I turn off my car and sit in the parking spot for a few minutes to settle my nerves and excitement.
I'm parked close to an alley that leads to an unmarked back door to a barely known club.

The name on the email invite reads, welcome to Club Hum for the right price all your wildest fantasies can come true. I vaguely wondered and hoped if that could be true.

My lovely wife had set up this opportunity for me several months ago. It was a just
because present, since she loves me so much or at least that's what she said between laughs.

See I have had an interesting fetish since a very young age.
It started after watching slapstick movies and tv shows from the 80s and 90s.
I really got excited seeing grown adults get humiliated in public with pies and gunge.

I was a shy kid so I would have been appalled to have something like that happen to me. But it sure was fun seeing it happen to others.

My curiosity grew during adulthood and for the last 10 years of my marriage my wife has indulged my kink with occasional messy role playing involving pies and humiliation.

We have had the best time with it, but have never really indulged my curiosity of public humiliation.

The wife, while searching the web, came across a site for humiliation lovers that referenced a certain club in a nearby city that for several nights a month would entertain paying customers to indulge in their most kinky fantasies.

A victim or two is chosen for that date while voyeurs in the crowd also indulge in being part of the show to intensify the victim's embarrassment.
Hence the name club Hum which is short for you guessed it, humiliation.

When she first brought it up I balked at the idea.
What might be good in thought may not be as good in practice.
But after much encouragement from the wife I agreed for her to book my night.
She sent in the idea for the theme of my night and I had no idea how imaginative she had been to the club's producer.
But she also reiterated that it cost a bunch so my ass better not back out!

She was already waiting in the audience so I was showing up just before showtime to possibly have the most embarrassing night of my life.

I had been given a few instructions. First wear something comfortable. Which I thought meant I would probably have to change.

I had also shaved all my body hair and neatly styled my very nice brown full head of hair.
I had used gel to lightly raise the hair in front and neatly brushed it to the right side.
My beard was also newly trimmed.

I stepped out of the car and headed to the back door in my jeans and T shirt.

A quick wrap at the door and a nicely dressed woman ushered me in.

She didn't say much as I was led back to the dressing room. My heart is hammering in my chest with nerves and anticipation.

She hands me a tiny pink thong to wear and a bottle of baby oil. " Take off all your clothes and put this on.
Also shine your entire body up so you will glisten on the big stage." She says with a smirk.

After she leaves the room I take everything off and put the thong on. It barely covers everything and my embarrassment starts to rise.

I apply oil over every part of my body as I watch myself in the full length mirror. I'm also glad I shaved for this.

As I apply a last coat to my shiny skin the door bursts open and a tall man comes in.

"Hey the show is about to start, we will finish your makeover on stage." He chuckles and gives me a once over glance.
I instinctively cover my crotch after the intrusion. He hustles me out and says my wife has really planned an interesting night for me.

I am shoved onto a medium sized stage with a bright spotlight hitting me in my eyes.
The audience looks full but I mostly just see silhouettes and can't make out anyone in particular.

I hear mild laughter with some whistling going on. I feel my package shrink in the thong with the initial embarrassment.

An older man steps out across the stage and ushers me to a lone seat mid stage.
He has a microphone and is clad in a nice suit.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, time for the show.
Welcome our shiny scantily clad guest to club Hum."

The audience roars with applause and cheers.

"Have a seat loser, I mean sir, and let our lovely hooters girls give you a nice clown makeover."

As I sit down in front of everyone my heart is beating a thousand times a minute.
One of the women places a haircut cape around my slick body as the other one rolls in a table with makeup on it.

The host explains things as the women get to work.

An electric clipper comes out as he says this is a complete clown makeover.
My eyes bulge as the top of my styled head is shaved off in quick fashion.
My face turns red and I barely have time to react.
How can I go to work on Monday like this?

Why did I sign the disclosure to allow anything to be done?

A few more passes with the clippers and the top of my head is buzzed. Next she applies shaving cream for a very close and smooth shave of my head.
She leaves the hair on the sides as her helper applies bright paint to the rest of my hair!
Next is white grease paint that they use to cover my face, neck, and top of my head.

The makeup feels so weird on my skin and a very thick coat is applied with a large brush.
Red is applied to my lips with blue and yellow applied around my eyes and face.

Within a matter of minutes I'm completely transformed.
I might be the goofiest looking clown ever, all shiny and in tiny underwear.
They rip the cape off and I'm told to stand up so the audience can admire the work.
I am hit with a wave of laughter and claps.
I now feel the blood flowing down stairs and the thong is getting tighter.
I hope no one notices. Yet, someone up front says that he sure seems to get excited being such a stooge. The audience roars!
My semi erection might agree with them.
As I stand in shock the chair is being removed and replaced by wooden stocks.

The host's voice returns and now folks he must sing and dance.
"If he doesn't impress you we will place his head and hands in this contraption and each one of you will line up and pelt him with extra creamy pies to show your displeasure."

I stand in disbelief.

This might just be more than I am able to take.
But my thong tightens more as I'm handed a microphone.
As music starts to play I sing along to the words as best as I can.
I'm just a sexy boy. Sexy boy, I'm not your boy toy.
I'm just a sexy boy.
I try my best to dance around and enjoy this but I am utterly humiliated and can barely carry a tune.

"Whoa, whoa that is enough. You might be a ridiculous boy but for sure not sexy.
I can't torture the audience anymore with this horrible sound." The host declares, and your dancing is atrocious.

The audience loudly boos my performance. It is an utter flop.

"Ok folks I think that answers it.
To the stocks with him!"

I try to protest (please no) but the mic is removed and the hooters girls lead me to the stocks while everyone cheers.
I'm locked down and can only see what is right in front of me.
He directs the audience to line up as several tables of cream pies are brought on stage.
Each audience member grabs a pie and the first person breaks into a run slamming it into my clown face.
Cream and crust fills my vision and I think I see creamy stars!
My head can't move but each pie is slammed into my face one after the other and they are all super creamy.
The barrage doesn't seem to stop. It seems like they are really trying to punish me with maximum force applied.
Cream and crust consume my clowny face and minimal hair. Why did they even use makeup to just ruin it?
It feels like nearly 50 pies are used and each person makes fun of me before they smack their pie in my face.
I can barely see, breath, or hear anything by the end and my head feels 20 pounds heavier.

I have a full blown hard on now and there is no hiding it. I am completely humiliated and turned on!

I feel my underwear pulled down to my ankles as a familiar hand grips my bulge and she starts to tug.

"Clean his face off", the host screams so we can see his OOO face."
A stream of water hits my creamed face as I can finally see daylight and the entire audience intently watching on and pointing.
My face is mostly clean but my head is still weighed down by pie leftovers.
Most of the audience members laugh, while several scream," hurry up loser and did he ever even hit puberty."

I hear my wife roar with laughter as she picks up speed. "Oh I think he is about to blow his humiliated Little top!"
The host chimes in. "Is he really going to do this in front of everyone?" What a total stooge!"

I can't help it but start to moan as more verbal humiliation is thrown my way.
My eyes roll back into my head as I scream with ecstasy.
Both assistants sandwich my face between two final pies just after I release.

The crowd roars with laughter and would be deafening if both ears weren't full of cream.

The wife keeps pumping until I am totally limp everywhere and my body releases one final shudder.

I'm released from the stocks and fall on the stage in a messy heap.

The host brings the microphone close to my mouth. "Well how do you feel now Mr loser clown?" I can only elicit one final moan.
The crowd gives one final round of laughs and applause.

The wife helps me up and whispers," how was that stud?" as she helps me off the stage.