learning to open a locker. We have a combination lock and a list of ten combinations. One of these combinations is correct, but unfortunately we cant remember which one it is. Your challenge is to find the correct combination and unlock the lock. You will only have 30 seconds to accomplish this task... Oh, and theres one more small detail you might want to be aware of...theres a slight penalty for failing this challenge...

On cue, a metal cart is wheeled out containing a massive whipped cream and chocolate pudding pie. The crowd begins to cheer. Emilys reaction shows that she immediately understands where this is going.

If you fail, Emily, this pie is going right in your face, curtesy of your beloved room-mate!

The crowd roars in approval. Josh turns to Isabella ...So Isabella, this is your best friend were talking about...Would you feel comfortable throwing a pie in Emilys face?

Oh yeah...Thats something I would actually love to do. laughs Isabella without hesitation and with surprising enthusiasm. Both girls to melt into giggles.

Emily, do you have any questions? asked Josh.

No. she laughs, looking slightly shell shocked.

In that case, lets set the clock. says Josh. He pauses to allow Emily to take her place behind the table. On your mark....Get set....GO!

Rock music pumps from the sound system. Emily frantically reads the combinations and spins the lock while the crowd cheers, enthusiastically. How many bored, horny cable TV channel surfers will end up pausing, remote control in hand, at the unlikely sight of a hot college girl in a bikini performing a stupid challenge?...Fifteen seconds go by with no success. Slowly, gleefully Isabella picks up the pie in preparation...The audience begins counting down the final seconds...

FIVE!.....FOUR!.....THREE!!!.....TWO!!!!.....

A buzzer sounds. Emily drops the combination lock and slowly, obediently steps to the middle of the tarp, giggling in anticipation. Clearly nervous, she brushes a hand over her bangs and takes a deep breath. Her luscious, immaculate body, the epitome of glorious, sensuous femininity, is on full display to the world. Beaming gleefully and enjoying every second, Isabella approaches, holding the pie. Emily glances at the heaping mounds of thick, gooey whipped cream covering a generous layer of smooth chocolate pudding. She quickly runs another hand through her hair and then braces herself. Its almost painful to watch her endure these seconds of delay. Having to bravely stand in front of the whole world when everyone knows youre about to get a pie thrown in your face presents a unique kind of agony...Shaking with laughter, Isabella raises the pie in aim...and it happens...

SMACK!!! The crowd erupts as Emilys beautiful face is replaced with a pie. Whipped cream and pudding violently explode in every direction and ooze over the sides of the plate.

Oooh... groans a guy in the crowd, grinning in exultation a split second after the pie smashes squarely into Emilys face.

Thick clumps of whipped cream and pudding splatter onto Emilys delicate shoulders and slide into her cleavage. The plate drops and her face is completely unrecognizable. The crowd jeers. Her mouth hangs open under a thick, sticky mask.

Emily is given a few seconds to try to recover and pull off some of the pie. A new cart with another pie is wheeled out. Now its Isabellas turn to attempt the challenge. The clock is set and Josh gives the countdown. As Isabella scrambles to find the correct combination everyone holds their breath for 30 seconds...

FIVE!...FOUR!...THREE!!!...TWO!!!...

The buzzer sounds. Eager for revenge, Emily picks up the pie. Giggling uncontrollably, Isabella steps to the center of the tarp, preparing for the inevitable. We have a few more brief moments to drink in her spectacular unmarred beauty...her perfect face, illuminated by radiant dark eyes, her glorious long hair, her full breasts bundled in the bikini top like a valuable package, the smooth curves of her immaculate legs...Josh seems eager to prolong Isabellas torture:

Isabella, you mentioned that youre minoring in theater. Im assuming that youve done some comedy. Tell us, have you ever been hit with a pie before?

No. she answers, laughing. This will be a first.

Can you tell us a few of the roles youve played?

Ive done a few straight plays. answers Isabella. I was in The Sound of Music in high school and I just finished playing Maria in a local production of West Side Story. There wasnt really any pie throwing required for those roles.

Wow, thats awesome! You must be pretty talented. You know, it would be really cool if you could sing something for us right before the pie goes in your face.

The crowd cheers in approval. Isabella giggles and runs a hand through her long hair, looking embarrassed.

Oh my God, really? she asks, sounding unsure.

Emily gleefully raises the pie in aim and Isabella looks as if shes about to sing, then hesitates, erupting into giggles.

Oh my God, I cant believe Im doing this! she moans. ...OK.

Isabella begins singing in a well trained but giggly voice:

Theres a place for us....Somewhere a place for us....

SMACK!!!! Emily enthusiastically pushes the pie right into Isabellas face. Both girls erupt into giggles.

I think we just added a pie to West Side Story. gloats Josh.

CHALLENGE #2

A white plastic stool is placed in the middle of the tarp. Already looking defeated, Emily stands awkwardly awaiting the next challenge. Her face is dotted with pie. Some of the pie has smeared and splattered into her hair, but her ponytail and most of her blond hair remains remarkably unscathed. Josh pulls the microphone to his mouth:

Emily, were going to ask you to take a seat on this stool. Youre too young to remember, but back in the 80s Rubiks Cubes were considered, like, totally rad. Are you good at solving puzzles?

No. she laughs.

Well Emily, that may suck for you today, because you will have 30 seconds to get a single color on one side of the cube. If you fail...

The crowd begins to cheer with riot-like intensity as a new metal cart is wheeled onto the tarp. It contains six gigantic eight pound cans of Hersheys chocolate syrup. Each can has been opened. Emily lets out a giggly gasp.

Emily, if you fail this challenge, you will get six cans of chocolate syrup dumped over your head!

Emily looks as if she would like to crawl into a shell. The clock is set and the crowd enthusiastically joins in the countdown. As rock music blasts, Emily fumbles with the Rubiks Cube. The buzzer sounds signaling the end of 30 seconds. The crowd erupts into hysteria as Isabella slowly lifts the first heavy can of chocolate syrup. Even enthusiastic Isabella now seems slightly hesitant.

Ive never done anything like this before! she giggles. She lifts the first can over Emilys head.

Oh my God...No!...No!... moans Emily. She stiffens, bracing herself, her shoulders lifting tensely.

Josh speaks slowly, in a tone of voice intended to heighten the drama:

Emily from Lake Forest, Illinois...Its time for you to accept your punishment!

The can tips. Thick, sticky chocolate syrup engulfs Emily, instantly erasing her neat blond ponytail. Chocolate drips onto her shoulders and slides downward into her cleavage. Emilys bright bikini top turns sticky and black. She shakes with laughter, melting into acceptance and gyrating with an almost orgasmic pleasure as she feels the chocolate hit her body. Her friends in the crowd look on in amused disbelief. Emily braces herself as the second can is dumped, The crowd cheers with even greater intensity. An outrageous quantity of chocolate syrup collects in Emilys lap and runs down her smooth legs. Chocolate pours and pours...Isabella picks up can number three and searches for any sign of bare skin. Having overcome her initial apprehension, shes taking great pleasure in doing this to her best friend! Can number four is dumped...then five...A decadent lake of chocolate floods the tarp. The final can is dumped, but it doesnt even matter anymore. Completely unrecognizable, Emily is now consumed in chocolate. Slowly, she stands up, her body dripping and her arms instinctively held outstretched from her sides.

Barefoot, Isabella steps daintily through the chocolate lake and takes a seat on the stool. She is handed the bright Rubiks Cube, but it slips out of her hand and drops right in the chocolate. The crowd laughs, taking great delight in the total sense of farce. Now Isabella must attempt to perform the challenge with a Rubiks Cube covered in chocolate! A new metal cart is wheeled out and the crowd goes wild.

Isabella, if you fail this challenge you will get six giant cans of baked beans dumped over your head!...This may get a little messy, Isabella. I hope you werent planning on going to class after this...

I turned in my last paper for the semester this morning. answers Isabella in a giggly voice.

The clock is set and the countdown begins...Isabella turns the chocolate syrup-drenched Rubiks Cube, but she acts as if shes already given up...The buzzer sounds. Isabella clenches her hands together in nervous anticipation.

Ew!...This is going to be SO gross! she giggles, glancing at the opened cans of baked beans.

Emily slowly but eagerly lifts the first, heavy can of baked beans and raises it over Isabellas head. The crowd cheers. Onlookers watch in horrified fascination, realizing that Isabellas beautiful, long, shining dark hair is about to be totally demolished!

This is so sad... gloats Josh. Isabella, you have such beautiful hair...Maybe we should give her a break and skip this part...

NOOOO!!!! yells the crowd in mock protest.

Punish her. says Josh, flippantly.

The giant can tips and Isabella screams, writhing on the stool. Heavy, disgusting baked beans dump onto her head, running down, down, down...Isabellas beautiful long hair vanishes...

Emily dumps the second can and more baked beans consume Isabellas body, hitting her shoulders sliding over her breasts, into her lap and down her legs. Baked beans collect on top of Isabellas head and then fall in an avalanche as she she shakes with laughter.

A week ago she was starring in West Side Story and now shes reduced to having baked beans dumped over her head for the gratuitous entertainment of her fellow students. As a beautiful, talented aspiring actress this couldnt be the national TV debut she had ever imagined.

TOTAL CHAOS

Emily and Isabella stand in front of the crowd, covered from head to foot. The once immaculate tarp has turned into a sloppy, disgusting mixture of chocolate syrup and baked beans. Coverings are suddenly pulled off a series of folding tables surrounding the tarp, revealing rows and rows of pies, cakes and other items. A new metal cart is wheeled out.

Emily...do you like Spaghetti-Os? asks Josh.

Oh my God... she moans, giggling.

Emily is handed a tangled chord. Her challenge is to unknot the chord in 30 seconds. The clock is set and the crowd counts down. Isabella watches Emily fumble with the chord for a few seconds and then dumps the first giant can of Spaghetti-Os over Emilys head. Shrieking with laughter, Emily drops the impossibly tangled chord as the clock continues to tick. Emily retaliates by lifting another can and splashing Isabella with Spaghetti-Os. Giggling uncontrollably, the girls hurl the remaining Spaghetti-Os at each other.

Running to a table, Emily slowly lifts an enormous Bavarian chocolate layer cake. Isabella flinches as the entire cake smashes into her cleavage, exploding and splattering in every direction, oozing around her breasts and dropping down her legs. Handfuls of cake are pushed and smeared into Isabellas face and hair and then what is left is slammed into her ass. Isabella runs to the table and picks up a pie in each hand. SMACK! One pie hits Emily in the breasts. The other hits the top of her head and gets smeared and wiped down her ponytail. Raw eggs and more pies fly. Ketchup and mustard squirt. Plastic bottles of Sprite and Coke are shaken and sprayed. Emily slips on the accumulating slop and ends up on her back in the gooey ooze just in time to get baked beans dumped over the entire length of her body. She shakes with uncontrollable laughter. The girls take turns pulling out each others bikini bottoms and filling them with beans, Spaghetti-Os, chocolate and more. They rip off their bikini tops and dive headfirst into the slop, sliding back and forth across the tarp, their bodies colliding. They roll around and wallow in the mess, making slop angels.

After ten minutes of playtime they slowly stand up, slightly dazed, their eyes and ears filled with slop. They look more like creatures from a bad science fiction movie than dignified young women. They step off the tarp to get hosed down.

Oh my God, that was so much fun! giggles Isabella. Ive never done anything like that in my entire life!

I know... answers Emily. What a way to end the semester.

The girls hug each other, their slop covered bare breasts connecting. Now a torrent of cold, refreshing water hits their thickly coated bodies and layers of ooze begin to slowly peel away. Their moment of wild and crazy, irresponsible insanity is over. In a few years they will go their separate ways. They will find fulfillment in their careers, marry their dream husbands and have kids. And if anyone ever asks the question, Can you imagine what it would be like to be in a food fight?, they will just smile.